


Jensha

by Caffeine_Chaos243



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cockles, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotions, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fanart, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Husbands, Inspired by Fanart, Jared/Gen - Freeform, Jenmish, Jensha - Freeform, M/M, Major Character Injury, MishJen, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, POV Jensen, POV Misha, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-11-23 20:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 97,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11409513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffeine_Chaos243/pseuds/Caffeine_Chaos243
Summary: AU where Misha and Jensen were never married or had families. They're best friends and through a roller coaster of emotion, Jensen comes to love the man that has always loved him.





	1. The Convention

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Supernatural. Remember this is an Alternate Universe fic  
> Art is credited when I was able to find it or it was drawn for me. I strongly urge you to listen to the songs in some of the chapters beforr you read. Pleeeeease leave a comment. Even if it's just "this is great!" Or "i hate you this is sad!" Just so I know you're reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/37163983631/in/dateposted-public/)

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/35843623925/in/dateposted-public/)

“Take off your shirt!” a feminine voice screamed over the crowd. An echoing _whoop_ was followed as people voiced their approval.

                _Great. As if being up here isn’t enough, it’s going to be one of those crowds._ _Maybe I should just go._

                Jensen looked out over the crowd, not pausing on any particular face. _So many people spent months looking forward to this convention. It’s so damn expensive to sit in that crowd and watch us. I’m sure a lot of them saved for the longest time. I can’t leave because one_ girl _upset me._

                Another screaming demand from the crowd made his eyes lower and color rise in his cheeks. “I’m, not- not gonna do that. Thanks though.” He stuttered, feeling stupid.

                Suddenly screams filled the room and without turning he knew who had joined him on stage. _Finally._  He looked over to find Misha striding towards him, a smile plastered to his face. Jensen narrowed his eyes as Misha reached for him.

                Misha’s hands grasped either side of Jensen’s face and planted a kiss on his cheek, to the pleasure of the crowd. Jensen clenched his jaw to keep his lip from trembling in embarrassment. Misha released his face and patted his shoulder, leaving his warm hand there for support. He took the microphone from Jensen’s shaky hands and lifted it to his mouth.

                “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s be polite now.” He purred in a low voice. Screams were mixed with giggles as he kept talking, but Jensen couldn’t focus. Before he knew it, Misha was tugging on him, leading him off stage. He made sure to wave at the crowd and give them a fake smile before he ducked away and hurried to his hotel.

 

                Days later, Jensen stood in the scalding shower, his back to the spray as jets pounded on his neck. He felt like crap. He stayed there until the hot water began fading, far too soon for his liking. He stepped out and toweled off, wrapping the towel around his waist as he left the bathroom. He froze when he found the TV on and Misha relaxing on the small couch. Misha looked over with a goofy smile and waved before turning back.

                “I uh, I just need clothes.” Jensen mumbled as he walked to find his sleep pants and a shirt. He slipped back into the bathroom to dress before leaving; rubbing his neck in hopes the ache would go away.

                “How are you doing man?” Misha asked as he sipped something in a silly glass. _That’s not my cup…._ Jensen eyed it and wondered what was in it.

                “My neck hurts like a friggin’ jerk.” Jensen said before realizing he slipped into Dean’s mind for a second. He sighed and used his other hand to rub his eyes.

                “C’mere. I’ll help.” Misha called eyes still on the TV. Jensen walked over tiredly and waited, unsure of what was happening. Misha tore his gaze from the TV to look up, his blue eyes wrinkled with concern.

                “Here.” He pointed to the floor in front of him and put both feet on the floor. Jensen shrugged and sank down, resting his back against the small couch. Misha’s warm hands appeared on his neck and Jensen resisted the urge to groan at the massage. _He smells like cinnamon again._

                Jensen smiled and relaxed back.  He could feel the tension leaving his neck in the hands of his best friend.  Everyone thought that was Jared’s role. It had been, until Misha appeared on set one day. Jensen smiled at the memory. He remembered thinking “What is he doing? Is this in the script!?” But the way Misha spoke, all gruff and gravely, and most of the things he did were cute. _I definitely won’t share that thought with anyone._ _Ever._ His thoughts drifted to that day and he wondered what Misha had thought of him.

                Jensen felt his head fall to the side as he dozed, and he snapped it back. Misha was leaning back on the couch, watching the ending of the movie.

                “Sorry.” Jensen mumbled as he stood. His neck felt phenomenally better, but now his back hurt. He sighed and sank onto the other end of the tiny couch. Misha offered him a drink but he declined.

                “Do you want to watch last week’s episode?” Misha asked with his eyes still glued to the screen, though the credits were now rolling.

                “Not really. Kinda annoyed with it.”

                “Yeah. Me too.”

                They sat in companionable silence for a while. Jensen turned his thoughts to the show that had taken up so much of his life. It made him, _him._ He had been growing increasingly frustrated with the higher ups. They were taunting the fans.  Misha had brought it up a week ago and mentioned the term “queerbaiting”.  It definitely fit. There were so many tells and signs of a relationship between Cas and Dean, but the writers never outright made it happen. He sighed and looked towards the man a foot away. They had discussed the topic of Destiel, which Jensen found to be a silly name, and both agreed they didn't hate the idea. He knew Misha was pretty cool about everything, so it wasn’t a surprise for him.

                Misha looked over and copied Jensen’s yawn. “They need me up at the crack of dawn to get a scene. I should go. You okay?” His creased brow made him seem younger, which Jensen found odd.

                “I’m good, man. Thank you.”

                Misha stood with a smile and left, the trailer seeming so much quieter without the other man. Jensen wondered idly if it would be better if he worked to find someone to share it with. In all the years he’d had it, he hadn’t brought anyone back. Sure he’d dated, but nothing ever moved into seriousness. He sighed and stood, collecting Misha’s weird glass and washing it in the small sink before putting it in the cupboard above the tiny stove, right next to the other eight that already resided in there. He shook his head with a smile and made a note to make Misha take them back.

 


	2. The First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misha and Jensen film an important scene on set and celebrate afterwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!

“Let’s roll again.”

                Jensen bit back a growl as he stepped back into place. They’d done the scene eight times already and he was frustrated. He _knew_ they wanted to taunt the fans more with this emotional scene that would wrap the season out.  _I’m tired of letting them get away with this crap._

                “C’mon, Jensen!  Like you mean it!” Robert Singer yelled from behind him. Jensen sighed and stood next to Misha who looked tired in his long trench coat and crooked tie. He resisted the urge to straighten it.

                “You know they want more emotion.” Misha whispered, leaning towards him as Jensen nodded. _Fine. Dammit._

                “Action!”

 

                “You can’t do that, Dean.” Castiel said with his gravelly voice as he rounded on Dean.

                “Yes I can, Cas.” Dean shot back, bringing his gaze from his messy bed to the angel in front of him.

                “No!” Anger suddenly burned in Cas’s eyes as he glared up at Dean. “You can’t just leave like that. Sam and-“

                “Sammy can look after himself.” Dean growled.”YOU were the one that left, again. YOU-“  Castiel took a step closer, invading Dean’s space.

                “Cas, we talked ab-“ Dean started to say but “personal space” faded from his lips as Cas crushed his mouth to Dean’s. Dean froze, until Cas reached up and grasped Dean’s face in his warm hands. _Suck on this, damn producers_. Dean kissed back _._

Castiel broke the kiss first and glared up at Dean. “ _I_ need to know that you’re safe. I couldn’t find you, Dean.”

                Dean took a steadying breath, his heart pounding in his chest. “I’m sorry, Cas. I should have called.” He reached up and moved Cas’s hands from his cheeks, but didn’t let go.

                “We can figure this out, but you have to trust Sam and myself.” Cas’s glare softened slightly and Dean nodded.

                “Let’s go talk to him.” Dean suggested as he pulled Cas from the room by the hand.

               

 

                Jensen stopped on the far side of the door, a smile ghosting across his features and mirroring the winning one on Misha’s face. They both turned to look as Robert yelled across the studio, his voice dripping with anger.

                “CUT! What the hell was that!? I said emotion, not a make out session! Roll the damn scene again.”

                “No.” Misha said quietly from behind Jensen, who turned in surprise at the defiance in his voice. They stepped back through the doorway, Misha’s hand still grasping Jensen’s.

                “No, we’re tired of your shit and how you’ve been taunting the fans. You either use that take or you don’t get this scene.”

                Jensen noticed Jared’s grin and double thumbs up from behind Robert, but he was too focused on the hand holding his to respond. It wasn’t until Misha tugged on Jensen’s arm that he refocused on the present and gave Robert a cocky wave before they both left the studio.

**

 

                “That was great, man.” Jensen laughed as they exited the building. Misha nodded, his heart still thundering in his chest. _I can’t believe I finally did that._ He turned slowly, waiting for Jensen to get upset. Instead he found Jensen’s green gaze on him, a smile still tugging at his mouth.

                “Was it?” Misha asked softly. Jensen cocked his head to the side slightly but nodded.

                “It was. You know they’ll end up using it. They needed that scene and they kept pushing for more emotion. They didn’t want the characters to actually take it anywhere. But we did. I think that was perfect. ”

                Misha stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to mention the kiss that was almost entirely NOT Castiel’s doing, but Jensen didn’t. So he brushed it off. “Yeah. I hope they go with it! Don’t know if I can do that scene again.” He turned to go to his trailer so he could calm down.

                A warm arm appeared across his shoulders and he glanced sideways at Jensen. His eyes were _so_ bright in the sunshine. _How is it possible to have eyes like that?_   Jensen caught Misha’s stare and gave him a heart stopping smile. _Damn._

                “Hey Mishka, let’s go out for drinks tonight. I don’t want to hang around the set.” Jensen motioned towards the buildings around them but Misha couldn’t get over the giddy butterflies he got when Jensen called him that. _Does he even realize he does it anymore?_ Misha wondered as he listened to Jensen rattle off names of places to go. _It started out as a joke, but he’s been saying it more lately._ He realized Jensen asked him something and tried to recall what it was.

                “I didn’t hear you, sorry.” Misha said with a grin as they reached Jensen’s trailer.

                “I asked if you want to invite anyone else. We can make a big thing out of it. Would be fun, yeah?”

                “Oh uh yeah. I’ll see who I can scrounge up.”

                Jensen smiled again before disappearing into his trailer. Misha’s shoulders felt cold without the warmth of an arm across them but he soon forgot about it as he turned to change for the night. As he walked he loosened Castiel’s blue tie and contemplated leaving it on.

 

 

                2 a.m. rolled around much faster than Misha had anticipated. The alcohol in his system didn’t help with keeping track of time either. He laughed as Jensen tripped over a chair and barely caught himself. He pulled himself up with a laugh and looked down. Jensen’s plaid shirt was unbuttoned to reveal a simple black tee underneath and both were damp from the drink he had stolen from Felicia as he walked by.

                Misha grabbed a napkin and patted at his shirt, but it was soaked.  Jensen’s breath smelled heavily of alcohol and Misha wondered how much more the other man had had to drink. Misha couldn’t stop staring as Jensen smiled and hollered across the bar. For some reason the lighting inside made Jensen’s eyes appear even more green than usual. A woman at the counter turned to Jensen’s holler and gave him a predatory smile. Jensen didn’t notice though. He never did.

                “I’m tapping out.” Misha said close to Jensen’s ear so he could hear over the commotion of voices. Jensen nodded and clapped Misha’s shoulder with one hand before downing one final drink. They bid adieu to Felicia and Jared, not knowing where the rest of the group had gone. Jared winked at Misha as he turned to follow Jensen out. _What is that supposed to mean?_

 

                The radio in the taxi was blaring a rock song that made Jensen’s face light up. He broke out in song and Misha sat back against the seat with his eyes closed and listened. _I love his voice. It’s so….real._ The trip to their trailers was too short, in Misha’s opinion, because the driver turned off the radio and Jensen’s smile faltered. Jensen sighed and Misha couldn’t tell if it were in contentment or frustration.  Misha fished the money from his worn wallet for the driver before he helped steady Jensen as they climbed out.

                Misha turned towards his own trailer and took a step before Jensen’s arm appeared across his shoulders again. Misha turned to him with a smile. “What? You don’t think you can make it to your trailer?”

                “Nah. It’s ten feet away. I’m just really dizzy.” Jensen gave Misha a look before he winked. “Mishka, will you walk me home?” He drawled. Misha hoped the color on his cheeks wasn’t visible as he nodded and wrapped one arm around Jensen’s middle, content with the way he felt.

                Jensen fumbled with his door key and pulled Misha inside. A yawn made Misha’s jaw ache and he rubbed at it before removing his shoes and walking to the couch. He plopped down and covered his eyes, already feeling a headache. “Why did I drink so much again?” He asked aloud.

                “Because our team was winning and it was fun.” Jensen replied from his bedroom.

                “Did our team win though?” he tried to remember how many shots he had taken versus how many Moose had.

                “Of course.” Jensen slurred as he appeared back in the main room, clad in pajama pants. Misha tried not to stare after he uncovered his eyes, but it was hard. He blinked slowly, trying to fix his train of thought.

                “I’m gon get some water. You want?”

                Misha nodded as Jensen shuffled towards the kitchen. He watched as Jensen selected glasses from the cupboard and filled them, the muscles in his back flexing as he moved. Misha dropped his gaze as Jensen turned around and approached the couch. He handed a faded looking cup to Misha before he leaned down and tossed Misha’s legs off the couch so he could sit.

                Misha was overtly aware of how close Jensen chose to be. _He’s just drunk. He isn’t thinking about it. Stop reading into him._ He took a long drink of water and placed his glass on the small table.

                “Why don’t we watch the episode now?” Jensen motioned towards the tv. Misha had watched it the night before but he didn’t care. He wasn’t ready to go back to his trailer. He grabbed the remotes from the side table and turned on the tv.

                After he found it on the dvr list he sat back, hoping the ache behind his eyes would go away. As the episode started he grinned as Dean shoved pie in his face. He battled to keep his eyes open, but the warmth radiating from Jensen and the sound of Dean’s voice on the tv were too much. He realized his eyes were closed before he remembered closing them. A warm arm appearing around his shoulders added to the pleasant dreams he had.

 

                “Cas?” A gruff voice whimpered. Misha’s eyes popped open and he froze in the darkness, trying to orientate himself. The call came again and he turned to find Jensen asleep on the couch beside him. Jensen was leaning against the far side of the couch in an awkward angle. He wore a frown as his hand twitched into a fist briefly.

                Misha cocked his head to the side. _Really?_ He reached over and placed his hand on Jensen’s arm. “It’s okay.” He called out, not wanting to wake Jensen but also unsure about playing into the dream. Jensen’s frown dissolved and his breathing evened out so Misha withdrew his hand. He stretched and was about to stand when Jensen whispered to him. “Stay?”

                _You’re the most coherent sleep talker I’ve ever met._ Misha rolled his eyes but stayed sitting. After a few moments he reached over and gently guided Jensen away from the wall and moved so the other man could lie down. Misha sank onto the carpeted floor with a sigh. Suddenly a hand appeared on his chest. He looked up to find Jensen asleep with his muscular arm dangling off the short couch. Misha smiled and laced their fingers together before quickly falling back asleep.

 

 


	3. Arrival in Rome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place over a few days and places  
> please leave a review!

                Jensen woke with an achy neck and a terrible headache. He groaned as he tried to rub his eyes, but his hand was caught on something. Everything slowly lit up as he blinked several times to clear the blurriness before he looked around. The blinds were down, but not closed, so sunlight filtered through and cast lines of light and shadows across the trailer. _Where is my shirt?_ He could feel the early morning air send goosebumps across his bare torso and the scent of lingering alcohol brushed his nose.

                He was lying on his stomach, his tall frame uncomfortably cramped on the small sofa. _That explains the neck pain._  One of his arms was supporting his head while the other dangled off the edge. He looked down and saw Misha asleep on the floor. He was sleeping soundly with his palm open under his face. The worry lines that normally adorned his face were gone. Jensen froze when he realized their hands were entwined. He looked at the hands, Misha’s were more tan and rough. _He always talks about his marathons and things he’s building. I can’t believe he has the time for all of that._ A smile tugged at Jensen’s lips. _He’s such a good person._

                Misha’s brow furrowed as he reached for his pocket and Jensen froze. Jensen snapped his eyes shut as Misha’s blue ones opened. _What are you, 10?_ He tried to even his breathing but his heart was suddenly pounding. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes and give himself away.

                “Hello?” Misha said in a gravelly morning voice. Jensen couldn’t make out the conversation on the other side of the phone but Misha spoke again quickly.

                “I’ll be there in twenty or so. Kbye”

                Misha groaned and stretched, taking Jensen’s arm with him. He struggled to stay limp and fake sleep. Misha’s stretch stopped and Jensen felt him shifting. With a sigh, Misha released his hand and arranged it up on the couch near Jensen’s face. He could feel Misha pause for a moment before warm fingers brushed across Jensen’s cheek.

                “Sleep well.” Misha whispered before he stood. Jensen waited until the door to the trailer closed before he let his eyes open. He sat up so he could look towards the door, and almost wished his friend would return. _Friend? Is that what we are now?_ Jensen smiled and slowly pulled himself to his feet, entirely too wobbly for his liking. He shuffled to the bathroom to shower and shave.

 

                A day later Jensen knocked on the door to Misha’s trailer to deliver good news about the season finale. After several moments of silence he tried again, but there was no response. He turned away, wondering if his phone was fully charged yet, when Kerry, the costume designer, approached.

                “Hey Jensen. Misha left already.”

                “Oh.” Jensen tried to keep a smile on his face. “Where did he go?”

                “He has a marathon in California then the JIBCON on Saturday…which you have to be at too.” She gave him a look. “Are you feeling well?”

                “Yeah I’m good. Thank you for your help! Have a good break!”

                He stepped away from the trailer as she returned his farewell, and walked away, wondering why Misha left so suddenly. _I guess I should go pack for JIBCON._

 

                Planes always made Jensen nervous. He knew it shouldn’t be an issue, but he couldn’t help the tightening of panic in his chest as he approached. He knew it was stupid but he made sure to board with his right foot first. _Hasn’t failed me yet!_ He stowed his carryon and sank into the seat, working to take even breaths. He heard excited whispers behind him and braced himself for the onslaught of fans but after a few moments they quieted. He gratefully kept his eyes closed and evened out his breathing as he waited for the plane to take off. _Just crossing a huge ass ocean. No big deal. I’m fine._ He wished he weren’t sitting alone as the flight attendant appeared to inquire about his wants.

 

                At the final airport Jensen left the plane with shaky steps. He forced a smile for the few fans that recognized him, despite the scruff and low baseball cap, and hurried on. _Just have to get to the hotel and I can rest until tomorrow. I can tell Misha the news! I wonder if Jared knows already too._ As he was waiting for his luggage his pocket began to buzz. He fished his phone out to read the text from Jared.

JP: Supper tonight? Awesome restaurant Richard and I found!

J:Sounds fine. Time?

JP: 7 or 8. I’ll talk to you at the hotel. Glad you made it safe ;)

J: Bitch

JP: Jerk.

 

He pocketed his phone again and smiled as he looked around for the car. He spotted it and hurried over, eager for a hot shower and hot food.

                As he killed time in his hotel room he struggled to avoid eating the snacks he had packed. _Just hold out till supper. Only an hour. You can do it, man._ He strolled to the small balcony and stepped out. The view was breathtaking. He looked around as a breeze blew the sound of laughter past. He looked around at the neighboring balconies and found the source. A couple was lounging on towels in the sun and laughing together.

                Jensen looked away, embarrassed to intrude on their moment. He could hear his phone ringing from the bed so he stepped back into his suite. A simple reminder text from Jared left Jensen with a sigh. He pocketed the phone and his wallet and grabbed his dark suit jacket. As he left the room he pulled it on over his dark blue dress shirt. _I hope it isn’t a super fancy place._ He shrugged to himself and headed to the elevator.

 

                The restaurant _was_ fancy. Jensen felt out of place as couples walked by him in suits and beautiful gowns. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and waited self-consciously for Jared and Rich to show up. He checked his watch for the tenth time, annoyed it was already five past the agreed meet time.

                A black car pulled up along the curb and Jensen breathed a sigh of relief. _Finally!_  He waited as the door open, preparing to bitch at Jared once he got out. Instead, Misha’s dark hair appeared as he grumbled to himself. He stood and fumbled with his suit jacket, trying to get it on as he turned around and his blue gaze settled on Jensen.

                “Hey, man!” Jensen said with a smile as he stepped closer. Misha smiled back as he slid his arm into the sleeve and settled his jacket.

                “Where is Rich? He said he was meeting me here.”

                “Jared told me they were meeting us five minutes ago. I didn’t know you were coming. You ran off before I could talk to you the other day.”

                “Yeah sorry. I wanted to get in some sight-seeing before my marathon.” Misha looked away to wave at the driver as the black vehicle pulled away. Jensen let his eyes roam over Misha, amusement and relief the prominent feelings he felt. _Guess I wasn’t wrong to wear jeans either._ Misha turned back around before Jensen could lift his gaze and his cheeks warmed. He cleared his throat and motioned to the restaurant.

                “Let’s get our table. They can join us whenever the hell they arrive.” Misha nodded and stepped past as Jensen’s pocket began to vibrate. He touched Misha’s back to let him know he paused as he pulled it out.  Misha was putting his own phone to his ear and rolled his eyes at Jensen.

                “Hey, Jared, where are you?” Jensen demanded.

                “Oh yeah man. I’m uh, I’m sorry but I won’t be able to make it.”

                “Wait what? This whole thing was your idea.”

                “Yeah sorry. I uh I’m not feeling well. I’ll see you tomorrow at Jib okay?”

                “Okay I guess. Feel better.”

               

                Jensen hung up and shook his head before Misha’s voice caught his attention. “You’re bailing on me?”

                Jensen looked up to see the frown on Misha’s face as he listened to his phone. “Okay well we’ll have fun without you!” Misha ended he call and looked at Jensen.

                “That was Rich. He is sick and can’t make it.”

                Jensen couldn’t help but laugh as he filled Misha in on his call with Jared. Misha’s laugh echoed his as Jensen looked around.

                “Well, we already have a reservation. Should we eat anyway?”

                “Yes because I am starving.” Misha motioned Jensen on this time and they entered the beautiful restaurant and waited to be seated.

 


	4. Ditched for Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night after Jared and Rich stood them up

Jensen listened with interest as Misha told him about the marathon. In between bites, Jensen tried to say something to let him know he was listening, but it was hard and Misha didn’t seem to mind. Jensen looked over as Misha took another drink. He shifted his gaze to his own and realized it was dangerously low. He signaled a waitress for more alcohol and returned his attention to Misha.

                 His face was slightly sunburned from his time in California and it almost reflected in the red of his tie.  Jensen was glad he chose not to wear a tie, but he liked that Misha wore one.  Misha’s long sleeve dress shirt was several shades darker blue than his own, and the color really looked good on him. Jensen cleared his throat and rubbed at his face to hide the blush that crept onto his cheeks at the thought.

                “So you said you had news.” Misha said after the waitress refilled their glasses.

                “Yes! I spoke with Eric and the rest of the team and they agreed to keep the scene.”

                Misha’s smile lit the table, outshining the overhead lights. “I knew it! He wouldn’t have made us reshoot!”

                “How did you know?”

                “He has a vacation planned and was talking about it for weeks. How we can’t be behind schedule and all that. I knew I’d… we’d get away with it.”

                Jensen smirked and raised his glass. Misha picked up his vodka-whatever-it-was and they toasted to their schemes.

                The rest of their dinner went quickly. By the time Jensen finished off his decadent pie he was overfull, but content. The sun had long since disappeared, but he wasn’t ready to go back to the hotel room yet. As Jensen returned his card to his wallet, Misha’s hand on his back made him look up.

                “I’ll be right back. Gonna piss.”

                “Thanks for sharing….” Jensen smirked as he returned his wallet to his jacket pocket. He was too warm and too full so he left, hoping the cool breeze would help. He watched people stroll by and cars pass, feeling content. _It’s nice here. Even though I can’t understand half the people._

                The door opened and Misha appeared, looking around for Jensen. His hair was now spiked with water and Jensen found himself smiling. Misha looked around again with a furrowed brow.

                “Did you call a car?”

                “Nope. I forgot.”

                “Oh.” Misha pulled out his phone but paused. He gave Jensen a look. “Do you want to walk? It’s about a mile or so from here.”

                “That’d be great.  I ate too much.”

                Misha laughed and pulled up directions on his phone. _I should have him show me how to do that._ Jensen lifted his gaze towards the phone-lit man beside him.  He was still wearing his dark suit jacket, though he had loosened his tie. They meandered down the sidewalk silently. Jensen kept his jacket draped over one arm and his hands in his pockets. He was cooling off but not enough.

                “So are you ready for Jib tomorrow?” Misha asked as they walked. Jensen shrugged.

                “Yeah. I love seeing the fans.”

                “I do too. I wish we could talk to more of them. But sometimes their clapping is annoying.”

                “They go on forever! For the dumbest things.” Jensen chuckled and looked over. “Thanks for dinner, Mishka.” He smirked at the nickname.

                “I was going to eat there regardless. I wanted to last year but I never got around to it.” Misha smiled.

                The hotel was mostly dead when they arrived. Misha led the way to the elevator and Jensen frowned, not ready for the night to be over. He checked his watch, surprised that it was almost midnight. _How long did we eat?_ Misha pushed the same floor that Jensen’s room was on and he said as much.

                “Are all of us on the same floor?”

                Misha shrugged. “I have no idea but it makes sense. I haven’t seen anyone else since I got here though.”

                They exited the elevator and started in opposite directions, before pausing and looking at each other. Jensen smiled and motioned him to follow. His room was in the middle of the long hall and he looked around, wondering who was in the adjoining ones.

                “Do you want a drink?” Jensen asked as he walked to the fridge. He pulled out the things he had requested earlier then excused himself to the bedroom to change. Misha approached the counter, shrugging out of his jacket as he walked.

                Jensen stripped his shirt and tossed it aside before hanging up his jacket. As he reached for his favorite Garth Brooks tshirt, a loud crash sounded from the main room. Jensen hurried out to find Misha standing at the sink, a string of curse words flying from his mouth. Jensen walked over to find shattered glass across the floor.

                “Are you alright?”

                “No. Dammit.” Misha cursed a few more times as Jensen carefully tiptoed over to see what was wrong. A steady stream of blood ran from Misha’s hand and dripped into the sink, despite his other hand clamped tightly over it. Jensen turned and grabbed a towel and shooed Misha’s hand away so he could place the towel on the cut.

                “How did you manage that?” Jensen asked as he pressed the towel against Misha’s hand. The cut ran down Misha’s palm and onto his middle finger.

                “I was pouring them and it just fell. I don’t even know.”

                Misha’s voice was tight and flustered. Jensen looked at his friend’s face until he returned the look.

                “Doesn’t explain how you mutilated your hand.”

                “I tried to clean it up.”

                “With your hands?”

                “Yeah.”

                Mishka, it’s not a big deal. Let’s get you fixed up.”         

                “Fine.”  His brow furrowed even more and Jensen shook his head.

                “Here hold this and I’ll call for a clean-up and first aid kit.” He waited until Misha’s hand appeared over his before he let go. _He’s a grown ass man. He can hold a washcloth on his own wound._ Jensen pulled himself onto the counter and slid across in order to reach the phone to call the front desk. He had trouble understanding the man’s accent but by the time he hung up he was fairly sure they were on their way with what he asked for.

                He turned around to find Misha’s blue gaze on him. “You doing okay?”

                “Yeah. Am now.”

                Jensen nodded and went to open the balcony doors, too warm again. The cold breeze blew past him and he sighed in relief before turning back to Misha, who was leaning against the counter with his eyes close.

                “Are you sure, man? Why don’t you come sit down, here.” Jensen slipped his boots on and used them to clear a path through the glass. Misha shuffled carefully through the  path and sank onto the couch, cradling his hand.

                “I probably shouldn’t have had so much to drink.” Misha murmured as he let his head rest against the wall. Jensen smirked and walked to the tv. _How do I play music through this?_   He pulled his phone out and texted Jared who replied quickly. Then with a smile towards Misha, he blasted Taylor Swift.

                Misha jumped and looked over with a wide eyed look that slowly dissolved into a laugh. Jensen couldn’t stop laughing either as he listened to the song. When it finally ended, both men in tears, he paused the playlist. They jumped when a fist pounded against the wall.

                “Go to sleep, guys! Christ’s sake!” Jared yelled from his room, making Jensen and Misha dissolve into fits of laughter again. As Jensen wiped away tears there was a tentative knock on the door. He opened it, slightly annoyed it had taken so long for room service to arrive. He let the woman in and she handed him the first aid kit before going to clean the floor.

                Jensen knelt on the floor besides Misha’s legs and motioned for the hand. He carefully peeled away the towel and cleaned the cut, glad it wouldn’t need stitches or glue. After he wrapped, it, much to Misha’s complaints, he boxed the kit up and stood, not having noticed the woman leave.

                “Do you want to watch something?” he asked Misha who nodded. Jensen found the remotes and sank onto the couch beside Misha to browse the channels, but Misha was dozing. Jensen picked a random movie and relaxed back onto the couch. _What a night._

 


	5. Morning Musing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misha's morning before JIBCON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short! It needed to be included but I want to keep the chapter separated by POV :)

                _I need to stop doing this._ Misha thought with a sigh as he studied Jensen’s sleeping face on the far side of the hotel room couch. _Need and want are different things though._ His hand throbbed and his head hurt from the alcohol, but he was content. Jensen mumbled something in his sleep and turned away, so Misha stood and went to the bathroom.

                He stopped at the sink to wash his hands but his reflection caught his eye and he groaned. “Well shit. _”_  He poked at the blood stains on his favorite dress shirt. With a frustrated sigh he unbuttoned his shirt and ran it under cold water, using the small bar of soap to try and clean it.

                Most of the stain came out, but it wasn’t until after he was done that he realized he wasn’t in his own room. He didn’t want to walk to the far end of the hall, from here, without a shirt.Not with Rich and ajared on the same floor. _They'd film me and blast the walk of shame on twitter or something._  He hung his shirt up to dry and walked quietly to Jensen’s bedroom to raid his suitcase.

                Room service delivered a large breakfast half an hour later. The knock on the door didn’t even startle Jensen, who was snoring softly. Misha thanked the woman and brought the food in. He helped himself before he sat at the counter to eat.  Jensen still didn’t wake up until Misha rinsed crumbs from his plate and the faucet squeaked loudly.

                It took Jensen several moments to wake up, and when he did he made a beeline for the bathroom. Misha stole another slice of bacon and walked to the couch. When Jensen returned, seeming more awake and now wearing a shirt, he paused at the food on the counter.

                “I ordered stuff. I was hungry.” Misha called, grinning at the way Jensen jumped.

                “Oh. Christ. Alright.” Jensen said as he walked to the fridge for a drink. Misha lounged back on the couch and turned on the tv. He could see Jensen sorting through the remaining platter of food before he walked over and plopped heavily onto the couch at Misha’s feet. He looked over and paused with a frown.

                “What?” Misha asked.

                “Is that my shirt?” Jensen asked with a furrowed brow. Misha looked down at the country music artists shirt and nodded.

                “Mine was bloody.”

                “Oh. Okay.” Jensen looked to his food and took a bite before he glanced sideways at Misha and gave him a slight sideways head nod. “It looks good on you.”

                Misha grinned and picked a show to watch as they killed time until JIBCON.

 


	6. JIBCON 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first day of JIBCON. Shenanigans ensue....but it ends in tragedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter so far hehe. Please review!

Signing autographs was so tiring, after the late night he had. It had been at least almost an hour already and Jensen was ready to be done for now. He rubbed at his eyes as another girl approached the far side of the table. She wore various Supernatural merchandise and he could even see the top of the anti-possession tattoo under her collarbone.  _Maybe I should get a real one._ Jensen smiled over at her as she stammered her greeting awkwardly.

                “What’s your name, sweetheart?” He asked, pausing. She smiled at him.

                “Me-Melanie. But it’s not for me. I want you to address it to Anna.”

                “Oh and who is Anna?” He asked as he scrawled across the page.

                “She’s my little sister, but she’s in the hospital in the end stages of cancer.” He looked up with a frown but she was still smiling. ”We saved up for years to go to a convention and she never got to. But I’m here now, and I promised I would get yours and Misha’s autographs. She absolutely adores you two.”

                Jensen’s heart ached. He stood and walked around the table. “Can I give you a hug?” He asked down at the girl. _She can’t be older than 20?_ _And she said little sister. Christ._ She nodded as tears welled in her eyes and he pulled her into a hug.

                As she tightened her arms around him he looked down the table and waved until he caught Misha’s eye, then motioned him over. Misha finiahed with  the fan he was talking to and approached. Jensen released Melanie so he could  step close enough to whisper in Misha’s ear.

                “Her sister is in the hospital with cancer. She never got to meet us, and won’t. We need to do something, yeah?”

                Misha stepped back slightly and looked over at Melanie with a furrowed brow, but Jensen could tell he was upset. He pulled Melanie into a hug and asked for her phone. She scrambled to pull it out of her bag and then listened as Misha asked her to open the camera. Jensen followed and stood behind the girl as she did so.

                Misha’s warm arm appeared around Jensen’s back and Jensen copied him as he placed his hand on Melanie’s arm. She raised her phone and snapped several selfies before turning around and burying her face between them. Jensen smiled at Misha and then leaned down.

                “Can we talk to her?” He asked once Melanie stopped crying. She nodded and quickly dialed a number before handing it to Jensen. The line rang and rang before a raspy voice answered.

                “Mel, did you see them?” Anna asked. Jensen smiled, though he suddenly had a lump in his throat.

                “Not quite.” He said and heard an audible gasp from the other end. “Anna, this is Jensen. I have Misha here too.”

                “Oh my God.” Anna breathed out hoarsely.

                “No he’s at the far end of the table.” Jensen smiled as a light laugh drifted through the cell phone. “We wanted to call and tell you how much we care and appreciate your support.  Is there anything we can do for you?” He asked, trying to imagine what a dying girl could possibly need from him.

                She laughed again, though it sounded like she was crying. Misha stepped closer and put his head against Jensen’s to hear as she finally rasped out her reply. “Can, Can Mel take a pic of you two?”                             

“She got several of us all together already.” Jensen replied as he watched the floor, aware of how many people were watching from both sides of the table.

                “I mean…sorry, this is dumb. Um….can she get a picture of you two as if you were together.”

                “Oh.” Jensen face heated as Misha smiled at him, laughter dancing around the edges of his eyes.

                “Sorry, no it’s dumb.” Anna backtracked but Misha stole the phone from Jensen.

                “Anna, Misha here, no it is not dumb. If it’s something you want, then you shall get it! But I have to hang up to do it.”

                Jensen couldn’t hear what Anna said but it made Misha laugh loudly before he nodded and bid her goodbye. He handed the phone back to Melanie, who was wiping away tears. She started to open the camera again but Jensen stopped her.

                “No, we’ll use the professional one. No cost, okay?”

                He turned to Misha, who looked over after waving down a cameraman. “What did she want us to do?” He asked, and the devilish look that appeared on Misha’ face made Jensen’s eyes narrow.

                “Mish-“ Suddenly Misha was there, his lithe body pressed against Jensen’s as he was cut off with a kiss. Cas doing it was one thing, but _Misha_ doing it in the middle of a con of all places. _Shit._

 Jensen realized he was kissing back as bright flashes made spots appear behind his eyelids. _What the hell?_

Misha stepped back as a line of _whooooooops_ filled the area. He laughed as he turned to the cameraman, who gave them a thumbs up. Jensen stood there dumbstruck for several moments before Melanie reached over and hugged him.

                “You have no idea how much she will love this. Thank you so much.” He hugged her back then watched as Misha hugged her too. As she collected her autographed photos and walked away Jensen turned to Misha, who was already returning to his seat, that impish grin still on his face. _Oh I need a drink to handle this shit._

                Jensen returned to his seat, feeling more energized than before. He reached up and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand, but that didn’t erase the feeling of Misha’s  lips on his. He focused his thoughts as the next set of fans approached the table, all giggling and holding pictures to sign.

 

                One thing he did not expect to happen was the bombardment of questions about himself and Misha being a couple once they reached the panel portion of JIBCON. He reassured everyone that it was a special fan request and that was it. He found the questions about the season finale kiss to be easier to answer, seeing as how he honestly didn’t know what would come of that.

                Thankfully Misha took the spotlight for those questions, and Jensen sat back and watched him as he spoke. _He’s always so earnest when he talks to them._ Jensen found himself smiling as a fan requested the puppy dog eyes look. Misha obliged and then turned to Jensen with the same look. 

                “He’s such a puppy, isn’t he?” Jensen asked into the microphone, and an uncountable amount of yesses responded.  One fan noticed the bandages on Misha’s hand.  Misha laughed once and looked at his hand as if to remind himself, but Jensen spoke first.

                “Yeah, _Misha,_ tell them how that happened.” He smirked as Misha fake glared at him.

                “Well the thing is…” Misha began before winking at Jensen. “I was at his hotel room last night-“ He was interrupted by hundreds of screams and Jensen’s face heated.

                “You little shit.” Jensen said into the microphone lowly. Misha laughed even harder and waved the crowd down.

                “I was there and the glasses that I was going to use THREW themselves onto the ground. Being the smart one that I am, I reached down to pick them up and cut my hand.”

                “I came out of the bedroom-“  More screams cut him off and he regretted his word choice. “And he had blood running down his hand and was cursing up a storm. He _is_ a smart one.” Jensen smiled sweetly over at Misha, the excitement of the crowd fueling his good mood.

                “Anyway, I’m fine. All bandaged up.” He waved his bandaged hand and the picture of him standing over the sink, upset with himself, flashed into Jensen’s head. He swallowed and looked down at the microphone, unsure of the emotion he felt.

                Misha was asked a question about the show and Jensen tried to make himself focus. He looked back over as Misha adjusted how he was sitting and laughed at whatever the guy in the audience said. Misha looked back over at Jensen, the leftover laugh still around his eyes. Jensen grinned at his contagious smile and looked around as another fan addressed him.

                “What’s in store for Dean next season?” the woman asked. Jensen had a hard time seeing her clearly from the lighting so he just looked in her general direction.

                “I honestly don’t know. There has been a few ideas tossed around but the writers are working furiously to come up with something.”

                “Do you think Destiel will become canon?” She asked, and the entire room quieted.

                “Uh, I am not sure.” He replied. “Misha?”

Misha shrugged with a nod. “It could! I think it’s a very real possibility at this point. But like Jensen said, I’m not sure where they’ll take it. We’ll all just have to wait and see. OH! And if you follow me on twitter then I’ll be sure to let everyone know as soon as I do.” He added with a smirk. The room cheered as the staff signaled their time was almost over.

               

 

                After the closing ceremonies, Jensen headed to his hotel room for a nap. He was exhausted even though he was still pumped from the high he always got at Cons. He turned his phone off and collapsed into his bed, asleep within minutes.

                A pounding startled him awake. He groaned as he sat up, his head killing him. After a stop in the bathroom he shuffled to the door as more pounding sounded from the far side. “Hold on!” He hollered through the door as he unlocked it.

                The door opened to reveal a disheveled Misha. He stared at Jensen with wide eyes that made Jensen’s heart flutter- in panic or pleasure he couldn’t tell. “Jensen where the hell have you been?” Misha almost yelled as he reached down and grabbed Jensen’s arm. Before he could be pulled from the hotel room, Jensen dug his bare heels into the carpet and placed an arm on the door frame, halting them.

                “Misha what is going on?” He asked, wide awake now.

                “I’ve been trying to call you and find you for an hour! I thought you were in the car too!” Misha said as he spun around, his blue eyes still wide.

                “What car?”

                “Jared and Rich were leaving the Convention and their car was struck.  Rich was thrown from the car and is in critical condition. We haven’t heard about Jared yet.”

                Jensen froze, his ears not processing what was being said. Misha repeated himself but his words were muddled to Jensen. He stared into Misha’s eyes, trying to form a thought. It wasn’t until warm hands appeared on either side of Jensen’s face that he was able to focus his gaze.

                Misha stared up at him with his furrowed brow and worry filled eyes. “Jensen.” He said softly. Jensen nodded slightly to let him know he heard. “Let’s go to the hospital, okay?” Misha asked. Jensen nodded again and started for the door, breaking Misha’s grasp on his face. A hard tug on the back of Jensen’s shirt made him look over his shoulder to find Misha grasping the fabric in his fist.

                “You aren’t wearing shoes.” Misha pointed out softly. Jensen hurried in and put some on before rejoining Misha at the door way. As the door shut behind them, Misha placed his hand on Jensen’s arm.

                “I’m really thankful you’re okay.” Misha said as he looked at Jensen from the corner of his eyes. Jensen tried to give him a reassuring smile but all he could think about was his little brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been to JIBCON. So I'm making this all up as I go. If you HAVE been and have any advice/input let me know! I like to have things tie into real life when I can.


	7. Sleep Deprived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following couple days after they hear of Jared and Rich's accident

                Misha watched as Jensen’s yawn made his jaw pop. The empty coffee cups near Jensen’s feet fell as Jensen shifted his long legs. The coffee they had consumed over the past 26 hours was giving Misha awful jitters, but he needed to stay up. He needed to be here for Jensen  and Jared. He shifted his achy eyes to the bed where Jared lay, still unconscious.

                Jared’s head was wrapped and his eyes were bruised and swollen. Misha wondered tiredly if they shaved his hair, and smirked at the thought of Jared’s reaction if he woke up. _No. WHEN he wakes up._ Misha corrected himself. One of Jared’s arms was in a thick cast and they’d been told he was extremely lucky not to have died.

                Misha let his forehead rest on the back of the chair he was sitting backwards in. It was padded and not completely awful, and he found himself dozing. The doors slid open with a very quiet _whoosh_ and Jared’s doctor stepped in.

                Doctor Sanderson was Jensen’s height without her heels. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a professional looking bun. She gave Misha a smile as she slipped into the room and approached him. He looked over to the bed and realized Jensen was asleep. His legs were stretched out and his arms folded across his chest. His head rested against the wall above the chair back and his mouth had fallen open slightly. Misha couldn’t help the smile that sprouted from the sight.

                “Sorry if I woke you.” She said with a thick accent. Misha shrugged and stood.

                “Any news on Rich?” He asked as he rubbed his temples.

                “Unfortunately no. He was flown to a bigger hospital that is better equipped to handle his critical condition.”

                Misha nodded and motioned to the bed. “Any chance this knucklehead will wake up before I drop dead of exhaustion?”

                “It’s impossible to say with head wounds. I’m sorry Mr.Collins.”

                Misha glanced sideways at her and followed her gaze which distinctly rested on Jensen’s sleeping form.  A small bubble of jealously rose in his stomach.

                “Well I think I’m going to get some sleep then.” He announced with a loud yawn. She nodded and tore her gaze away from Jensen.

                “I will make sure you are called when he awakes.”

                “Thank you.” Misha said before striding over to Jensen, jealousy the most prominent emotion he felt.  He knew the doctor was still there as he lightly brushed his fingers down Jensen’s temple and murmured his name.

                “Jensen, wake up. Let’s go back to the hotel.”

                Jensen’s eye cracked open and searched Misha’s face, and Misha had a moment of panic that the other man had been awake the whole time. Jensen yawned and nodded, not acknowledging anything. The doctor left the room and they began gathering their things.  Misha cast several glances Jensen’s way, waiting for something to be said. Ash Misha shouldered their one bag and adjusted his grasp on their garbage, Jensen paused near the bed and whispered to Jared, though Misha could hear.

                “You gotta pull through man. I need my brother with me. I can’t do this alone. Ca- Misha and I are going to get some rest but we will be back the second you wake up, okay? Just please wake up.”

                As they left the room, Misha let himself relax. He put a reassuring hand on Jensen’s shoulder and Jensen leaned into it slightly. _He’s just tired and upset. Don’t read into it._

 

                Back at the hotel and in his own room, Misha stripped off Jensen’s t-shirt and the rest of his clothes before stepping into the hot shower. His fading sunburn stung but his muscles relaxed immediately. He stayed in until the water cooled off, then he wrapped the towel around his waist and went to the bed to sit as he rewrapped his hand.

                The cut seemed so minor now. He cut his hand, and Richard went through a windshield. Misha could only imagine what he looked like. He silently prayed that both of his friends would pull through. He didn’t remember lying down, but suddenly there was a pillow under his head and his eyes were too heavy to respond to orders. He gave in to the much needed sleep after shifting the blankets around and burrowing into them.

 

 

                The room was dark when Misha’s eyes fluttered open. He groaned at the stiffness throughout his body from the heavy sleep. Memories of the past few days crashed back to him as “Freebird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd sounded from his phone on the nightstand. He scrambled to get it before the call ended.

                “Jensen?” He asked through his severe dry mouth. He worked to wet his mouth as Jensen replied.

                “It’s about time. I tried calling you twice now. Can you let me in?”

                “Oh uh yeah give me a minute” 

                The call ended and Misha laid back on the bed with a sigh. _So no news, or he would have said something._  He rolled out of bed and looked down, remembering he hadn’t gotten dressed. His towel was still entangled in the sheets so he hurried to find boxers and pajama pants before heading to the door.

                Jensen filled the doorway as Misha pulled open the door. _Was it that heavy yesterday?_ He frowned as he glanced to the windows.

                “What time is it?” He asked, his voice cracking from sleep.

                “Oh uh…like 4?”

                “In the morning?” Misha asked as the door shut with a _thud_.

                “Yeah. Sorry.” Jensen ran one of his hands through his hair as he plopped on the couch. Misha frowned and joined him.

                They sat in companionable silence for a while before Misha found himself dozing again. As he pried his eyelids open for the fifth time, Jensen cleared his throat.

                “I had a dream that I was there with them.” He said softly. Misha could tell he was struggling to talk about it.

                “I couldn’t do anything. I saw the other car coming and they didn’t hear me yell and then afterwards I was running to Jared but I was moving in slow motion. I couldn’t help him. They both died before I could reach them.”

                “It was a dream.” Misha reminded him softly and Jensen nodded.

                “I know. But it felt so real. I tried going back to sleep but I could feel the anxiety eating away at me and I didn’t want it to escalate. I’m sorry I woke you, I couldn’t go to Jared.”

                “Jensen, you never have to apologize for something like that.” Misha said as he caught Jensen’s gaze. “I mean it. I will _always_ be here if you need me, okay?”

                “Thanks, man.” Jensen said softly before looking away. Misha let it rest at that, but there was so much more he wanted to say.

                “Why don’t you go lay down on the bed and rest some more. I’m pretty awake now. I don’t think I can fall asleep if I wanted to. I’ll monitor the phones and let you know ,okay?”

                “I’m not going to say no. I’m so tired.” Jensen gave him a half smile and stood. He fished his phone from his pocket and handed it to Misha, who put it on the table near his.  Misha waited until he heard the bedroom door shut before breathing out a slow breath. The couch was significantly colder without Jensen.  After turning the phone volume up, Misha laid down on the couch and was quickly asleep again.

   Misha felt he had barely fallen asleep when a cry woke him. He opened his achy eyes and listened. After a moment he heard it again, a worried "No!" sounding from the bedroom. Misha rolled off the couch, wincing when he used his injured hand to catch himself on the table. He shuffled to the bedroom with a quiet yawn. 

              Jensen was curled in a ball on the bed, his head moving slightly as he dreamed. Misha sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Jensen's back. “You’re okay, Jensen.” He whispered softly. Jensen’s didn’t react so Misha pushed him a little and repeated himself.

            Jensen suddenly turned so he was facing Misha, though he was still asleep. A heavy frown sat upon his brow and Misha reached over and used his thumb to smooth it away while whispering soothingly.

            “You’re safe. I got you. It’s okay.”

            Slowly, Jensen’s body relaxed. Misha covered him with the blanket and contemplated lying beside him, too weary to walk to the couch. His bladder had other plans and with a heavy sigh he heaved himself off of the bed. After relieving himself he settled on the couch. He checked the phones before closing his eyes.

 

           

 

                A ringing grudgingly pulled Misha from sleep. He fumbled for the phone and answered sleepily. “Hello?”

                “Is this Mr. Ackles?”

                “Uh yeah.” Misha sat up as his head cleared.

                “This is Dr. Sanderson. I wanted to let you know that Jared is awake and asking for you.”

                “Oh that’s amazing! I’ll be there right away.”

                “I’ll let him know.”

               

                Misha hung up with a smile and looked towards the bedroom before standing and hurrying to tell Jensen the good news.  When he entered the bedroom, he found Jensen sprawled across the entire queen sized bed. One of his feet hung off and he was snoring softly.

                Misha approached and reached down, gently shaking him. “Jensen get up.”

                “Don’t wanna.” Jensen mumbled back and Misha laughed.

                “Hey, hedgehog hair. Jared is awake. Get up.” Misha said as he pulled the blankets off the bed. Jensen opened one eye to peer at him. A smile appeared on his lips as he looked up at Misha, and Misha couldn’t help smile in response.

                “He’s awake!” Misha repeated and reached down a hand. Jensen took his outstretched hand and came smoothly to his feet as Misha pulled him up.

                “Is he okay?” Jensen asked as Misha went to find clean clothes.

                “He’s asking for you. I’m taking that as a good sign.”

                “That is a good sign. Hurry up and get clothed.” Jensen said before disappearing into the bathroom.

                “Brush your hair!” he called as he rolled his eyes and pulled a pair of jeans from his suitcase. He could hear Jensen’s chuckle over the running water of the sink.


	8. Misha To The Rescue...?

                “Are you sure there’s nothing I can do, man?” Jensen asked for the twentieth time. Jared glared at him from the chair in the living room of his and Gen’s house.

                “No, I promise I’m fine.”

                Jensen nodded but looked around. There had to be something he could do to help them. He’d been useless the entire time Jared spent in the hospital in Rome. His gazed settled back on Jared who was watching TV. His arm was propped up with a pillow and the cut along his forehead wasn’t swollen and bloody anymore. His eyes still held bruising but he was looking better with each day.

                It had been two weeks since the car accident.  Thankfully both men had pulled through. Rich was still in the hospital in Rome but his wife had flown out to help and be there for him.  Jensen had followed Jared home to help, but he just felt in the way.

                Jensen meandered into the kitchen where he washed the dishes then looked around with a sigh. His phone started buzzing in his pocket so he dug it out. A picture Misha had taken of himself flashed across the screen as the phone vibrated and Jensen answered it.

                “Hey, man.”

                “Hey, what are you up to?” Misha asked, sounding out of breath.

                “Uh, dishes. You?”

                “I need your help. Get your things and come outside.”

                Jensen frowned and walked to the front door, where surely enough Misha stood leaning against the driver’s door of a little car. “Um…okay.” Jensen hung up and looked to the living room, where Jared’s snores could be heard from all parts of the house. _He doesn’t need me. He has Gen. And other friends closer. I can come back if he asks._ Jensen walked to the room they designated as his to gather his things.

                As Jensen settled into the passenger seat of the small car he looked over at Misha, who was typing away on his cellphone. Jensen watched as his fingers flew across the touch screen keyboard before letting his gaze wander. Misha was wearing an open button up flannel with a light grey t-shirt underneath that clung across his chest. The flannel’s arms were rolled up and showed off the bulge of his biceps. After a moment Misha looked over at him from under his dark aviator sunglasses. _Those look great on him._ Jensen found himself thinking.

                “So, you ready for this?” Misha asked. Jensen scratched at his hiatus beard, noting that Misha’s wasn’t as thick as his own.

                “I don’t know what “this” is, but I’m assuming Jared asked you to make me leave.” Jensen replied.

                “He called, yes. But I wanted your help anyway.” Misha returned his attention to his screen before lifting the phone. Jensen gave him a look before looking at the phone and noting it said “Going live”

                “Wait, Misha…” Jensen tried to stop him but suddenly they were live. Misha flashed a smile at the camera and Jensen glared at him before smiling too.

                “Morning, Mishamigos! I’m here with Jensen on our way to the Double M marathon fundraiser! We wanted to stop by and let everyone know we’ll be there by 1 ish and hope you are all there too! It’s a great cause and we’re really looking forward to is, aren’t we Jensen?”

                Jensen shook his head while smiling. “I have no idea what’s going on. He kidnapped me. Someone send help.” He grunted when Misha’s elbow connected with his chest but through his chuckle he mouthed “Send help!”

                “Ignore him. He’s fine. Oh and Jared is doing well! He sends his love. Anyway, we have a long drive so we’ll see everyone soon! Love you guys! Bye!”

                “Bye!” Jensen chimed in as he rubbed his chest. Misha ended to video and turned to Jensen.

                “You’re such a shit.”

                “I get it from you.” Jensen replied as he put his seat belt on. Misha shook his head and started the car. Jensen reached behind Misha’s seat to dig through his bag for his baseball cap. He situated it on his head as they pulled out of Jared’s driveway.

                “So really. What are we doing?” Jensen asked as he relaxed back into the seat. Misha glanced over at him with a mischievous smile.

                “A marathon.”

                “I don’t do marathons. You’re the runner.”

                “Not today!”

                Jensen stared at Misha. “I am not running a marathon, Misha. I’ll die.”

                “I won’t let you. You’ll be fine. Having you there will motivate the fans to participate and we’ll raise more money.”

                “What’s the fundraiser for?”

                “The family of the girls from the con.  Melanie and Anna.”

                “Wait, but they were in Rome.” Jensen said confused.

                “Yeah but I’m not going to organize a fundraiser over there. Besides after the photos got out they have a huge following and people want to help. Proceeds will be split between their family and others with young cancer warriors.”

                “What photos?”

                “The photos Anna requested.”

                “Oh.” To say he had forgotten that kiss was a lie. But he tried not to think about it…a lot.

                Jensen grew quiet. He looked over at Misha as he focused on driving. He had trouble processing the emotions he felt, but he knew he was thankful to call the kind human beside him his best friend. Misha looked over at him and Jensen smiled softly.

                “Okay. Let’s do this.”

                “Good. But it’s a 6 hour drive so don’t get too excited.”

                “Works for me. I’m going to nap.” Jensen said as he reclined his seat. As he settled his baseball cap lowly over his eyes and turned to his side as much as he could he has a clear view of Misha. Misha turned the radio on and sang softly along as Jensen watched him until his eyes drifted close.


	9. The Double M Marathon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUMONGOUS thanks to CassieWinchester for the adorable drawing of the guys post-water fight. It is a lot of my readers favorite scene and I LOVE that she drew it for me. Thank you so much!

                Jensen was dying. He gasped for breath as he forced his burning legs to move. _Just keep going. You can do it._ He chanted to himself with each step. His side hurt and each breath was painful but he kept going. His eyes were glued to Misha’s sweat-soaked back in front of him. _He_ hadn’t faltered once and even though he was jogging too, he wasn’t panting as badly as Jensen. _He does this all the damn time._

                Jensen knew Misha was going slowly for him. Misha kept glancing behind him to make sure Jensen was there, and he would slow if he started to pull ahead. He paused every time a group of fans were handing out water along the side of the trail so Jensen could rest and people could take pictures with them. _Why does he have to be so amazing?_

                “We’re almost done, Jensen.” Misha called back and Jensen nodded while motioned Misha on.

                “Don’t have to stay with me. Go on.” Jensen said breathlessly. Misha slowed so he could fall into step with Jensen.

                “We’ve gotten this far together. We can finish it.” He said as he waved to a small group of people along the side of the road. They waved back and screamed happily and Jensen found himself smiling.

                “Oh I see.” Misha said with a smirk. Jensen gave him a look.

                “You just need someone to scream for you.” Misha grinned over at him suggestively. Jensen made a noise, but he wasn’t sure if it was a laugh or a snort. Misha’s chuckle filled the air and Jensen smiled in response.

                The finish line was surrounded by people screaming encouragement and their names. Jensen waved at them as his side burned and he pushed himself the last ten feet. As they crossed the finish line, Misha’s arm snaked around Jensen’s waist and helped keep him up. Jensen put his around Misha’s shoulders and leaned on him as they stumbled to a stop.

                “I hate you.” He panted as he closed his eyes and tried to calm his erratic heart. Misha squeezed his side.

                “I hate you too.” Misha whispered and Jensen shook his head. Someone handed them water and Jensen took one thankfully. He guzzled half of the bottle before looking over at Misha who had his eyes closed as his face was lifted towards the hot sun above them. With a smirk Jensen stood up and dumped the rest of his water in Misha’s face.

                Misha gasped and jumped back. As the water cleared from his eyes he stared at Jensen with an incredulous look before slowly opening his water bottle. Jensen smirked and took a step backwards, ready to bolt from the attack. Misha’s arm snapped forward and water shot towards Jensen, who side stepped it. A screech from behind him made him turn to find a fan on the sideline with dripping hair. He laughed, which made her laugh too.

                Before he realized what was happening, water was being thrown everywhere. Jensen dodged around some, though he didn’t know why. The water felt amazing against his sweat soaked flesh.  As a woman behind the line tossed a bucket of water towards him, he jumped backwards which resulted in him slamming into somebody. They both toppled to the ground as Jensen laughed. He turned to find Misha sprawled on the ground, completely soaked and laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.

                They laid on the ground laughing and watched the chaos around them as more runners crossed the finish and were assaulted with water. It seemed most had forgotten the two men on the ground and it was nice, nice to be unnoticed for once. Jensen rolled so he could scoot closer to Misha, who looked over at him as he wiped tears from his eyes.

                “Thank you for this, Misha.” Jensen said with a smile. “This has helped a lot.” Misha winked at him before they both flinched when water appeared from above. A young girl ran away with a shrill giggle as they wiped warm water from their faces.

                “I got them! I got them!”  She screeched.

                Jensen laughed again and lay back down. He was aware of their arms touching but it was nice. Nice to be close to someone in a chaotic crowd where he was momentarily forgotten. He looked over to find Misha staring at him. _Well if that isn’t a Castiel eyesex look I’ll be damned._ Jensen held the blue gaze until someone called out Misha’s name, asking for help with something. Misha’s hand was around Jensen’s wrist, though he didn’t remember it happening. Misha squeezed his wrist briefly before he was up and walking away, towards a woman with a clipboard. Jensen sighed and watched him go, not ready for the moment to end.

                An hour and a half later, Jensen was shadowing Misha as he weaved through the crowd to finish up with whatever it was he was doing. Jensen was content to just watch as Misha interacted with people in the crowd. They had showered and changed at a nearby hotel, and Misha wore a blue button up that seemed a little too big on him. His aviators were back along with a shiny gold crown that a young fan had shyly handed him. Jensen wore a similar one but he thought Misha looked better in his.

                After Misha spoke with the clipboard woman, Jenna as Jensen found out, he turned around. “So, it’s almost 6 now. Do you want to go eat?”

                “Do I ever _not_ want to eat?” Jensen replied with upturned hands. Misha shook his head with a smirk and bid farewell to Jenna.

                Leaving took much longer because they were constantly stopped by people wanting hugs, autographs, or pictures. Jensen really didn’t mind though. He treasured all of the love from the Supernatural family. He enjoyed hearing their stories and especially watching Misha interact with them. He found himself smiling more often than not when he glanced over at the other man.

                They finally made it out of the post-marathon crowd by 7, and Jensen’s stomach grumbled angrily in the silence of the parking lot. They reached Misha’s car and both collapsed into their seats with sighs. After several minutes Misha turned to Jensen.

                “Where do you want to eat?”

                “Bed would be nice. I’m so tired.” Jensen replied with closed eyes.

                “We could do room service at the hotel?” Misha suggested and Jensen nodded. _I could use a hot shower and food. Then I’m going to sleep for three days._

                They drove the short distance to their hotel, only to find it completely packed. They approached the front desk with their bags in tow. Misha gave them his name and they handed over two room keys. Jensen took his and followed Misha.

                It wasn’t until they were outside of a door on the third floor that Jensen realized he didn’t know where his room was. He was about to ask when Misha opened the door in front of him and motioned Jensen in.

                The room held two queen sized beds that were sectioned off through a door. The main area held a small kitchen, a dining table, and a TV and couch. Jensen dumped his bag on the table and stretched. “So just one room, eh?”

                “Yeah they’re so busy. I couldn’t get two rooms. Just be glad I managed to get two beds.” Misha smirked over as he dug through his bag. Jensen rolled his eyes and picked his bag up as he darted towards the bathroom.

                “Dibs on the shower! Order me some food!” He called before closing the door. Misha’s groan was loud enough that Jensen could hear it through the door. He caught his reflection in the mirror and laughed at the lopsided crown on his head. He took it off and set it on the counter before turning the water to scalding.


	10. Pizza Man

 For Misha, the summer was going by too quickly. Another month had passed and he felt like it was just yesterday that he and Jensen were sharing a hotel room after running the Double M marathon. He wadded up the t-shirt he had just stripped off and pitched it towards the back of Jensen’s head.

                Jensen was engrossed in the show he had on the hotel room television and didn’t see the attack until the shirt lightly fell against the back of his head. He jumped, making Misha laugh. Jensen turned around with a glare that had little effect since a wince followed. Misha only felt slightly bad as he walked over to the couch.

                “You should be icing you know.” Misha said as he pointed at the unused ice pack on the arm of the couch. Jensen nodded and repositioned his arm across his bruised chest. They had just finished helping rebuild homes in a town that had been hit by a tornado. Jensen had fallen from the roof of one and cracked a rib, among a few more minor injuries. Misha swallowed away the lump in his throat at the panic that had flooded his body as he watched Jensen fall.

                “I’ll be fine, man. Quit worrying.” Jensen drawled. Misha raised an eyebrow at him.

                “Did you get drunk in the time it took me to change my pants?” He asked, realizing he could have worded that better.

                “No. I’m just tired.” Jensen shooed Misha out of the way of the television. Misha sighed and took the ice pack that he had braved the intense mid-west summer heat to retrieve and put it in the freezer. He ordered their pizza before he walked back to the main room of the hotel.  He leaned against the wall and found himself watching Jensen.

                A small smile held up the edges of Jensen’s mouth as he watched the show. His green eyes scanned he television screen as his free hand absentmindedly played with a loose string on the couch. He was still shirtless and Misha’s face heated slightly when he recalled the struggle it had been to remove the layers of Jensen’s shirts. He closed his eyes and made himself _not_ think about the closeness and bare skin and the way Jensen had leaned his head on Misha’s shoulder afterward or how he smelled like leather even when he wasn’t on set.

                “Hey Misha?” Jensen called and Misha’s eyes snapped open to find that gorgeous green gaze on him. “You okay?”

                “I’m fine.” Misha replied quickly before striding to the couch to sit down. The small couch was old and the cushioned sagged awfully, which made them sink towards each other. Misha sighed as he tried to move away. _Personal space, right?_ He pictured Dean saying.

                “Well this couch is cozy.” Jensen chuckled as he lifted his arm and placed it across the back of the couch so it wouldn’t be pinned. Misha wanted to just sink against him and stay there, but he tried to give him space. He wasn’t going to force Jensen into something he wasn’t ready for. No way.

                “This couch is annoying as fuck.” Misha murmured under his breath as he gave up. The couch would be more comfortable without the cushions all together. He sighed and leaned back; forgetting Jensen’s arm was there until after his head rested against it. He sat back up, embarrassed.

                “Just sit still, would you?” Jensen mumbled with a wince though his eyes never left the screen. Misha froze, feeling bad. He tentatively sat back again and let his head lean back against the muscled headrest behind him. He waited for Jensen to make a comment about snuggling or to take his arm away, but he didn’t. Jensen watched the television and Misha watched Jensen from the corner of his eyes. Before he realized it, his eyes had closed.

                A hard knock on the hotel door startled Misha awake from a very pleasant dream. He took a moment to familiarize himself with his location before he quickly realized he had a boner from the dream. His face flamed as he also realized he was leaning against Jensen instead of the back of the couch. He sat up and tried to not be totally obvious as he covered himself. _Thank god for jeans._ He stood and went to the door for the pizza.

                Once the pizza boxes were on the counter he mumbled an excuse about needing a shower and darted to the bathroom. He turned the water on and stripped, his dick feeling better once it was free. He stepped into the water and worked himself while remembering the dream.

                Jensen in Dean’s leather jacket, pushing him against a wall and hungrily kissing him. A hotel room with only them and their bare skin. Jensen moaning his name. He realized he was moaning in response and quickly silenced himself, gritting his teeth to keep the noise down. He came right as the bathroom door opened, making him jump and almost fall.

                “Hey man, sorry I just need to pee.” Jensen muttered as he walked in. Misha tried to hide his ragged breaths but he struggled to. He closed his eyes, thankful for a darker shower curtain compared to the normal white, see through ones. He waited in silence, trying to _not_ think about Jensen sliding off his jeans and joining him. _Oh shit._ He felt desire building again and knew his shower was going to be longer than planned. _I just want my pizza._ He groaned as the door closed behind Jensen. He rested his forehead against the wall as water beat down across his shoulders.


	11. Entertain Me

                Jensen tried to take a calming, deep breath as he stopped outside of the bathroom door but his chest hurt too much. He could still hear Misha’s soft moans and _damn_. Why did that turn him on so much? He closed his eyes and wondered what would happen if he were to go back in and get into the shower with him. He froze when he realized what he had just thought. _Are you really thinking about your best friend in that way?_ He shook his head, trying to collect his thoughts from where they were pooling in his groin.

                By the time a shirtless, sodden haired Misha appeared from the bathroom, Jensen had finished off half a pizza. He burped loudly and stood from the table, wincing at the sharp pain in his chest. He saw Misha’s worried look from his peripheral but ignored it. He was _fine._ He shuffled to the couch and tried to sit down without grunting in pain. All he had done the whole day was watch TV. He was so tired of it. He looked over at Misha in hopes of some form of entertainment.

                “Hey Mishka.” He called, smirking because he could see the color rise in Misha’s cheeks from the couch. Over the summer he had noticed more and more how much he could affect the other man. He liked it. Misha looked over as he took a bite of pizza.

                “We need to do something besides TV, man. I’m so bored.”

                “You can barely walk without grunting like a caveman.” Misha mumbled with his mouth full. Jensen shrugged, and immediately regretted it.

                “Entertain me.”

                Misha rolled his eyes and washed his pizza down with another beer. “What you want me to pole dance for you?” He asked as he set the bottle on the wooden table.

                “If you want to.” Jensen replied then laughed at Misha’s look of surprise. _He wasn’t expecting that answer. Ha._

                “I can do accents for you, but I’m not going to dance.” Misha declared as he reached for more pizza. Jensen grinned. He _did_ like Misha’s accents, but they were funnier when fueled by a crowd. He pulled his phone from his pocket as Misha ate another slice of pizza.

                “Isn’t it crazy to think we only have a week left before we go back to start filming again?” Misha asked suddenly. Jensen looked up from his phone to nod.

                “Yeah. This summer flew.” He paused and caught Misha’s eyes. “Thank you for keeping me so busy. I needed it.”

                “I’m glad you tagged along. You can run a 5k now without dying.” Misha grinned. His hair was starting to dry and stick up crazily again.

                “Can and will are totally different words.” Jensen muttered. He looked back down at his phone to avoid thinking about combing Misha’s hair. It was another ten minutes before Misha stood from the table and went to the bedroom half of their hotel suite. Jensen had gotten used to sharing a suite with him versus two separate rooms. He preferred it, actually. _I have fewer nightmares when he’s around._ He shook his head.

                Misha reappeared clad in one of Jensen’s AC/DC t-shirts and headed for the door. As he slipped his shoes on he asked, “I’m going to hit up the grocery store that’s across the street. What do you want?”

                “To not be bored as hell.”

                “From the store.”

                “Some form of entertainment.”

                Misha sighed through his nose and tossed a fake glare over his shoulder. Jensen smirked as he realized that Misha looked _really_ good in that shirt.  _I should let him keep it._ Misha slid his wallet into his butt pocket and left with a wave.  Jensen looked around the overly silent hotel room. After a moment he turned music on from his phone, wanting to drown out the silence. He sang along as he walked to the window to see if he could spot Misha. 

 

 

                Three hours later, Jensen was pleasantly buzzed. He could breathe a little less painfully than the past day too, which helped with his mood. He set his empty cup on the coffee table and leaned back onto the couch. Misha waited until he was still before he sat back as well, which put him against Jensen’s side.

                Jensen kept an arm across the back of the couch, though the desire to put it around Misha instead kept tugging at his thoughts.Misha’s chest rumbled with a laugh as he watched the movie. Jensen had watched maybe a half of the two movies that Misha had returned with. Most of his attention had been split between pain and the man beside him. 

                _You’re buzzed, not drunk. So that means these thoughts are legitimate, right?_ Jensen looked over at Misha, who saw and returned the gaze. Jensen wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want to look away. Not with such captivating blue filling his thoughts. Misha held the stare for a while before he made a face and turned back to the tv.

                Jensen’s thoughts drifted to the show. _How are they going to handle the kiss at the end of the last season? Will they ignore it? Acknowledge it? Downplay it?_ He recalled the feeling of Cas’s kiss, the emotion behind it. He knew Misha was a phenomenal actor, but was it just acting? Was it acting at the convention too? He was sure it was the buzz talking, but he wanted to figure it out.

                “Misha?” Jensen called softly. Misha kept his eyes on the TV but made a noise of acknowledgement. Jensen tried again. “Mishka.”

                Misha turned and before Jensen allowed himself to overthink it; he leaned over and pressed his lips against Misha’s. Misha’s body froze with confused surprise for a split second before his lips were moving as he pushed himself into the kiss. _Fuck yeah_. Jensen let his arm fall from the back of the couch and wrapped it around Misha, pulling them together. His chest protested angrily but he ignored it as Misha’s hands appeared in Jensen’s hair and the other played with the fabric of Jensen’s shirt.

                Misha’s mouth tasted like the alcohol he had brought back from the store. Misha moaned once then pulled back, resting his forehead against Jensen’s mouth. Jensen grinned.

                “Well that set-“

                “You’re drunk, Jensen.” Misha interrupted softly, dejectedly. Jensen’s brow knitted in confusion as Misha sighed heavily. Misha leaned back before letting his hand trail from Jensen’s hair down the length of his jaw. As his fingertips left Jensen’s chin, Misha rose from the couch and disappeared into the bedroom.

                Jensen sat on the saggy hotel room couch for half an hour as he tried to sort through the feelings and thoughts swirling around him. _Did I upset him? He kissed me back… I’m not drunk…_ Jensen frowned towards the bedroom door, which had been shut silently at some point. He pulled himself to his feet and was annoyed with how wobbly he felt. Gripping his chest tightly, he shuffled to the bedroom.

                The lights were off and from the streetlight shining through the heavy curtains he could see Misha’s form curled up on his bed. Jensen sighed softly and used the bathroom before stripping to his boxers and climbing into his bed. He stared at the dark ceiling until well after his eyes had fully adjusted to the lack of light. It wasn’t until Misha’s breathing evened out and settled into a steady rhythm of sleep that Jensen felt himself begin to doze. _I can apologize tomorrow._ He thought as his body relaxed. _Even though I’m not sorry._


	12. A New Season All Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys get a script for the opening of the new season and are both less than thrilled, though for completely different reasons.

The following week went by quickly, but mainly because Jensen was busy settling back into his trailer and reading over the script for the first episode. It was early evening and the set was slowing coming together again as the crew trickled in for filming the next day. Jared was seated on the other side of Jensen’s couch as they discussed the script and ate takeout.

                “I just don’t like this script, man.” Jensen grumbled as held it up. Jared looked up with a frown.

                “What? Why? They are finally making Destiel canon. You should be thrilled.”

                “Yeah but this doesn’t seem like Dean.” Jensen frowned. “He isn’t going to go all lovey dovey, doe eyes ‘I can’t believe it took me so long to realize I love him’ Cue tear rolling down his face.  That’s bullshit.”

                Jared brushed hair from his eyes and shrugged. “I dunno man. You know Dean the best. Trust your heart.”

                  _It’s in a different trailer._ He grumbled in reply, though silently.  He settled his unfocused gaze on the pages in his hands. He _still_ hadn’t apologized to Misha for kissing him the week before. Hell, he’d barely seen the Misha in the entire week. He found it strange to suddenly be alone more often than not when his hiatus had been mostly spent with the other man in his company. He stood to find a pen and set to work rewriting the script to something he liked better.

                He was so focused on the rewrite he didn’t even notice Jared leave. He looked around the empty trailer with a sigh. He felt bad. _I should have carried his stuff for him or something_. Jared still wore a cast, and even though he said he was fine and could do everything on his own, Jensen wanted to help. He glanced at the clock and realized it was already after 10 pm. With a sigh he put the cap on his pen and retired to his bed, not ready for yet another night of fitful sleep.

 

                Jensen was slow to get ready the following morning. He shaved and styled his new haircut, even though he was sure the costume crew would redo it. His phone had been silent for days and he left it in his trailed with a sigh. _Maybe I can find him before we start._ He thought seconds before he heard Kelly call his name. _Or not._ He tried not to roll his eyes as he turned around.

 

                “Alright! LET’S GO” Robert yelled across the set. Jensen took a deep breath and channeled Dean for the first time in weeks. _Here we go._ He looked at Jared across the table as Robert yelled “ACTION!”

 

                “So get this,” Sam called as he leafed through a thick book. Dean looked over as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. “There’s a wolf nest in Ames, Iowa.”

                “What makes you say that?” Dean asked gruffly before downing his coffee.  

                “This news article.” Sam pushed his thin laptop over and Dean scanned the page. He opened his mouth to reply when footsteps sounded from the kitchen. Sam glanced up with a nod of acknowledgment but Dean turned with a smile.

                “Mornin’ sunshine.” He said as Cas walked in, trying to hold three cups of coffee.

                “Good morning, Dean. Sam.” Cas replied gravelly. He managed to sit all three steaming cups down without spilling before Dean stood from his chair. He walked over and planted a kiss on Cas’s cheek before grabbing one of the cups and returning to his seat. Cas had frozen at the contact, but Dean didn’t care anymore.

                He looked over at Sam who was staring with raised eyebrows. “He’s my boyfriend. So what?” Dean replied with a shrug. Sam put his hands up defensively and buried his nose in a smaller book.

               

                “CUT!” Robert yelled. Jensen looked towards him as he stood from his chair. “What the actual hell Jensen. That wasn’t even close to the script.”

                “Because that script sucked balls, Robert.” Jensen spat back, staying in his seat at the big Bunker table. “Dean isn’t going to do the crap in that shit script. There’s a copy of my edited version on my chair. That’s what I’m doing. You can film it or not.” Jensen crossed his arms and waited while Robert stalked to Jensen’s chair and snatched the pages. Misha reached over and took the coffee from Jensen.

                “Roll again.” He called with less anger as he sat down to look at what was written. Jensen smirked over at Misha, who was frowning at the floor as he walked out of the room, coffee cups in hand.

 

                After the third take, Jensen could tell something was wrong. He called a halt to filming and tugged Misha from the room to speak to him in private. Misha went begrudgingly but he _did_ go. Once they were safely away from prying ears Jensen turned to him. He looked exhausted in his normal Cas getup. Jensen wondered if It were Misha or makeup.

                “Man you need to tell me what’s wrong.”

                Misha’s tired blue eyes glanced to Jensen’s face before dropping again. “I just uh, haven’t slept well.”

                “Bullshit.” Jensen said. Misha rolled his eyes before crossing his arms.

                “I just...I wasn’t expecting them to go with it like this.”

                “Do you not like my take on the script? We can figure out something. It’s just that Dean-“

                “No, Jensen it wasn’t that. What you did fit. It’s just….I thought I’d be happier with this than I am. It’s like they’re making this first half of the season all about this one relationship.”

                “What are you talking about, Misha? We were only given one script so far.”

                “Oh uh, I don’t know I guess.” Misha’s brow lowered.

                “Misha…Are you still mad at me about the last hotel. Because I’m really sorry.” Jensen said feeling like an asshole. He had definitely been more drunk than he thought, but even now he _still_ felt attracted to Misha. So that had to mean something.

                “The hotel?” Misha looked up at him in brief confusion before shaking his head. “No. I’m not. You were drunk and I had been…I... It’s just in the past. Don’t worry about it.” Misha sighed before rubbing at his eyes.

                “Misha I’m  so-“

                “Seriously, man. It’s okay. Let’s just get this scene wrapped so we can move on.” Misha pushed past Jensen. He watched as the white shirt- clad figure walked back to set and suddenly Jensen felt like he was losing his best friend.


	13. Chicken Parmesan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misha is struggling to let go of his frustration. Both on set and off

                Dean smiled into Cas’s neck as they leaned against the library wall of the Bunker. Cas huffed slightly before gently pushing Dean back.  “Dean, we are supposed to be researching for the Wendigo case.” Cas reminded him with an edge to his voice.

 

                “CUT.”

Misha suppressed the string of curses that he wanted to shout at Robert. Jensen pushed off of the wall and spun, throwing his hands in the air and wincing in pain from his chest. He stomped over to talk and Misha sighed and followed.

                “You need to get your head in the game, Misha.” Robert scolded as Misha joined them. Misha folded his arms. He was so angry with Robert and the writers. It was so hard to keep it contained.

                “I’m sorry. Give me a bit and we’ll go again. I’ll make it better.” Robert waved him off and Misha stalked, no he walked, away. It was hard to walk normally when his insides were seething.

                Outside the sun was high in the sky. He took a deep breath and shed his trench coat. He closed his eyes and took slow breaths. _You can do this. Just channel Cas. He can finally show Dean his feelings. You just got-_

“Hey, Misha?” Jensen called, making him jump. He hadn’t even heard the door open. He looked over and took a shuddery breath. Jensen looked _so_ good as Dean. The flannel with the rolled up sleeves, the spiky hair. His eyes shone so brightly in the sunlight it was heart stopping.

                “Hi.” Misha managed to reply before dropping his gaze. _Forcing_ his gaze to the ground.

                “Are you okay?”

                “I’m fine.”          

                “It’s been another week man, and I haven’t seen you. Like at all.” Jensen leaned against the hot brick wall next to Misha, their shoulders brushed. “Also, all of your ugly ass cups are taking up my cabinet space.”

                Misha smirked. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a lot on my plate. Can I come get them tonight after filming is done?”

                “That would be great. I can order pizza if you want?”

                “I’ll just stop by. Thanks though. Give me another minute?” Misha asked, squinting over at Jensen.

                Jensen nodded and went back inside, leaving Misha free to deflate like he had wanted to the entire conversation. His shoulders sagged a little and he let his head _thud_ backwards against the brick. _How can I do this?_ _I have to tell him. But I can’t or they lose that surprise factor for the show. God dammit._ He clenched and unclenched his fists several times before going back inside.

 

                “We are supposed to be researching for the Wendigo case.” Cas said softly. Dean nodded and pushed off of the wall. He cleared his throat and smoothed his hair before turning and striding to the table where the books were.

                Cas followed, his mood much lighter than it had been before Dean had surprise-kissed him. He could still feel the taste of Dean’s coffee flavored lips. Cas was staring too intently at Dean’s back that he didn’t see the figure behind him until they heard him speak.

                “Hello boys.”

                Cas spun, his angel blade slipping from his sleeve in a second. He heard Dean curse and something fell behind him. Crowley smiled at them, his hands stuffed in his dark coat. His eyes flickered between them before settling on Dean, dismissing Cas.

                “I need your help, Squirrel.” Crowley purred. Cas frowned.

                “Why would I want to?” Dean huffed. The gun in Dean’s hands came into his peripheral as he stepped up beside Cas.

                “I have a little problem with an uprising. Details really. I just need you and your merry band of misfits to come help me.”

               

“CUT!” Robert hollered. “That’s good on that one. Good job, Misha. Much more emotion that time. The fans will eat this up. Let’s roll to Sam and Eileen in the car. C’mon people!”

                Misha sighed as he went off to get ready for the next scene. He saw Jensen watching him but he ignored the green eyed hunter. _He isn’t technically a hunter himself. He plays one on tv._ Misha rolled his eyes at his own joke and left the set.

 

                That night, an hour after they had finished for the day, Misha knocked on Jensen’s trailer door. Lights were on inside and steady rock music drifted through, as well as Jensen’s voice as he sang along. Misha knocked again and the door opened promptly to reveal a disheveled looking Jensen.

                Misha tried not to laugh at the messed hair and food splattered shirt. Or how Jensen’s jeans were too long and bunched around his feet. He lifted his gaze and caught Jensen’s. “Come in!” Jensen said as he stepped to the side. Misha brushed past him, the aroma of cooking chicken filling the trailer.

                “What are you making?” Misha asked as he walked to the kitchen, intent to get his cups and leave. He was tired of playing the back and forth with Jensen. It was hard enough on set when he got to act on his feelings, but he knew now that Jensen was just playing. Though he still didn’t know why Nesnej had kissed him. He looked over as Jensen crouched down to peer into the oven.

                “Chicken Parmesan.” Jensen replied without looking over. Misha nodded and reached for his cups. He paused when he opened the cupboard door to find it empty.

                “Uh…where are my cups?” He asked as he peered around. He opened a couple other cupboards before turning around, jumping to find Jensen standing right behind him.

                “They’re in a box outside of your trailer.” Jensen replied as he stared hard at Misha. _Fuckin’ Dean and his sex eyes._ Misha stepped back but the sink was there and stopped him.

                “Jensen….”

                “Misha.” Jensen purred, taking a step closer. Misha’s hand on his chest made him pause.

                “What are you doing? Are you drunk again?”

                “I wasn’t drunk that night.”

                “You were plastered and you know it. Don’t be an asshole, Jensen.”

                A flash of pain crossed Jensen’s beautiful features before he took a step back. “I’m sorry, Misha. I feel so bad about that night.” He paused and Misha took the opportunity to push past him. Jensen’s solid grip on Misha’s arm made him stop.

                “Misha I feel bad that I never got to explain. I’m not drunk, I swear. But even sober-“

                “Even sober. Like that would make a difference with you screwing with me. That’s great.” Misha tried to pull his arm back despite the frenzied butterflies in his stomach. Jensen placed his other hand against Misha’s chest and he was surprised Jensen couldn’t feel the frantic flapping.

                “I didn’t mean it like that. Will you please sit down so we can talk?”

                “I don’t-“ Misha took a deep breath and looked away from Jensen’s face. “I don’t want to talk. I have too much to deal with.” He closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of Jensen’s warm hands.

                “Let me help you.” Jensen whispered.  “I want to help you. I want to be there for you, man.” One of his hands cupped Misha’s face and Misha tried not to push into the touch. He opened his eyes to find Jensen staring at him sadly, so close he could feel Jensen’s breaths.

                “You can’t help me with these problems.” Misha whispered.

                “Let me decide that. Please stop pushing me away. I miss you. I miss my best friend.”

                Misha opened his mouth to reply but the timer on the oven sounded shrilly, making them both jump. Jensen’s brow knitted together before he released his grasp on Misha and turned to the food. Misha took a shaky breath and hurried to the bathroom.

                His tears of frustration were washed away as the cold water hit his face. He splashed more water on his face and he heard Jensen call his name. _This isn’t fair. I have to tell him._ He stood up and dried his face and hands before leaving the bathroom. Jensen looked up from where he was leaning dejectedly against the sink.

“I thought you left.” He said simply as Misha approached. The food was laid out on the table, along with two place settings. He saw a bottle of wine and also beer but he really didn’t want any of them. He sighed, ready to leave. He looked back to Jensen to say as much, but Jensen was frowning at the floor. Misha knew him well enough to know he was really upset. He groaned inwardly and sat at the table.

 

                Late that night, as Misha lay in his bed, he tried to forget his hatred for the script and focus on the reality of this season. Destiel was canon. It was happening. He should be throwing himself into the role and loving it. Getting paid to make out with Jensen? Hell yes.

                But the looming dread for how the script will pan out was eating him alive. He wished they hadn’t told him. How was he supposed to keep it to himself? _This is torture._ He groaned and rolled onto his stomach as he turned his thoughts to dinner.

                They’d talked, but the night at the hotel never came up. Misha didn’t really want to know or he would have pressed the issue. The issues he was dealing with didn’t get brought up either. He learned that Jensen was glad they were going forth with the storyline, but he was also upset that this was building up towards the end. Jensen’s crestfallen expression when he talked about the show ending had torn Misha’s heart to pieces and the half smile Jensen had offered to Misha to comfort _him_ had salsa danced on the broken shards. He wanted it to be okay. He wanted Jensen to be okay.

                The clock read after 2, but he still felt restless. He turned over to his back again. _I can throw myself into this role. Give the fans, and Jensen, this amazing season. Let go of my hatred until I’m gone. I can do this._

 


	14. Filming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys and one of the directors can't agree on how the scene should go.

 

                The bed creaked as Misha pushed himself onto his elbow, rolling with the light blanket that covered both him and Jensen, leaving one of Jensen’s mostly bare legs uncovered. Jensen jerked the blanket back to cover himself, then covered their heads with it. It was awkward knowing that everyone was watching outside of Dean’s room on set, but being under the blanket helped a little. The fact that Misha kept eyeing him didn’t help. Jensen made a face.

                “Blanket hog.” He whispered and Misha smirked at him. Jensen put one arm under his head, enjoying the puffs of breath against his bare chest as Misha tried to get situated to do the scene.

                It had been two and a half weeks already and this was only the second scene with any form of overt romance in it for Dean and Cas. There had been an increased amount of shoulder touching, lasting glances, and sex eyes. A couple car rides while holding hands too, but actual displays of affection were nil. Jensen was okay with it though. Dean wasn’t a super emotional guy and he sure didn’t show it much when he was.  Jensen had been looking forward to this scene, but also dreading it. He wished he knew what Misha thought. Since that dinner he had barely seen Misha off of set. He wasn’t cold…but he was distant. Jensen missed him.

                “Ready to roll!” The director shouted across the set and the noise of the crew stopped immediately. Misha lay next to him, stilling his shuffling as their eyes met and they called out in unison.

                “Yes!”

                “You ready?” Jensen asked softly and Misha gave him an impish smile.

                “Hell yes.” Misha said as Jensen uncovered their faces.

                “Action!”

 

                Dean could hear Sam’s call for him from in the hall. He opened his eyes slowly and looked around the room before his gaze fell on the angel tucked against his side. He smiled slowly and reached over to brush a strand of Cas’s hair from his face. Cas opened his eyes and looked up at Dean.

                “Good mornin’ sunshine.” Dean said softly as they heard Sam holler to wake up again.

                “Good morning, Dean.” Cas said gravelly.

                “Let’s agree to not go on separate hunts again. Like ever.”

                “Dean,” Cas shifted so he was leaning away a little. “You need to promise not to lose focus on your tasks because of me.”

                “I’m fine, Cas. I can do both.”

                “I’m serious, Dean. I cannot handle something happening to you because you’re worried about my well-being. I can take care of myself.”

                “I know you can, Cas. You’re a frickin’ angel.” Dean softened his expression as he reached over and brushed his fingers along Cas’s cheek. “I’m just sayin’ I missed you.”

                “I missed you too, Dean.” Cas looked up and stared at him and Dean saw the hardness in his eyes melt. Dean leaned down and kissed him, savoring the feel of their lips together, until Sam pounded on the door and yelled at him.

                “We have a case, Dean. We needed to leave ten minutes ago.” Sam growled through the door. Dean rolled his eyes and drew the blanket over their heads.

 

                They hadn’t called cut, so Jensen stared at Misha, his mind swirling with emotions. Misha was still in character as he glanced at the door. Jensen mulled over the feelings for another moment before he reached over and grasped Cas’s shirt and gently pulled him closer. Cas initiated the kiss and Jensen lost himself in it.

                When the call for cut sounded, Jensen groaned. Somehow, Misha had ended up half on top of him, one of his legs stabilizing him from between Jensen’s bare legs. His boxer briefs were tight and he realized with slight horror that he was hard. _Shit._ Misha uncovered their torsos and moved off of Jensen, casting an undecipherable look over his shoulder before he sat.

                “We wanted Dean and Cas to kiss. Very simply and quick. Not dry hump each other.” Philip called. Jensen’s face heated but Misha stood to face him. He wore one of Dean’s black t-shirts and a pair of loose pajama pants that hung around his hips like a tease. Jensen made sure the blankets were bunched in just the right spot.

                “We weren’t dry humping.” Misha said simply. “Besides, you’ve never had a make out session in your life. That doesn’t really lend you credence to tell us how to act.”

                Philip glared at him before sitting back in his director’s chair and calling for a retake. “LESS emotion. Less sass. ”  He called.

                Misha grumbled as he returned to Jensen’s side. “Robert wanted more and now he wants less. This is bullshit.”

                “I thought it was a good take.” Jensen mumbled as he reached over to arrange Misha’s hair again. Misha briefly froze in his arms before relaxing and letting Jensen continue. He finished and looked down as Misha gave him a look before whispering.

                “We can do better.”

 

                The next take was way more heated in thanks to Misha. Jensen was left panting by the time Philip called cut. They got chewed out for making out again but all Jensen could focus on was the pressure of Misha’s thigh against his groin as Misha propped himself above Jensen.

                “Roll again, seriously guys.” Philip called and Misha returned to Jensen’s side. Jensen was surprised his pounding heart wasn’t making Misha’s hand move as it rested against his chest. Jared laughed from the outside of the door.

                “I’ll just walk the halls some more. No worries guys.” He called and Jensen laughed. They rolled the scene again.

 

                “I missed you too, Dean.” Cas’s eyes met Dean’s as his hand appeared on Dean’s neck. He pulled Dean down for a chaste kiss then released him. Dean played with the fabric of _his_ shirt that Cas wore. Sam pounded on the door and yelled at him.

                “We have a case, Dean. We needed to leave ten minutes ago.” Sam growled through the door. Dean rolled his eyes as Cas turned towards the door and yelled.

                “Go without us! We’ll catch up.”

                A snicker of surprise sounded from behind the door. “Alright fine!” Sam yelled as Cas turned back to Dean. Dean’s grin almost hurt his face.

                “Well that’s one way to get rid of him.” Dean muttered. Cas was still resting beside him, his leg pressed tightly against Dean beneath the blankets.  Dean leaned forward and captured Cas’s lips once more as the arm that was already beneath the blanket slowly groped its way to the angel’s waistline. He ran a finger from hip bone to hip bone and reveled in the gasp that the motion elicited. “We have a while now.” He purred and they were close enough that Dean saw Cas’c pupils dilate. He smiled into their next kiss.

 

 

                The call for cut was met with frustration on Jensen’s part. He didn’t _want_ to stop. He could do without the audience, but he was quite enjoying the scene. He loved the way Misha fit into the clothes he wore. He loved the softness of Misha’s lips and the roughness of his hands. How Misha kept pressing his leg against Jensen, making it _so_ hard not to grind against it for the friction he wanted. _Shit._ He tried to focus on something else.

                “I think we have it. We’ll mash them together or something. Let’s move on –“ Philip paused and reached into his pocket. He withdrew a cell phone and stepped away. Jensen stayed on the bed, overtly aware of Misha’s weight beside him as he sat. After a couple minutes,  a visibly shaken Philip returned.

                “We are going to cancel shoots for the rest of today, guys. Sorry. Something came up in the family. Sorry.” He turned and walked out as Jensen sat up.

                “Is he okay?” He said aloud, but no one responded. He turned to find Misha almost out of sight.  Desire still burned hot in his mind as Jensen reached for some pants. _We need to talk so bad._  He groaned inwardly as he hurried after the trench coated figure.


	15. Confessions

“Misha just wait!” Jensen called as he jogged after Misha, who was just entering his trailer. The door shut behind him and Jensen growled as he reached to open it. Inside, Misha was nowhere to be seen, but Jensen could hear the bathroom sink running. He stalked towards the door, his steps faltering as he neared because he realized he didn’t know what to say. _You made me horny and I need you to finish the job? Yeah that will go over well._

                He shook his head as he waited outside the bathroom door. It took a solid five minutes plus some before the door creaked open. Misha sighed as his eyes locked with Jensen’s.

                “Please go away.” Misha ground out and Jensen’s heart ached.

                “No I need to talk to you, man.”

                “You’ve had weeks to talk to me.” Misha brushed past him towards the kitchen but Jensen grabbed his arm and spun him around, pinning him against the hall wall. Misha stared angrily back at Jensen, and he noticed for the first time how his beautiful blue eyes were rimmed in red.

                “I am sorry about that night. I was drunk. I wanted to know if you were just acting. Just playing the part of Cas and shit or if those were all real kisses.”

                “Did you get your answer?” Misha said softly as he averted his glare.

                “I don’t know, man.”

                Misha scoffed and tried to push Jensen’s arm off from across his chest, but Jensen grasped his wrist and stopped him. “Let me talk to you.”

                “Then do it and get the hell off.” Misha growled. Jensen sighed through his nose before leaning down and capturing Misha’s mouth in his. Misha didn’t respond so Jensen moved back. He released Misha, who slumped slightly against the wall as he actively avoided Jensen’s face.

                “Please just talk with me, Mishka.” Jensen pleaded. He saw Misha’s shoulder sag a little more before that unsettlingly gorgeous gaze was fixed on his face.

                “They-“ He inhaled shakily. “They are writing Castiel out of the show. They’re going to kill him.”

                Jensen stared at him wide eyed, not sure he heard correctly. Misha repeated himself as his eyes brimmed with tears and Jensen snapped back into focus.

                “They are doing it sometime before the end of the season but I don’t know when. I was given several scripts and told the overall storyline but that’s it. They wanted me to keep it to myself but how? How am I supposed to do that, Jensen?” His voice cracked when he reached the name.

                Jensen stepped forward again and pulled Misha into a hug. He felt tears burning at his eyes too. “We can talk to them. Figure a way to rewrite the script.” Jensen offered as Misha clutched his back. Jensen realized he was still shirtless, but he didn’t care.

                “I tried. I tried begging and offering a rewrite and throwing a fit. They won’t budge.”

                “But why? What purpose could killing Cas possible serve?”

                “I don’t- I don’t know.” Misha sobbed into Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen held him, feeling like an asshole for having pushed and testing him the past few weeks. _I should have known. I should have figured out something was really bothering him and helped. Instead I’ve been selfish._ A thought bounced around in his mind and after Misha calmed a little he whispered it.

                “So you haven’t been mad at me for kissing you?”

                Misha forced out a laugh but shook his head. “No. Confused, yes. But I’m not mad at you. I’ve handled this whole thing so badly and I’m sorry.”

                “I’m sorry, man. I real-“ Jensen’s apology was cut off as Misha pulled away and clumsily brought their mouths together, hitting his nose on Jensen’s jaw on the way. Jensen moaned into the kiss as Misha’s hand appeared behind his head again, pulling him down at a better angle.

                Jensen slid his hands under the t-shirt that cling to Misha's torso and Misha gasped at the touch, which only fueled Jensen’s fire. He pressed Misha backwards until his back hit the wall again and their bodies were pressed together. He felt Misha’s hand trail down his chest, across his abdomen, then down the front of the pants. Jensen moaned as Misha palmed him through the jeans. He pushed into Misha’s hand.

                “Shit, Cas.” Jensen groaned before he realized the slip up. Misha leaned away from the kiss and growled.

                “Do you want me to be him? Will this make it easier for you?” He asked with a touch of anger in his voice. “Easier to respond to flirtation if it isn’t real life?”

                Jensen frowned down at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?” He asked as Misha removed his hand.

                “I fucking love you and you just toy with me. All the goddam time.”  Misha snapped before his eyes widened as if he hadn’t meant to say that. Jensen froze.

                “Mish-“

                Just don’t!” Misha took a step back but Jensen reacted quickly, darting his hands out to grasp the lithe man’s waist and pull them together _hard._

                “Shut up and quit trying to run away from me.” Jensen growled as he held Misha against him. He could feel Misha’s erection against his own and _goddam_ that was sexy. He stared down into those bottomless blue eyes and realized he wanted _this._ Them together. He wanted it.

                “I have taken so long to figure out my feelings.” He ground out. Trying to form coherent thoughts while this horny was hard. Pun intended.  “I think about you all the damn time. I miss you. I miss having you in the same room as me. I sleep like shit without you nearby. I’ve had so many fuckin’ nightmares this last month. It’s a wonder I can even function I’m so tired.” He took a slow breath, trying to calm his racing and hurting heart. “ I feel better when you’re nearby. This morning I woke up and could barely inhale my chest hurt so badly. Then we got to work and I forgot all about my pain. I want _you,_ Misha. All of you. We can figure shit out as we go but right now, I.Want. You.” Jensen stared down at him, hoping his expression conveyed earnestness and not just lust.

                Misha had tears bordering on escape as he stared up at Jensen.  His hands had moved to grasp Jensen’s forearms at some point, but they slid around to lock behind Jensen’s back now. Jensen’s heart hurt from beating so hard and fast and he wanted to just scream at Misha to reply.

 

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/35661835110/in/dateposted-public/)


	16. Could Get Used To This

_“CAS!” Dean yelled across the street. Castiel turned to find the monsters between them numbering in the thousands. Despair gripped him and he struggled to run to Dean, to protect him. His human. He tried to yell but nothing escaped his lips and he watched in horror as the monsters carried Dean away from him.  He reached out for Dean, but his limbs responded in slow motion. There was nothing he could do._

 

                Misha woke with a start, his limbs flailing for a hold as he quickly came to. He peered around the morning-lit room in bewilderment until his gaze fell on the warm body beside him. His nightmare faded as he soaked in the image of Jensen splayed across the bed beside him. One of Jensen’s long legs and an arm were hanging off the bed. His other hand was under his head and his leg was across Misha’s legs. He was still shirtless ad wearing the jeans he had thrown on after filming the day before. They rested low on his hips and showed a strip of his dark boxer briefs. Misha sighed contentedly as he rolled to his side, laying his head right next to the other man’s.

                Jensen’s mouth was slightly open, though no snores sounded. Misha found himself wanting to stroke his stubble covered face. _Well why not?_ He smirked and reached over to run his hand down the length of Jensen’s sculpted face. _Because really, that was one of the best ways to describe him_. He had always been the most gorgeous guy Misha had met. A ghost of the panic from his first day on set slithered around his mind but he pushed it away. He was a part of the team and loved, in more ways than one now.

                The image of Jensen sauntering onto set for Misha’s first day of filming was engraved into Misha’s mind, probably forever. There was something about the bow legged hunter that tugged at Misha even then. Jensen and Jared hadn’t wanted much to do with him, but they were nice. They’re always nice…until you got to know them personally. Then they were the kings of practical jokes. Misha snorted as he recalled all of the pranks they had done to him over the years. His smile faded as he remembered that his time on the show would soon end.

                Misha leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Jensen’s cheek before he rose and went to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and brushed his teeth as he waited for the water to heat up. He rinsed his mouth then jumped as the door swung open behind him.

                Jensen walked in with a smirk and a wink. He peed as Misha stripped off his shirt and tested the water. As Misha was getting ready to shed his pajama pants, strong arms wound around his middle and Jensen’s chin appeared on his shoulder. Misha braced himself against the shower door as Jensen pushed himself into Misha’s back.

                “I like this.” Jensen said over the running water. Misha nodded and closed his eyes as he leaned into the solid chest behind him

                “I’ve wanted this for a long time _.”_ He replied then smiled when Jensen nuzzled his neck with a kiss. To his disappointment Jensen pulled away and left Misha standing alone in the bathroom. He sighed heavily before he accepted the hot spray of water in place of the warm embrace.

 

                Being Castiel was hard when his thoughts were consumed with the gruff man sitting in the driver’s seat of the Impala. Dean was chewing out Sam for bringing Crowley into the loop, but all of Misha’s lines were left in the bunker as Team Free Will headed out. _Get it together._  He scolded himself, but the thought lost its oomph as he noticed bright green eyes fucking him in the rear view mirror. _Shit._

                The director called for cut and pulled Misha from the car. Misha knew he was about to get an earful, but he didn’t really care. Not after what that gaze had conveyed. _If he thinks about you as much as you think of him then we’re really in trouble._

                Robert stopped when they reached the edge of the scene, away from prying ears. He turns to Misha and folded his arms. “Misha, I know you’re upset about the script. But you still have to play your role. You have to _be_ Castiel.”

                “I _am_ Castiel.” Misha bit back as he leveled a glare at the man. “If he sort of knows what’s going to happen then he will be out of it some of the time. Thinking things over. Thinking about _Dean_ and Sam. I know what I’m doing. I don’t need to be chewed out because I choose to ignore several lines.”

                “That’s true. I like that approach, and it makes sense. Adds a little foreshadowing almost. I’m sorry, Misha. Let’s roll again.”

                “Fine.”  Misha turned and stormed back to the car. Jensen had his hand on the back of Jared’s seat and as Misha slide into the car he reached out and brushed at Misha. Misha reached up and grasped his hand briefly before steeling himself and getting back into character. Jensen removed his hand and refocused on the road as they began rolling again.

 

                “Are you sure you don’t want me to hang around?” Jensen asked as he reached up to adjust Misha’s tie. Misha smiled at the gesture. Everyone thought that was a Dean thing, but in reality it had always been Jensen’s choice. Cas’s crooked tie bothered him to no end and Misha had, on more than one occasion, purposefully put it on wrong just so Jensen would fix it on set.

                “No, this is a scene I need to do alone. Can’t let them know I told you.” Misha’s smile faded as he tried to prepare himself. Jensen’s hand under his chin brought their gazes together before Jensen leaned down and kissed him.

                “You can do this.” Jensen whispered before kissing him once more then turning away. Misha smiled as his heart thumped against his ribs. _I could so get used to this._

 

                “What do you want, Crowley?” Castiel growled as the King of Hell sat down on the bench beside him. Crowley gave him a sideways look.

                “You know that the Princes won’t be happy with the turn of events.” He said. Cas ignored him.

                “They’re going to come after those responsible.”

                Cas peered sideways at him. “Are you trying to tell me that Dean and Sam are in trouble?”

                “When aren’t they?” Crowley rolled his eyes. “But yes. They will be in deep, deep trouble if word gets back what they’re planning. What _we_ are planning.”

                Cas’s mind raced. _How could they get out of this?_ He watched as a couple jogged by the trail in front of the bench, paying no mind to the angel and demon.

                “Then we’ll have to change what they’re told.” Cas said finally. He turned so he was facing Crowley. “We’ll make it seem that it was my idea. And my doing.”

                “You’d sacrifice yourself for them?”

                “Yes.”

                “Even if that meant leaving lover boy alone?”

                Cas glared at him. “Dean can handle himself. He is not your concern.”

                “That’s right he’s not.”

                Cas stared at the empty bench. He sighed in frustration at Crowley as his phone began to ring. He answered the phone with a smile. “Hello, Dean.”

 

                They wrapped up the scenes with Mark and Misha a lot sooner than Misha thought they would. _Maybe they only do 50 takes with Jensen and me on purpose._ He smirked at the thought as he shrugged out of his coat. He folded it over his arm and headed towards Kelly, but Mark caught up with him and stopped him.

                “This is pretty shitty of them.” Mark said softly. Misha nodded. _Of course he would know too. They want a realistic reaction from Jared and Jensen._   Mark looked up at Misha for a response, but he didn’t have anything to say.

                “Are you doing alright with this?” Mark asked softly. Misha looked over at him, softening his expression.

                “Yes. Well no. I don’t know. This is bullshit. I don’t want to go.”

                Mark nodded and put his hand on Misha’s arm. Such a different touch than he received from Jensen. “Sorry, Misha. I asked them to change it. They refused.”

                Misha felt tears sting his eyes again at the thoughtfulness and the fact that he wasn’t going to get out of this. He nodded and mumbled thanks before he dumped his coat and left. The late summer night air was hot and muggy as he stepped outside. He loosened his tie and undid the first couple buttons of his button up shirt as he stalked away from the set.

                He was so _angry._ He wondered how much longer Cas was going to live. Where was he was going to go when his role was done. Could he stay? Should he go? What was going to happen with Jensen? He groaned and pushed his hands through his hair in frustration. He heard someone call his name but he ignored them as he stalked to his trailer. He rubbed his eyes and the unshed tears wetted his knuckles. He sighed and dried his hands on his pants before looking around, realizing he was back at his trailer. He looked over towards Jensen’s and contemplated going to him. After a moment he shook his head, not wanting to unload his issues on Jensen again. He didn’t want to scare him away now that he finally had him.

               

                Misha opened the door to his trailer and was met with a cheerful voice. He looked up, startled, as Jensen called out.

                “Hey guys! Guess who just walked in?” Jensen said to his phone that he held eye level. _Oh no._ Jensen motioned him over but Misha shook his head. With a grin Jensen walked over and threw his arm around Misha’s shoulders. Jensen’s scent washed over him and he felt some of his tension leave as he looked at the screen.

                Countless hearts and likes were floating across the screen as comments filled half of the livestream. _I don’t want to do this right now._ He hoped he didn’t look like complete shit as Jensen started speaking again.

                “So we’ve wrapped up another day of filming! It’s definitely turning into an interesting season. Like I said before, we wanted to touch bases and make sure you have checked the fundraiser that Jared it headlining. It’s for a great cause and the shirts are pretty affordable. Misha has one, don’t you?” Jensen turned to him, his nose brushing Misha’s hair before Misha realized he was leaning into Jensen’s shoulder. Misha had no idea what he was talking about.

                “Uh yeah. Best investment ever.”

                Jensen chuckled and turned back to the phone. “You have three days to order one! Please do. Great cause. Anyway, I need to head to bed.” Jensen paused and smiled as he scanned the rolling comments.

                “Goodnight, Amanda. Sara. Makenzie.” He paused with a slight chuckle and Misha scanned the screen to see why. He smirked at the middle comment as Jensen addressed it.

                “No, Ashley, I am _not_ in my trailer. Kinda creepy that you know that.”

                Misha tightened his arm around Jensen’s middle before hooking a finger into the waistband of his jeans. Jensen looked over at him and Misha grinned.

                “Good night everyone.” Misha said, returning his focus to the phone. “We will talk to you all soon! We love you!”

                “What he said!” Jensen called as he clicked the end button. He let his phone drop as he turned to Misha, grasping either side of Misha’s face in his hands as he leaned in for a kiss. Misha slipped more fingers into the top of Jensen’s jeans and pulled him closer. Jensen groaned into the kiss as his hands moved to Misha’s hair.

                “They’re gonna know.” Jensen ground out as Misha dipped his fingers a little lower. “They see everything.”

                Misha chuckled and removed one of his hands in order to replace it on the front of the jeans.

                “I don’t care.” He smiled up as Jensen leaned back, his green eyes dark with lust. Misha squeezed his hand slightly and Jensen’s eyes fluttered close. “I need you, Jensen.” Misha murmured as he massaged Jensen through his pants. Jensen’s warm lips found his again and he nodded as he tugged Misha towards the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought of the road so far!


	17. Oliver Queen's Problems Are Better

                Jensen lay quietly in his bed. The peaceful, even sound of Misha’s deep sleep besides him was a comfort he couldn’t put into words. His face was illuminated by his phone as he scrolled through messages and comments on Facebook. He didn’t even want to look at Instagram or twitter. It got to be a little overwhelming some of the time. All of the pleads for attention and declarations of love.

                He paused as he came across the live stream from two nights before. _500 comments is ridiculous._ He clicked play and watched as he appeared on screen, but his attention was mostly focused on the rolling comments. He noted that several asked why he was in Misha’s trailer and he wasn’t sure if he was impressed or uncomfortable that they knew that.

                He watched as on-screen Jensen’s eyes jumped to the door. A wide smile broke out across his face and he turned to the phone again with a bright light in his eyes. “Hey guys! Guess who just walked in?”

                Jensen watched as Misha appeared on screen, and a frown pulled at his brow. _He looked like shit. No wonder he waved me off. Dammit._ Misha relaxed into Jensen’s shoulder as he looked tiredly at the screen. His eyes were rimmed in red and he just seemed haggard. The sight tugged at Jensen’s heart. He put his phone down and turned to the man beside him.

                It had been a day off for Misha, thankfully. Jensen went in to film while Misha worked on a local fundraiser he was putting together. _How does he focus on so many other people when things are falling apart for him?_ Jensen brushed Misha’s dark hair from his face as he lay curled up on the pillow beside him.  Jensen reached over and threaded his fingers with Misha’s tanned hand that was across his abdomen.

                Throughout their evening, Misha had mumbled a few times that he didn’t want to work the next day, but he wouldn’t explain. Jensen was sure that the further into the season they got, the less Misha was willing to be there. He had assured Misha that they could do one more day, and then they had the entire weekend to themselves.

                Jensen clenched his jaw against the burning frustration he felt for the writers for coming up with this idea. After a few minutes, the fire diminished as he focused on Misha’s warmth. Jensen watched as Misha’s chest rose and fell evenly and it lulled Jensen to sleep.

                The alarm clock blared shrilly and startled Jensen from a good dream. He groaned and silenced it, trying to lull himself back to sleep. It wasn’t until the bed shifted that he remembered he wasn’t alone. He turned to find Misha’s bottomless blue eyes watching him.

                “Mornin’ sunshine.” He said with a smirk. Misha rolled his eyes before he leaned over and pulled Jensen into a kiss. Jensen was already hard, thanks to the dream, and now he for sure didn’t want to get out of bed. Misha groaned as Jensen pressed his groin against Misha’s. He rolled his hips slightly and reveled in the friction and smoothness of their underwear.

                “I…need…to…pee.” Misha managed to pant right before Jensen rolled over onto him. The whimper that escaped his lips wasn’t intentional, but the way Misha’s eyes dilated made Jensen glad it happened. Misha grabbed Jensen’s face and pulled it towards his hungrily. Jensen groaned as Misha rolled out of bed, and out of Jensen’s arms.

                He collapsed back onto the bed as the bathroom door squeaked shut. He tried to calm himself, but it did little good. _Well maybe I can take care of it in the shower. I need one._ He looked to the bathroom as the door squeaked again.

                Misha appeared, now clad in nothing. He wiggled his eyebrows at Jensen and motioned him over. As Jensen scrambled from the bed he heard the shower turn on. _Not quite what I meant but I’ll take it._ He grinned as he stepped into the bathroom.

 

 

                The weekend passed too quickly. Jensen dropped Misha off at the airport on Monday with a dejected sigh. _You could have gone with him for this event. He wouldn’t have minded._ He sat in his car in the airport parking lot and watched until Misha’s plane took off.  

                Back at the set, Jensen headed straight for Jared’s trailer. He knocked once before letting himself in and plopping on the plush couch. Jared appeared from the backroom with a frown before going back for a shirt.

                “You’re early. We aren’t supposed to have food until lunch.”

                “I have nothing else to do.” Jensen replied as he looked around for the remote.

                “You meant to say “I have no one to do.” Didn’t you?” Jared asked with a smirk. Jensen fake glared at him and ignored the comment. He knew that Jared knew of his and Misha’s relationship. He didn’t want it to get out though. Not because he cared, hell no. He just wanted it to be _his_ and personal. He found the remote and began to channel surf.

 

                They ordered food early and passed the morning talking and catching up. Jared was getting his cast off soon and was thrilled. He was genuinely interested to know how Jensen was feeling and it was grating on him not to tell Misha’s secret. He was just _so_ upset. Especially since he knew how upset Misha was.

                “You look like you’re going to punch me, man. What’s up?” Jared called softly as he lifted his drink to his mouth. Jensen tried to calm his features and think of an excuse, but he was too pissed to care.

                “They’re going to fucking kill Cas in the show. For good.” He spat, wanting to kick something, or someone.

                “What!?” Jared sat forward. “You’re kidding me? Why? When?”

                “We don’t know. I’m not supposed to know. Misha couldn’t keep it a secret, it was eating him alive.”

                “Is there any way we could talk-“

                “No that’s been tried. Misha and Mark have both approached them and begged but they won’t budge. Or say why they’re doing it yet. Just some crap about needing it for the show.”

                “That’s bullshit, man. I’m sorry.” Jared leaned back again, which added to Jensen’s feeling of defeat. _He gave up easily._

                “Too bad you weren’t a director or something for the show, someone with more clout. Then you could overrule them.”

                “I wish.” Jensen mumbled as he finished his beer.

                “What will Misha do when he’s done?”

                “I haven’t asked him, I guess. I don’t know.”

                “Well I hope he sticks around. I’ll miss him.”

                Jensen frowned. The possibility of Misha leaving the set hadn’t even crossed his mind as an option. He worked to keep his cool before he focused on the TV and let himself get lost in Green Arrow’s problems instead of his own.


	18. Jensen's Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a week of internal back and forth and trying to settle on a solution, Jensen finally makes his stance known on the Castiel issue. Followed by an emotional convention.

                The following week felt slow to Jensen. Misha returned and they had resumed filming, but there was heaviness between them. Misha tried to put on a brave face but Jensen knew him well enough to see through. He tried to offer support in small ways. Hand touches, bringing Misha breakfast, making their food. Misha appreciated it, he knew, but his friend was still struggling. He couldn’t get Jared’s words out of his head. “ _Someone with more clout. Then you could overrule them.”_   

                They wrapped for the day and as Jared left the set, Jensen tapped the steering wheel of Baby. He saw Robert Singer talking with someone before shaking his head and stalking off set. Jensen got out of the car and stalked over to Singer. He had been trying to think of a way to word his speech for days, but he just didn’t like how anything sounded. His brow was knitted low as he caught up with the man.

                “Robert.” He called out, gruffer than he intended. Singer turned around with an exasperated expression.

                “What now?”

                “I need to talk to you.” Jensen’s mind raced as he tried to remember the things he’d rehearsed. _Misha needs to stay. Most important thing._

                “You already are. What for?”

                His attitude added to Jensen’s frustration. He stopped in front of Singer and looked down as he crossed his arms. “I’m tired of this shit. You need to find a way to not kill off Cas.”

                “It is pertinent - Wait.“ He glared up at Jensen. “You aren’t supposed to know that.”

                “I’m pretty sure the whole cast knows by now, which is _not_ Misha’s fault.”

                “That’s just fucking great.” Singer threw his hands in the air and turned away, but Jensen moved in his way.

                “I told you. His death is pertinent to the storyline.”

                “I don’t give a fuck.” Jensen ground out.”  Misha clearly does not want to go. How many other cast members have approached you and asked to keep him? You need to figure it out.”

                “Castiel has to die this season. We’ve been building it up through all of the episodes so far. The show-”

                “We would not have a show if it weren’t for him. You know it.” Jensen tried to ease the glare off of his face.

                “It’s going to-“

                Jensen lowered his voice as he interrupted again. “You need to understand. You find a way to bring him back. Kill him now, I don’t care. But you find a way to make him return next season or I will walk.  I will be done.”

                Robert squinted up at him. “You wouldn’t actually do it.”

                Jensen took a step closer and leaned forward into Singer’s face. “Try me.”

                Jensen’s heart thudded in his chest. _Did I really just say that?_ After a long pause of trading glares, Robert gave a slight head nod.

                “I’ll see what we can do. Don’t say anything to anyone until we have a definite plan though.” He stepped around Jensen and hurriedly walked away. Jensen stared after him dumbstruck. It wasn’t a for sure yes, but it wasn’t an outright refusal. There was hope. His frown melted from his face and was replaced with a slight smile as he hurried to get ready for the upcoming trip. The Minneapolis convention was always fun and he was looking forward to a break from work and a chance to see the fans. His grin turned to a smile as Misha’s ringtone blared from his phone. _I need to remember to silence that before filming. Oops._

 

 

                The crowd was overly energized by the time Jensen’s Saturday panel rolled around. Looking out across the crowd made him smile each time. It was easy to forget the stress of work when he had so many smiling faces staring at him. And when he got 400 hugs a day. The majority of questions were about the upcoming season, and he felt bad he couldn’t give anything away. He almost slipped up a couple times and revealed the plot line but was able to backtrack. What he knew of the plot anyway.

                The questions about the series finale were ones he had expected. But again it was hard to not bring up that Destiel was going to be canon. He addressed the fan that had asked the most recent question and smiled mischievously at her.

                “Do me a favor? Record your reaction to the first five minutes of the season premier?”  She nodded and stuttered out that she would. The crowd whooped and demanded to know more, but he bowed out and walked back stage.

                Waiting for him was Misha. He breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of him in his dark button up. He was leaning against the wall with a faraway look. He looked up as Jensen approached and a smile lit his face.

                “You did great. I don’t think you’ve ever managed to answer that many questions in one panel before.” Misha said as Jensen reached him and slipped a hand around his waist. Misha cocked an eyebrow at him but he ignored it as he quickly kissed Misha’s cheek.

                “I’m going to freshen up while Jared does his panel. See you in an hour?” He let go of Misha’s waist as he continued walking, but Misha grasped his wrist.

                “Do you have to “freshen up” alone?” Misha asked, using his fingers to show air quotes. Jensen shook his head as his smile widened. Jared walked over then and Misha let go.

                “Good panel, JA. I’m surprised you didn’t let out any secrets.” He joked as he passed.

                “Nah. That’s something you are known for, not me.” Jensen playfully smacked Jared’s shoulder before he was out of range and Jared laughed.

                “They’re going to bug me about the recording line you know.” Jared said and Jensen smiled over his shoulder.

                “I know!”  He slung his arm across Misha’s shoulders and they went towards their rooms.

 

 

                Jensen could tell Misha was struggling. Their panel had been ongoing for thirty minutes and Misha had barely cracked a smile. He wasn’t rude, he’d never be to a fan, but he wasn’t as warm as usual. Jensen offered him alcohol, “apple juice”, but he declined.

                Most of the questions they were asked had been about his charity work over the past month. Misha was always eager to talk about that and to try to get people in on it. Jensen would have been content to sit back and just watch him but he knew the fans were there to see them both.

                One of the questions Jensen hadn’t expected came up with 15 minutes till the end of the panel. The fan looked to be in her late twenties. Her blonde hair was up in a bun on her head and she wore one of Jared’s campaign shirts and jeans. She breathed loudly into the mike as she asked her question.

                “I was wondering if there’s been any update on the Double M fan, Anna.” She asked. Jensen frowned. _I haven’t even thought of them in months. Not since the marathon I died in at the beginning of the summer_. Misha let out a slow breath and lifted the microphone.

                “Uh yes. Their mother contacted me a day ago actually.” He paused and looked over at Jensen, whose heart seized at the sadness that was carved into the lines on his friend’s face. Misha’s voice broke slightly as he turned back to the fan.

                “Anna passed away last week.”  A collective _aww_ filled the hall and Misha nodded. Jensen had had no idea.

                “Melanie is doing okay, but the family wanted privacy during their grief so I agreed to not make a big deal of it. Guess I failed.” His voice broke again on the last word and Jensen stood. He walked over and pulled Misha into a hug, and instead of the whoops he was expecting, the hall stayed silent. He looked out to find multiple fans crying, and he wasn’t sure if it was for the girl or Misha.

                He stepped back a little and Misha kept tear stained face turned away from the crowd. Their microphones were away from their mouths, so when he whispered only Jensen could hear.

                “There’s so much shit going on and to hear that right before we got here. It’s just…not fair.”

                “I know, Mishka. I’m sorry.” Jensen hugged him again, overtly aware of the hundreds of gazes watching them. The screens recording them. He stepped back, but kept one arm on Misha’s back. _He could have told me. I could have helped. Or tried._ He turned back to the crowd as Misha composed himself.

                “We have time for another question or two.” He said into the microphone. He turned to the next fan as she spoke.

                “This question is for Misha. I was wondering if you could change any one thing about the show or your character, what it would be.”

                Jensen tensed, knowing the question’s potential impact. He turned to Misha who smiled, though it wasn’t in happiness. He bit his lower lip and nodded for a moment.  Jensen could tell he was trying to figure out an answer.

                “Honestly, I love my character so much.” Misha said after a moment. “I love how much Castiel has grown and the relationships he has now. I love what he stands for and the hope he’s brought to people. I will forever be proud to have played him for as many years as I got to.” He paused and clenched his jaw briefly. “If I could change anything I would make it known to the main three how important they are to each other. How much the world loves them and needs them. How much they need each other. They deserve to have that knowledge.” He nodded to his own words and let his mike fall to this side. Jensen patted his back once in reassurance before he let go and stepped away.

                The crowd was a mix of screaming “I love you!” and undecipherable chants. Jensen tried to calm them but then they were getting the sign that it was time to stop. Jensen waved to the crowd as they bid them adieu.

                “We love you all.” He said softly, and the crowd shouted it back at them.  He looked to Misha who was faking a smile as he waved to the crowd with tear filled eyes. Jensen put his arm across Misha’s shoulders and pulled him against his side as they waved their way off stage.

                “I got you, man.” He said softly. Misha nodded.

                “I know.”


	19. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you know who the artist is for the picture PLEASE let me know so I can credit them! I searched and searched but couldn't back trace it.

September passed quickly. Life was a flurry of filming, fundraisers, charity work, conventions, and Jensen. Misha adored all of the time he had with the man. Falling asleep beside his warmth on a nightly basis was the most grounding part of Misha’s day. Despite the stress he felt, that was when he was the calmest.

                October brought a slight change in temperature, but it was barely noticeable. To keep from drowning, he made himself focus on the show. _I’m going to give the fans my best for this last season. End on a high note._ He threw himself into the role. If he hadn't been so dammed upset he would be proud as hell. He knew Jensen was. 

                He finished work for the day and retired to his trailer to shower and change into pajama pants. He contemplated a movie, but decided to browse social media instead. He got sucked in replying to fans and sharing his thoughts to the world. By the time the door opened to emit Jensen, it was already past dinnertime. He rubbed his tired eyes as Jensen juggled bags of food and a drink carrier.

                They sat around Misha’s small booth table to eat their burgers and fries. Jensen asked after his day and Misha shrugged. He had tried talking with Singer again and he still wouldn’t give out more information on when they were killing him. He sighed and unwrapped his food. They ate in silence until Misha had finished inhaling his burger.

                “Have you watched the new episode?” Jensen asked as he chewed. Misha looked over, twirling a crunchy fry between his fingers.

                “I haven’t. I’m not sure if I want to.” Misha confessed. Jensen cocked his head to the side before nodding.

                “We have the weekend. I’ll watch it with you.”

                “Netflix and chill?” A smirk tugged at Misha’s lips.

                “Well TV and chill. Maybe some other things.” A devilish smile appeared on Jensen’s face and Misha’s heart fluttered.

                “I’m okay with that.” Misha ate his fries and watched Jensen, enthralled with the man. Jensen looked up after he finished chewing a bite and quirked an eyebrow at him.

                “What?”

                “Even the way you eat knocks me the fuck out.” Misha said simply, causing Jensen to lean back into a full bodied laugh. Misha smiled before Jensen’s laugh turned contagious.

               

                As Jensen went to the bathroom after they finished eating, Misha navigated the TV and found the recorded episode. He settled onto the couch with a long sigh.  He wasn’t entirely sure why he was against watching it now, but spending time with Jensen was never something he was going to turn down.

                Jensen appeared from the bathroom. His khaki shorts were unzipped and Misha wiggled his eyebrows. “A present for me?” he said seductively. Jensen frowned and followed Misha’s gaze, then zipped them with an eye roll.

                The couch groaned as Jensen sat down beside him. He turned so he could lean his back against Misha’s chest and Misha let his arm fall across Jensen’s. Misha played the episode as Jensen rested his head back, his short hair tickling Misha’s chin. Without thinking about it, Misha leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Jensen’s head.

                “Don’t start stuff now. There are things we have to get done this weekend.” Jensen growled playfully.

                “We have time for both.” Misha smiled into Jensen’s hair and lightly ran his hand across Jensen’s soft white shirt. Jensen let out an almost inaudible “mhm” as he reached up to lightly run his fingers across Misha’s arm.

                The episode flew by, but Misha didn’t really absorb any of it. He couldn’t tear his thoughts away from the man in his arms. As the credits rolled, Misha shifted and wrapped both arms tightly around Jensen. He buried his face into Jensen’s hair again and breathed in his scent.

                “You doin okay, Mishka?” Jensen asked softly. Misha smiled at the name and nodded.

                “I’m just happy to have you.”

                “You’ve had me for years.”

                “Not like this.” Misha murmured as he moved so he could trail kisses down Jensen’s neck. He slipped his hand under Jensen’s shirt through the collar, not caring it if stretched the neckline. Jensen melted back into him with a contented sigh. “Let’s just stay here all weekend.” Misha said, though it came out as question. Jensen nodded into him and hugged Misha’s arms closer.

 

               

 

 


	20. Win Some Lose Some

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you know the artist for the picture PLEASE let me know! I want to credit them

                Jensen was finally settling into a groove, thanks to Misha. He knew Misha was throwing himself into work so Jensen joined him. He hadn’t stopped pestering Singer, and he knew he was being an ass but he didn’t care. He wanted answers. Answers that agreed with him. He couldn’t make his mind up if he should just back off or keep pressing the producers and directors.

                The cool night air reminded Jensen he needed to find his jacket. Fall was settling in now that October was here and he was consistently chilly. He meandered for a while, glad to be outside after a long, long day on set. It wasn’t until his wandering led him to the one spot he didn’t actually want to be that he made a decision. He knew Singer was inside, and he was tired of having to wait.

                He knocked harder then he meant to, and when the door opened Singer sighed in annoyance. “What now?” He asked.

                “I want an answer.”

                “Just come in. It’s chilly out.”

                Jensen stepped into the trailer the goosebumps that coated his arms slowly disappeared to the warmth. Singer glared at him as he returned to his small table where a plate of spaghetti was sitting, steaming.

                “We have come to a decision.” He announced before taking a large bite. Jensen bit back a snarl at the rudeness. _If I didn’t love the fans so much I would just walk anyway. At least until they replaced him._

                “We have decided that we _will_ bring Castiel back next season. It probably won’t be until the mid-season break, but we plan on doing it.”

                Jensen stared at him, not sure he heard right. “You _are_ bringing him back?”

                “Yes.” Singer took another bite of his food as Jensen nodded, fighting the smile that wanted to explode across his face. He wouldn’t give Singer that reaction.

                “Thank you for reconsidering.”

                “Yeah whatever.”

                Jensen left the trailer, walking on air. He was ecstatic. The smile appeared as he hurried to Misha’s trailer to tell him.

 

 

                There were jack lanterns around Misha’s door already and Jensen smirked. He went to open the door, but it was locked.

                “It’s me, Mishka!” He called but there was no answer. He fished the key from his pocket and opened the door to a dimly lit trailer. He called out again but received no response. _Well I do have to pee. Then I’ll hunt him down._ He smirked at himself. _Ha. Hunt._ He started for the bathroom, but Misha called out from the bedroom.

                “ No!” Misha cried out and it made Jensen’s steps falter. When he stepped into the bedroom, the smell of vomit hit him. Misha was tossing around on the bed. He was clad in boxers and all the blankets were a tangled mess at his feet. His hair was wild and his brow held deeper lines than normal as he frowned. Jensen reached down and touched his warm arm, making Misha jump.

                “Hey, man. What’s wrong?” Jensen asked, trying not to inhale, but Misha didn’t reply. His brow relaxed briefly before he frowned again as he whimpered. Jensen sat on the edge of the bed and went to poke Misha’s face, but his scruffy cheek was _hot._ Jensen laid his palm against Misha’s face and confirmed the fever. _Well shit._ Jensen looked around, trying to figure out what to do.

                He stood and strode to the bathroom where he wet a washcloth.  There was an upturned trashcan in the shower and the bathroom smelled of bile. He covered his face with his shirt and hurried out. He returned and carefully laid the washcloth across Misha’s forehead, but he started tossing and turning again. Jensen gently grabbed Misha’s face in his hands and held him still.

                “Mishka, you’re okay. I’m here, man.” He said soothingly.  Misha’s frown disappeared and his body stilled, but the heat under Jensen’s hands was worrisome. He let go, only to hear a whimper in response. Jensen sank back onto the edge of Misha’s bed and laid his hand across his friend’s arm.

                “You’re safe. Just rest.” Jensen spoke softly and Misha stilled again. Jensen realized he’d forgotten his phone in his trailer before his walk, so he had no idea what time it was. The window was covered with a thick blanket, which made it quite dark in the room without the bathroom light on. Jensen sighed and looked over at Misha, who was now resting, seemingly, peacefully.  Jensen kicked off his shoes and scooted towards the headboard. Misha had a TV on the other side of the small room and Jensen smirked. _I wonder what he uses THAT for._ The remote was next to him on the nightstand so he muted it before turning it on.   _Probably not much anymore._ _Ha._

                Jensen was a good twenty minutes into a show when Misha turned. Jensen looked down and realized he had been playing with Misha’s dark hair. He pulled his hand away to scratch his neck and resumed watching the show, only to have Misha nuzzle his leg in search of the hand again. Jensen resisted a laugh and instead threaded his fingers back into Misha’s hair. Misha stilled with a sigh, his back now firmly pressed against the length of Jensen’s leg.

                Jensen continued to watch Misha. _He’s always so peaceful and quiet when he sleeps._  Jensen smoothed the dark hair in various places with his fingertips. Misha’s face was slightly cooler now, though he knew it probably wouldn’t last. Jensen got up to pee again and rewet the washcloth.

                As he returned a yawn made his jaw ache. He placed the washcloth across Misha’s forehead and stared down at him for a moment, contemplating letting him rest or staying over. _Well he is sick and feverish. He needs you._

                Jensen unbuttoned his long sleeve and let it fall to the floor before climbing back into the bed. This time he sank down lower, using pillows to prop him up more comfortably. Misha wriggled around until he was facing Jensen, who watched as he pressed his face against Jensen’s side briefly before draping an arm across Jensen’s middle. Jensen stared down at him, wondering what he say would if he were awake to notice.

                He reached down and smoothed the exposed side of Misha’s hair as the TV show returned. Before long his eyelids began to droop, and combined with the warmth radiating from the arm and body pressed against his, Jensen fell asleep.

 

 

                The first thing Jensen was aware of several hours later was the roiling pain all throughout his abdomen. He clenched his fists and curled into a ball at the stabbing pain that followed.  He groped for the edge of the bed. _I need a bathroom_.

                Groaning was a mistake, he realized as vomit shot up his throat. He staggered as quickly a she could to the bathroom, managing to keep it in until he reached the toilet. His body heaved until nothing came up but saliva. He sank onto the floor, all of his limbs in pain and shaking. _Oh shit._ His eyes closed as he shivered on the cold bathroom floor, which actually felt really nice to his bare arms and back.

                Jensen’s eyes popped open a short while later as the urge to vomit returned. This time accompanied by the need to shit also. He grasped the trashcan from the shower as he hurriedly sat on the toilet before it started coming from both ends. He let out a low groan as it finally abated.

                “M-“ He tried to call but vomit replaced his words. As he finished he wiped his mouth and managed to call out.

                “Misha!”

                A groan replied and Jensen hung his head. _I’m gonna die. Ugh._

Jensen wasn’t sure how much time had passed by the time he woke up _without_ the urge to violently eject liquid from his body. He moaned and rolled to his side on the bathroom floor before slowly standing. He rinsed his mouth out and washed his hands vigorously before shuffling from the bathroom to check on Misha.

                He found him at the table, his head in his arms. “You okay?” Jensen mumbled. Misha looked over and Jensen hoped he didn’t look as shitty as Misha did. Movement in the kitchen startled Jensen as Jared appeared with a plate in his hands.

                “Oh good. You’re finally awake. Are you hungry yet?” He asked. His hair was pulled into a high ponytail and if Jensen didn’t feel like utter death he would have laughed.

                “Not for another week I think.” He moaned as he worked his way to sit by Misha. The smell of Misha’s oatmeal made his stomach roll. _You can’t possibly still be upset. You’ve been dry heaving for probably hours._ He groaned.

                “Why are you here, Jared?” He asked around his hands.

                “I came looking when neither of you showed up for work. Singer was pretty livid.”

                “I don’t care. He’s a total jackass.”

                “Yeah.” Jared chuckled. “But I found Misha awake, but not functional. Then Moaning Myrtle in the bathroom told me I needed to stay and help out. You better not get me sick too.”

                “I won’t promise that.” Jensen mumbled as he rubbed at his eyes. He felt _gross._ “I think I need a shower. Burn off the germs and my skin. Will feel better.”

                That’s okay. I need to run to get bleach and some other things. I’ll be back soon, okay?”

                “Okay.” Jensen stood on wobbly legs as Jared walked towards the door. Misha turned around and called out.

                “Thank you, Jared.” He said in a very Cas-like voice. Jared waved with a nod and left.

                “Do you need anythin?” Jensen asked Misha before heading to the bathroom. Misha shook his head.  

                “Sorry I got you sick too.”

                “It’s okay. I’ll live. I hope.” He paused to study Misha’s sad expression. “You can just make it up to me once we both feel well.” He smirked at the glare Misha shot him. Jensen winked and turned to the bathroom, the smile melting from his face once Misha couldn’t see. _Oh I wanna sleep for a month._

 

 

                Jared returned with a change of clothes and Jensen’s phone. He accepted the phone, but he had already stolen pajama pants from Misha. He was surprised to find out it was lunch time. He hadn’t even thought to ask for the time before. He noticed several missed calls from people but he silenced his phone as he settled onto the couch. The air kicked in and blew chilly breeze onto him, but at the same time he was too warm so he left it. He watched as Jared went around cleaning.  Misha had gone to take a shower as Jared cleaned. He pulled an armful of laundry from the bedroom and piled it by the door in a garbage bag.

                Misha returned from his shower with wild hair and a soft blanket. He wrapped it around his bare shoulders as he sank onto Jensen’s lap, who laughed out loud. Misha turned to him with a frown and tried to scoot off, but Jensen wrapped his arms around and pulled Misha to him. Misha scooted down until he could rest his head against Jensen’s shoulder and sighed slowly.  Jared handed Jensen the remote as he passed through the room. Jensen was happy to find more DVR’d episodes of Arrow.

                He rested his cheek against Misha’s head and watched the show. His arm was propped up on the arm of the couch and helped support Misha’s weight. It was warm and the blanket was soft against his chest. Before long, Misha’s breathing evened out into sleep and Jensen smiled.He felt more contents and relaxed than he had in months. 

                He didn’t remember turning the TV off. Or Jared leaving. Or moving to a laying down position with Misha still in his arms. He sat up, his mouth beyond dry, and squirmed his way off of the couch to get a drink. The sky was dark through the windows and he shook his head. _A whole day gone._ He downed a glass of water before he returned to the couch and scooped Misha into his arms. With a groan he lifted him and made his way to the bedroom, where clean bedding was waiting. Misha barely stirred as Jensen sat him down and curled up beside him. Misha's hand appeared across Jensen's chest and reached up to rest against Jensen's cheek before they both fell back asleep. 


	21. Halloween Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four days have passed since the guys were knocked out with a stomach bug. Jared and Gen are hosting a Halloween bash and Misha figures out the perfect costumes for himself and Jensen.

“You’re supposed to be having fun, Jensen.” Misha said as he poked Jensen’s back. Jensen made a grumpy noise and turned around, a Mardi Gras mask in one hand and a pair of fake handcuffs in the other.

                “This shop sucks balls.” Jensen said with a frown. Misha smirked and looked around the small Halloween costume shop. _We have to find something for Jared’s party._ A pair of angel wings caught his eye and he weaved his way to the wall they were hanging on. Dark black feathers were hung on a wire frame that was attached to a shoulder harness. They were large enough that they would even fit Jensen’s wide shoulders.  He turned with a smile but Jensen rolled his eyes.

                “Are you really going to go as Castiel? Doesn’t that get old?”

                “No, it doesn’t.” Misha replied as he reached up to pet the soft feathers. _I actually don’t want to go as Cas. But what else can we do?_ He looked around the shop again. On the opposite wall, a shield caught his eye. He walked past Jensen, who sighed before turning to follow him.

                Misha stood on his toes to reach the round shield. When he had a good grasp he pulled it down, surprised with the weight of it. The shield was metal, which was also surprising. He looked at it as an idea formed in his head.

                “That is the most mischievous look I have ever seen.” Jensen said lowly. “And that’s saying a lot because I see you all the time.” Misha smiled at him.

                “I know what we’re doing. Here, take this to the counter and I’ll be along.”

                Jensen took the heavy shield with a grunt as Misha shoved it against his chest. Before Jensen could say anything Misha was hurrying away to see what else he could gather from the shop before he looked online.

 

                It took him a lot longer than he expected to hunt down the things he needed for both costumes. He spent more than Jensen had wanted to. _It’s just a Halloween party with friends. It doesn’t need to be over the top._ Jensen had said as Misha drug him towards the Halloween shop. Misha smiled as he opened his last package and pulled out the black long sleeved shirt. “Perfect.”

 

                “Misha!” Jensen hollered through the front door of Misha’s trailer. Misha shut the bathroom door with his foot so he could finish getting dressed before Jensen came inside. He grinned as he pulled the under armor style shirt on. It was _snug._   He stepped into the black cargo pants as Jensen entered the trailer.

                “Misha are you in the bathroom?” Jensen asked through the door.

                “Yes!” Misha replied, muffled from the mask he pulled over his mouth and nose. “Give me a few minutes!”

                “Alright.” Jensen sighed before walking away. Misha pulled on the knee pads and heavy black boots quickly. He was eager to see Jensen’s reaction. He looked into the mirror once more after he had his holsters and pads on. His hair was pretty wild, but he didn’t want to deal with a wig. _Short haired Winter Soldier it is!_ He reached for the door handle with his non-metal gloved hand.

 

                Jensen was sitting on the couch playing with his phone when the bathroom door opened. He had been eyeing the shield that was covered with a blanket on the kitchen table. _What did Misha think up this time?_ He wondered as he heard heavy footsteps approach. He turned around and froze at the man standing in the hall.

                 Misha stared at him coolly. If it weren’t for his bright blue eyes that were wrinkled in amusement, Jensen might not have known it was him at first. Jensen closed his mouth as he slowly dragged his gaze across Misha’s body. The black shirt he wore was very detailed. It looked like the movie suit. It was also skin tight and gave Jensen a clear idea of Misha’s torso underneath. He had on a thick holster belt around his waist but it was the slightly-tighter-than-normal black cargo pants that caught Jensen’s eyes. He was also wearing kneepads and high boots that looked heavy.

                “Think it works?” Misha asked through the mask.

                “You look like the fuckin’ Winter Soldier.” Jensen replied dumbly. He brought his gaze back to Misha’s face and stood from the couch in order to get closer. He reached out and touched the “metal” arm, amazed with how smooth the fabric was. The sleeve ended under a glove that Misha wore. The glove had plates of metal on it to look the part. Jensen smirked at him before reaching up to run his hands through Misha’s already crazy sex hair.

                “Your hair is only supposed to look like that after I’m done with you.” Jensen growled lowly. Misha laughed and reached up to pull the mask off.

                “That mask was $20, but I don’t think I’m going to wear it. It isn’t very comfortable.” Misha said as he rubbed at the lines on his face. Jensen shrugged one shoulder and used his grip on Misha’s hair to pull him closer.

                “Works for me.” He said before kissing Misha gently.  After a moment Misha pushed away.

                “We still have to get you ready so stop. I don’t want to be late. Rob’s band is playing.”  

                “They play at all the conventions.” Jensen said.

                “I know. But you don’t always sing at them like you will tonight.”

                Jensen opened his mouth to reply but Misha was suddenly pulling him to the bedroom. “Let’s get your suit on!”

                “What suit? Misha, what are you going to do to me?” Jensen asked as he was drug by the hand. Misha chuckled and ignored the questions.

 

                “Are you kidding me, man?” Jensen groaned as Misha pulled out the red, white, and blue long sleeved shirt that matched the movie version of Captain America’s suit. Misha shook his head and motioned Jensen to undress. With a defeated huff, Jensen pulled off his t-shirt and took the soft one from Misha.

                “Holy shit this is tight.” Jensen muttered as he struggled into the shirt. Misha smirked as he pulled a pair of dark blue cargo pants from the box on his bed. Jensen got the shirt on and took the pants as Misha pulled out boots.

                “How much did you spend on these!?” Jensen asked as he eyes the materials. They were almost cosplay level clothing.

                “Enough. Just hurry up.” Misha disappeared from the bedroom as Jensen rolled his eyes.

                Despite the snug fit, Jensen had to admit the suit looked good. Misha had spiked Jensen’s hair before they went to the kitchen, where Misha revealed the painted shield.

                “Do you expect me to carry that all night?” Jensen asked, eyeing the round hunk of metal. _That thing isn’t light._

                “Yes. I have a harness for you to wear so you can put it on your back.” Misha gave him that puppy dog eye look and Jensen found himself smiling at the expression. _He put so much into these costumes. Why does he have to be so damn cute?_

                “Fine.” Jensen growled as he pulled the shield onto his arm. He looked expectantly at Misha, who was watching him with a sultry expression.

                “Don’t start anything now. You keep bugging me about being late.” Jensen said, lifting the shield to hide himself. Misha laughed loudly and pulled the mask from around his neck to cover his face.

                Misha offered his metal arm and Jensen linked his into it. _This will be a fun party._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My vision of the guys in their costumes is slightly different than the photo, but I LOVE that I found fanart of them in the costumes! In case you didn't know....Jensen was their original pick for Captain America but it interfered with SPN so he turned it down. ;)


	22. Halloween Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen realizes he never actually told Misha the good news after they recovered from their illness 4 days before. Once the good news gets to Misha, it's met with some heavy news as well.

 Unlike he had been told the party was _not_ at Jared’s house. Jensen grumbled as he followed the Google Maps voice to the cabin Jared had texted them about. _After_ they had already left. It was dark out but the highway was busy. Jensen tried to focus on the road, but he kept sneaking glances at Misha in the passenger seat as he did a live stream on Facebook as the Winter Soldier.

                “Just because it is Halloween, does not mean the world is not in need of saving.” Misha had been speaking in a random Batman-like voice. Jensen struggled not to laugh. “Tonight of all nights, the world needs to be kept safe.”

                “If you must venture out on this night, make sure to wear something reflective. Monsters hate reflective things. Stay away from open flames. They hurt you. And above all else, send half of your candy to me. My address is in the comment section once this video ends.”

                “I am here with Captain America on our way to save the world from evil forces. These creatures of the night have tried to thwart us by leading us astray. But we know their true location.” Misha snapped his head to the side so he could stare at Jensen, who looked over worried for a second.

                “Cap, are we almost to the creature’s lair?”

                “Uh. Yes?” Jensen said.                

                “Very well then. Minions, I must go. Be safe and send me your candy.” Misha pulled his mask down and smiled at his phone as he cupped his mouth with his free hand to whisper.  “You don’t actually have to. I love you all anyway.”

                He ended the live stream and typed on his phone for a couple minutes. Jensen was still smirking.

                “They’re lucky to have you.” Jensen said after a moment. Misha looked over at him.

                “Because I’m random and silly?”

                “Because you include them. And you’re random and silly.” Jensen took the exit that the robotic voice yelled at him about then reached over and took Misha’s hand in his own. Misha smiled at him and laced their fingers together.

 

                There was a line of vehicles parked alongside the wooded road so far back that they couldn’t even see the cabin. Jensen pulled in behind the red Taurus on their right and looked to Misha.

                “Is this the start of an episode? Cause I feel like it is.”

                “Yeah this seems kinda murdery.” Misha looked at him with a playful expression.

                “It wouldn’t be weird to carry an actual gun…would it?” Jensen asked, knowing he had one in the car. He looked at the holster around his thigh. _That would fit my gun._

                “Not really…but are you actually going to?”

                “No. I think we could handle anything that comes at us.” Jensen winked at him and opened his door. He waited for Misha to join him on the gravel road before he locked the car and pulled the heavy shield onto his arm. Misha’s mask was on again and he wiggled his eyebrows at Jensen. Their footsteps crunched on the gravel. Jensen knew it was mostly from the heavy boots they both wore. It was comforting though. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the day of the year or the dark, car lined dirt road in the middle of nowhere, but he really did feel like they were being watched. He took a break from scanning around them to glance at Misha to see if he looked worried, but he was watching Jensen, his eyes wrinkled in a smile. Jensen pushed him hard enough so he stumbled sideways a few steps with a laugh.

                “Shut up.”

               

                The music became noticeable after they passed twenty more cars; Jensen had counted. They could tell it was a wide variety of genres as they neared the cabin. The yard was lit up with string lights and there was a tent peeking out from the backyard. Jensen smiled at the sight of the cabin. It just looked fun.  There were people all around, mostly talking in varying sized groups. A few walked around the groups looking like they had a destination. Jensen tried to take in the large assortment of costumes, but there were so many. He saw more Avengers, Justice League, a piece of bacon, an egg, a T-rex, a couple clowns, some “sexy” nurses, doctors, and a mermaid. He waved happily at a guy dressed as Green Arrow.

                “You are such a fanboy.” Misha murmured beside him.

                “It’s a good show!” Jensen replied defensively. Misha’s laugh drifted off into the cool night air. Jensen was glad it wasn’t cold out. They walked into the full cabin and tried to find Jared, or Rob, or anyone really.

                It took a solid twenty minutes before Rob found them. Jensen laughed at his “sexy” nurse costume. He didn’t realize that’s who he had seen when they arrived. Rob looked up at them with narrowed eyes and the hat on his head shifted.

                “Nice costumes….” He said as he stepped close enough so they could hear him.

                “They’re Misha’s idea.” Jensen said, lightly pushing Misha again. He looked down at Rob with a smirk. “Who did you lose a bet to?”

                “No one. I have always enjoyed these costumes.”

                Jensen laughed, throwing himself into it without thought. It wasn’t until he looked over through tear filled eyes that he realized Misha wasn’t laughing too, just grinning at him. He tried to calm down but it was hard. _I feel great and I haven’t had anything to drink yet._

                “Anyway, I need to get the band ready so I’ll catch you guys later.” He clapped Jensen on the back as he passed. “I’m looking forward to your addition to the show!” He walked away before Jensen could say anything, so he turned his glare to Misha, who smirked and slipped into the crowd. Jensen growled under his breath and tried to follow him, but he was quick. He gave up and decided to meander.

                The music switched to a Taylor Swift song and Jensen smirked as he sang along to himself. He took a sip of the alcoholic mixed drink he swiped from the counter in the kitchen. It was being continually refilled by a Jessica Jones and Luke Cage. Jessica smiled at him and he lifted his shield in with a nod as he threaded his way to the backyard. He ended up on the back porch which held a view of the moonlit lake where some of the party guests were swimming and splashing. _That has to be so damn cold._ He set his shield down with a sigh of relief.

“Hey! There you are!” Jared called as he stumbled up the steps onto the porch. Jensen smirked at his farmer outfit. He had on a dusty plaid shirt and pair of jeans over cowboy boots. A cowboy hat was nestled onto his head and he had his hair pulled into a ponytail again.

                “So I’ve had a little to drink tonight but I’m too excited so I’m going to tell you.” He leaned against the wall close to Jensen, knocking the shield over with a loud clatter. “Gen is going to have a baby.” He slurred. Jensen stared at him with wide eyes.

                “What, really?”

                “Yeah.” Jared’s smile practically split his face. “A baby! Finally!”

                “Did you guys talk about kids a while ago?”

                “Yeah but it just didn’t take. Did now though! Whoop!”

                Jensen smiled and pulled Jared into a hug. “I’m so happy for you, man.” He said sincerely. Jared nodded into his shoulder and pushed away.

                “I already told Meeesha. Don’t be mad.”

                “I’m not mad, man. That’s awesome.” Jensen was grinning widely. He knew how much this meant to Jared.

                “Misha wasn’t as excited as I thought he would be.” Jared said with a slight frown. “I mean he smiled and hugged me too. I’ve gotten a lot of hugs tonight. HA.”

                “What do you mean though, Jared? Misha?”

                “Well he was all excited about Gen’s news but then when I brought up Cas coming back to the show after being dead from mid-season break to mid-season break and he looked like I hit him. I thought he might have had a bad drink.”

                Jensen stared at Jared, feeling frozen . _I know I told him. It’s been four days. I told him…..fuck._ Jared’s words fully sank in then.

 _“_ Did you say the mid-season break is when they’re killing Cas?”

                “Yeah. We were told on set yesterday. Well those of us that were there, ya know? Oh hey! I see my lovely watermelon!”

                Jensen watched him awkwardly hurry towards Gen, who was wearing a cut off shirt and dusty jeans.  She had painted her abdomen to resemble a watermelon, but Jensen couldn’t find the humor. _They told everyone but us? Why?_  He scanned the outdoor crowd for Misha, wishing he had kept his cellphone on him.  _Shit._

               

               


	23. Halloween Pt 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Countless sunny days filming on a back road in the Impala. When the sun shone on him, even the brightest leaves struggled to match the color of his eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last Halloween chapter I promise. Reviews really help fuel this story, so feel free to drop one :D

                Misha wished the sink had edges he could grasp. Maybe then his hands wouldn’t be shaking. He stared at, but didn’t really see, the running water as it splashed against the black ceramic of the sink. Jared’s drunk-slurred voice was rebounding inside his skull. _Gen’s having a baby! MY baby! It’s so cool. Cas only being dead from this Christmas break to next is the next coolest though. Jensen’s bitchin’ finally paid off!_

                _They’re killing me…him by Christmas. I don’t even get a full season._ Misha tried to still his trembling breaths. _No he said Cas will be back next Christmas. They’re bringing me back._ Misha couldn’t form a thought train that would help him make sense of Jared’s words. He understood what was said, and maybe it was the alcohol he had chugged with Rich when they ran into each other, but at the same time he couldn’t process it.

                Music sounded outside, louder than before. He could tell it was the band starting. He closed his eyes and turned off the water he hadn’t used. The voices outside the bathroom in the hall were gone now too. _Jensen is going to sing. Should go listen to him._ Misha recalled some of his favorite mental images of Jensen and focused on those to steady his trembling breathing _. Countless sunny days filming on a backroad in the Impala where the sun shone on him and even the brightest leaves struggled to match the color of his eyes. Jensen asleep on the couch of his trailer, their hands entwined. The look of adoration on Jensen’s face after he turned to Misha while they lay on the soaked ground after finished the Double M marathon. Being pushed against a wall and seeing desire dilate his eyes until green was almost nonexistent._

                He focused on the flashes of images he had made himself remember, during the moment they happened, until he was able to stand straight and walk from the bathroom. He left the empty cabin as the crowd outside exploded with deafening cheers. He pulled on his mask again as he threaded his way into the crowd. He was almost to the front when strong hands grasped at his arm and halted him. He turned with a scowl, only to have it dissolve as he looked up at Jensen’s knitted brow. _He’s so handsome._ Without warning, Jensen pulled Misha into his arms.

                “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.” He said right into Misha’s ear. Misha found himself nodding and trying to find something to grasp, but Jensen’s skin-tight shirt gave no handholds.

                “I swear I meant to. But we got sick and I just didn’t and I’m so sorry.”

                “it’s okay, Jensen.” Misha found himself feeling bad that Jensen was so worked up. “I knew it was going to happen.”

                “I’m sorry about not telling you the good news, man!” Jensen pushed away so he could look at Misha. His eyes fell into shadow as someone dimmed the lights all across the backyard. They looked around as the stage lights under the big tent became brighter in their place. Misha wished he could see the calming green eyes he adored, but he settled for resting his head on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen’s arms held him tighter as the band played another song. People were scream/singing with the song and dancing in place all around them. After a few minutes Jensen leaned in to speak in his ear.

                “Are you okay?” Misha felt Jensen’s fingers run lightly through Misha’s hair and he shifted his head so he could reply.

                “I don’t know right now. I uh, drank a lot already. Kinda buzzed.” Misha frowned at himself for lying, but he honestly didn’t know how he was or what his thoughts were. There was a jumbled mass of emotions in his chest that buzzed and hurt and he didn’t know what to think of it.  He felt Jensen nod before they slowly started to sway to the music. Misha wound his arms around Jensen and locked his hands together. _Where is his shield?_ Misha didn’t want to talk anymore though. He took a mental note of the moment to store away with the others.

                All too soon, Rob’s voice replaced the music as he called out for Jensen to join them. Misha pulled away from Jensen, who was looking at the stage with a frown.

                “It’s okay, go. I’ll go to the front to watch. ” Misha said with a nod.

                “Are you sure? I promise I don’t have to.” Jensen said as he held onto Misha’s hips loosely.

                “It’s always calming. Please go sing something.” Misha motioned him towards the stage and Jensen nodded before reluctantly leaving. Misha followed him through the crowd, realizing how many people were there and he idly wondered how many noticed their embrace. The lights hadn’t been dimmed the entire time.

                He smiled softly at Jensen whenever their gazes met as Jensen sang through numerous songs with the band. Most were ones they had practiced together and performed at the majority of the conventions. Misha watched as Jensen took an offered guitar and the rest of the band kind of melted into the darkness of the tent as the focus was turned to Jensen.

                Misha didn’t even hear the lyrics as he lost himself in watching Jensen sing. It was always one of his favorite parts of conventions and even when they were alone. Jensen would sing randomly throughout his day, most of the time without realizing it. Misha felt some of the heaviness on his shoulders disappear as he stared at the man that held his heart. _Just enjoy the party. You can worry about the other stuff later._

 

                After a couple more songs, Jensen bowed his way off the stage. The lights came back on as Rob announced they were taking a short break.  Some of the people around Misha were calling for Jensen to continue, but as he threaded his way towards Misha, the people thanked him. Misha was still content to watch Jensen, even though he was just talking to people. The way the suit showed off his body made Misha glad he had found it. Misha could tell Jensen didn’t want to talk to the people that stopped him, but he did it anyway as he eyed Misha.

                Misha finally shook himself from his daze and walked over. He mumbled something about needing Cap and someone giggled as Misha tugged Jensen away. Jensen’s arm covered Misha’s shoulders and pulled him tightly against his side. Misha’s mind might have been confused, but as he looked over he knew his heart was content.

                “I don’t want to go home any time soon.” Misha said as they reached the cabin. Jensen looked down at him with a small, worried smile.

                “If you want to stay, I’m fine with that. The party is supposed to last most of the night.”

                They passed a group of women, all dressed as vampire slayers, who giggled at them. Misha smirked. _Well they get the costume choice at least._ He winked at the one that looked like Buffy and wound his arm around Jensen’s waist. _Let them talk._ He saw the flash of a camera behind them and started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Jensen asked as they reached the kitchen. A couple of robots passed them on their way out, both with plates of food.

                “The fans are going to love photos of this party.” Misha replied.

                “There are some pretty awesome costumes that’s for sure.” Misha caught Jensen’s side eye look but pretended he didn’t notice. “But the way you move in yours is by far the best.” Jensen added lowly. Misha grinned at him before glancing around to make sure they were alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully it isn't confusing. It's hard to find a balance of "Misha is confused and it needs to show" and "the readers need to know what's going on but not be completely lost"


	24. In The Stillness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen jumped when Misha replied in a morning heavy mumble. “I was drunk.”  
> “I thought you were asleep.”  
> “I am.”  
> “You’re talking, Misha.”  
> “M sleep talkin’.” Misha nuzzled into Jensen’s chest as Jensen rolled his eyes.

****

                Bird calls pulled Jensen awake. He was _cold_ but there was a warm weight on his chest and across his knees. He opened his eyes to find the underside of his shield above him. He turned his head to see Misha’s head nestled in the crook of his arm, also under the shield. One of Misha’s legs and an arm were draped across Jensen. Jensen smiled as he reached up and shifted the shield to the side with his free arm.  He blinked up at the early sun-lit trees above him. A bird was sitting in a high branch out of sight and singing happily.

                Jensen looked around and memories of the night before slowly filtered back into his head as he took in the beach around them. There were a couple other human looking bundles in the sand but he guessed most hadn’t wanted to brave the cold October night air. The small campfire they had was out at Jensen’s booted feet. He was _hungry._

                He looked down at Misha. In the softest voice he could manage he whispered as he stroked Misha’s wild hair. “I hope you have a better day today.” He knew the news from the night before had been a lot to handle and he was fairly sure Misha had just shut down all thoughts on it. They had a good night, but he was worried for when the news actually caught up to Misha. “You better not lie to me about being drunk again either.” He said with a frown.

                Jensen jumped when Misha replied in a morning heavy mumble. “I was drunk.”

                “I thought you were asleep.”

                “I am.”

                “You’re talking, Misha.”

                “M sleep talkin’.” Misha nuzzled into Jensen’s chest as Jensen rolled his eyes.

                “I’ve seen you drunk, man. You were buzzed last night.”

                “M sorry.”  

                They stayed silent for several minutes. Jensen stretched his free arm again and his hand connected with a log. He listened to the birds sing as he remembered dragging the log from the trees so they could prop the shield up. Finally he leaned down to kiss the top of Misha’s wood-smoke scented head.

                “I hope you know that I’m here for you. I love you, Misha.”

                Misha shifted and looked up at Jensen with eyes that mirrored the sky. “I’ve kinda always loved you.”

                “I know.” Jensen smiled softly. “Sorry it took me so long to get that.”

                “You’re okay. It was fun.”

                Jensen laughed, his head falling back against the sand. “I’m sure fun isn’t the right word for dealing with me.”

                “Well last night was fun.” Misha added as he moved out of Jensen’s arms in order to stretch. “I don’t remember the last time I snuck around at a party to make out with my date.”

                “Me neither. I’m hungry though. Do you want to head out?”

                Misha settled with his hands behind his head. The black shirt looked _so_ damn good on him. _Whatever made him choose these costumes, thank you._ Jensen found himself reaching to run his hand across Misha’s chest and over his abdomen. Misha’s eyes closed as a sigh escaped his lips.

                “Yeah I could go for a waffle. Probably a couple pots of coffee. I’m freezing.” Misha replied when Jensen’s hands stilled. Misha smiled over at Jensen. “You are usually warm enough that I’m sweating like hell.”

                “Yeah. Sleeping outside will do that.” Jensen replied before pushing himself onto his side so he could lean over and kiss the smile from Misha’s lips.

 

                “Are you sure you’re okay?” Jensen asked as Misha got out of the car. Jensen shut his own door and walked around the front to join Misha as they paused before separating to go to their trailers. They needed to be at work in an hour. Eating had taken longer than they planned. Well, getting lost on the way back had taken the most time. 

                “I’m fine, really.” Misha said for the fourth time. He looked over at Jensen with a fed-up expression, which he immediately softened. “I need to shave and get ready. See you at work?”

                “Okay.” Jensen watched him turn and walk to his trailer. _He’s going to have to wear that shirt more often._ Jensen went to his own trailer to shower the sand out of his hair and shave. He realized as he stepped inside that he hadn’t looked over the script once in almost a week. _Great._

                Jensen wondered where Misha was as he arrived on set. He asked Jared but he tiredly shrugged. “You look like shit, man.” Jensen said affectionately. Jared smiled.

                “Worth it.”

                They took their places and got ready for the scene. Jensen had barely skimmed over the script and wasn’t looking forward to the part that read “Castiel arrives to warn the brothers”  He glanced around for Misha again, feeling uneasy.

 

                Sam closed a book with a snap, making Dean jump and spin around. He’d been on edge for days, ever since Cas disappeared, and Sam didn’t seem to notice or care. He turned to his brother with a quirked eyebrow.

                “Sorry. The Princes are going to be pissed if this plan works.” Sam stated.

                “That’s a given, Sammy.” Dean relaxed a little as he leaned against the bookcase.

                “They’re going to come after us, Dean.”

                “So what’s new? We always have someone after us. We beat the devil, and God, and Michael and the other angels. We can handle these.”

                “No but you don’t understand. They-“

                The brothers both jumped when the doors slammed open. Castiel shuffled through the door, looking to Dean with a worry creased brow. One of his eyes was completely swollen and bruised. He reached out for Dean as he staggered and fell.

                “Cas!?” They yelled in unison as they rushed over. Sam looked to Dean with worry as Dean pulled the angel into his arms.

                “Cas, c’mon buddy.” He murmured. Cas’s one eye looked up at him.

                “You’re safe now.” Cas whispered before his hand fell to the floor and he passed out. Dean took in the split lip, bloody cut on his cheek, grossly swollen eye, and the bruises around his neck. His gaze slid to Cas’s chest as the hand he had placed there came away wet.  Cas’s entire abdomen was soaked with dark blood that oozed out at an alarming rate. Dean looked to Sam as panic gripped him. He felt tears threaten his eyes and he blinked them away as Sam hurried off for a first aid kit. Dean looked back down at Cas and smoothed his wild, blood matted hair.

                “Don’t leave us, Cas. Don’t leave me.” He begged in the stillness. It was then he realized Cas wasn’t breathing. He laid Cas onto the floor and positioned him before beginning CPR. Sam returned moments later and froze as he watched Dean’s hand pump Cas’s still chest.

 

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36386545235/in/dateposted-public/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the picture doesn't match up with my description but it's what inspired that scene for the "show". Kudos to the artist cause damn it's gripping.


	25. Is This The Real Life? Is This Just Fantasy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.)
> 
> Jensen struggles with the day's scene and the emotions it pulls from Dean.

                Dean lost himself in the motions of resuscitation. He raged inside his head. Raged at Crowley for dragging them into this. At Cas for doing whatever he had done without them. He told _Dean_ to be safe but he went out and tried to get himself killed. His anger grew as another minute passed and Cas showed no sign of stirring. With a cry of pain and rage, Dean continued CPR. He leaned down and pressed his mouth against Cas’s trying to give him air. A distant call prodded at the edge of his mind as he closed his eyes and willed Cas to life.

 

                The call for “cut” sounded again but it was Misha’s voice that startled Jensen out of character. He focused his gaze as Misha called his name again.  Misha had Jensen’s wrists in a firm grasp and was holding himself up by his forearms. Jensen swallowed away the lump in his throat and sat back on his knees. Misha gently released one of his clenched fists in order to touch Jensen’s face as he sat up with him. Jensen couldn’t breathe, or reply. He stared at Misha, his eyes darting across his beaten face.

                “Are you okay? Misha said softly as a hand appeared on Jensen’s shoulder. He didn’t need to look to know it was Jared. He shook his head and quickly pushed himself to his feet before hurrying from the room. Arguing began behind him but he blocked it out as he hurried away.

                Misha caught up with him as Jensen reached the exit of the building. A strong grip on Jensen’s arm slowed him, but he didn’t stop walking until he felt the sun on his face. He took several steadying breaths as he focused on the sun, wishing the breeze wasn’t pushing away its heat.

                Misha stood closely by, his hand on Jensen’s arm. They stood in silence for a while before Jensen was able to turn around and face him. His heart stuttered at the sight, even though he knew it was just special effects. It always bothered him when Jared or Misha were done up to look like shit.

                “I- I can’t.” Jensen shook his head. “I wasn’t expecting this. You play dead too damn well. Fuckin’ hell, Misha.” He took another breath. “I got so lost in Dean. He was panicking and I just went along with it. It seemed so real.”

                “It’s alright, Jensen.” Misha said, stepping closer. “Besides, this isn’t how Cas dies. I know how he goes out now.”

                “They told you?” Jensen looked up, but Misha wasn’t watching him. Misha nodded and changed the topic.

                “You didn’t even give them a chance to bring in the dummy to resuscitate.” Misha rubbed at his chest with one of his hands. “I’m just glad you didn’t break one of my ribs. Kinda lost you for a minute there.” Jensen’s eyes widened.

                “I’m sorry.” Jensen looked at Misha’s chest, as if there would be more wounds, but real.  “Are you okay?”

                “I’m fine.” Misha assured him. “Are you okay to finish the scene?”

                Jensen let the topic of Cas’s death go; knowing Misha would tell him when he was ready. “Yeah just give me a minute to clear my head. I’ll be right in.”

                Misha stared at Jensen for a moment before nodding and turning back for the building. After he was inside Jensen let out the trembling breath he had been holding in. _He’s fine. It’s fine. You’re fine._ He closed his eyes as clouds moved to cover the sun, making him shiver.

 

               

 

 

                Dean jumped when Cas took a gasping breath before lashing out at him and Sam with an angel blade that suddenly appeared. They jumped back as Cas rolled over, coughing wetly and letting the blade clatter to the floor. He glared around him before settling his gaze on Dean. His eye widened and he looked around frantically again.

                “Dean?” He called out. “How, no…why am I here!” Dean scooted closer and gathered the angel in his arms, trying to keep him calm.

                “It’s me buddy. Are you okay? What the hell happened?”

                “I…I got the Princes off of your trail. Hopefully for good.”

                “Why?” Dean demanded, suddenly angry. “Why wouldn’t you have us help you? It’s our choices that led to them after us. We can handle them, man.”

                Cas looked up, his one eye pleading. “You can’t though. Not this time.”

                “That’s what I was trying to tell you, Dean.” Sam cut in. “There’s too many of them now. They’ve turned everyone away from us. They’re winning, man.”

                “That’s bullshit, Sammy.” Dean snapped. “They don’t get to beat one of us to a bloody pulp and live.” He looked down as Cas went slack in his arms again, this time still breathing but no longer conscious. “Not on my watch.” He murmured.

 

The call for cut sounded and Jensen shook his head, trying to release the emotions he knew he didn’t need. Misha opened his eye and reached over to gently grasp Jensen’s wrist. “Still okay?” He asked softly. Jensen nodded and stood before pulling Misha to his feet.

                Misha rubbed at his chest again before grimacing at the fake blood making his shirt stick to him. Jensen closed his eyes and tried to forget the sight. Misha’s hand on his arm made him look a moment later though.

                “I need to go get ready for my next scene. See you tonight if I don’t see you before?”

                Jensen nodded and bent his wrist so he could squeeze Misha’s hand. He watched Misha leave set as the crew began cleaning up. He sighed and went towards the exit to clear his mind again. As he left the building, he looked up for the sun but it was hidden behind heavy clouds. Jensen sighed and walked around until he was called back in for more scenes. 


	26. Caught In a Landslide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is solely the show. Like...fanfic inception LOL. It touches on several episodes so a few weeks in real time. Next chapter will jump us into late November.

                 Castiel struggled out of his bed. He had been given clean clothes; plaid pants for sleeping in and a loose t-shirt that he suspected was Dean’s even though he owned his own. The shower he had taken helped with the grime and ache in his bruised muscles, but where Sam had stitched him up hurt fiercely. He missed his grace, for more reasons than one.

                Talking Dean into not staying with him had been a challenge. He was grateful for Sam stepping in. He shuffled from his room, relying on his eyes to guide him so he didn’t risk waking the brothers with a light. He still couldn’t see from his swollen eyes, but it didn’t hurt as bad after Dean spent an hour icing it on and off. He slowly worked his way to the Bunker’s library in the stillness of the late-night hour.

                He reluctantly turned on one light so he could read the titles and begin his search. He _needed_ to find something quickly. He needed to leave the bunker as soon as possible. If the Princes knew he had returned here….he closed his eye as he pulled a thick tome from the shelf. After a moment he sighed  and began to scan through the book in his hands.

                There were several books open on the table in front of him hours later. His eyes both ached and his head was pounding painfully but he read on. The clock told him it was nearing morning but he couldn’t stop. He had hoped he could find a cure for the curse faster than this.

                “How long you been in here, Cas?” Sam spoke softly from the doorway. Cas jumped, gasping in pain as the stitches on his abdomen pulled.

                “Most of the night.” He said truthfully, avoiding the youngest brother’s gaze. Sam walked over and leaned across Cas’s shoulders to read the open pages.

                “You’re not telling us everything, are you?” He asked with understanding. Cas shook his head as he closed the books.

                “I…I can’t.” Cas said, wishing he could.

                “Let us help you.” Sam begged. “If not both of us, at least let me.”

                Cas hung his head. “I’m going to….to…” He paused and set his jaw. “I can’t Sam. I _just_ got you both off of their radar.” He turned and peered up at Sam with his one eye.

                “I’ll figure this out. It will be okay. We’ll all get through this.” He lied. Sam’s creased brow told him he didn’t accept Cas’s words though. Cas knew Sam was smart enough to figure out Cas was cursed if he had a chance to read through everything Cas had already. He painstakingly rose from his chair and began closing the remaining books, hoping Sam hadn’t seen enough already. He shrugged off help returning them to the shelves and Sam sighed in frustration.

                “Please let me help.” Sam pleaded softly. “For Dean’s sake.”

                “Don’t bring him into this.” Cas whispered fiercely “I did this for him. He’s safe now. You both are.”

                “Cas….”

                “No!” Cas spun to face the taller man. “I handled it. You’re both safe.”

                “So you’re just going to what, die? Then where does that leave Dean? Where does that leave Team Free Will?”

                “You survived without me for most of your lives.” Cas said quietly.

                “But we don’t want to anymore. We love you Cas. You bring light to my brother’s eyes. For the first time in _years._ I give him shit but I don’t want that to go out. If you die on him, it will never return.”

                “You don’t know that…” Cas was losing his fire. He could feel the curse growing stronger, at least he thought he could. He needed to be moving quicker.  He looked up at Sam, who looked on the verge of tears.

                “I do know that. He’s lost enough. Don’t you think it’s time he gets a say in things?”

                “I…can’t.”

                “Let us help you with whatever is wrong. Please.”

                Cas stared into Sam’s eyes, fighting an inner battle that the Winchester couldn’t see. Finally, he hung his head. “Okay.”

 

***

 

                “What the hell does “Cas is cursed” mean?” Dean growled at them. Cas frowned at the anger and hurt that was rolling off of Dean. The pain the other man was feeling was almost unbearable.  Several days with no answer was wearing on him and Sam. Dean had finally caught them trying to research without him when Sam knocked over a large stack of books. Dean stormed in and demanded an answer.

                “The Princes have been using a powerful curse on all of their victims, which is why we’ve been unable to stop them.” Cas said as he held his arm across his abdomen. It hurt to move, how was he supposed to leave the bunker?  “It’s nothing I’ve seen before.”

                “So we find a spell book and undo their stupid mojo.” Dean motioned at Cas.

                “It isn’t that simple Dean…” Cas began but Dean’s palms slammed down onto the table with a _crack_.

                “I know it isn’t!” Dean snapped. “You have to try _something_ though! We can’t just sit here and let you die! Do you even know what the curse does?”

                “It will make me turn against those I love.” He lifted his eyes to hold Dean’s gaze. Dean stared at him for a too-long minute before standing and striding around the table. Sam and Cas watched in silence as Dean reached Cas and pulled him roughly against his chest. Cas stifled the gasp of pain the action elicited. 

                “We will figure it out.” Dean said and Cas just nodded against Dean’s shoulder.

 

***

                Cas could feel the curse grating away at his soul. He was irritable, short tempered, and hasty to spit angry words. It hurt him that this was how the brothers would remember him. He strived to keep his tongue stilled but it was like battling a hurricane. It was harder when they were nearby, which made it that much worse for him to spend time with them like he wished.  

                He let his head fall forward against the book on the table in front of him. The brothers had gone out to help Jody with a case, but only after Cas had insisted he was fine. His injuries from the two Princes that had captured him were finally healing. His eye was no longer swollen, just bruised. He could move easier but the wound on his abdomen was still painful. He lifted his shirt to inspect it. He could faintly see the branding burn around the knife wounds. He flashbacked to them discussing the elements which were burned into him that enacted the curse. He never told the brothers that the serious wound had been him trying to remove the burn and end the curse. If only it had been that easy.

                He got up slowly and went to the kitchen. Coffee wasn’t a necessity like Dean claimed, but it was good. He made a pot and waited near it while it sputtered into the carafe. A shuffle of footsteps caught his ear and he spun, wishing he were armed.

                Dean stood in the doorway, sadness in his gaze. His arms were crossed over his chest and he leaned against the doorway. “Heya Cas.” He called softly as Cas relaxed.

                “Why are you here, Dean?” Cas asked. 

                “I told Sam to go without me.” Dean shrugged one shoulder. 

                “I told _you_ I was perfectly fine.” Cas felt the unnecessary anger rising already. He clenched his jaw and struggled to calm himself. 

                “I know. But I wanted more time with you. In case…” Dean frowned. “In case I don’t have much left.”

                “I’m sorry Dean.” Cas hung his head. He heard Dean’s soft footsteps approached before a hand under his chin pulled his face up.

                “Just…promise me you’ll come back? You can do that right?”

                “I don’t…” Cas started but he could see the desperation in Dean’s eyes. “I promise.”

                “I love you, Castiel.” Dean said, releasing Cas’s chin in order to wrap an arm around his neck and bring him into a hug.

                “I love you too, Dean.” Cas said, returning the embrace. He wanted to relax into Dean's arms, but a bigger part of his mind was fighting the touch. Cas wanted to cry as he grasped the back of Dean's shirt in his fists. 

 


	27. Would You Lie With Me And Just Forget The World?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month has passed of filming and the mid season finale is approaching. Misha feels stressed about what he will be doing once he's done on the show.

                Misha stared at the chili in the blue bowl on the table in front of him. He used his spoon to swirl it around, knowing it was cooled off enough to eat already but he just wasn’t hungry. Filming over the last month had been brutal. The slow build to the curse taking Cas over was wearing on him and the rest of the crew too. The break for Thanksgiving had been wonderful, if not burdened with a cloud of stress.           They were down to the only one more week of filming before he would be done. He knew Jensen was stressing about what he would be doing after Christmas, which was making Misha’s decision hard.  There were some fundraisers he’d been offered to run in several places, including Africa, but he wasn’t sure he was up for it. He did feel ready to be somewhere else though. At least for a while…but how to tell Jensen?

                The door opened and brought in Jensen and a gust of chilly air. He kind of longed for a real winter and snow. _Maybe we should go somewhere snowy for Christmas_. Misha nodded at him but returned his gaze to the bowl. He wasn’t ready for the conversation that needed to happen. Jensen shrugged off his leather jacket and disappeared into the bedroom. Misha didn’t realize his eyes had closed until hands appeared on his shoulders.

                “I can feel your frigid hands through my shirt, man.” Misha mumbled with his eyes still closed. Jensen began kneading Misha’s shoulders but didn’t say anything. His thumbs massaged out the knots that had been living between Misha’s shoulder blades for months.  Jensen focused on his neck for a while before his fingertips were replaced with lips. Misha sighed in relaxation, but Jensen paused before removing his touch all together. Misha’s eyes opened finally as he turned around.

                Jensen was still wearing his Dean getup, which Misha always found attractive. The green and black plaid shirt was unbuttoned to show a black tee underneath. The green in the shirt made Jensen’s eyes blaze. His sleeves were rolled down, but he still looked good. Just not _as_  good as he does with them rolled up. Jensen was looking down at him but Misha had trouble deciphering his expression, which worried him. He always knew what Jensen was feeling. He pushed his chair back as he stood.

                “What’s wrong, Jensen?”

                “I just….had a rough day I guess.” He looked away, but Misha knew he that was a lie. Misha stepped forward and slipped his arms around Jensen’s torso. Jensen responded immediately by wrapping his arms around Misha and taking fistfuls of Misha’s sweater.

                “I’m sorry.” Misha murmured into Jensen’s ear. Jensen nodded and tightened his grip.

                _How am I supposed to tell him I am really considering taking the fundraiser project?_ “Do you want to watch something?” Misha offered but Jensen shook his head.

                “I think I’m just going to bed.” Jensen stepped out of the embrace and walked to the bedroom, his hands in his pockets. Misha watched him go with a weight on his chest. He sat back down at the table to eat his cold chili while his inner voice yelled at him.

 

 

                3 am rolled around sooner than Misha expected. He turned the tv off with a dejected sigh and trudged to the bedroom. He knew he should have just gone to his own trailer, but it was cold out and he didn’t want to. He _wanted_ to be with Jensen. Near him. He hated himself for staying out of the bedroom for as long as he did.

                He undressed in the darkness and went to the bathroom before fumbling his way to the bed. As his fingers touched the mattress, his feet tangled in discarded jeans and he fell, barely catching himself before completely wiping out. He muttered several quiet curses as he felt the bed to make sure his side was clear. He climbed in and settled under the blanket, feeling Jensen’s weight pulling the mattress down but not finding his warmth so Misha reached out to find him. His hand touched bare skin towards the edge of the bed and he tried not to sigh again. _So far away._

                Misha withdrew his touch and lay on his back, locking his hands behind his head as he tried  to figure out how to say what he wanted to. He knew the fact that he was considering leaving  in the first place was eating away at Jensen, who felt like he just _got_ Misha. Misha understood that feeling all too well. He also knew he needed a break from the set and filming.

                Misha spoke softly into the silent air as Jensen’s breathing evened out. He didn’t want to wake Jensen but also wanted him to hear, even if he didn’t remember.  “I could use Christmas to travel and get my break of the set. Spend the time with you. Then by the time you need to return to finish the season out I will be okay, right? I won’t feel so….unwanted.” He sighed heavily. “They’re only bringing me back because you threatened to leave the show. They don’t care about me. Who is to say that they won’t kill me off or ruin my character next season? I know the fans love Castiel’s character. They’ll probably start a petition to bring me back or something.” Misha’s smirk was short lived.

                “I think I need to go to Africa, Jensen. I would love doing that, you know? Building schools and houses and helping out countless families. I just don’t know how to tell you. I would want you with me. I know you have the show still. We have next summer. We have Christmas too; I need to focus on that first, right?”

                He stopped talking, realizing his whisper had become his regular speaking voice. _Shit did I wake him? Did he hear any of it?_ He waited awhile, but Jensen didn’t move or respond. His breathing stayed the same too. Misha closed his eyes with a sigh.

                In the morning Misha woke in Jensen’s arms. Jensen’s face was nuzzled into Misha’s hair and they were both pleasantly warm under the blankets. Misha silenced their alarms on the headboard before he hugged Jensen’s arms closer around. A song popped into his head as he relaxed in the embrace and he sang it to himself. _If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?_


	28. Open Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's thoughts and inner struggles before they film the season finale. The final scene with all three of them together.

                There had been many times where Misha finished filming before Jensen, but there was something final about this time that tugged at Jensen’s heart. He was waiting for Jared to get out of makeup for the final scene with the three of them. Misha was leaning against the wall beside him. His white shirt was bloody and he had his makeup done already. The busted lip looked so real. The exhaustion on his face was only partly faked.

                Jensen was thankful that Misha had been staying in his trailer. The past several nights Misha had whispered his feelings to the air, believing Jensen to be asleep. Jensen didn’t know how to put his own thoughts into words and he hated himself for leaving so much doubt and stress on Misha’s shoulders because of it.  He knew Misha needed the break from set. He wanted him to go, but he also hated the idea of Misha being gone so far away for so long. He wished he hadn’t taken so long to acknowledge his feelings. He glanced over and found Misha frowning.

                Jensen glanced down the hall before stepping in front of Misha. “Your face is liney enough, Mishka.” He said softly as he reached up to smooth the deep lines on his forehead. Misha looked up with a slight smile.

                “You know you like it.” He said lowly.

                “I do.” Jensen leaned in to kiss him, but voices from the door beside them made him jump. He frowned at himself, noting the look of disappointment on Misha’s face. _I am NOT ashamed to be with him. What the hell is my problem?_

Jared stepped out of the room and Jensen sighed. He wasn’t looking forward to finishing this scene. He reached down and held Misha’s hand as the three of them walked back to set. As they reached the Bunker, Jensen waved Jared on.

                “Are you ready for this?” He asked Misha, still holding his hand.

                Misha nodded as he looked up at Jensen. “No.” he laughed halfheartedly and went to rub at his face but stopped, remembering the special effects makeup.

                “I am ready to get this over with but I’m not ready to actually be done. If that makes sense I guess.” He shrugged. Jensen lifted his free hand to run his fingers through the side of Misha’s hair.

                “It will be okay.”

                “I know.” Misha said softly before turning away, pulling his hand from Jensen’s as he walked onto set. Jensen stared after him for a moment before sighing and following.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourselves for the next chapter. It's set completely in the show again and it's..intense.


	29. No Escape From Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in the show again, the curse has reached its peak for Castiel. They've exhausted all options trying to find a cure as he slowly grew more unstable.

 Dean watched the door of his room from where he sat on his bed. He could hear Cas throwing shit around in his room and raging, but he couldn’t make out what was being said. It had been going on since supper. Dean closed his eyes, hoping that the trick he had been using for the last month would work again to calm Cas.

                “Cas, I need you. I need you to be here with us. You promised. You can fight this. I know you can fight this, man.” He prayed under his breath. Something else crashed against the wall in Cas’s room and Dean winced. “Just fight it. You’re stronger. I know. Please, Cas.” He focused on the pain he felt as he pleaded with the angel. His eyes snapped open when a scream of frustration sounded throughout the Bunker.

                “STOP IT!” Cas yelled into the air. Dean set his jaw and stood. He heard Sam’s door open then moments later Sam was knocking at Cas’s door.

                “Cas, buddy. It’s okay. We’re here. Tell us what we can do, man.”

                Dean couldn’t hear a response through his door so he stood and opened it. As he stepped into the hallway he saw Sam in front of Cas’s door. He saw the door open before Sam could knock again and then Cas emerged from his room. Dean barely registered the glint of steel before there was a gasp from Sam as he and Cas careened backwards into the wall and fell to the floor. Cas stared down at Sam before standing. As he got to his feet, he removed the long angel blade from Sam’s abdomen.

                Dean stared in horror, not comprehending what had just occurred. He looked at Cas and there was nothing there of his best friend. Cas sneered down at Sam as Sam tried to press his hand against the wound.

                “Sammy?” Dean called, finally shaken from his haze as Sam gasped in pain. Cas snapped his focus to Dean and Dean took a step back at the hatred painted there.

                “Cas, it’s okay.”

                “It’s not _okay,_ Dean. You don’t understand. You never do. You’re just a dumb grunt that is only good for mediocre sex.”

                Dean tried to ignore the words, let them wash over him. _But how long has he thought that?_ “Cas, I don’t want to hurt you. Let me help my brother.”

                “No, Dean. I don’t want to do that. He can bleed there.” Cas motioned to Sam with the blade and it flung drops of blood against the wall over Sam’s head.  “All you two ever do it screw everything up. The world will be better off without the Winchesters.”

                “You don’t mean that.” Dean said as he tried to stalk around Cas, who was blocking the hallway. He held his dripping angel blade to the side in a loose grip, but Dean knew that laid back look was deceiving. Cas was deadly as hell.

                “You should know better than that.” Cas growled before he launched himself at Dean. Dean ducked under the swing and immediately spun, lashing out with his fist only to have it blocked by Cas’s arm. Cas reached low to deliver a punch but Dean danced around it and spun out of the angel’s grip. Now Dean was between Cas and Sam, which is where he should have been from the start. He glanced back at his brother, who was breathing shakily and trying to hold the wound on his back now as well. _Shit._

                Motion caught Dean’s eye and he barely ducked as the angel blade cut the air where Dean’s chest had been. He roughly pushed Cas away and repositioned himself in front of Sam. Cas looked up with dead blue eyes.

                “You should know how this will end. You won’t kill me. You chose me over your own brother. “

                Dean clenched his jaw and stared Cas down. He refused to play the mind games Cas was throwing. _This isn’t him._ Cas lunged again, this time catching the front of Dean’s t-shirt enough that it ripped and left a bloody scratch down his front. Dean jumped back but Cas recovered and followed, throwing punches with both hands and lashing out with his bare feet. Dean could see the wound on Cas’s stomach was bleeding again. He made himself focus as Cas almost stabbed him again.

                Sam started sputtering from his spot against the wall. He called out for Dean, but there was no way Dean could get to him. With a cry of anguish he shoved Cas back and stalked forward. This needed to end. He grappled for the angel blade for another minute, both landing punches and kicks. Dean’s eye was swelling and his lip bled enough to coat the inside of his mouth. Cas was breathing raggedly but was otherwise seemingly fine. Suddenly, Cas’s knee to Dean’s crotch made him see stars. He dropped to one knee after managing to shove Cas back again.

                Cas brought the angel blade downwards towards Dean who reacted instinctively and used his crossed wrists to block it. In the same motion, Dean lunged upwards and took hold of the blade. He wrenched it from Cas’s grasp while pushing the angel backwards against the wall opposite of Sam. He used his taller frame to pin Cas against the wall. Cas used his hands to push against Dean’s arms, keeping the blade from piercing his skin.

                “I don’t want to do this, Cas.” Dean managed to say as Cas pushed against him. His heart raged at him while his mind told him Sammy wasn’t going to make it if this didn’t end. He felt Cas exhale and he looked up to meet Cas’s sky blue eyes. His face was a mask of pain as he looked at Dean.

                “I still love you, Dean.” Cas ground out roughly before the pressure of his hands disappeared and the angel blade slammed into his chest so hard it hit the cement wall behind.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36342355232/in/dateposted-public/)

                “NO!” Dean yelled as blue light flashed in Cas’s eyes and mouth, flickering several times before the burnt image of Cas’s dark wings painted the wall like a decoration.

                “No, Cas!” Dean yelled again, yanking the blade away and throwing it as he caught the limp body. He gathered Cas in his arms as tears blurred his vision. Before he was able to let out the sob that was building, a weak voice called out his name.

                “dean….” Sam said softly, reaching his blood soaked hand to his brother. Dean sobbed once as he struggled out from under Cas’s body and crawled across the hall to his brother.

                “I- I got you Sammy.” Dean said through his tears as he lifted his little brother. “You’ll be okay.” He whispered as Sam went limp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You HAVE to watch/listen to this video. You have to.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjdI3J9xn1I  
> A Tribute to Castiel by Supernatural Fandom/SPN Family on YouTube


	30. I Didn't Mean To Make You Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas's death is done, and he finished the final few scenes they needed him for. But as he goes to leave, something makes him stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/3gydcChFnzQ
> 
> The song is Inner Demons by Julia Brennan

                Misha sighed as he slipped Castiel’s trench coat onto a hanger and stuck it in the wardrobe closet for the last time. He hadn’t had to wear it for several episodes, but it had been in Cas’s room. He had just finished filming his actual last scene, one of the ones leading up to Cas’s death. Everyone else had left for the night already, but he stalled.  He ran his hands down the sleeve, feeling a part of his heart break at the thought of not wearing it again. _It’s been such a long day, but I don’t want it to end._ He let the sleeve drop and turned away. He only made it to the door before he returned and pulled the coat from the hanger and folded it over his arm.

                His heart ached as he walked through the set one last time _._ He smiled as he meandered through the Bunker kitchen. His stomach grumbled reminding him he hadn’t eaten all day. Again. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes as he tried to store the smell and the sights of the Bunker set in his mind. He knew he could return to hang out, but he didn’t feel that he would. At least not _on_ set.

                He ran his hand across the large table and headed for the exit. _You can do this._ As he reached the edge of the set, music drifted through the Bunker and his steps faltered. He waited a moment and his curiosity peaked, so he followed the sound through the set.

                He paused outside of Dean’s door. A rush of memories hit him from his time on the set, in _this_ room.  The song that floated through on the acoustic guitar was familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it until Jensen’s voice began singing.

 

They say don't let them in  
Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again  
But when I'm all alone, they show up on their own

 

Jensen paused to clear his throat and Misha realized he hadn’t been breathing. He quietly gulped in air as he listened.  Jensen was singing in a lower key than the song played on the radio, but it tugged at Misha’s already tremulous emotions. He leaned against the wall out of view of the door as Jensen continued.

  
'Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire  
Inner demons don't play by the rules  
They say "Just push them down, just fight them harder  
Why would you give up on it so soon?"

So angels, angels please just keep on fighting  
Angels don't give up on me today  
'Cause the demons they are there, they just keep biting  
'Cause inner demons just won't go away

Misha wiped at his eyes. _God he’s so into this song right now. I want to just hug him._ He scrubbed his hands through his hair and wondered if this was Jensen singing or if it were Dean, though he knew the answer. _He’s singing this because of you._ He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes as he listened to the emotion in the lyrics.

 

So angels please, hear my prayer  
Life is pain, life's not fair  
So angels please, please stay here  
Take the pain, take the fear

 

***

 

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/35717236601/in/dateposted-public/)

 

They say it won't be hard, but they can't see the battles in my heart

 

Jensen’s fingers stilled against the strings of his guitar as he clenched his jaw, fighting the whirling emotions in his chest. _This damn song._ It had played on the radio a few days before and it just felt….right. Even if it didn’t exactly convey what he felt.  He took a slow breath and let it out before replaying the chorus until he was sure he knew where he was at. It needed to be perfect. He had no words to explain to Misha what was going on inside of his head.  Maybe he would be able to talk out his thoughts better once he sang it. When he began singing again, his voice was stronger, if not a little thick.

But when I turn away

The demons seem to stay

Cause inner demons don't play well with angels

 

Jensen smiled as he pictured Misha the first day on set. _God he was so…different. And new. Such a strong presence in an ugly ass sweater._ His smile faded as he finished the verse, though his mind was still focused on Misha.

 

They cheat and lie and steal and break and bruise

Angels please protect me from these rebels

This is a battle I don't want to lose

So angels, angels please just keep on fighting

Angels don't give up on me today

Cause the demons they are there; they keep on fighting

Cause inner demons just won't go away

 

He opened his eyes and focused on a spot on the wall across from his perch on Dean’s bed. It was getting harder to form the words as his throat tightened. He swallowed several times to clear it before continuing. _C’mon man.This is just practice. You’re gonna cry when he’s actually here?_

 

Angels, angels please keep on fighting

Angels don't give up on me today

Cause the demons; they are there

They keep on fighting

Inner demons just won't go away

 

Jensen’s voice lowered as he closed his eyes and poured his heart into the final verses. He wanted Misha there. He wanted Misha to understand his thoughts even though he didn’t completely understand them himself.

 

So Angel please, hear my prayer

Life is pain; life's not fair

So Angel please; please stay here

Take the pain; take the fear

 

The final chords reverberated through the air as Jensen finished the song. He took a shaky breath and let it out slowly. He jumped when he heard a sniffle that was definitely _not_ his. He turned to the door as he heard a voice curse lightly.

                After a moment, Misha stepped into the doorway. Those brilliant blue eyes were rimmed in red. He wore Cas’s telltale white shirt and crooked tie and the trench coat was folded over his arm.  Jensen had known he was on set filming some of the scenes leading to the end, but he didn’t realize Misha was still there so late. Everyone had left an hour ago.

                It was obvious that Misha had run his hands through his dark hair and the fan’s term “sex hair” ricocheted through Jensen’s mind. His face heated as he realized Misha had probably heard the whole, horribly practice. _Shit._

                “Jensen.” Misha said in a voice barely above a whisper. Jensen shrugged with a forced half smile and turned away. He didn’t hear Misha approach, but suddenly the mattress sank as Misha sat.

                “Jensen, that was beautiful.” Misha said, trying to get Jensen to look at him. “Absolutely amazing.”

                “I screwed up a lot.” Jensen said with a frown, knowing he wasn’t talking about just the song. He looked up at Misha, whose face was inches away. “I have screwed up. I’m sorry it took me so long. To be with you but also to talk.  But Misha…” He trailed off, unsure of what he was trying to say. _This was supposed to happen in a few nights. Not right now. I’m not ready._

                Misha sighed shakily and sat up straight, taking his face with him. Jensen missed the closeness. _Just tell him._

                “Mishka…?” He called softly. Misha let his head fall back a little and rolled his eyes over to look at Jensen sideways. Jensen felt a smile tug at his lips.

                “Mi…I… This song.” He lifted his guitar slightly but let it back down as his mouth and brain fought over what to say. “I…don’t.” He paused again and closed his eyes. “Misha, I don’t want you to leave.”

                Misha was silent beside him. Jensen wished he could just tell Misha everything in his head and heart, but he didn’t know how.  He remembered the first time Misha slept over in his trailer and he pretended to be asleep as Misha woke. He remembered the sun cutting through the blinds and revealing their hands entwined. All of the nights where his anxiety-led  nightmares turned from terrifying to Misha or Castiel being there, calming him and chasing the terror. Cas pulling him into countless livestreams. Making him run a marathon. Night spent in his arms. Jensen dropped his gaze.  

                “I need you to stay, man. You’re my best friend. You’re more than that. I love you, Misha. I can’t handle half the shit that’s thrown at me without you.” He paused and turned to Misha to find blue eyes searching his.

                “But I understand that you need this. I wouldn’t be okay with you staying here just for me and being miserable, you know? I think you should go to Africa. You are the most amazing man I’ve ever met. You’ve touched so many lives. Saved so many people. You need to be able to continue that. I’ll be here. I’ll always be here for you.” The memory of Misha saying that to him all those months ago after Jared’s accident in Rome hit him.

                Misha blinked and a tear escaped his long lashed before he leaned forward, pulling Jensen into a hug. Jensen buried his face in Misha’s neck and fought back the sob that wanted out as he let his guitar slide to the floor so he could hug his best friend.

                “I love you too, Jensen. So much.” Misha whispered. “I’ll come back. I’ll always choose you, man.”

                Jensen felt tears slide down his cheeks as he hugged Misha to him roughly. He could understand the term “heartbreak” well now, because that’s exactly what it felt like was happening inside his chest.

                “We have Christmas break still.” Misha said. “Gen’s birthday party in January too. I won’t leave until after that.”

                Jensen nodded into Misha’s shoulder as several tears were soaked up by Misha’s shirt. When they finally pulled back, Misha motioned to the guitar.

                “Will you sing that for me again please?” He asked. Jensen chuckled and picked up the guitar.

                “You weren’t supposed to hear that one. That was shitty practice.”

                “That was the furthest thing from shit that I’ve ever heard.” Misha said sternly before scooting back to give Jensen room. “Besides, I like hearing you call me angel.” Misha grinned mischievously.  Jensen shook his head with a smile and began playing the tune again. The song started and he glanced over to find Misha’s beautiful smile directed towards him. _I’m not going to lose him._


	31. Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of Misha and Jensen on their 2 week vacation at the end of the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my friend (and fangirl) LamboZash for the lovely drawing of Misha in the first scene. I adore it.   
> The song is Toby Keith's You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This

            “I don’t know why you wanted to be somewhere colder for Christmas. This is bullshit.” Jensen muttered as he pulled his sweater sleeves down and crossed his arms. Misha smiled from the other side of the table through the steaming cup of hot chocolate in his hands. His thick tan sweater and long sleeve undershirt were keeping him pleasantly warm. The drink was helping too.

            “Because snow is Christmasy. And the fake cold we have back home is lame.” He took a sip of his drink as Jensen grumbled.  “Besides, I always go to a beach. I wanted something new, since I have something new.” He gave Jensen a sly look which Jensen returned with a devilish smirk. Misha turned to the large, wall length glass windows that gave them a clear view of the mountains around them. The lobby of the resort was fairly busy, even for 8 pm. They’d spent the day on the slopes and Misha was pleasantly tired. It had been their second day there already and he was working on letting go of the past several months-worth of stress. Jensen was helping with that too.

 

 

            Misha eyed the man across from him. Jensen was already growing out his scruff, which was annoyingly coming in thicker than Misha’s. His long, light grey sweater fit him well and showed off the muscled arms beneath.  He had on a pale red beanie that covered his hair completely and Misha smiled.

            “So that beanie is working out for you?” He asked as he sat his hot chocolate down. Jensen took his gaze away from the TV in the corner to fake glare at him. 

            “Yes it is really comfortable.”

            “More or less so than the one you left at home?” Misha smirked.

            “I’ll listen to you the next time you tell me to recheck my packing job, okay?” Jensen stuck his tongue out and Misha’s smirk turned into a smile. He _had_  told Jensen to pack his warmest clothing. That should have included hats and long johns underwear. They had spent their first day browsing the various shops in the area, mainly because of all the things Jensen forgot for their two week stay. Misha looked back out over the mountains, wishing the sunset were back so he could enjoy it again. Jensen quietly called his name and he turned back to find those green eyes on him.

            “Love you.” Jensen said simply, a small smile lifting the edged of his mouth. Misha smiled widely.

            “Love you too.”

 

 

            Their next day was spent bundled up on the couch in front of the large screen in their room. They rented several movies from a local video store and made a too-large bowl of popcorn to snack on. Misha sighed in contentment as Jensen’s arms wound around him, pulling them together to huddle under the blankets. Misha turned so he was on his side with his head on Jensen’s chest. He slipped his chilly hand under Jensen’s shirt, chuckling evilly at the gasp that resulted.

            “Frickin’ ice hands.” Jensen grumbled as his fingers found their way into Misha’s hair. Misha closed his eyes and ran his hand over Jensen’s taut abdomen. Jensen had decided to start working out regularly again, and Misha wasn’t sure why. _He’s perfect as is._ Misha nuzzled his head against Jensen and sighed as Jensen’s hand massaged his scalp.

 

 

            “This is just frickin’ great.” Jensen grumbled as the ski-lift chugged to a stop on their fifth day.  Misha turned to look at the bottom of the slope, but they were too high to see anything. He leaned over the edge to try to see what would have made them stop, but all he could see was the bright, snow covered mountainside. He sat back up and shrugged.

            “They probably just need to help someone on or off.”

            “It figures that they would stop it so we’re stuck up here, freezing our asses off.” Jensen said as he yanked his red beanie down low over his eyes. Misha smiled and leaned over to wrap his arms around the other man.

            “I can warm you up.” He grinned.

            “Not in the way I want you to.” Jensen murmured, peering out from under his hat. Misha moved a gloved hand across Jensen’s thick coat to his side before pulling Jensen closer so he could lean in to press his chilly lips against Jensen’s. Before they broke apart, the ski lift jerked into motion again and Misha leaned back with a smile.

            “Told you it was fine.”

            “Except now I want to go to our room and not ski.” Jensen said heavily. Misha laughed as he threw his arm across Jensen’s shoulders.

            “Keep it in your pants, man.” He said once his laughter had calmed enough to speak.

            “Not what you said last night….” Jensen trailed off as he turned to look down over the mountainside. Misha grinned at the memory and followed his gaze to see the skiers weaving down the long slope.

            “It’s so peaceful here.” He said, not realizing the thought came out of his mouth until Jensen nodded.

            “It is. I’m glad we came.” He turned to face Misha.

            “Even though you’re cold?” Misha teased.

            “I’m not that cold. I just want you closer.” Jensen smiled, making Misha’s heart flutter.

            “I can do that.” Misha said before leaning in again. By the time they reached the top of the slope, their faces weren’t cold anymore.

 

             “We’ve skied, shopped, watched movies, failed at snowboarding, hiked, and visited the pool.” Misha said a couple days later. “What else should we do?”

            Jensen took another sip of his drink and smirked. “Each other.”

            “We’ve done that too. A lot.” Misha replied as he lounged on the couch. Jensen walked over to stand above him and the devilish smile on his face made Misha’s heart palpitate. Jensen’s tight long sleeved shirt didn’t help either.

            “There is karaoke in the lobby tonight.” Jensen offered instead.

            “Really? That’s your choice?”

            “Yeah why not? I can sing. You aren’t awful. I think it would be fun. As long as you don’t dance.”

            Misha put his hand over his heart and feigned a hurt expression. “I can dance.”

            “Not well, man.”

            “Then teach me!” Misha countered. He paused at the look that Jensen gave him before he reached up. Jensen easily hauled Misha to his feet and pulled him close.  

            “I know how to slow dance.” Misha said quietly as he felt Jensen’s warm breaths on his cheek. Jensen fished his phone from his pocket and pulled up his playlist while holding Misha’s waist tightly with his other arm.

             “Prove it.” Jensen said as a slow country song started to play. He set his phone on the coffee table and wrapped his other arm around Misha. Misha closed his eyes with a smile when Jensen’s chest rumbled as he sang.

I got a funny feeling  
The moment that your lips touched mine

Misha pictured Jensen’s face when they first kissed. Cas and Dean kissing was so different than their kisses.

  
Something shot right through me  
My heart skipped a beat in time  
There's a different feel about you tonight  
It's got me thinking lots of crazy things  
I even think I saw a flash of light  
It felt like electricity

They swayed to the music. Misha fought the urge to hum along. He didn’t want to miss any of Jensen’s voice. This was another moment he’d never forget.

You shouldn't kiss me like this  
Unless you mean it like that  
'Cause I'll just close my eyes  
And I won't know where I'm at  
We'll get lost on this dance floor spinning around

Jensen smoothly made their swaying turn to spinning and Misha smiled up at him

  
And around and around and around

Misha smiled as Jensen pressed a kiss to his cheek, then his lips, slowing their momentum until they were just standing in the middle of their suite. The song continued but Jensen was too busy to sing along, and Misha was completely okay with that.


	32. Hot Tub In The Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Christmas vacation fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs this time are If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks (One of Jensen's favorite music artists btw) and Love You Out Loud by Rascall Flatts. I recommend listening to them first so you know how the song goes before Jensen and Misha sing XD

            “I’m going to take a shower and get dressed.” Misha announced, though he stayed sprawled across their bed. Jensen rolled over as Misha turned to him. “Unless you were joking about karaoke?” Misha asked.

            “Nah. I think it will be fun.” Jensen smirked. Misha nodded and stood, walking naked to the bathroom. Jensen waited until the shower sounded and had warmed up before he rose with a stretch then sauntered to the bathroom to join him.

           

            45 minutes later, Jensen watched Misha peer at the signs on the lobby wall. “Jensen, it says karaoke doesn’t start for another hour and a half.” Misha said.

            “We can eat first. Maybe have something to drink.” Jensen offered. Their arms were linked and they stood closely while people meandered around them.

            “I could go for food.” Misha nodded and pulled Jensen towards a table. Jensen couldn’t help watching Misha as they got situated at the two person booth. His blue sweater matched his eyes so well it had to have been intentional. Misha looked up from the menu and gave him a look.

            “You’re staring at me like I’m the food.”

            “Sorry.” Jensen mumbled, embarrassed to have been caught. He looked down at his menu before a thought hit him. “Actually, no. I’m not sorry.” He caught Misha’s gaze again. “How long did it take you to find a sweater that matches your eyes so damn well?” He demanded. Misha’s lips slowly rose until his smile turned to laughter which filled their corner of the hotel’s restaurant.

            Their order went in quickly and while they waited they chatted. Jensen loved having all of this time with Misha. Misha had relaxed considerably in the week that they had been there. Jensen wished the stress would stay off of his shoulders forever. He loved this version of Misha. The knowledge that he would be leaving had been looming in the back of Jensen’s mind since that night on the set. The waitress arrived with the alcohol and Jensen smiled gratefully as he took his. He winked at Misha before downing his drink and placing the cup back on the waitress’s tray.

            “I’ll bring more.” She said with a smile as she turned, her long hair swung behind her.

            “You okay?” Misha asked as he sipped at his vodka-something.

            “I’m good man. I want to have some fun though.”

            “By the time we eat the karaoke should be starting.”

            “That’s what I hoped for!” Jensen pulled off his beanie and finger combed his hair. Misha smiled at him over the rim of his glass. _It’s okay. He’s here, now. It’s okay._

 

They listened to several people sing their songs before Jensen grabbed his beanie and winked at Misha again.

            “Have fun, handsome.” Misha murmured as he finished his ice cream.

            “Have fun listening, sweetheart!” Jensen called over his shoulder. He grinned at Misha’s laugh.            

            Jensen bounded up the stairs onto the stage and waited for the woman to move away from the microphone before approaching it. He had his song queued already and he smiled as someone, _not Misha_ cheered for him from the audience. _Do they recognize me or did they just not like the last person?_ The acoustic guitar began and he closed his eyes, listening to the song until the lyrics began.

 

Sometimes late at night   
I lie awake and watch him sleeping 

 

Jensen smiled as he pointed at Misha in the audience. He laughed when a feminine voice made a sound of disappointment from near the stage. He couldn’t see most of the people with the hot lights shining on him but he grinned at their general direction.

  
He's lost in peaceful dreams   
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark   
And the thought crosses my mind   
If I never wake up in the morning   
Would he ever doubt the way I feel   
About him in my heart?

 

Jensen put his palm across his chest as his brow creased. _Will he know?_

  
If tomorrow never comes   
Will he know how much I loved him   
Did I try in every way   
To show him every day   
That he's my only one   
If my time on earth were through   
And he must face the world without me   
Is the love I gave you in the past   
Gonna be enough to last   
If tomorrow never comes

 

 

Jensen opened his mouth to continue, but the song suddenly started scratching. He paused and tapped the little screen attached to the mike where the lyrics should have been. One of the managers appeared to fiddle with the device. He shrugged at the audience with a smirk before grabbing the microphone anyway.

           

            “I could sing a different song for ya’ll if you want.” He said into the microphone. More than half of the lobby let out _whoops_ of encouragement so he smiled and wracked his brain for a song he knew. An idea hit him and he looked towards the table he had left.

            “I’m going to need a duet partner though, Mr. Collins will you please join me?” He asked, shading his eyes against the lights. The lights suddenly turned off until it was just the ones overhead, and he nodded at whoever had done it. He still had trouble seeing the figure that weaved their way to the stage, until he reached it. Jensen smiled widely, and he wasn’t sure if it were the alcohol kicking in or the giddy feeling that Misha gave him but he felt high. Misha approached with a shy smile. _I’m going to wipe that shyness off his face._

            Jensen reached out for him and kissed him firmly on the mouth, much to the other man’s surprise. Several audience members _oohed_ and there was some clapping as well, but he didn’t care. He pulled away and looked away from Misha’s startled smile.

            “Have ya’ll heard of Rascal Flatts? Yeah? Good.”  Jensen dug in his jeans pocket for his phone, where he pulled up Youtube and the song he wanted. He found a lyric video and situated the phone on the mike stand.

            Keeping his arm across Misha’s shoulders he smiled as the song began to play.           

  “Can ya’ll hear the music?” The audience confirmed and he nodded as he began to sing.

 

I have always been a little shy  
I've always been the quiet type till now

He glanced sideways and shrugged at Misha who was smiling over at him.

  
And I never let my feelings show  
I never let anybody know  
Just how much I was so deep in love  
But now that you're in my arms

He pulled Misha closer against his side as Misha moved to share the mike for the chorus.

I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop  
Baby, scream and shout  
I want to sing it on the radio, show it on a video  
Baby, leave no doubt  
I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about  
I love to love you out loud

Misha ended the chorus with a smile, which Jensen leaned in and kissed away. He turned back to the mike in time to begin the next part as Misha laughed heartedly. Jensen danced in place with the music as he sang. 

 

You keep bringing out the free in me  
What you do to my heart just makes me melt  
And I don't think I can resist  
But I've never been one to kiss and tell

Jensen waggled his eyebrows at the audience, resulting in a lot of feminine laughs.

  
A love this true can't be subdued  
So I'm gonna let out a yell

 

A camera flashed in the audience but Jensen really didn’t care anymore. He was glad that people knew Misha was _his._ He turned to watch Misha as they sang the chorus again and finished out the song. Misha smiled over at him above the microphone, his ocean eyes reflecting the overhead lights and making them sparkle. Jensen could stay there all night.

 

            Three songs later, Jensen’s phone was almost dead. _I should have charged it earlier._ He realized as the low battery flashed at him. The karaoke machine had been left forgotten by the manager who was now sitting just below the small stage and watching them.

            “I’m sorry, ya’ll. I didn’t mean to steal the night.” He apologized, realizing he hadn’t been the only one that wanted to sing. “I didn’t mean to take over.”

            Someone yelled for an encore and Misha laughed before turning to him. He had rolled up the sleeves of his sweater and the muscles in his forearms flexed as he fiddled with the mike stand.

            “I think we’re going to call it a night and let some real talent get up here.” Jensen said. Misha turned to him and cocked his head to the side. They bowed their way off the stage, hands entwined as they found their table again. Jensen didn’t really want to sit back down. He was slightly inebriated and was ready to be away from people. Misha looked over at him expectantly

            “What now?”

            “I don’t know. Something with you.” Jensen shrugged. “There are always hot tubs in the snow, right? Let’s find a hot tub.”

            Misha wrinkled his nose before he ducked his head and bent over with laughter.

            “A hot tub sounds good.” He said after a minute, once his laughter faded. Misha wiped a tear from his eye and took Jensen’s hand again as they left to find a hot tub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review! Let me know what you like or thought. I love hearing from you all. Without comments I don't know you're even here with me, immersed in this soon to be emotional story. D: :D


	33. Birthday Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of January came quickly and it's full of love but also heartbreak as the guys get ready to say goodbye before Misha heads to Africa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The photos dont necessarily fit in with the text but I think they are fitting in their own way. I can see them being taken while at a party and it amuses me.

                Jensen huffed out a breath as he squatted, the weights on the bar he held slightly heavier than last week’s. He did his set then put the bar down and walked across the gym floor to catch his breath. He glanced at the clock. _It’s only been half an hour? Jared left almost right away, the little shit._ He rolled his shoulders and walked to the fly machine, determined to become more ripped than Jared who had stopped keeping up with their weekly workouts. _At least Misha usually does them with me._ He looked around the empty gym, missing his boyfriend. He smirked as he started the fly presses. _That seems like such a childish term. Boyfriend._ He continued his various sets, making it through 3 more exercises before he moved to the free weights to finish up for the day.

                Another ten minutes passed before Jensen felt a gaze on him. He let the free weights fall to his sides as his shoulders screamed at him for a break and turned. Misha was leaning against the doorway and the crow feet at his eyes were more pronounced than normal as he smiled towards Jensen. Jensen nodded and set the weights down. He wiped his brow with the bottom of his shirt as he crossed the gym.

                “Hey man, what’s up?” He asked as he took the offered water bottle with a smirk.

                “Jared said you were here. How long until you’re ready?” Misha asked as he quickly looked Jensen over. Jensen looked down at his sweat slicked t-shirt and workout shorts.

                “Well I need to shower. Where are we going?” He downed most of the water and started towards the bathroom.

                “Gen’s birthday party…” Misha gave him a sideways look and he shrugged.

                “I remember that.”

                “Uh huh.” Misha rolled his eyes and shoved Jensen’s shoulder towards the locker room. “Go shower, you stink.”               

                “You stink!” Jensen shot back with a laugh as he peeled his shirt off and went through into the locker room. He waited inside the locker room, around the corner, and waited for Misha to appear and join him. Instead Misha called from the waiting area.

                “We still need to pick up something to take! The roads are slick so hurry up!”

                Jensen tried not to sigh but it was hard. This was their last weekend together before Misha left for Africa, and the thoughts were weighing heavily on them. Jensen wished he could just go too. He stripped the rest of the way and climbed into the shower.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36441658081/in/dateposted-public/)

 

                “Dude, hold still.” Jensen stopped as Misha brushed at his back. His hand paused on Jensen’s shoulder so he looked back.

                “Snow…” Misha said pausing when he met Jensen’s gaze. Jensen leaned in and Misha pressed himself closer as they kissed quickly. Misha pulled away first and gave Jensen a small smile before motioning to the door. Jensen draped an arm over Misha’s shoulders before knocking loudly on the door.

                “Let me in, Jared!” Jensen hollered. “I have alcohol!”  Misha laughed as the door opened and Jared appeared with a smile. Jensen noticed the way Jared eyed his arm, but he didn’t care. Everyone knew thanks to the photos from the resort, and he was damn proud of it. Misha was _his_ and he’d be damned if he didn’t show it. They stepped into the warm house together.

                Gen waved at them happily as she spoke to a couple Jensen didn’t recognize. Looking around the slightly crowded house he found that most of the people were unfamiliar. He tightened his grip on Misha.

                “She isn’t even showing yet!” Misha said in Jensen’s ear and he nodded in response. They watched as Jared walked over and wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on top of her head. She reached up to pat his cheek as she smiled at whatever the people said.

                “Let’s deposit our food and drinks and then we can mingle.” Misha said, tugging Jensen along. Jensen let himself be towed toward the kitchen as he tried to soak up all of these moments together.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36411061992/in/dateposted-public/)

                “Je-Jensen!” Misha called over the music several hours later.  Jensen smiled as he looked over, his fingers still picking at imaginary guitar strings in time with the song blasting through the speakers.

                “Food!” Misha laughed as he motioned to the kitchen. Jensen nodded and followed, weaving between people.

                 Jensen didn’t realize his head hurt until he reached the calm of the kitchen.  Misha was still laughing, his cheeks rosy, as he raided the platters of food. Jensen watched him with a smile as he picked through the vegetable tray for, what Jensen assumed to be, the crunchiest looking baby carrot. _Just one more day of his cuteness…then it will be at least a month…_

                The sudden urge to reach over and pull Misha’s face to his own hit Jensen like a fist to the heart. He swallowed and stood up, pushing away from the counter with the intention to grab a drink since there were people in the kitchen with them. Before he could turn completely away, Misha’s plate clattered to the table and his hand appeared on Jensen’s arm, yanking him back around. Misha’s sudden closeness was overwhelming and Jensen couldn’t process a thought through his carefully maintained buzz, until Misha’s mouth pressed against his own.

                Misha released his arm and instead placed his rough hands against either side of Jensen’s head, pulling him closer. Jensen growled slightly, wondering if he had more to drink than he thought, but the jarring impact of a fridge against his back told him he was definitely not imagining this. _God Misha’s kisses were amazing._

Misha’s chest pressed against his as he wrapped himself around Jensen. Jensen let his tongue trace around Misha’s lips and the other man groaned. Someone cleared their throat and Jensen jumped, knocking his head against Misha’s as they parted.

                Jared stood in the doorway, his face flaming red, and stared at the ground. “I uh, I need something from the fridge….” He mumbled. Jensen ducked his head, overly embarrassed. He glanced around the kitchen for the women that were in there before, but they were alone besides tomato-face Jared.

                 Misha’s strong grip on his hand drew his attention as he was led away. Jensen followed Misha to the second floor where Jensen’s room was. He looked around, memories of weekends spent there flashing back to him again. As the door closed with a _click_ he turned to find Misha’s intense blue stare fixated on him.

                “You know, Cas, the last person that looked at me like that got laid.” Jensen smirked as he quoted Dean. It was one of his favorite quotes.  Misha’s eyebrows rose a fraction of an inch as he stepped closer. He reached up and undid the first few buttons of his shirt, still holding Jensen’s gaze.

                “Is that so?” Misha breathed out. The lowness of his voice made goosebumps scatter across Jensen’s skin. Jensen let his gaze drift between the slowly unbuttoning shirt and the steady blue eyes that were watching him. _Daring_ him. Jensen reached over and slipped his fingers inside of Misha’s shirt from the unbuttoned top and yanked him closer.

                “Yes.” He murmured before he leaned in. He gently pushed Misha’s hands away and undid the remaining buttons before sliding his hands across Misha’s torso, reveling in the feeling. Misha had been working out too. _Damn._  Misha pressed against him as their lips met, pushing him backwards until the back of Jensen’s knees hit the edge of the small bed that rested in the furthest corner from the door. Jensen held his ground as he removed his own shirt and pulled off Misha’s. Then with a sly smirk he tossed Misha onto the mattress.

                Misha’s eyes flew wide as he fell and bounced once. Then a loud laugh burst from his mouth as Jensen looked down with a smile. Misha pushed himself up suddenly and grabbed onto Jensen’s arm before yanking him down. _Shit he’s strong._ Jensen thought as he managed to catch himself before landing on Misha. He situated himself above the man on the bed before leaning down to kiss him breathless. He moved one of his legs so it was nestled between Misha’s which elicited a groan.

                “You should not be wearing pants.” Jensen groaned as Misha bucked his hips, grinding himself on Jensen’s leg.

                “Don’t tell me what to do.” Misha said with a devilish smirk before he hooked his leg around Jensen’s and used his fist to hit the inside of Jensen’s elbow. Jensen’s arm bent involuntarily and Misha used the motion to roll them. Instead of it being smooth, romantic and hot as hell action, Jensen slipped off the foot of the small bed and landed with an audible _oomph_ as Misha landed on top of him. They both started laughing until tears ran down their faces.

                Jensen laid back onto the hardwood floor and Misha settled beside him as their laughter slowly abated. Jensen pulled him close and closed his eyes, reveling in Misha’s scent. “I love you, Mishka.”

                “I love you too, Jensen.” Misha ran his hand across Jensen’s bare chest, making goosebumps appear whenever the warm touch moved.

                “I don’t want you to leave.”

                “I don’t want to go either. But I’m going to.”

                “I know. I just want to go too.” Jensen brushed his thumb across Misha’s shoulder.

                “It will work out. I’ll be back sooner than you realize.”

                “God, I hope so.” Jensen wrapped both arms around Misha and crushed him against his chest. Misha nuzzled in close and they stayed that way until the music stopped booming down below them.

                “We should go socialize some more. I haven’t given Gen her birthday gift yet.” Misha said finally. Misha’s head rose and fell as Jensen took a deep, slow breath.

                “Alright.”  He released his hold on Misha and they stood. Jensen looked around for his shirt but his belt buckle jingled, drawing his attention downward. He stared at the undone belt and looked up to find a self-satisfied smirk on Misha’s face as stuck his tanned arms into his shirt sleeves.

                “When the hell did that happen?”

                “When you were too busy ordering me around.” Misha said as he started to redo his buttons. Jensen shook his head and fixed his belt before he pulled on his shirt again. He gave Misha a look as he silently vowed to return the favor.

 

 

                It was after 2 a.m. by the time most of the party guests had left. Gen had retired to bed an hour before, clearly exhausted. Jensen and Misha were helping Jared pick up before retiring to Jensen’s room.

                Jared hadn’t said anything about his interruption in the kitchen earlier that night. Jensen was silently thankful, but also surprised. Usually Jared took every available opportunity to give him shit. They finished the living room before Jared urged them to go to bed.

                “Ya’ll have a big day tomorrow. Go rest, I got the rest.”

                “I don’t leave until Tuesday.” Misha said as he arranged closed food containers in the fridge.

                “I know but Mondays suck, you have to drive home, and you have to pack. Plus it’s your last day together. Last time for over a month, right?”

                “We know that.” Jensen growled, feeling angry for some reason. He calmed the whirling emotions in his chest as Jared approached and placed a big hand on his shoulder.

                “I’m sorry. I know you know.” He removed his hand when Jensen nodded. He avoided looking over at Misha who had stood from the fridge.

                “I think I’m going to head to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, Jared.” Jensen said as he pushed off of the counter and headed for the stairs.

                It wasn’t until he was in his room and sifting through his suitcase that Misha entered. He walked right over and wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist, hugging him close. Misha’s face was buried against Jensen’s back so when he mumbled something Jensen couldn’t understand. Jensen pulled Misha around to his front.

                “I didn’t understand what you said, Mr. Mumbles.”

                “I’m sorry that I’m doing this. I’m sorry you’re so stressed out and upset and I know it’s my fault.”

                “Misha.” Jensen pushed him back gently and moved his hands to either side of Misha’s scruffy face.  “I am not upset with you. I’m not stressed out. I’m just sad because I _have_ you now and I don’t want to lose you. I know I’m not actually losing you but it’s hard to remember that.”

                Misha nodded into his hands and pulled himself closer again. Jensen wrapped his arms around the shorter man and held him closely.

 

                An hour later, they lay pressed against each other in the small bed. There was a heavy comforter over them that was battling the cold air blowing from the vent above the bed. Misha’s fingers trailed across Jensen’s bare chest as Jensen’s heart thudding under his ear.

                “I wish I could freeze this day like groundhog’s day.” Jensen murmured, his breath moving a strand of Misha’s hair.

                “Why is that?” Misha asked.

                “Because I love having you here. In my arms. I loved watching you earlier with people. Smiling and just…shining so brightly.”

                “You’re a big cheeseball, Jensen.” Misha said with a smile that Jensen could hear through the darkness.

                “It’s true.”

                There was a pause as Misha shifted a little. “Do you know what my repeat day would be?” He whispered.

                “Which day?”

                “When you sang to me at the resort.”

                “Which time?” Jensen chuckled.

                “On stage. You pointed to me in the audience even though you couldn’t actually see me. Just…the smile on your face and the emotion in your words. I just loved it so much.”

                Misha’s voice broke slightly on the last word and Jensen pulled his arm from behind his head so he could squeeze Misha closer.

                “I’m going to miss you so much, Jensen. You have no idea.”

                “I have a pretty good idea.  But this will be okay. You’re going to be so busy saving lives and building things that you won’t even notice I’m not there. It will fly by for us. ”

                “Says the man that will spend his days filming scenes where his character is a devastated mess because his boyfriend is gone.”

                “I know.” Jensen clenched his jaw briefly before pressed a kiss to the top of Misha’s hair. “We should sleep so we can drive tomorrow. I got you, Mishka. Rest.”

                Misha hugged Jensen tightly as they lay on the small bed in the cold room.

 

 

The morning sun woke Jensen by shining through the window directly onto his face. He blinked several times and reached up to rub the sleep from his eyes before looking down. Misha was resting his head on Jensen’s stomach, under the comforter. Jensen smiled and lightly ran his hands through Misha’s hair before slowly extracting himself from Misha’s tanned limbs.

                Jensen pulled on a warm sweatshirt and his jeans, as well as socks, before he ventured into the kitchen for coffee. Jared was sitting at the counter and tiredly blinking at nothing.

                “Morning sleepyhead.” Jensen said. “You know it’s the middle of winter, right? Why the hell do you have the AC on in January?”

                “Gen keeps having really bad night sweats and she claims she’s dying. I just bundle up at night. We forgot we had guests, sorry.”

                “Eh, I was warm all night.” Jensen shrugged as he looked through the cupboard for a mug he liked. His hands stilled when he spotted one of Misha’s ugly cups that had reappeared in the cupboard in his trailer. _They’re everywhere. Maybe I should get rid of them all once he leaves._

He realized what he had thought and his hand slowly dropped to help brace himself against the counter as he was hit with an overwhelming sadness. It wasn’t until a sob escaped his lips that he heard Jared’s chair scrape back and his warm arms wrapped Jensen in a brotherly hug. Jensen lost his control at the comforting gesture.

                “I don’t want him to go!” He sobbed in Jared’s arms.

                “I know man. I’m so sorry.” Jared’s voice was thick as he rested his head against the back of Jensen’s. Jensen let himself cry until they heard footsteps overhead as someone started to wake. He forced himself to calm down and Jared patted his shoulder before going to greet Gen as she appeared in the kitchen. Jensen used his sleeve to wipe his face before he slipped out of the kitchen to shower for the long day ahead.

 

 


	34. If I'm Not Back Again This Time Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their goodbye. Both are pretty drained and emotional, which they understand in companionable silence.

                Misha folded a dark blue dress shirt before placing it into his suitcase. It was followed by a few of Jensen’s t-shirts he had stolen. The suitcase already held the rest of the clothes he thought he would need for the month long adventure, but over-packing was better than under-packing like Mr.I’ll Wear A Shirt Twice I Don’t Care Ackles.

                Jensen was humming from his perch on the bed as he typed on his laptop. Every time Misha walked where the screen was visible, Jensen would glance up at him and shift so Misha couldn’t see. Misha rolled his eyes as he roamed around the room, collecting items to add. He had his carryon bag packed already and it was sitting against Jensen’s bare feet. Misha eyed the man as he tried to shut the suitcase.

                Jensen moved one of his arms behind his head which caused his black t-shirt to rise up a little, revealing a small strip of flesh along his waistline. That light strip trapped between dark colors called to Misha. He finished zipping the suitcase and settled it on the floor before he walked to the foot of the bed and gently tugged on Jensen’s dark jeans. Jensen looked up at him over the laptop screen.

                “I think I have everything. What do you want to do with our last night?” Misha asked as he fought a yawn. He didn’t _want_ to be tired. He wanted to spend time with Jensen.

                “I need to finish this project up then we can decide. Just give me five minutes.” Jensen said as his gaze returned to the screen. Misha nodded and started to massage one of Jensen’s feet. He lost his thoughts as he focused on the motions of his tan thumbs against the pale, softness of the foot in his hand.

                Jensen’s laptop suddenly spit out a disk and Jensen smiled happily before he reached to the night stand and retrieved an empty cd sleeve that was there. He slipped the disk inside and moved his laptop before crawling to the foot of the bed near Misha. Misha waited as Jensen sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at Misha, who was still standing and for once the taller one. Jensen fiddled with the cd in his hands before he smirked.

                “So I made this for you. After what you said last night about my singing I thought, why the hell not?” He handed the disk to Misha, but the outside was blank.  He looked to Jensen for clarification.

                “It has about a dozen recordings of me singing. I wasn’t sure if you had a favorite of my usuals. After lunch when I disappeared I was in with Rob recording the one I sang to you at the resort.” Jensen stopped and the silence filled the room. All Misha could do was stare at the treasure in his hand. He smiled before turning away and burying it in his carryon. He fiddled with the zipper for a few moments, not wanting Jensen to see the tears in his eyes.

                “Misha?” Jensen asked, and he knew that Jensen was worried he didn’t like the gift. He wiped his eyes quickly and returned to the bed where he bear hugged Jensen hard enough that they toppled backwards.

                “I love it so much.” Misha said thickly into Jensen’s ear. Jensen nodded and hugged Misha hard and Misha could tell he was struggling to hold it together.

                “I love you.” Jensen said and it was Misha’s turn to nod because if he opened his mouth, he could start crying.

                They stayed there, silently soaking up the other’s warm, for as long as it took for Misha’s arms to fizzle asleep. He finally rolled off of Jensen and stretched them, wincing at the pins and needles static he felt.

                “We could eat at that diner you like.” Misha offered as something to do.

                “That sound good but I was thinking the restaurant you like that’s a little further away.”

                They looked at each other as they lay on their sides and inches apart. “I’m okay with staying here and having my way with you.” Misha said softly, eliciting a smile from Jensen.

                “Jared has a redbox we can steal.” Jensen offered. Misha nodded before he reached over and gently pulled himself against Jensen. Their kiss was chaste but perfect. Misha released him and Jensen scooted off of the bed. Misha watched him walk from the room, enjoying the view.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/35711710221/in/dateposted-public/)

 

 

                The entire drive to the airport the following morning was made in silence. Jensen focused on driving, but the feel of Misha’s hand in his was overriding most of his thoughts. _I probably shouldn’t be driving on 2 hours of sleep and such big emotions. Shit._

                The sun wasn’t completely visible yet but the clouds caught the rays and were blazing with fiery light. Where the clouds broke, pale blue sky shone through and was an amazing contrast to the orange underbellies of the clouds. Misha had already taken several photos of it, and Jensen’s phone buzzed in his pocket as he received notifications of Misha’s uploading to Instagram and twitter.

                The airport was busy, as to be expected. Misha’s flight didn’t leave until 8 but they had arrived an hour early to be on the safe side. By the time Misha had his luggage figured out and they were ready, they had twenty minutes to spare. His chest felt tight as Jensen pulled him through the airport towards his terminal. Neither had said much the entire morning, but Misha couldn’t find words. He knew that Jensen understood. He grasped Jensen’s hand a little tighter.

                They waited outside of the terminal as people began to file in. Jensen leaned his forehead against Misha’s shoulder as fiddled with their hands. Misha watched as people passed. Some gave them a look but he ignored them. It wasn’t until the person manning the door turned to them with a sad smile, obviously picking up on Misha’s reluctance that Jensen stood.

                “I’m afraid you’re the last person for the flight. We need to board now.” She said kindly. Misha nodded and turned to Jensen, who immediately wrapped his arm around Misha’s neck and pulled him in closely.

                “I love you, man.”

                “I love you, Jensen. I’ll call when I get to my next flight change.”

                Jensen nodded against the side of Misha’s head. Misha hugged him tightly for what seemed to be the longest time and not enough time. Jensen pulled back and ended the embrace, though Misha still held onto his shirt. Jensen kissed Misha once more before gently pushing him towards the gate. Misha sighed and walked through.

 

 

                Jensen found a chair in the corner of the airport. There weren’t any people nearby, even though the large windows showed the morning sun glinting off of the planes and painted a beautiful picture. Jensen pulled his phone out and took a photo of it, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. When he closed down his camera, his background image showed and he stared at it with a sad smile. It was a picture that they had taken at the resort of him and Misha. He smiled at the wrinkly face pressed against his cheek and the smiles on both of their face. His phone went to sleep after five minutes and he finally peeled his gaze away to look out the window as he pocketed the phone.

                Jensen rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands as he watched planes take off. He wondered where Misha was. _Could he see this window from his spot on the plane? Which plane?_   _I should have said more today. But what?_

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36431032652/in/dateposted-public/)  


                The sun rose into the sky and the gorgeous morning fire was replaced with bright blues and brilliant white clouds. His eyes ached but he kept watching out the window for what felt like hours. It was finally his buzzing pocket that jerked Jensen from his daze. He blinked and was surprised to find tears clinging to his lashes. _When the hell did I start crying?_   He reached up and wiped at the stiff, tear trails on his face. He pulled his phone out to see several  texts from Jared about having to film. He unlocked his screen and the texts disappeared as he put in his code. He avoided looking at the photo again, but his gaze focused on a line in the tile of the floor.  He stared at the floor until his phone buzzed with Jared’s annoying insistence. His gaze shifted to the small clock on the corner of the phone screen and he groaned.

                _How has an hour passed already? Shit I’m late._ Jensen rose from his chair and trudged  towards his car with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. He wiped at his face once more before he left the airport and his heart.


	35. Carry On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week's worth of filming scenes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Humongous thanks to LamboZash for the beautiful drawing of the wing burn. I love it.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36630200315/in/dateposted-public/)

 

  Dean scrubbed at the cement blocks that made up the hallway wall.  He’d tried a magic eraser that Jody had brought, bleach, and several other tricks, but nothing was removing the dark, feathery stain that was etched into the stone. He finally gave up when his shoulders burned from the effort. He grabbed his small bucket and rag and went to the nearest bathroom to wash the smell of cleaner from his hands.

                He checked his watch as he massaged the soap into his hands. He needed to be at the hospital in twenty minutes to get Sam. He sighed and rinsed his hands. The cleaner smell was stuck in his nose and it was all he could smell. As he left the bathroom he actively avoided looking at the wall, or Cas’s door, or the bloodstains on the floor he hadn’t been able to remove. “I’ll buy some paint.” He mumbled as he grabbed Baby’s keys and headed to the garage.

 

 

                The hospital was ridiculously busy. Dean had to park at the furthest spot possible. As he walked towards the hospital doors, an ambulance approached with screaming sirens, only to unload a screaming patient. Hospitals unnerved Dean. He turned his face downward as he started to walk by, but suddenly the figure on the gurney started lashing out at the EMTs. Their yells of surprise startled Dean enough to look up. His gaze zeroed in on the elongated claws at the tips of the patient’s hand. _Shit._ He glanced towards Baby, definitely not close enough to retrieve a silver knife.

                The jingle of the buckles on the gurney reminded him of the gift that Claire had given him when she had come to stay for a week after Cas’s death. He pulled his key ring from his pocket and selected the long, silver key and situated it between his middle and pointer finger as he closed his fist around the rest. He ran over and shoved one of the EMTs out of the way in order to wrestle with the thrashing man on the gurney.

                Dean struggled to get a clear shot of the wolf’s chest while avoiding the teeth and claws, but he finally managed. His knuckles hit the man’s chest as he drove the silver into his heart, as deep as it would go. The beast stopped thrashing and fell backward with a groan before growing still. Dean panted lightly as he waited for it to move again. When it didn’t he pulled the key out and wiped it on the still body’s shirt.

                He looked up to find the EMTs watching him with wide eyes, both obviously unsure of what to do. He did just kill their patient after all. Dean didn’t want to deal with any shit today.

                “I’m going to go pick up my brother now.” Dean said as he pocketed his keys. “This would have killed you both. I suggest saying he died from wounds received on the way.” Dean turned and walked away. He expected the call for him to stop but it never came.

 

                Sam was sitting up, fully dressed for the first time in the month or so that he had been in the hospital. He looked up and smiled at Dean. “It’s so good to see you.” Sam said.

                “I was here yesterday, Sammy.” Dean started checking the room over to ensure they had all of Sam’s things.

                “I know but you’re here to take me home now. Eileen packed the stuff before she left for the grocery store.”

                “That’s good.” Dean tried to smile, but it had been incredibly hard over the last month. Sam seemed to notice his attempt because he just looked away, which Dean was grateful for.

                “Jody and Eileen cleaned the entire bunker for us.” Dean said to kill the silence. Sam chuckled. “How much stuff is missing now?”

                “None of it. I went through once they left and replaced the things we usually had out.” Dean hefted the duffel bag and looked to Sam expectantly.  “Do you need to check in with your doctor or anything?”           

                “Nope she gave me the all clear already.” Sam said as he stood stiffly. The blade had gone clean through him, narrowly missing his spine. They’d done several surgeries to repair the torn intestine but they assured the brothers he would heal fine.

                “Let’s get the hell out of here. It smells like disinfectant.” Dean said, knowing the smell was on him and not just the building they were in.

 

 

                Dinner was quiet as. Eileen had made a feast and Dean tried not to worry at the small amount his brother ate. The other two had spent a lot of time together at the hospital, which Dean was grateful for. He was grateful for Eileen. Sam was signing almost as quickly as she could now. Dean was just proud he could do the basics himself.

                After dinner the other two retired to Sam’s room to get situated and unpacked. Dean cleaned up and dilly dallied until the clock read midnight. He finally trudged to his room, actively avoiding the wall across from his door.

 

Three days later

 

                The clock on Dean’s wall wouldn’t stop ticking. It had been an issue for several nights already. He stood on a chair to pull it down and then removed the battery from the back. He replaced it on the wall and went back to his bed to continue staring at the ceiling.

                Night time was hard. Harder than it had ever been. The first week after Sam was in the hospital and Cas was gone, Dean had fallen asleep while praying to the latter. It was only for an hour or two before the nightmares started, but it was better than no sleep. The prayers were never answered though. By the third week he gave up. He couldn’t sleep regardless so he turned his thoughts to his brother to avoid the sinking despair he felt every night when thoughts of Cas crept into his mind.

                Sammy was settling in again, still obviously struggling to do basic things like bending over. Dean had taken to silently following him to help, even though he knew it bothered Sam.  He knew Eileen was there too, but Dean needed something to do.

                Dean stopped looking for cases. He couldn’t go and leave Sam, and there was no way Sam could go. There were plenty of hunters left that hadn’t turned against them yet, they could handle it. He ignored Sam’s insistence to check the news and goings on. He didn’t _want_ to go. He didn't care that Eileen was there. What is Sam needed him?

                The urge to pee had been growing for hours, and Dean finally gave in with a groan. He stood and opened the door to his room. The darkness of the hallway was a welcoming sight because through it, the wing burn wasn’t visible. Dean hurried through the hall, brushing away the goosebumps that appeared on the back of his neck and arms.

                When he returned, he froze. A light was on now, barely illuminating the hall. It showed the sprawling wings as clear as when they happened. Dean staggered forward step by step until he reached the wall. He reached up and touched the chip in the cold stone, nestled in the middle of the wings. There were slight cracks spiderwebbing away from it. Tears began rolling freely down his face as he touched the broken stone. _“Oh Cas.”_ He whispered brokenly to the wall as the feeling of the angel blade slamming into stone returned.

             "Sorry Dean. I didn't mean to leave the light on." Eileen's thick voice sounded behind him. He nodded into the wall and hoped she would go away. He heard her hesitant footsteps slowly retreat before the light flicked off and Sam's door shut. The darkness washed over him, but not faster than the despair he felt. He leaned against the wall and tried to breathe. 


	36. Carry On (pt 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thank you to CassieWinchester for the fanart! I absolutely adore the photo and you did amazing.

                Jensen breathed a sigh of relief when Robert wrapped for the day. Jared clapped him on the back before striding off. Being on set was hard, but it was getting slightly better. Jared was being really helpful and supportive and it made Jensen love him that much more. Jensen pulled himself away from the large wooden table and headed to his trailer. As he left the set building he pulled his phone from his pocket and smiled to find a picture from Misha.

                It had been a week and a day since Misha left. Misha already seemed more tan, which was ridiculous. It was probably just the white shirt he wore in the photo.  He was sporting the squinty, one eye more open than the other look while giving the camera thumbs up. Behind him a large group of children were dancing in a water fountain, huge smiled plastered to their faces.

                Jensen smiled at the photo and sent a quick text. Since being there, Misha had been slow to respond to texts so Jensen pocketed his phone. It was fairly cold out and Jensen was chilled in just his t-shirt. He crossed his arms against the breeze as he walked slowly to his trailer.

                The interior was dark, which he expected. _There’s no reason it wouldn’t be._ He turned on a light and kicked off his shoes before going to his room to change. He put on pajama pants and searched for his AC/DC shirt. He looked through his entire bedroom before a thought hit him and he found his phone.

 

J: Did you steal my AC/DC shirt?

 

                He found himself waiting for Misha’s reply, but one never came. After five minutes of standing there his stomach growled so he went to finish of the leftover pizza in his fridge. He popped it into the microwave before looking around at the trash covered counters. Jared had brought him paper plates and cups to use up, leftovers from Gen’s aprty, and Jensen had been just leaving them around He gathered all the garbage and tied the full bag before setting it outside his door. He turned as the microwave beeped and tested it before putting it back in. He turned the water on to get cold wheil he reached for a cup from the cabinet above the sink.

                When he opened the door, he froze. Lined neatly inside the cabinet, taking up the entirety of the middle shelf, was about a dozen of Misha’s ugly ass cups. The same ones Jensen had boxed up and taken to Misha’s trailer long before he left.  Jensen could practically see Misha’s impish grin as he filled the cabinet and it made him want to laugh and cry simultaneously. His phone buzzed and he hurried to grab it, turning the water off before he opened the text.

               

M: Yes. Yes I did.

 

Jensen smiled.

J: Well I want it back

 

Jensen waited a couple impatient minutes until he received another message. He was caught completely off guard by the photo inside. Misha was standing in front of a mirror in the grey shirt and his black boxer briefs that clung tightly around his legs. The shirt hung to his mid thighs, but it was bunched around the hand that was resting on his waist. The paleness of his waist in comparison to his tanned hand wasn't what drew Jensen's gaze. He could see the edge of Misha's sharp hip bone jutting out from under his hand. Jensen swallowed as he moved his gaze to Misha's face. 

 Misha had one of his eyebrows raised and his mouth was set, which combined gave him a very domineering expression.  Jensen couldn’t think of a better description than that. His phone buzzed in his hand again but he continued to stare at the photo for a moment before swiping to open the text.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36576069622/in/dateposted-public/)

 

M: Make me.

 

Jensen groaned out loud and pulled up the photo again before replying.

 

J: I wish I could. You're sexy as hell

 

Jensen waited for a reply as his food beeped to signal it was done for the second time. It beeped again and he put his phone away. With a dejected sigh he pulled his warm food from the microwave and went to sit at the table to eat it.

 

                Before he went to bed he checked his phone again. _Still no response_. He sent Misha a good night text before plugging his phone in and lying on his pillow. It was hard to keep his thoughts positive, especially at night. He didn’t feel he needed to act when Dean was struggling in the show. He grabbed Misha’s pillow and pulled it against his chest as he situated himself on his side. He fell asleep watching his phone, waiting for it to illuminate with a text.

 

 


	37. My Wayward Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of Misha's time in Africa
> 
> “Even Batman can’t save everyone. You tried, and that’s what matters."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The photos are of Misha in Haiti but I love them. I actually found them AFTER I had the idea for this chapter, so that's cool. There's even one of him wearing the AC/DC shirt XD

                Africa, Sudan to be specific, was a lot like Misha expected. Long, hot days, lots of work, lots of peopling, and the nagging loneliness that threatened to crush him. _God he missed Jensen_. He rewrapped the blue bandana he’d been given around his forehead and set to work hauling more lumber from the truck towards the construction site. He looked around as he walked back and forth.

                There were about ten other members on his team. All amazing people and he was thankful to be here with them. They had a lot of big plans for the month and he had a feeling they would accomplish it.  This town had been ravaged by a virus and fires and it left the people with no hospital and many without homes. Their main goal was to build the small hospital first so the doctors that flew in with them could have somewhere real to work. Misha knew they needed it desperately. The day before, he witnessed a small girl step on a nail. It went clear through her tiny foot. They had put all the homes on hold, which included tearing down the ruined structures, while they worked to get this building up. The original buildings were a mix of stone and wood, all with straw roofs. He hoped to leave the village at the end of the month with solid wooden houses.

 

                They had already gotten the main components of the hospital up. He was pleased with their progress, but he felt they could be moving faster. He handed the lumber off to one of his teammates, Terry, and went back for the rest.  By the time the truck was completely unloaded, Misha was panting from exertion. His muscles ached but in a pleasing way. He went up to the small hut they had for the volunteers to find water.

                His phone was sitting on his shoulder bag and blinking at him as he opened a water bottle. He picked it up to find several texts from Jensen, all making him smile.

 

J: I dreamt about you in my shirt, you little shit.

J: Jared wants to know why his TV remote is missing. He claims you did it.

J: I found his remote. Now he’s mad that he ordered a new one and can’t cancel.

J: I hope you’re having a good day.

 

 

Misha was still trying to get used to being 10 hours ahead of them back on set. _Was it 10? Maybe it’s nine…crap._ By the time he was ready to relax for the day, Jensen was in the middle of work. They needed to find a better schedule. They had only managed one phone call in the nine days he’d been gone. He took a picture of himself winking and sent it before putting his phone back down as his name was called.

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36632534426/in/dateposted-public/)

                When they moved onto getting the houses built two days later, they were introduced to some of the families affected by the fires. He was especially drawn to one of the families in the area. The mother had died of the virus, leaving behind a teenaged daughter and three young sons. When Misha had first met them, after learning their house was where the fire had originated thanks to lightning, Rayan was struggling to keep her rambunctious brothers in line and she seemed thankful when Misha stepped in.

                Abdo was the youngest boy and very mischievous. Misha ended up with a shadow for the rest of the day and was surprised with how hard of a worker the 6 year old was. Misha ended up with over a hundred photos of Abdo, his siblings, Misha, and the other teammates after he showed the boy how to take photos. When Misha retired to his room for the night he sent a few of the photos to Jensen with stories of his day.

               

                The following day started out too warm. Misha woke covered in sweat from a night of fitful dreams. He stood and changed into clean underwear before donning his cargo shorts and another of Jensen’s t-shirts. He brushed at the fabric of the shirt a couple times before looking to his phone for texts, but Jensen hadn’t sent any. Misha felt his shoulders droop a little before he squared them and headed to work.

                Rayan’s new house was on their list to complete today. He felt confident they could get a large portion, if not all, of it up. He grabbed a water bottle and a granola bar before heading towards the opposite side of town on foot. A lot of the village was out and about already, wanting to go before the sun was too hot. They smiled at him and a few offered him food, but he politely refused.

                Misha worked tirelessly with his group all through the morning. A good number of the village men had been pitching in and they made good progress before stopping for lunch. They had the bones of the building up already and planned to start on the walls after they ate.

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36678905385/in/dateposted-public/)

 

                It was a half hour after lunch when the screams started. Misha brushed it off at first; the kids in the village yelled and played a lot. As the screams grew closer and more frantic he stopped drilling to look around. It was then he saw two of Rayan’s brothers running towards the construction site, along with another child he wasn’t familiar with. Kamal, the oldest brother, had blood running down his face and his arm was cut. The drill fell from Misha’s hand as he ran to meet them.

                He couldn’t understand them, and it wasn’t until they grabbed his and Terry’s hands and started pulling them that he realized something else was wrong. He let them lead him to the line of abandoned, mostly burnt houses. It was then he saw the collapsed structure of stone and wood and could hear the tiny cries for help from inside.

                “Go find more help!” Misha yelled as he and Terry rushed over. They started picking through the crumbled building, trying to find the source of the crying. Terry grunted in effort of moving a partial stone wall and Misha jumped over to help. With the wall moved, a tiny figure was visible. Misha nodded to Terry, urging him to grab the child. He grunted with the effort of supporting the wall long enough for Terry to pull the child out and once they were free he let the wall fall and stepped back.

                More of the village arrived, including Rayan. She was pressing a cloth against Kamal’s head as he spoke to her and motioned to the house. She looked over and caught Misha’s eye before an anguished cry escaped her lips.

                “Abdo!”  She cried, looking to Misha and Terry for help. Misha turned back to the collapsed building.

                He raised his voice and called out, “ABDO?” They heard a crying response, but it was too deep to have been the boy’s. Misha heard one of the other men demand how many were in the building and Misha’s heart sank when Kamal responded with four. _It isn’t big enough to hide that many. They should be responding._ He moved forward with the other men and started taking apart the house.

                One by one, the children were found and pulled free until only Abdo was missing. One of the doctors, Kelly Strauss, had appeared and was tending to those injured. Misha set his jaw as he dropped a stone from the rubble and it scraped his hand. He pulled off his bandana and wrapped it around it hand before continuing to move the remaining rubble. As he shifted a rather large stone, he saw the boy’s dark arm.

                “I found him!” He called, and immediately another set of hands was helping to pull away the debris. Misha leaned in and scooped the boy into his arms. His chest tightened at the amount of blood running from Abdo's mouth as he convulsed in Misha’s arms.

                Misha got to his feet as Abdo's little hands clenched Misha's shirt. He hurried towards the doctor as more blood pulsed from the boy’s mouth. By the time he reached the little area where Kelly was, not even twenty feet away, Abdo had stopped moving.

                Kelly took the boy and Misha stepped back as she took over and started examining him. He realized how hard he was breathing and he worked to calm himself, but he couldn’t stop staring at the small child lying lifeless on the ground. Misha realized his shirt, Jensen’s shirt, was slick with blood and he took a step back. He looked up as Kelly spoke, tears in her eyes.

                “He’s gone, I’m sorry Rayan.” She addressed the teen beside Misha. _I didn't even know she was there._  Rayan began wailing and Misha found himself pulling her into a hug. She cried into his chest as he mumbled repeated apologies. He felt Kamal grab a hold of his side and he reached an arm down to hug the boy as well. _Hold it together. Stay strong. It’s okay… it’s okay._

 

 

                Misha made it through the rest of the day holding onto his emotions. He took a break from building to help Rayan, but she politely declined his help in preparing her brother for burial. He wondered if they would be heading to the closest town that held a mosque or planned to bury him in their village. He honestly didn’t know. Instead of returning to work building he went around to help people with anything they asked of him. He wanted something to keep his hands and mind busy, to make him feel useful, but it didn’t.

                By 6 pm he had been in his room for half an hour. He hadn’t eaten because he felt like throwing up. He checked the clock again and did the mental math. _I just need him to be awake._ He picked his phone up and called Jensen.

                The line rang over ten times before voicemail answered. With a defeated sigh he hung up. After a minute wait he tried again. This time the line rang four times before a sleep heavy voice answered.

                “Mishka?”

                “Hey, J. I woke you didn’t I?” _Of course you did, you asshole._

                “Oh uh, it’s alright. I need to be up soon anyway.” Jensen cleared his throat and Misha could tell he was trying to pull himself to alertness. “You okay?”

                “Yeah I’m fine. I just miss you.” Misha closed his eyes and inhaled shakily.

                “Anything new happening? I liked the pictures yesterday. Those kids are adorable.”

                “Yeah.” Misha’s voice broke.  There was just something about hearing Jensen’s voice that made the emotions he had been holding back come crashing in. He sank onto the edge of his bed, his bare feet on the hard floor.

                “Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” Jensen quietly urged. Misha shook his head, knowing Jensen couldn’t see. Jensen stayed silent as Misha struggled to keep his breathing even as tears clouded his vision.

                “I just…” He inhaled slowly before telling Jensen the events of the accident. Jensen listened silently as Misha ground out the story.

                “I just feel like it was my fault. Or our fault. We should have started by demolishing all of the buildings first. I just….it could have been avoided.”  Misha wiped away tears from his eyes.

                “You guys built a frickin’ hospital. In a week.” Jensen finally said. “That’s amazing. It is more important than tearing down old houses.”

                “But the collapse-“

                “You can’t change that it happened, Misha. I’m sorry but you can’t. You did everything you could to save those kids and you did! You saved three children! You’re a god damn hero.” Jensen paused for a moment. “Even Batman can’t save everyone. You tried, and that’s what matters. I’m sorry you lost that little guy, but at least you have pictures of him. We could print them out and then his sister at least has something right?”

                “That’s a good idea.” Misha mumbled. The tremors in his chest finally calmed the longer he listened to Jensen’s voice. The tears no longer ran freely, but he could still feel them waiting.

                “I have Friday off. I am supposed to go to a convention but I’ll fly out and spend the weekend with you.” Jensen offered. Misha’s heart leapt at the idea, but he knew it was unnecessary.

                “No, go to the con. I am only here for two more weeks then I’ll be home. The fans need you more than I do.”

                “Well I’m calling bullshit on that. Sounds like you need someone.”

                “I have you, just...not how I want. It’s okay, really. Thank you for this. I don’t know what I would have done without hearing your voice.” Misha laid back on his bed.

                “Anytime, sweetheart. You still have that cd yeah?”

                “Yeah.” Misha laughed halfheartedly as he looked towards his small desk where it sat. “I’ve been listening to it most nights.”

                “Well that’s good. Makes me happy. Just think, in a couple weeks you’ll be home and I can sing you to sleep instead.”

                “I’m looking forward to it.” Misha said as he closed his eyes. The weight of the day hit him and he suddenly felt exhausted. “I think I need to sleep now.”

                “That’s fine. I love you, Misha Collins.”

                “I love you too.”

               

                The line went dead and Misha laid the phone on his chest. He worked to even out his breathing as he focused on Jensen’s words to keep himself calm.  He fell asleep humming one of Jensen’s songs to himself, too tired to get up to play the cd.


	38. Cat's Out of the Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared gave him a look as they paused by each other.  “You made them scream so loud we could hear it during my photo shoot. What the hell did you do?” He demanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment! I love hearing from you all. Let me know what lines you liked, if any, and stay tuned for more! Misha comes home soon!!

                Saturday morning rushed to greet Jensen like a long lost friend he didn’t actually want to see. He groaned as his alarm went off, breaking the stillness of the night. His eyes fought the command to open and he only slightly regretted staying up as late as he did talking to Misha. . It was 1am Jensen’s time when he called Misha, and he didn’t go to sleep until 4.  Despite the utter exhaustion he felt, he was glad to have had the couple hours on the phone with him. As he pulled himself from his squishy hotel mattress he thought about the man.

                It had been a day since the accident, and Jensen felt like Misha was doing okay. His heart ached with the thought of Misha having to go through that, and he very nearly almost caught a plane regardless. It was Jared who talked him out of it. So Jensen took the flight to the convention instead of the one that would take him to Sudan

 

                The convention was ridiculously busy, as he knew it would be.  He smiled to the people that he passed, and he heard several mentions of Misha in passing. The morning moved quickly between the autograph signing and his panel with Jared. They didn’t answer many questions as they shared stories from set and Jensen danced spoke about Dean’s mindset in current episodes.  Jensen enjoyed all the hugs and photos and general excitement in the air. It helped relieve the stress he felt about his own panel the following day. For some reason he was ridiculously nervous about it.

                He texted pictures to Misha throughout the day and that night Misha called him again to update on his work. Jensen listened with a smile on his face as Misha’s tired voice sounded through the phone. Jensen was starving, waiting for his pizza to arrive, and an idea hit him.

                “Hey Misha, let’s skype.”

                “Right now? I was about to head out to work.”

                “Yeah I need to do a few things while my pizza is on its way.”

                “Alright, give me a few.”

                They hung up and Jensen situated his laptop so he could see it from the hotel bed. Pretty soon the line rang and Misha’s tired, sun tanned face appeared. Jensen smiled at the sight.

                “Hey sunshine.” Jensen called as he repositioned the laptop. Misha gave him a smirk as he settled back into the bed in his little room.

                “Hey yourself. Ready for your panel tomorrow?”

                Jensen rolled his eyes as he started to sort through his suitcase. He spoke as he sorted things. Talking over the panels he did and people he met. The energy of the convention crowd and how it helped calm him. He realized Misha had stopped asking questions. When he looked up from his suitcase he paused to see Misha’s head lolled to one side, his chest rising and falling easily. Jensen looked at the clock. _It’s after 8 am there...Should I wake him?_

                He looked back at the man on the screen and smiled. _Someone else will get him when they need him._ He laid down on his bed next to the laptop and watched Misha sleep for a while before he started singing. He sang a couple songs before he felt himself dozing.

 

                A pounding on the hotel door startled Jensen from his sleep. He opened his eyes to find Misha gone, but a note was pinned in front of the screen.

 

**I adore you, Jensen. Thank you for the good start to my morning. Sleep well and know you’re amazing. Tomorrow will be a breeze for you.**

Jensen smiled at it as he reread it, before the pounding started up again. He pulled himself from the bed to answer the door.

            “Hey man, I got your pizza for you. You going to eat it?” Jared asked as he stood in the doorway. Jensen nodded and let him in, but his thoughts were off in Africa. They ate and Jensen urged Jared to leave so he could go back to sleep. He sent Misha a good night text and quickly nodded off.

 

                Sunday’s photo ops went by quickly, like always. He hugged and posed and laughed with more people than he could count. Pretty soon it was his turn for a panel, and his hands were shaking. He hoped he had the right words to field all of the questions that he had avoided the whole weekend. _Honestly, why AM I avoiding talking about Misha? Is it because he hasn’t actually been brought up yet?_ Jensen shook his head as he stepped onto the stage.

               

                The first ten minutes were okay. He spoke about the season, how Dean was faring, and how weird it was without Cas. His next question was one he was surprised hadn’t been asked yet.

                “I think a lot of us are wondering why Misha isn’t here. He never misses conventions.” The tall girl asked into her mike. Jensen knew the questions were coming. He nodded towards her before he began.

                “Well as some of you know, Misha is in Sudan with a group of volunteers doing charity work. They’ve done a-may-zing things so far! They built a hospital in a week. They’ve rebuilt homes that were destroyed by fire.” He paused and looked around. “He probably won’t say anything, and it might make him uncomfortable if you ask, but he saved the lives of three children earlier this week. An old building collapsed on them and, working with several members of his team, they freed the children and saved them. He’s fucking amazing.” Jensen winced and looked towards the convention director. “Sorry, didn’t mean to say that.” She waved him off so he turned back to the girl who had asked the question.

                “So in answer, he’s off being a super hero to a village of people that have nothing. And I’m proud as hell of him.”

                The audience went from silent as a graveyard to earsplitting cheers in seconds. He let the mike drop for a bit so they could get it out of their systems. After a couple minutes he raised his hands for them to calm.

                “Who has the next question?” He asked as he settled back onto his chair.

                “I do.” A quiet voice said. He turned to find a girl in a black dress that sported red devil traps. He smirked at the outfit and nodded her on.

                “I want to know how long you have been a couple.” She asked shyly. Jensen’s eyebrows rose a fraction of an inch before he made a face.

                “Uh…well…”

                She interrupted him as she gushed the words out quickly. “There are photos of you kissing over Christmas. And just…the way you are around each other.”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36302399080/in/dateposted-public/)

                Jensen looked down at his hands with a small smile. _You knew it wasn’t a secret anymore. Just tell them. They aren’t going to judge you._ “Well it’s been longer than Christmas, I’ll say that.” There were several dozen _whoops_ filling the air so he paused until they stopped. “Honestly I think the answer will differ depending who you ask.”  The crowd went crazy and he smiled at his feet.

                They calmed and he lifted the microphone again. “But yes. Misha and I are together.” The crowd erupted in screams and he let his mike fall as he looked up, a pleased smile on his lips. _This would be so much better if he were with me._ He could hear some of the fans crying over the chaos and it made him want to laugh.

                “Tell you what…” He waited until he could hear himself over the cheers. “Why don’t we send him a video?” Jensen brought his phone out and prepared the camera. The crowd waited patiently for him, which he found amusing. “On three, a big old ‘We love you Misha’ okay?”

                “1. 2. 3. WE LOVE YOU MISHA!” Jensen said, hoping at least his voice could be heard over the chaos behind him.  He made sure to pan side to side in order to capture as much of the audience as he could before he blew a cheesy kiss at the camera and ended the video. He sent it, hoping it would lighten Misha’s heart.

                “So let’s get on with the next question!”

                The girl that stepped up this time was wearing an AKF t-shirt and ripped jeans. Her buzzed hair was decorated with…glitter? Jensen squinted a little to try and see it better. He forgot his curiosity once she asked her question though.

                “Since you went as Stucky for Halloween, was that when you started dating?” She asked with a mischievous smile. Jensen frowned.

                “What the hell does “Stucky” mean?” He asked.

                “You know. Steve and Bucky. Captain America and Winter Soldier.”

                “That’s a thing? Wait, they’re a thing?” He asked overtly confused. She nodded as some of the crowd laughed.

                “It’s a big ship.” She said, nodding. “A ship is where-“

                “I do know what a ship is.” He interrupted with a fake frown. “I just didn’t know they were one.” He shook his head before he realized why they were asking that question. “I also know Misha is a little shit.” He said into the mike with a smile. “I had no idea why he chose those costumes besides the fact that he looked hot as hell in that shirt.”

                Jensen’s face flamed when he realized he’d said that out loud, but the crowd adored it. It helped ease some of the tension he felt. He continued through the panel, answering all the questions except one pervy one. As his panel drew to a close he was happy that it went so well. He bowed off the stage with a farewell wave and headed to the back where he ran into Jared.

                Jared gave him a look as they paused by each other.  “You made them scream so loud we could hear it during my photo shoot. What the hell did you do?” He demanded. Jensen’s laugh made him double over and rendered him speechless. It took several minutes before he could breathe.

                “I told them about my boyfriend.” He said, wiping tears from his eyes. Jared rolled his eyes and headed to the stage.

                “Figures. Go be grossly cute elsewhere.” Jared said before leaving. Jensen couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face as he got out his phone.

               

                J: I kinda told everyone about us. We’re officially an item now.

               

Almost immediately, his phone buzzed with a reply.

 

                M: I bet you $20 we make headline news by the end of the week ;)

                J: I bet by tomorrow we do. What do I get when I win?

                M: I can think of a few things we could both get once I’m home. Bowchicawowow

               

Jensen laughed out loud, receiving a look from Mark as he walked by. Jensen shook his head and typed a quick reply before he needed to keep going.

 

                J:Then I don’t give a shit who wins

 

Jensen smiled contentedly as he pocketed his phone and headed to the next thing on his itinerary.


	39. The "Bartender"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean struggles with his grief as he throws himself into solo hunts, despite Sam's pleading to slow down. It wears on him. But maybe, just maybe, there is hope for the remainder of Team Free Will
> 
> There will be two more show chapter after this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I ADORE the fanart I found. I tried to trace it to a source but it ended with Google. If it's yours, you're amazing. Let me know so I can name you!

Baby purred beneath Dean’s feet as he sped down the highway. It was late, again, and despite the utter exhaustion tugging at his mind he wasn’t ready to find a crappy hotel to sleep. Hell, he’d slept in Baby for the last two nights. The headlights jumped across the road as he hit a pot hole.

                “Shit, shit. Sorry Baby. That sounded expensive.” He said through gritted teeth. The wheel he hit the hole with started thumping and he pounded his fist against the steering wheel before pulling onto the shoulder. He turned the car off and sat there for a moment, feeling anger boiling around in his chest. Finally he grabbed the small flashlight from the glove compartment and got out.

                The tire was completely flat. Dean sighed and went to the trunk for the spare. As he pulled it out and set it on the ground he started speaking aloud to the stars.  Well, not the stars.

                “I haven’t been home in four nights now, Cas.” He said as he pulled his jacket closer around him before grunting with the effort of loosening the lug nuts. “Actually, in the last month I’ve been home less than I’ve been gone. I’ve asked everyone I can think of to help find you. We searched purgatory even. Well not personally, not this time. I don’t know where you are and it’s killing me. ” He paused his rambling as he worked on the last lug nut, then situated the jack in place.

                “I killed three vamps yesterday. Blood stained my favorite t-shirt.” He stopped talking as he momentarily lost himself to the _up down up down_  motion of raising the car. “I miss the days when you had your mojo and could just _poof_ my clothes clean. Or touch my forehead and just mend my broken body.” He paused as the tire left the ground. He pulled it from its spot and tossed it aside before grabbing the spare. He was glad that it was an actual tire and not a tiny piece of shit that would get him nowhere.

                “I don’t have a destination right now. I’m just driving.” Dean confessed to the quiet, midnight air. “I can’t stand to see those wings anymore, man. I just can’t.” He pushed the tire into place and lightly screwed on the lug nuts. “I thought I needed to hang around there to take care of Sammy, but he has Eileen and she’s better at it I think.”  He sighed shakily and looked up at the star scattered sky.

                “I miss you, Cas.” Dean hung his head, letting it lean against the car. “Castiel. I miss you.” He swallowed against the lump in his throat and took a deep breath before he let the jack down. The car bounced slightly as it settled. Dean put extra effort than needed into tightening the lug nuts into place. When he was done he stood and stared around at the cornless corn fields around him. It was silent, except for a far off lowing cow.

                “I have to keep moving though. Or… or it catches up to me, you know? You actually being gone. I can’t just go home and waltz into your room and sweep you into my arms.” Dean wiped his face. “Hell I can’t even walk by your room without feeling a knife twist against my heart.” A soft sob escaped the confines of his chest and he tried to regain control of his breathing. He looked back up at the sky.

                “I know I’ve asked, and begged, but…if you can hear me please just give me a sign, man. Anything. Just…please?”

                Dean waited on the gravel road as the breeze blew coldly around him. He stared up at the sky, so many stars that seemed to be twinkling and shining on him. By the time his neck hurt from craning his head backwards, he felt the small spark of hope he had been cradling flicker closer to extinguishment. Dean picked up his tools, and the busted tire, and threw them into the trunk before he got into the front of his car. He started the engine and pulled back onto the road to continue driving. It wasn’t until the orange sun peaked above the horizon that Dean pulled into the first motel he found.

 

***

 

                “I’m not going to let you keep doing this, Dean.” Sam said vehemently as Dean strode by him, a fresh bag of clothes in his hand.

                “I’m handling the cases, Sammy. They aren’t hard.  I can handle them.” Dean stated as headed for the bunker stairs. It had been another week of driving all over to find any case he could, and this last one left him a little bloody, which scared Sam.

                Dean scratched at the healing knife wound on his arm and turned around as Sam grabbed him.

                “Dean you’re trying to get yourself killed.”

                “No, I would be dead if that were the case. It isn’t hard to just lie down and let a werewolf eat me, Sam.”

                Sam’s eyebrows shot up.  “So you have thought about it!”

                “No, stop putting words into my mouth.” Dean levelled his stare at his taller, little brother.

                “Dean I lost Cas too. I can’t handle you going.”

                “I’ll be back once I hunt down this witch.” Dean said offhandedly, wanting the conversation to be over. He nodded to Eileen as she entered the room. She wore one of Sam’s t-shirts, which was huge on her.

                “You know that’s not what I meant.” Sam said in an exasperated tone. Dean nodded and offered them a wave as he started up the stairs. He’s parked outside this time. He was only home long enough to grab different clothes and a few items he'd been wanting.           

                “Let me come too. I just need ten minutes to pack a bag.” Sam called after him.

                “I got this Sammy. You still aren’t 100 percent. I’ll be home before you know it.” Dean pushed through the door and stepped into the chilly winter-but-almost-spring air. He rolled his shoulders to loosen the tension and went to his car.

                “I should have just bought new clothes.” He muttered as he slammed the car door.

 

***

 

                “Dean, Crowley is here.” Sam gritted through his teeth on the other end of the phone. Dean excused himself from the grieving family he had been speaking to and strolled to his car on the street. The caring smile he’d painted on was gone in an instant as soon as he was out of view of the people. 

                “Why is he there?” Dean demanded. He could feel the headache return from the almost permanent frown he wore.

                “He said the Princes are still causing shit and-“

                “Hello Squirrel.” Crowley interrupted. Dean flexed his fist around his phone and tried not to snarl. Sam was talking in the background, probably trying to get his phone back.

                “Why are you there?” Dean ground out.

                “Well your angel took the heat of their anger but no one has tried to stop them. They still want Hell back. They want Purgatory open and free. They haven’t stopped working towards that.”

                “So what? You expect me to come swooping in and take them out for you? You can’t clean up your own messes now?”

                “On the contrary. I have a plan-“

                “Your plans are bullshit, Crowley. They don’t work. You’re a useless ally and no, we will not help you.” Dean took the phone from his ear and angrily ended the call before throwing the phone through the open car window. He heard the phone ring again but he ignored it. The wind blew coldly, and he looked up to see storm clouds brewing. He reached into the car for his peat coat, but his hands closed on a different fabric. With a small sigh he pulled the folded trench coat out of the car and held it a moment.

 

 

                He cast a glance towards the small blue house then pulled on the coat and started walking. He was too pent up to sit. To angry to put on that fake smile or persona. He was so damn tired. He stalked down the sidewalk, his hands stuffed into the big pockets of the trench coat that covered his suit shirt and tie. He ignored the people that passed by and walked in an anger fueled daze.

                Once his anger faded, he found himself stopped along the sidewalk. He blinked a few times in the early morning light and looked around, trying to remember how he got there. The neon blue sign above his head was the same color as Cas’s eyes. He pushed through the door and stepped into a quiet bar.

                The bartender looked up, gave Dean an obvious once-over, and then went back to wiping down the counter. His cropped grey hair was reflecting the neon colors from the signs above him. “We don’t open yet, but you look like hella-shit. Sit. I’ll get you some food.”

                “I’m not hungry. Just give me a whiskey or something.” Dean said as he sat. The bartender nodded and disappeared into the back without giving Dean his drink. Dean stared at the scuffed wood of the counter as he waited.  His mind was void of thoughts as he traced a finger across the scratches and scuffs in the dark wood.  

                A hot plate of fries was pushed under his face, followed by a large burger. Dean looked up to find the bartender watching him with bright whiskey-colored eyes.

                “You should eat, son.” He said. Dean shook his head.

                “I’m probably as old as you are and I’m not hungry.”

                “I doubt it. Yes you are. Eat, Dean.”

                Dean sighed and took a fry. It was really good. Before he realized it, he reached for another but the plate was empty. The burger was gone too. He stared at it for a moment before he acknowledged the full feeling in his stomach. When was the last time he ate a full meal?

                “What about some pie?”

                “I don’t like pie.” Dean sighed.

                “I think you do.” A large slice slid across the counter and the plate bumped against Dean’s stomach. He pushed it away from his shirt.

                “I want my drink.” He felt annoyed. A drink slid across the counter and Dean caught it, but it sloshed and spilled on the beige sleeve.  He glared at it before shrugging off the coat and letting it fall across the back of his chair. Dean picked up his drink and downed it, enjoying the burn it left. He looked at the pie.

                “I really don’t want it.”

                “You should probably get some sleep then.” The bartender said. Dean shook his head.

                “M not tired.” He mumbled. He _did_ feel tired now though. He looked around, trying to remember how he got to the bar. “I need my Baby.  Can sleep there.”

                “Okay.” The bartender said. Dean looked up at him in confusion, but he was suddenly staring at the roof of his car.

                “What?” He mumbled before he was enveloped in a heavy, dreamless sleep.

***

                Dean knew it was a dream. The sun didn’t feel warm as it shined down on him. The park bench beneath him didn’t feel real. The trench coat in his hands kept changing places. It was on him, then folded in his hands, then beside him. He looked up as he heard a flutter of wings, a sound he’d been yearning for, for months.

                A trench coated figure stalked towards Dean. His eyes blazed a brilliant blue and Dean inhaled sharply as dark wings sprouted behind him. He stopped in front of Dean and looked down, but Dean couldn't focus on his face. It was like his eyes just slipped away. 

                “You need to get up, Dean.” Cas said softly, a harsh comparison to the stoniness of his expression. Dean rolled to his feet, not remembering having laid down.

                “Cas?” He asked quietly. "Is that really you? Why can't I see you?" He felt like shaking. He hadn’t seen Cas in a single dream since he died. Just the few photos Dean had.

                “Yes Dean. I heard your call.”

                Dean reached up and ran his hands along the folds of Cas’s coat, he flipped the tie so it was backwards then rested his hands on the angel’s chest. “I didn’t call.”

                “You need to stop looking for me.” Cas said gravelly. “I’m where I need to be right now.”

                “But Cas,” Dean said, reaching up to find his angel's face. Cas’s hands came up and wrapped around Dean’s wrists, strongly.

                “Listen to me. You are going to get yourself killed. I will not be there if you do. You need to live, Dean.”

                Cas’s grip tightened around Dean’s wrists. Dean opened his mouth to reply but Cas yelled at him and shoved him backwards. “LIVE!”

 

                Dean jolted awake. He looked around the Impala, trying to figure out what was happening. The hood was dented to hell and there was blood on the windshield, but at least that wasn’t cracked. He winced, which made him wince more as his brow stung. He looked into the window near his head and sucked in a breath at the mass of bruises across his face.

                Memories of the battle with the witch and demon pair trickled back to him. He opened his mouth, but it _hurt_ like hell. Cas’s voice hit him again as he recalled the dream. _LIVE Dean. Live and I’ll find you again._

                Dean noticed then the trench coat was draped over him. He went to move it, but something made him pause. He reached into one of the large pockets and pulled out a folded, yellowing paper. His eyes widened as he read it.

 

***

 You what now?” Sam asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise. Dean fiddled with the coffee mug in his hands. Cas’s coffee mug. It had taken him two days to get home from the little down in Minnesota he'd been in. He probably could have made it sooner, but he kept getting an overwhelming craving for pie as he drove and kept stopping. 

                “I think we need to help Crowley.” Dean repeated. “Don’t get me wrong, I hate the guy. But I don’t want the world turned loose to those…monsters in purgatory. I don’t want the Princes to win any more than they have.”

                “I get that, Dean, I do. But even with an angel and the king of Hell, we didn’t stand a chance. If Ca-“ Sam stopped and looked worriedly at Dean. “If Cas hadn’t put himself in the spotlight they would have come after us. We still don’t have a way to combat the curse they use and…it’s just a stupid idea.”

                “I have a cure.” Dean said softly. He fished the aged paper from his pocket and handed it to his brother. Sam opened it gently and Dean watched his eyes scan the writing.

                “Where did you find this?”

                “It found me.” Dean offered simply. He didn’t want to tell Sam about waking up in his car with Cas’s coat draped over him and the paper in the pocket. He didn’t want to figure out an explanation. He barely remembered the past month and a half, Sam wouldn’t believe him anyway.

                “Well uh, if this  _does_  work then what? We can cure those infected with the curse.”

                “Yeah. Did you read the back?”

                “No…” Sam turned it over and his hazel eyes widened as he read the scrawling script. He looked up at Dean.

                “We can cast the curse on the Princes?”

                “It appears so.”

                “Dean…this is it! We could win!” Sam’s face exploded in a grin. Dean nodded and looked around as the door opened and Eileen walked in. She smiled at the smile on Sam’s face and approached. Dean sat back as the Bartender’s knowing smile flashed into his mind. The tiny flicker of hope grew in Dean's chest as he watched Sam excitedly tell Eileen the news _.  Maybe we can win._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Cas" here is a stand in. It isn't Misha. Sorry if there is confusion. I tried to write it like we would see filming. Dean never actually sees Cas's face.


	40. In Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their reunion after a month of being apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UH mazing fanart. Kudos to whoever you are. You're seriously amazing.  
> The song is Katie Sky: Monsters. Youtube it. I adore it. (Not the Timeflies version)

Misha shook hands with Terry and his wife Anne before they climbed into their jeep to head home. He waited until they left then began his walk across town. He looked around at the lines of houses they had built. They had come a month ago to 30 stone and wood huts, half of which had been burnt and were crumbling. Now there were rows of solid homes that will stand for years. The last two weeks had been exhausting, in more ways than one, but also fulfilling. Misha smiled as he spotted Rayan walking out of one of the houses, chasing after a brother. She waved to him and he approached her.

            She looked up and in broken English thanked him. “You have saved us. My brothers. Thank you.” She held his hand in both of hers. Misha smiled at her and wished there was something else he could do to help her family. It warmed his heart how much she adored the photobook Jensen had mailed.  He looked down at their hands when she pressed something into his.

             In his palm was a braided leather cord. He lifted his hand to inspect it but she lightly took it from him and tied it around his wrist. In a quiet voice she added, “Abdo made for you. I’m sorry, not give it to you before.”

            “Thank you, Rayan.” He said as he swallowed back the lump in his throat. “It means so much to me.”

            She nodded and turned. “You be safe. I see you soon?”

            “Probably.” He grinned. He watched her walk back to her new house before he continued on his walk. He idly played with the bracelet as he nodded and smiled to those he passed. He was _ready_ to be home, but he was going to miss these kind people.

             The hospital was on the other end of town, but he knew it was running smoothly. He had just come from there. He looked up as several peals of laughter broke the quiet village air. Dodging between the houses were four of the adolescent boys chasing down a younger one.  They waved to Misha before disappearing and he wondered what they were up to. His phone started ringing and he eagerly dug it from his pocket to answer.

            “Jensen?”

            “Hey, man. You heading home yet?” Jensen asked eagerly.

            “Uh no. Saying goodbyes. My flight isn’t for another few hours.”

            “I know…I’m just excited.”

            “I am too. You should go to bed though. That way you don’t die on the way to the airport.” Misha joked.  

            “I wouldn’t dare. I need to see you too badly.”

            “Same. I’ll let you know when I’m there.”

            “Love you, Misha.”

            “I love you too, J.”

            Misha paused, wanting to say more, but Jensen ended the call. Excitement was chipping away at his heart as he sauntered through town to gather his already-packed bags.

 

            The flights were painstakingly long. The waiting to board, to take off, to get off, and even the rush to get to the next flight all seemed like the longest time periods ever. Misha was exhausted as he dozed on and off on his last flight. Exhausted from many nights of fitful dreams and all the work he’d done in the last thirty-some days. He was almost there. So close he could practically _feel_ Jensen’s arms. He smiled as his dozing day dreams led him to thoughts of the man. Of _his_ man.

 

           

            The captain announced their decent and Misha’s heart started thumping in his chest. He couldn’t stop fidgeting in his seat. The elderly woman next to him smiled over kindly.

            “You a little nervous dear? You look exhausted. Want some gum? Might help relieve the pressure.” She motioned to her earring pierced ears and offered him a pack. He smiled at her.

            “No thank you. I’m not nervous about the flight; I am excited to see my family.”

            “Oh that’s sweet! Wife or parents?”

            “Uh,” Misha blushed slightly but held her hazel gaze. “My boyfriend actually.”

            Her expression didn’t waver, which he wasn’t expecting. She reached over and patted his hand. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s amazing how far we’ve come in the last 50 years. I’m happy for you. Give him a big hug from Carry, will you?”

            Misha laughed softly and patted her hand with his free one. “I will do that for sure. It’s nice to meet you.”

             The plane finally landed and Misha’s chest tightened. He hoped Jensen had made it to the airport already. He hoped Jensen felt as eager to see him as he felt. _It’s been a little over an entire month. Does he still care about me as much as before?_

 

            Misha got off the plane and through security. He didn’t see Jensen anywhere near the gate so he decided to get his luggage. As he neared it, his heart still dancing around like a child, saw Jensen bouncing forward onto his toes then back to his heels. Jensen was facing sideways to him and Misha smiled widely as he just took in the sight for a moment.

            Jensen was wearing a faded baseball cap. Misha could tell he’d had his hair cut again, so it matched the hairstyle of the beginning of the season.  A new, black AC/DC shirt made his biceps seem to bulge as he stood with his arms crossed. Misha wanted to walk over and press Jensen’s bowlegs into a normal position. He set his carryon bag against the luggage counter and walked over with every intention of staying sneaky. Once he got within a foot he let out an involuntary noise of unknown emotion and Jensen turned.

            Jensen’s face lit up as he jumped forward and pulled Misha into a hug. Misha ducked his head to rest it against Jensen’s chest. His heart thudded quickly against Misha’s ear as they crushed each other in an embrace. Misha hugged him tightly, not caring if it was too hard. Jensen was strong, it was fine. He felt Jensen’s chest hitch lightly and suddenly his own eyes were burning with tears that wanted free.

            “Oh God Misha.” Jensen murmured into Misha’s hair. “I missed you so much.”

            “It was only a month.” Misha mumbled as a tear left his eye lashes.

            “Didn’t feel like it.” Jensen tightened his arms briefly before releasing him all together and pushed him back. Misha tried to pull him close again but suddenly Jensen’s mouth was on his and Misha melted into the kiss.

            It wasn’t until an elderly voice called out that they pulled apart. Misha turned to find Carry watching with a smile on her face. “You two are adorable.” She looked up at Jensen. “Make him sleep. He’s exhausted. Have a good day.” She said before picking up a hot pink suitcase and wheeling it away. Jensen laughed at the odd exchange which made Misha laugh in response. He yanked Jensen close again and inhaled slowly, savoring the scent he had missed so much.

            “Home?” Jensen asked and Misha nodded into his shoulder. They stayed still for another minute or two before Misha finally pulled away with an embarrassed laugh. He started to wipe his eyes but Jensen reached up and used his thumb to clear the tears away. He smiled down at Misha, making his heart stutter.

            “I love you so much.”

            Misha couldn’t remember how to word, so he just nodded and hugged Jensen again, which made Jensen’s chest rumble with a chuckle.

           

            Misha didn’t look outside of the car once on the drive. His focus was on the strong hand in his where they rested on the center console. He saw Jensen smile at him several times. Just glancing looks bathed in a warm smile. Misha grinned back at him, just content to be there.

            They arrived to set, and Misha was glad there wasn’t anyone out and about. He didn’t want to people today, he just wanted Jensen. Jensen carried his suitcase and bags for him, which he thought was cheesy. They approached Jensen’s trailer and since his hands were full, Misha fished Jensen’s keys from his jeans for him. Jensen raised an eyebrow suggestively and Misha just smiled and slid through the door.

            The trailer _smelled_ like Jensen. Misha would have been content to stand there and inhale all day if it weren’t for the man that walked by. He yawned into his fist and followed Jensen to put his bags in the bedroom. As he walked in, Jensen turned and wrapped him in a hug. Misha closed his eyes at the sensation of warmth against him. _I could fall asleep right now._

            “I’m still not over you stealing my favorite shirt, Mishka.” Jensen growled lowly in his ear. Misha felt goosebumps rise on his flesh at the feeling of Jensen’s breath. He nodded and stepped out of Jensen’s arms to open his suitcase.

            “So I tried to wash the bloodstain out of your shirt.” Misha mumbled. His light mood was suddenly gone as he fished a grey shirt from his suitcase. “I tried a few times but it wouldn’t work. I’m sorry. But I got you a new one.” He withdrew the folded shirt and offered it to Jensen, who was watching with a furrowed brow. “It isn’t AC/DC but it’s Kansas and I know you like them too.”

            Jensen’s frown softened and he took the shirt from Misha. He ran a hand over it before setting it on the bed and stepping close again. Misha rested his forehead on Jensen’s shoulder and inhaled his scent.

            “It wasn’t your fault.” Jensen murmured as he rubbed slow circles on Misha’s back. Misha nodded into his shoulder but felt like crying again. Jensen tightened his embrace and held Misha for a while. The exhaustion finally hit him full force and he looked up with bleary eyes.

            “Can we shower and just go to bed? I’m so tired.”

            “Yes we can.” Jensen said before pressing a kiss to Misha’s lips.

 

***

 

_Abdo screamed out Misha’s name from the fallen building that was hiding his small body. Misha pulled debris and stones in a hurry, trying to reach him. For every stone that he tossed behind him, more took their place. He cried out in frustration as Abdo appeared, staring lifeless at Misha with a look of betrayal._

            “Misha!” Jensen’s voice yanked Misha awake. He flailed until strong hands clasped around his wrists. He opened his eyes to find the lamp on and Jensen staring down at him from where he was sitting on the bed. Misha’s heart thudded painfully and his throat hurt.

            “You were yelling, Misha.” Jensen said as his eyes crinkled in worry. Misha swallowed and reached up to touch his face with shaky hands. Jensen responded by sliding his arms under Misha’s torso and hauling him into his lap. Misha placed his palm against Jensen’s bare chest so he could feel the slightly elevated heartbeat.

            “You’re okay. You’re home. You’re safe, sweetheart.”

            “I know I am.” Misha mumbled. “But he isn’t.”  He closed his eyes and a line of tears ran across his face. Jensen pulled him closer and after a moment began to sing as he stroked Misha’s hair, parting it randomly.

           

I see your monsters  
I see your pain  
Tell me your problems  
I'll chase them away  
I'll be your lighthouse  
I'll make it okay  
When I see your monsters  
I'll stand there so brave  
And chase them all away

 

In the dark we we  
We stand apart we  
Never see that the things that we need are staring right at us  
You just want to hide hide  
Never show your smile smile  
Stand alone when you need someone it’s the hardest thing of all  
That you see are the bad bad bad  
Bad memories take your time and you’ll find me

 

Misha breathed a little easier as he focused on Jensen. On the man whose arms held him together. He _knew_ it had just been an accident. He _knew_ there was nothing more he or anyone could have done. But that didn’t stop the nightmares he’d had since. He knew the lack of sleep was a large part of his exhaustion. Jensen kept singing and Misha relaxed, as he forced himself to accept the fact that he was here, now, and that Jensen had him.

 

I see your monsters I see your pain  
Tell me your problems I’ll chase them away  
I’ll be your lighthouse I’ll make it okay  
When I see your monsters I’ll stand there so brave  
And chase them all away

 

Misha heard a smile creep into Jensen’s voice and he looked up to see just that. Jensen smiled down at him as he started the next verse, lightly tracing his fingers over Misha’s temple.

 

I could see the sky sky sky  
Sky beautiful tonight night  
When you breathe why can’t you see the clouds are in your head  
I will stay right here here  
There’s no need to fear fear  
And when you need to talk it out with someone you can trust  
What you see are the bad bad bad  
Bad memories take your time and you’ll find me

 

 

Misha closed his eyes as Jensen ran his fingers over his face.

 

I could see the sky...in your eyes…beautiful tonight…

 

Jensen trailed off as he leaned down and pressed kisses against Misha’s eyelids. Misha sighed and turned to nuzzle his face against Jensen’s skin. He drifted asleep before Jensen could finish the song.

 

 

            The morning sun didn’t bother the slumbering couple as it slowly crept into the sky. Misha slept deeply, pressed against Jensen as much as he could. Jensen slept soundly for the first night in a month. Their phones were off and no one came to disturb them as the morning passed.

            Misha stirred finally, needing to pee, and extracted himself from their tangle of limbs. He didn’t feel any confusion at the change of setting around him, this was home. He looked over his shoulder at Jensen, who had thrown his newly freed arm across his eyes. _He is home._

            The shower felt wonderful. Misha hadn’t minded the baths in Sudan, but _God_ he loved showers. He scrubbed himself down using Jensen’s soap, because his wasn’t in there. _I also just want his scent closer._ Misha mused as he rolled his shoulders that Jensen massaged the night before as they stood closely under the spray of water. Knots and aches he hadn’t even acknowledged melted under Jensen’s touch.

            Misha got out to the smell of waffles, or pancakes he couldn’t tell. He wrapped his towel around his waist and walked to the bedroom for boxers. His suitcase was empty though, and the rest of his clothes were in his trailer. He looked around and stole a pair of Jensen’s boxer briefs before quickly toweling his hair and walking to the kitchen.

            Jensen was spinning a Belgian waffle maker into place before he turned to pull something from the fridge. He had thrown on a loose dark green t-shirt and still wore his black boxer briefs. Misha smiled and approached him as he stood. Misha ran his hands over Jensen’s waist and across his taut abdomen before he pressed several kisses against Jensen’s neck. Jensen moaned and pushed backward into Misha.

            “You stole all my clothes.” Misha whispered against Jensen’s skin.

            “They’re being washed for you.”

            “They were clean.”

            “Not judging by the dirt that came off them in a cloud when I accidentally knocked the suitcase over.”

            Misha chuckled and gently grazed his lips over Jensen’s goosebump covered skin. “You’ve been working out still.” He stated, loving the feel of the abs Jensen was starting to sport.

            “Just for you, babe.” Jensen said as he wiggled in Misha’s arm until he was released. He took the waffle out and added it to the stack already on a plate. He turned around and Misha noted with pleasure how dilated Jensen’s pupils were. “Let’s eat. You need some food.”

            “That I do.” Misha agreed as he grabbed a plate and went to load it up.

 

            They spent their Saturday touching and teasing. Misha barely watched the movies that Jensen insisted he catch up on. He was too focused on the hitched breathing that occurred whenever he _accidentally_ brushed too low when rubbing his hand on Jensen’s bare abdomen. It was after supper when Jensen finally turned to him, catching Misha’s hand in his wrist.

            “You’re being naughty.” Jensen said quietly. Misha grinned impishly and shrugged, but Jensen began moving him and his smile faded, only to be replaced with a raised eyebrow as he was pulled cross Jensen’s lap. Jensen stared at him and copied the eyebrow with a smirk as Misha situated himself on his knees.

            “Oh I’m the naughty one?” Misha purred. Jensen’s shrug was short lived as Misha leaned forward and kissed the smirk from his lips. He could feel Jensen beneath him, eagerly twitching, and Misha ground his hips downward hard enough that Jensen let out a long moan. “I can show you naughty.” Misha said and Jensen’s fingers dug into his back.

 

 

            Sunday passed similarly to Saturday, but they wore pants. Jared stopped by to welcome Misha home and brought them alcohol, which they gladly accepted. After Jared left they both got a little tipsy, despite it being early afternoon. Misha sat on the couch, holding his sides as laughter wracked his body.

            Jensen danced to the song playing over his phone and Misha blamed the alcohol for the effect Jensen’s hip movements had on him. He fake roped Misha and walked over to him, but Misha couldn’t stand up thanks to the laughter. Jensen plopped onto the couch beside him and slowly their laughter faded. Misha shifted and pulled Jensen against his chest. Jensen snuggled close and traced random patterns onto Misha’s chest.

            “Do you want to watch the show?” Jensen asked after several minutes of quiet smiling. Misha sighed slowly, making Jensen’s head rise and fall with his chest. He played with the side of Jensen’s head, liking the feeling of the buzzed hair.

            “We can, yeah.”

            “I like where it’s going. Dean is coping finally.”

            “Are you?” Misha asked softly. Jensen nodded into his chest.

            “I am now. I feel like a different person with you around. You make me feel so…light.”

            Misha smiled and reached for the remotes.

            “Then let’s watch. There are only 2 more months then we have the summer together.”

            “I can’t wait.” Jensen murmured as his arm snaked around Misha’s middle and hugged him tightly.


	41. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearing the end of the season. The big battle with the Princes for the gates of purgatory is about to go down. The team is getting final preparations in place

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36796370765/in/dateposted-public/)

“That _should_ be all-“ Crowley stopped with a strangled grunt as Dean grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him to his feet.

                “NO!” Dean growled in his face. “You make it be right. You don’t screw this one up, Crowley. If you do, we will all die.”

                Crowley nodded, turning his face away from Dean’s. “I’ll make it work. Release me.” He snapped. Dean let him drop to the ground and stalked away. He could hear Crowley murmuring behind him as he settled back on the ground to rework the spell.

                The barn they were in was thirty miles from the gates of Purgatory. It had been another month of intensive research and planning to get to this point. Dean rolled his shoulders in an attempt to loosen the tightness from leftover injuries. He’d been fighting everything in the last few weeks and he was _tired._ He heard Eileen laugh and followed the sound to where Baby was parked just outside the barn.

                She leaned into Sam who had his arms wrapped around her. Dean found a smile ghosting across his face at the pure joy on his brother’s face. Eileen noticed Dean and waved him over.

                “So get this.” She started, but it was cut off by the laugh that burst from Dean’s mouth. They stared at him as he bent over in laughter, struggling to breath. Sam took a hesitant step towards him, reaching a hand out.

                “Are you okay?” He asked. Dean waved him off and pulled himself together.

                “You’ve been around Sam too long, Eileen.” Dean said as he wiped his eyes. “Wow. That felt good.” He added and Sam started to smile. It hit Dean then that he hadn’t laughed so hard since before Cas was cursed.       

                “Hey Sammy?”  He shaded his eyes from the sun so he could look up at his brother.

                “Yeah Dean?” Sam shone in the sunlight.

                “We can do this. We can win this one.” Dean said with surety. Sam’s smile brightened his face as he put his arm around Eileen’s shoulders and pulled her close. Dean looked down at the woman who was looking up at his brother.

                “We can make it. I _want_ to make it.” He said. He let out an _oomph_ as Sam grabbed his jacket and yanked him into the hug. Dean hugged his family with a smile on his face.

 

***

 

                “DEAN!” Sam yelled from where he was cornered against the barn. Dean punched the closest demon near him and threw them out of his way as he ran to his brother. There were 8 demons slowly tightening their semicircle around Sam, who was down to one knife. Dean didn’t try to find Eileen. Crowley said he’d keep her safe.

                Dean silently drove an angel blade into the first demon’s back. He twisted and used the motion to free the blade, and immediately sank it into the neck of the next demon. Before either of them had the chance to call out, he was ganking the next. Two of them had jumped forward and were sparring with Sam, who was holding his own despite the blood running into his eyes from the cut above his brow.

                He was finally noticed as the third body fell against one of the others. They turned to him but with a roar he slid a new blade he’d acquired between the demon’s ribs. The demon smoked, and Dean watched in satisfaction as the smoke started to burn. The entire body fell to the ground as it sizzled. He spun his new knife in his hand for a better grip and attacked again.

               

                Once the demons were down, Sam looked around in a panic. “Where did Eileen go?” He said, louder than necessary. Dean reached up and turned Sam’s head to see his ear was bleeding.

                “She’s with Crowley.” Dean said, turning Sam’s head so he could hear from the other ear. Sam nodded and stormed to the barn with unsteady steps. _He must have burst his ear drum or something._ Dean followed closely.

 

                They raced up the rickety loft ladder. Dean stayed far enough behind Sam to avoid a boot to the face as Sam cleared the rungs three at a time. Once Dean pulled himself onto the floor of the loft he ran right into Sam. He glared at his brother before his gaze shifted to the scene before them.

                Crowley was sprawled on the ground. Dean couldn’t tell if he were alive. Against the wall, Eileen was struggling to move against the invisible force holding her. Near the small altar Crowley and Sam had painstakingly built was one of the Princes. She smiled over at them, but she had death in her gaze.

                “Finally. I finally get the honor of slicing open the tiny pests that have caused my brothers and sisters so much grief.”

                Her face had a long scar from temple to jaw. It pulled the corner of her eye down as she sneered at them. Dean stepped up beside his brother.

                “Well, hate to be the bearer of bad news, lady, but we’ll have to pass on that.”

                She laughed at him. Her cackling filled the otherwise silent barn. “You thought your demon toy and this…human? This human could stop me? Could stop us? You have no idea how close we are to finally regaining our home.”

                Dean watched as Crowley’s hand slowly moved towards the bowl on the alter. He tried not to look directly at Crowley so he didn’t give it away. Instead, he decided to taunt her some more.

                “You think that worries us? We’ve faced the devil himself.”

                “Yes we are well aware.” She growled lowly. Dean arched an eyebrow and took a step forward.

                “Oh that bothers you? The fact that we ganked him like a lowly demon? It was easy really- ooph!” Dean’s breath left him as he slammed into the wall behind them. He barely caught himself before falling down the ladder hole. He looked up to see Sam straining to keep his footing as she approached him. 

                Crowley caught Dean’s gaze and nodded. With a flick of his wrist, the final ingredient fell into the bowl. The Prince spun and shrieked at Crowley, which released Sam from his hold. He surged off his knees with another knife, a twin to Dean’s. The blade slid into her and she lashed out, sending the taller man sprawling. She reached the bowl and Crowley smiled up at her. Dean realized he hadn’t used his legs at all.

                “Goodbye, darling.” Crowley said before he snapped his fingers. He disappeared as her heeled foot stomped where his face had been. There was smoke rising from the bowl and she started to back away. She turned her hatred filled gaze to Dean, who was kneeling beside Sam.

                “What did you do to the spell? This isn’t right!” She screeched. Suddenly, the scar on her face began to glow red hot. She let out an ear splitting scream before she disappeared. As the echo of her cry faded in the barn, Dean could hear It far off across the fields. He looked down at Sam who was slowly coming to.

                “We need to move fast Sammy.” He said, hoping his brother had enough in him for the next battle. He looked up to find Eileen walking towards them with shaky steps. _We can do this. We can finish it._

 


	42. There Ain't No Me If There Ain't No You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jumping across of their post-reunion month. Emotional roller coaster- hold on tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter to date! I'm pretty sure some of the remaining handful will be bigger as well. Thanks for sticking with me through this story so far. I love all of your feedback and support.

                “Do we have to leave?” Jensen murmured against Misha’s ear as they lay tangled in bed. Their weekend had been amazing, and too short. Monday rolled around way too soon for Jensen. He was late to work but no one said anything. On his lunch break he slipped back to his trailer and found Misha typing away on his laptop. Misha flashed a bright eyed smile and then suddenly they ended up in bed. Jensen smirked against Misha’s neck. _Weird. Wonder how that happened._

                “You need to go back to work. I need to finish sending some emails. C’mon, scoot your fine ass.”

                He nudged Jensen toward the side of the bed and Jensen sighed dramatically before rolling to his feet and sauntering to the bathroom to shower. He looked over his shoulder to see Misha sprawled across the bed, his hands locked behind his head and a pleased smile on his face as he faced the ceiling with closed eyes. Jensen smiled and closed the bathroom door.

 

***

                Jensen was late on Tuesday morning too. He didn’t really care though. Jared winked at him as he came out of makeup and Jensen had to admit, he looked like shit. It made him uneasy how realistic the wounds on Jared’s face seemed.

                “You’ll look worse, man.” Jared said softly, picking up on Jensen’s mood change. Jensen nodded. _At least we have a good ending for this season. Next season will be better._

                He followed Jared out of the trailer and towards the set. The barn was in the middle of a grassy field, the house having been demolished recently. Jensen walked towards the barn, ready to be done for the day so he could go home to his love. He smirked at himself and his refusal of the word boyfriend.

 

***       

               

Wednesday he was actually on time to work, but only because Misha was up and gone before his alarm even went off. When he did wake up he rolled over and called out for him a few times before the silence greeted him. He sent a text before he got up to make coffee and Misha replied before the mug was full.

 

M: I needed to meet with some folks about a fundraiser. I’ll be home for supper. Love you

 

                Jensen smiled. _Does he ever stop?_  He sipped his coffee and headed to the couch to relax until he needed to be in.

 

                Jensen was exhausted by the end of the day. He’d had a quick lunch before returning to set and had been on the go since. As he trudged into his trailer he rubbed at his aching eyes and turned on the light. He called out but Misha wasn’t there. After settling in and heating up food he picked up his phone. It rang eight times before Misha answered.

                “Hey J. Sorry I didn’t text.”

                “It’s alright. I was just wondering where you are.”

                “I’m still out with Anita and John. We are trying to get things figured out for an event that is coming up in Houston.”

                “What kind of event?” Jensen asked, not completely paying attention as the microwave beeped.

                “There were a line of storms that swept through and did a lot of damage to a handful of towns. They want me to head the fundraiser for disaster relief.”

                “That will be good.” Jensen used his shoulder to keep his phone against his ear as he struggled to hold the hot plate long enough to bring it out of the microwave.

                “I need to go but I’ll be home in the next couple hours, okay?”

                “Sounds good. I’m going to eat and probably crash. Drive safe.”

                “Love you, J.”

                “You too, Mishka.”

 

                Jensen hung up and went to watch TV as he ate. It wasn’t until he finished his food that he realized what Misha had actually said, and he felt his shoulders deflate a little. _He wants to leave again already? Really?_

 

***

 

Friday afternoon Jensen had trouble focusing at work. He just wanted the day to end so they could go to dinner like they’d had planned for days. Jared seemed to pick up on his impatience because they were both dropping lines and goofing off more than usual. Robert called the day a wrap an hour early and attributed their behavior to it being Friday. Jensen didn’t care, he waved goodbye and hurried away.

                Misha was in the bathroom when Jensen got home. He called that he would be out in a few so Jensen went to get dressed for their date. He selected a pair of dark, well-fitting jeans and a dark green plaid button up shirt. He eyed it against his other, dressier, shirts but decided it was the best. He was just stripping off Dean’s t-shirt when the bathroom door opened. He turned and paused at the sight.

                Misha was toweling his hair dry still but he was clad in jeans and a long sleeve blue button up.  When he looked up, his eyes shone from across the room thanks to the shirt. Over it was a snug vest that did things to Jensen as he stared. Misha’s feet were still bare as he padded across the floor. He kissed Jensen’s lips and started to turn away, but Jensen reached out quickly and yanked him back. Misha grunted before Jensen was pressing kisses against his mouth. He could feel Misha smile before the towel fell to the floor and Misha’s hands appeared across Jensen’s bare back.

                Jensen pushed his body against Misha’s and after a couple backwards steps, Misha reached the edge of the bed. Jensen grinned and let his arms slide downward enough that he could get a good grasp on the the back of Misha’s legs and waist.

                “Jensen-“ Misha warned but with a smirk Jensen lifted him and tossed him backwards onto the bed. _I definitely don’t regret all the workout sessions I’ve been doing._ Misha glared up at him as he pushed himself to his elbows. Jensen climbed onto the bed and snuck one of his legs between Misha’s as he leaned forward with hungrier kisses.

                “We have the dinner…” Misha protested as Jensen kissed his collarbone and started working his way downwards.

                “Not for almost two hours. I got off work early.”

                “As long as you don’t get off early with me then okay.” Misha said with a gasp as Jensen’s lips trailed along the low waistline of Misha’s jeans. Jensen rolled his eyes and hooked a finger under the fabric as he looked up.

                “When do I ever?” He purred as he unbuttoned Misha’s jeans.

 

                The restaurant was quiet and secluded. They usually went when it was busier, so this was nice. Jensen smiled as Misha reached across the table and finger combed Jensen’s hair. Jensen raised an eyebrow and Misha just smirked. _He knows my sex hair is his fault._

The waitress took their order and Jensen listened as Misha spoke about the Houston fundraiser. He mentioned having to leave on Sunday for it and Jensen nodded. _I don’t want to make him feel bad by saying don’t go. This is what he does. I can’t be upset about that._ Their food arrived and they both dug in.

“Excuse me?” A quiet voice called after several minutes. They looked up to find a woman, maybe early twenties, standing beside their table with fidgety hands.  
                “Hello.” Misha smiled warmly and the woman blushed.

                “Hi, I’m sorry to bother you; I know you get it all the time I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity.” She gushed almost too quickly for Jensen to understand. She was grasping the fabric of her too-big t-shirt in her hands now. Jensen smiled that it was from one of Jared’s campaigns.  He felt bad she was so nervous so he pushed away from the table and stood.

                “It’s alright. We love meeting people. Can I give you a hug?” He asked. He realized how short she was when she looked up at him with a wide-eyed nod. He pulled her into a hug and felt her trembling.

                “What’s your name, sweetheart?” He asked as he released her. She held on for a moment longer before stepping back.

                “Jamie.”

                “Nice to meet you, Jamie.” Misha said, now standing too. He offered a hug and she nodded eagerly. When they parted Jensen rested a hand on her shoulder.

                “So was there something you needed, Jamie?” He asked kindly.

                “I just wanted to meet you. You are both such an inspiration.” She settled her gaze on Jensen. “I wanted you to know that I’ve always looked up to you and then when you announced your relationship to the world it was such a huge thing for me. I have been struggling with how to tell my family I’m gay and you did it on a _stage_ while being _filmed_ and that’s just so amazing!”

                Jensen smiled at her as tears formed in her eyes. “I just adore the both of you and can tell how happy you are and it gives me hope. Thank you.” She said as she looked down. Jensen pulled her into another hug, which Misha joined. She calmed down quickly though and stepped back.

                “Can I get a photo with you please?” She asked as she held out her phone. Jensen took it as Misha stepped closely besides him. Jamie was sandwiched between them as Jensen raised the camera and snapped several photos. He offered it to her to approve of. After she smiled up at him again she opened her mouth but closed it and quickly looked down.

                “What is it?” Misha asked softly, putting his hand on her other shoulder reassuringly.

                “I am just wondering when you’re going to get married.” She said softly. Misha laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he looked up at Jensen with an eye-crinkled smile.  Jensen just stared at his best friend as he realized the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. _But it’s so obvious. I was miserable without him._

                He was in a fog as they bid goodbye to Jamie and sat back down to eat. Jensen picked at his food as he tried to sort out the thoughts in his mind. Misha asked if he were okay and Jensen forced himself out of his daze as he nodded and finished his food. 

               

                After they left, they strolled through the little downtown area with their elbows locked together. It was dark out already, and warmer than it had been so they carried their jackets. Misha had put his snug vest on before they left the trailer and Jensen made a mental note to get him more. _He looks so good._ He didn’t realize he was smiling until Misha noticed his gaze and smiled back.

                “What are you thinking about, J?” Misha asked softly.

                “Just you. I don’t really want you to leave again. I just got you back.”

                “I know. It’s only for a few days though. Then I’ll be home again.” He smiled at Jensen, whose heart constricted. He couldn’t place the emotion though so he just nodded and tugged Misha closer.

 

                That night, Jensen dozed on and off as he listened to Misha dream restlessly by his side. The clock read almost two when he finally shook Misha’s shoulder and whispered to him. “Wake up, man.”

                Misha groaned and rolled into Jensen’s arms again but Jensen could tell he was waking up. “I’m keepin’ you up, aren’t I?” Misha mumbled.

                “It’s alright.” Jensen murmured as he smoothed Misha’s hair.

                “Sorry. I just… I can’t forget.”

                Jensen didn’t need to ask what he meant. He nodded and tightened his arms around Misha as they lay in silence. He started to doze again when Misha spoke.

                “Have you ever thought of being a father?” Misha asked, sounding more awake.

                “Mmm kinda.” Jensen mumbled.

                “I think that would be amazing.” Misha said with a soft sigh. Jensen felt Misha’s hand against his scalp and his body relaxed involuntarily.

                “Sleep, love.” Misha murmured and Jensen complied.

 

***

 

                Jensen couldn’t get Jamie’s words from his mind. He felt that marrying Misha was the most obvious idea in the world, but why hadn’t he thought of it? He threw himself into work and hung out with Jared for the entire three days and nights that Misha was gone. The texts and phone calls were okay, but _God he missed Misha._

                “Hey Jared?” He asked on the third night. Jared looked up from the video game and paused it so he didn’t lose his win. 

                “Yeah?”

                “How did you know you wanted to marry Gen?”

                “I uh…wait what?” Jared let the controller drop in his hands and stared at Jensen. “Really?”

                “Yeah.” Jensen felt self-conscious suddenly but Jared just smiled.

                “It’s about damn time! Misha asked me months ago.”

                “He did?” Jensen asked with a furrowed brow. _Has he been waiting for me to ask this whole time? Is he planning to ask?”_

 _“_ Yeah when he was in Sudan he called one night to talk. The topic came up and he said he would love it, but wasn’t sure that you were ready yet.”

                “Did he say he was going to ask me?”

                “No. But I think he was just idly thinking about it. I don’t think he was serious. What brings this us?”

                Jensen told him about the restaurant and his turbulent thoughts since. Jared just smiled back and nodded as Jensen spoke. When he was done, not sure what else could be said, Jared leaned back against the couch.

                “I think this is the best thing ever. I love you guys.” Jared said with a huge grin. Jensen chuckled and shrugged, still embarrassed.

                “Seriously. I think you should go for it. Maybe you can ask him when he gets home?”

                “I don’t even have a ring. Or know what to say. Damn, I’m getting panicky thinking about it right now.”

                “Jensen,” Jared waited until he looked up. “He loves you. More than I’ve seen anyone love someone else. It’s been years in the making. You both outshine the world when you’re together. This is a good thing. You got this, man.”

                Jensen nodded, still lost in his thoughts even though he appreciated his brother’s words.  He smiled over before pressing the play button and starting the game. Jared cursed and fumbled with his controller so he didn’t lose his spot in their race.

 

                The next day, Jensen eagerly awaited word from Misha. Word that he would be on the plane home. Word that he had left early and was coming to surprise Jensen. As the day passed, his longing to hear from Misha grew in time with the panic he felt at the zero contact.

                It was nearing 4 pm when Jared called Jensen over to the director’s trailer. Jensen looked at his phone again before stepping inside. There were several people crowded around the living room where the TV was showing scenes of demolished buildings, trees, crushed cars, and just an overwhelming amount of destruction.

                “Where…” He started to ask but the names of the towns shown were rolling across the bottom of the screen. Jensen read them with a weight of dread growing on his chest, making it hard to breathe. _All the towns around Houston where Misha is._

                A hand clamped firmly on his shoulder and he leaned into Jared as the announcer continued speaking. “The line of tornados is being recorded as the most damaging in the state since the 1990’s. Reports say over three dozen are dead, and double that are injured. We urge everyone in the area to-“

                Jensen stopped listening as he tried to call Misha again. It rang endlessly and his heart ached. He hung up and redialed as he tried to breathe, but the panic was gripping his heart so hard it hurt to inhale.

                He closed his eyes and willed Misha to respond.  Moments later Jared’s phone started ringing so he stepped away to answer it. Jensen’s breathing hitched and he knew he was close to losing it. Jared hurried back with a worried frown.

                “Jensen, phone.” He called out, thrusting his phone into Jensen’s hands. Jensen took it and put it to his ear.

                “Jensen?” Misha said and Jensen let out a sob as he dropped to the couch behind him. He buried his face in his hand and tried not to bawl into the phone.

                “Oh God, Misha.” Jensen’s voice cracked.

                “I’ve been trying to get through to you but it always says busy.” Misha said softly and Jensen wiped his eyes.

                “I’ve been trying to call you all day.”

                “I think you need a new phone if it isn’t even telling you I called.”

                Jensen let out a slight chuckle as his jaw trembled. Jared had cleared out the trailer so it was just him and Jensen.

                “Are you okay?” Jensen asked, his voice sounding too soft.

                “I’ve been better. One of the tornadoes hit the town I was in but I was able to find shelter in time. I’m in a hospital in Houston now but they say I can leave tomorrow.”

                “Nothing serious?”

                “Just a bunch of bruises and a sore as hell chest. I’m okay.”

                “Why are they keeping you then?”

                “Monitor for internal bleeding.  I was kinda impaled.”

                “Kinda impaled? What!?”

                “Nothing serious, I promise.” Misha reassured but Jensen felt panic rising again. “I was in a building’s tornado shelter but the roof collapsed on us. I shielded a girl whose Dad was watching her two younger brothers and the metal rod just grazed my side. I wasn’t actually impaled, it’s okay.”

                “I’m coming there. I’ll leave now.” Jensen pulled himself to his feet despite Misha’s protests on the other side of the line.

                “Jensen, really. I will be good to go tomorrow. It’s okay. You need to stay so you don’t get in trouble for missing work, especially with the D.C. con coming soon and the few days you’ll miss after that for my marathon.”

                “I want to be there.” He said quietly.

                “I know you do. But it will be okay. I promise.”

                Jensen was debating going anyway. He rolled his eyes when Misha spoke again. “Don’t do it, J. I will be home soon, okay?”

                “Okay. Can…can we just talk a little longer?” Jensen asked as he sank back onto the couch. Jared nodded at him and left.

                “Of course. Tell me about your day.” Misha said before he coughed. It was followed immediately by a string of curses.

                _About me panicking or breaking down?_ He took a slow breathe through his nose and started to talk, his panic easing the longer he listened to Misha’s voice.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/35979517282/in/dateposted-public/)

 

                When Misha got home the next night, Jensen pulled him into a hard hug and didn’t let go for several minutes. Misha groaned about his ribs but Jensen didn’t care. He was in better control of his emotions but he was still upset over the entire incident. He got Misha situated and made him food before they relaxed on the couch. The TV stayed off as Jensen held Misha close and breathed in his scent.

                “I’m okay, Jensen.” Misha said as he brushed his fingers up and down Jensen’s arm.

                “You are now.”

                “I want to talk to you about Texas but I don’t want you to get mad.”

                Jensen opened his eyes and looked at Misha. “I won’t get mad at you.”

                Misha gave him a sideways eye roll and inhaled slowly. “Well I want to go back. There was a lot of destruction and death and they need help. I want to be a part of it.”

                “You just got home.”

                “I know. But you’re so busy with getting the last few episodes of the season done so I don’t even see you all day as is. There’s only so much I can do via internet. I need to be there and physically helping them, Jensen. They need it.”

                Jensen stayed silent as he leaned his head onto Misha’s. His heart was torn. He needed Misha there so he _knew_ he was safe. But at the same time he didn’t want to be resented for keeping him on set for selfish reasons. He sighed loudly and nodded.

                “Okay. But you better come home again. In one piece.” Jensen said. Misha nodded and reached back to brush his fingers into Jensen’s hair.

                “Of course.” Misha said.

 

***

                Jensen slipped his phone back into his pocket. He couldn’t stop smiling at the ridiculous photo Misha had sent him from his hotel room. Jensen shook his head and continued browsing the displays around him. The sales associate was waiting patiently behind her counter as he browsed. _She probably thinks I’m crazy for laughing so loudly out of the blue._ He grinned as he thought about the picture.

                It was already the third week of March. Misha had been home and gone five times since he got home from Africa at the end of February. It had been a little more than a week since Misha left for Texas again and Jensen knew he was making a big difference in the rebuilding efforts, and was enjoying the work. He made sure to check in all throughout the day, and it helped ease Jensen’s anxiety.

                _Why are there so many options?_ He looked around again, slightly overwhelmed. He set his jaw and leaned over the glass case in front of him. The sales lady seemed to pick up on his indecision because she approached with folded hands and a kind smile.

                “Did you need help again, sir?” She asked. Jensen looked over at her. She had to be in her mid-thirties but she wore a much younger style of outfit. He nodded and motioned around.

                “There are just so many. How am I supposed to pick one? What if he doesn’t like it?”

                She nodded and started walking to the first case he had looked at. He followed, not knowing what else to do. As she walked she spoke over her shoulder to him. “I think he will love whatever you decide on. And we have a return policy that gives you both plenty of leeway if not.”

                She stopped in front of the case and Jensen looked down at the rows of men’s rings. These were all tungsten and they had been the first to catch his eye, but he just couldn’t decide. His gaze kept returning to a dark band that had the middle cut out. Beside it lay a variety of colors you could insert, almost like birthstones but more neutral. There was a deep, ocean blue that he couldn’t stop looking at.

                “Would you like me to pull any of these out for you?” She asked kindly. Jensen nodded and pointed to the one with the colors.

                “Oh those are a new line. Very popular and I think they’re gorgeous. Does your fiancé have a favorite color?”

                “He’s not my fiancé yet…” Jensen mumbled quietly, liking the way the foreign word felt on his lips. _Fiancé. Fiancé._   He smiled as he rolled the word around in his head. She set the rings down and Jensen picked up the dark one. He realized then that the color inserts wrapped all the way around. He looked down at the colors, all deeper shades than most of the rings in the store held. He selected the blue and held it against the ring. A mental image of early-morning Misha blinked sleepily at Jensen came to the forefront of his thoughts. _It’s like his eyelashes against his eyes. Christ._ Jensen set them both down and took out his phone.

                “Can I send a picture to my little brother for an opinion?” He asked before realizing what he said. She smiled and motioned him on. He grinned and worked to get a good focused shot of the ring and color. Then he sent it to Jared with a quick text.

 

                J: Hey, little brother, do you think Misha would like this? ;)

 

                He waited for a reply and as he did he looked at the other colors. There was a dark, forest green that also stood out to him. He snapped a photo and sent it to Jared too.

 

                Jared:  You’re a dork. Yes I think he would love the blue one. I can’t believe you’re actually ring shopping, but I’m happy for you.

 

                J: Love you bitch

                Jared: Shut up jerk.

 

                Jensen looked around for the associate, who noticed and returned. He smiled down at her, excited nervousness constricting his chest.

                “I’ll take this and the blue.” He said with a wide smile.

                “That’s perfect. Do you know the size?”

                “Yeah it’s whatever this ring is.” He slipped off the wide ring on his right hand and handed it to her, recalling the image of Misha wearing it late one night after he took it off Jensen while they sat on the couch and watched a movie.

                “I can help you over here.” She led the way to the register and Jensen followed on feather-light footsteps.

 


	43. It's Almost Over, Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second to last show chapter

                 Dean swung the knife in his fist, he ducked, he weaved, and he flowed through the hoard of demons the Princes had summoned. The clearing in the center of the mass was his destination, he just needed to get there. He heard Sam cry out from his left and he looked to find a new cut along his arm, blood was soaking into his light colored shirt. Dean growled and shoved a body away from him as a sharp pain cut across his chest. He looked down to see blood start seeping through the t-shirt. His gaze settled on the demon who was sneering at him.

                Dean lashed out, driving his knife under its chin with enough force that they both toppled. He heard the piercing scream of the scarred Prince again and the hair on his arm stood on end. A yell of pain sounded from their guarded encampment and Dean tried to see what was happening as he pushed himself to his feet.

                Suddenly, Crowley was beside him. He was standing, which Dean took as a good sign. “The curse is working faster than planned. The Princes are already turning on each other.” He informed. Dean wiped blood from his face and pressed his arm against his chest.

                “If we wait a while, we can let them slaughter each other.” Crowley mused as he ducked an attack. With a wave of his hand, the demon evaporated into a fine mist.

                “How about you do more of that and help us out?” Dean asked as he wrestled with another demon that was much stronger than him.

                The demon disappeared with a yelp and Dean nodded to Crowley. Suddenly, twenty feet all around them was clear of demons. The rest paused to stare in apprehension and that’s when Dean saw Eileen.

                “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” He yelled without realizing how useless that was. He sprinted towards her, but not before Sam got there. She was kneeling in the calf high, bloodied grass. Sam knelt in the grass and pulled her into his arms. She was bleeding heavily from a wound in her abdomen, much like the one Sam had from Cas.

                “Crowley!” Sam demanded, but the demon king was already reaching for the woman.

                “This will sting, darling.” Crowley said smoothly as he touched her cheek. She sucked in a breath and hissed through her teeth. Sam lifted her shirt to find a slowly closing wound. He looked up and nodded thanks to Crowley, who turned to Dean.

                “Squirrel, if I get you in the encampment, can you take out the last two? They’re weak.”

                Dean started to nod but Sam cut him off.  “Dean no! That’s basically suicide!”

                “Sammy it’s okay. I can handle them now.” Dean assured. He placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder and smiled down at Eileen who was trying to calm her breathing.

                “You get Eileen out safely and I’ll-SHIT!”

                Dean flung his arms out as the world tilted and he flew through the air. He landed heavily on his sore shoulder. With a groan he rolled, only to have a boot come down hard on his stomach. He coughed as another stomped down on his knife-wielding hand. The knife fell to the grass as he stared up at the scar-faced Prince.

                She was splattered in blood. She sported several cuts and gouges, and one of her eyes was swollen. She sneered down at him as her boot disappeared, only to reconnect with the side of his head. Dean’s head rang from the impact. He heard Sam cry in pain and it dragged him back to reality as he shook his head, trying to clear the ringing pain.

                He opened his eye to find the Prince beating on Sam. Anger took hold and Dean pushed himself to his feet. He swiped his knife off the ground and sprinted at her. She turned at his approach, but she was too late. He slammed into her, his knife driving through her chest. They fell to the ground and she sneered at him until she realized she was in trouble.

                “You can’t smoke out. You can’t do anything.” Dean said lowly as he twisted his blade. She screamed and tried to claw at him, but he maneuvered to pin her. He leaned close to her face.

                “You took more than best friend. I took your family. How does it feel ,asshole?”

                “Not all of them.” She coughed wetly. Dean froze before a force pushed into him, sending him sprawling. He looked up to find one of the other Princes sneering at him. He lunged and Dean barely missed the long, sword-like blade as it slammed into the ground.

                Dean rolled to his knees, using one hand to balance himself before he straightened his back. The Prince was  heavily muscled, middle-aged, and looked pissed as hell. Dean looked around for the others but he could only see Sam on the ground nearby, curled in a ball.

                A blow to his head knocked Dean backwards. He moaned at the ache that settled around his eye socket and turned to dodge another long bladed blow. The Prince’s weapon was a mix of a sword and a staff and looked frickin’ sharp. Dean got to his feet, searching frantically for a weapon. From behind him somewhere he heard Eileen scream, followed by Sam’s roar of anger. Dean glared at the grinning Prince.

                Suddenly, the Prince flew through the air. He landed with an audible _crunch_ and Dean spun to find Crowley smiling at him. “Bloody bastard.” Crowley said with a smirk. Dean started to smile at him, but Crowley staggered forward a step and looked down as a blade tip appeared through his chest. He looked at it, then at Dean with a confused expression as he started to sizzle and burn.

                “Crowley?”

                Dean looked past Crowley to find the scar face grinning happily. Dean lunged. She couldn’t pull Sammy’s knife from Crowley’s back fast enough because Dean was on her. He punched and felt her face break. Crowley groaned as he started to burn.

                Dean punched the Prince again and gasped when his hand began burning. He looked at it to find a long, thin burn mark across his hand where it had come in contact with her burning scar. She tried to stab at him but he disarmed her and promptly drove the demon dagger into her chest. She glared at him and to his surprise, began to burn. He jumped off as the sizzling grew in volume and color before she was completely engulfed in fire. Her bloodcurdling scream disturbed the air and Dean turned, realizing everything had gone silent.

                The male prince was pulling himself up, his glare directed at Dean. Dean heard Sam call out for him and he looked around, finding Sam trapped between a wall of demons and the face off.  _How are they going to get out now?_ He thought, panic building in his chest. Dean grabbed his knife from the pile of ashes and turned back to the Prince, stepping around Crowley's burning body. He only felt a little bad about the loss of that demon. 

                It was hard to focus with how much his bleeding chest ached. He had to wipe blood from his eyes from one of the cuts above his brow. Any time he moved his mouth it sent bolts of agony through his jaw towards his temple and the ringing in his ear intensified.  His shoulder was barely responding but he squared off with the Prince anyway.

                The Prince lunged and Dean weaved out of the way of the blade. He lashed out with his knife hand and the blade dug into flesh. The Prince growled in pain and tried to twirl free, but Dean followed him, staying behind him and pushing the blade in deeper. It slid off of the Prince’s shoulder blade and _crunched_ into his spine. The man went down with a strangled yell. Dean grinned wickedly as he followed the Prince to the ground.

                The Prince grunted as he lay pinned to the flattened, bloody grass. Dean struggled to stay on him as he writhed. The blade was starting to burn the Prince and Dean grinned. _It’s almost done._

                “You won’t win, Dean. You can’t beat us.”

                “I already have, Assbutt.” Dean grunted as he leaned onto the handle of his blade. It sunk a little further into its sheath of flesh and the Prince groaned. His hands were no longer moving. Dean braced himself for the Prince to throw him off with his powers or something, but that never came. Instead the Prince spat at him.

                “Even the mighty Dean Winchester misses the small things.” 

                Dean frowned but the growing smell of singed flesh burnt his nose and he rubbed it on his sleeve. Suddenly, the cindery flesh around the blade turned to flame and Dean leapt back.

                The Prince tried to roll, and only succeeded in jamming the blade further into his spine. He froze, no longer able to move himself. He snarled at Dean with hate filled eyes as he slowly burned. Dean watched, mesmerized at the sight and the knowledge that it was almost over.

 


	44. Just Another Convention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another big chapter of convention fluff and emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know the photos don't exactly match the events of the story in this chapter, but they're so damn cute. It's really easy to imagine them in this AU and not in real life when I look at the pics. So enjoy ;)

                “I won’t make it home before the con this weekend.” Misha’s static muffled voice sounded through the phone. Jensen frowned. _I need to replace this piece of shit._

                “What? Really?” Jensen said as his shoulders slumped.

                “There’s still just so much here to do. I’ll meet you at D.C. okay?”

                “Yeah okay. I’ll pack you some clothes.”

                “You’re the best. Have a good night.” Misha said. Jensen mumbled a goodbye and hung up. He looked out the window as the rain pounded against the ground relentlessly. It hadn’t started until after they were done filming for the day but it was dragging Jensen’s mood down. Misha’s quick, hard to hear, phone call wasn’t helping either. Jensen sighed and pulled the calendar up on his phone. _I can’t believe it’s almost April already. He’s been gone more than I’ve seen him._ He sighed again and got up to go to bed, not caring that it was barely 9 pm.

 

                Usually planes made Jensen nervous. Normally he forced himself to avoid thinking about being in the air. He always had someone to talk to, or he napped. This time, however, he couldn’t stop fidgeting with the black and blue ring.

                No one was sitting by him, which he liked. He was too busy mumbling to himself different ways to say the thoughts and feelings he had. He kept picturing Misha’s different expressions after he asked. _Will he be surprised? Roll his eyes? Maybe he’ll say no._ The thought kept pushing its way into his thoughts but he really didn’t believe Misha would do that. He was excited to reveal his other surprise too, but they sort of went hand in hand.

                The flights were long, time-wise, but once he landed in D.C. he felt energized and excited. He checked his phone for the time and smiled when he realized it would only be a couple hours before he saw Misha again. It had been a week since their last day together and he was excited. He hurried through the airport and to the waiting car, eager to get to his hotel room.

                He checked into the nice hotel and winked at the attendant before walking lightly to the elevator. There was a crowd in the elevator but he managed to worm his way into the back, passing a woman in a dressy gown and a man in a tux. A man with a cowboy hat was beside him against the back and turned slightly away as he typed on his phone. Jensen didn’t pay much mind to anyone as the elevator moved and some stepped off. _Of course I’m on the second to the top floor._ Jensen groaned quietly. An older man on his other side looked over with an annoyed expression and Jensen waved apologetically.

                The stop right below his floor let off two of the remaining three people, leaving Jensen and the cowboy. Jensen glanced over to nod or something so standing alone in there wasn’t so awkward, but his jaw dropped when he saw the smiling face watching him.

                “Howdy, partner. Ya from around these parts?” Misha drawled. He was even _more_ tanned than when he had left. He wore a black button up with the sleeves rolled up and dark jeans that were filthy. He had even purchased cowboy boots with rounded toes. Jensen looked up at his face, still not believing he was there. It wasn’t until Misha stepped close and roughly pressed his lips to Jensen’s that he was startled into reaction.

                Jensen groaned into the feel of Misha’s strong body against his and without thinking, pushed Misha against the wall as he searched for a deeper kiss, a stronger touch. The elevator door dinged but he ignored it as he knocked the black cowboy hat from Misha’s head so he could brush his fingers into the dark hair. Misha moaned and it just furthered Jensen’s need to have him be closer.

                The door dinged again and this time it was followed by a startled gasp, which caused Jensen to pull away. They were both breathing heavily, and Misha’s blue eyes were dilated. Jensen smiled apologetically at the old woman who was staring down her nose at them and kept his arm around Misha’s neck, keeping him as close as possible.

                They pushed the button for their floor again and Jensen leaned his face into Misha’s as they waited for the elevator to rise from the first floor. Misha smirked over at him, his stubble scratchy against Jensen’s nose. “I think you missed me a little.” Misha whispered and Jensen just tightened his arm, wishing the woman would get off.

                Two floors up she did, but not after huffing at them and stalking away. Jensen immediately wiped the smirk from Misha’s lips with his teeth. “I did miss you.” He said once he released Misha’s lip. He leaned back in as Misha ran his hands across Jensen’s abdomen and pulled them together tightly. The elevator dinged again, signaling their floor, much quicker than they expected. Misha stooped to retrieve his hat and smiled at Jensen as he settled it back on his head.

                Jensen led the way to the suite, his fingers firmly entwined with Misha’s. He didn’t care what they did; he just wanted to be close. They quickly unlocked the door and stepped in. He didn’t even bother finding a light switch as he pressed Misha against the nearest wall.

 

                Late that night, Jensen lay with a slumbering Misha in his arms as they sprawled on the bed. His arm was across Misha’s chest, and he could feel his heart beating steadily beneath it.  The bathroom light had been left on, and from it Jensen could see the nasty looking bruise on Misha’s side. _I wish I had been with him._ He kissed Misha’s head then looked toward his jeans where the ring was still resting in the pocket and his heart palpitated at the thought of having this man forever. He smiled and hugged him close.

 

                The following morning Jensen woke bleary eyed and sore from the flights. He stretched loudly but stopped when his hand touched flesh. He turned to find Misha curled in a ball at the far edge of the bed. Jensen smiled and scooted over to him, molding himself along Misha’s back and wrapping an arm around his waist. He began kissing whatever parts of Misha he could reach without moving, and it slowly pulled him from sleep.

                “Mornin’ cowboy.” Misha mumbled with a deep morning voice. Jensen grinned.

                “How long are you going to play cowboy?”

                “Mmm I can think of a few time frames depending on the day’s activities.” Misha stretched and Jensen took the opportunity to touch more of Misha’s bare skin.

                “I missed you.”

                “I missed you too.” He yawned and then settled his arms behind his head. “We have the convention this weekend, the marathon on Monday, and then we are headed home until the end of the season.”

                “You keep referring to Vancouver as home” Jensen said, realizing it was the perfect way to share some of his news “but I don’t think that’s where home is for you anymore.” Jensen smirked against Misha’s arm.

                “Oh really? Well you’re there a hell of a lot.”

                Jensen picked his head up to look down at Misha, whose eyes were closed now.             “Are you saying I’m home?”

                “Yes. You’re my home.” Misha opened his eyes and peered up at Jensen.

                Jensen smiled widely and moved so he could press kisses to Misha’s face. “Well then I guess you’ll be spending a lot of time at my new cabin this summer.”

                Misha looked up at him with a slightly cocked head and a raised eyebrow. “You bought a cabin? Where?”

                “On a lake.”

                “When?”

                “A week ago or so. Was going to surprise you after the marathon.” Jensen focused his thoughts so he didn’t slip up and let him know about the plan to propose.

                “That’s so awesome, Jensen!” Misha wrapped his arms around Jensen’s neck and pulled him down.

                “I figured you needed somewhere else to stay when you weren’t with me.”

                “You’re adorable.” Misha said with a laugh as he let Jensen go. Jensen propped himself up on his side and lightly trailed his fingers down the length of Misha’s torso. Misha was giving him a look and he nearly got out of bed to retrieve the ring right there. _No, it needs to be special._

“So where is my bag?” Misha asked as he brushed his fingers across Jensen’s arm. Jensen opened his mouth to answer but made a face instead.

                “On the bed in my trailer.” He laughed. Misha gave him a look before he joined in. It was several minutes before they calmed and then Misha shrugged.

                “I guess I’ll steal some of your stuff. I’m sure our fans will love that. ”

                “You could wear your black shirt again…” Jensen trailed off with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. Misha reached up and pulled him down.

                “We have time to kill today. Nothing starts for us until tomorrow.” Misha said innocently. Jensen laughed and rolled himself on top of the other man. His desire to be physically close wasn’t as strong as the night before, now it was a different kind of desire.

 

***

                Misha laughed over his shoulder at Mark as the line of fans waiting with pictures and gifts grew. Mark turned to tell his joke to Jared on their other side while Shoshannah approached. The line started moving and Misha walked to his spot and greeted the first person.

                “Hi! How are you?”

                “I’m good.” She smiled shyly. Her long red hair was braided back and it matched the shade of her dress. She handed him a photo of Dean and Cas to sign and he smirked before asking her name.

                “Melody.” She said with a giggle. He signed the picture and thanked her then looked towards the next girl.

                This one was older, probably late twenties. She wore boots, black jeans, and a dark tank top with the anti-possession symbol. She looked him up and down and smirked before she approached the table. Misha laughed loudly at the awkward photo she handed him. It had been from JIBCON the year before, and he fondly remembered the feeling of Jensen’s arms around him when he was swept from his feet upon the person’s request. He looked up at her and nodded.

 

                “I remember this. What’s your name?”

                “Amber. Can you make it out to Amber and Lynn though?”

                “Of course.”

                “I have a question.” She leaned forward on the table so he leaned in to listen. “Why are you wearing Jensen’s shirt?”

                Misha sat back and looked down at the plaid shirt that was indeed not his. He smiled up at her.

                “It’s kind of creepy that you notice that.”

                “He wore it out yesterday. There are pictures of him wearing it to the hotel.”

                “You guys are so stalkery.” Misha chuckled when she blushed.

                “We just adore you guys. Sorry.”

                Misha winked at her and asked if there was anything else, but she shook her head and smiled up at Jared who was waiting.

                The entire autograph line went by quickly for him. He had more photos of himself and Jensen to sign than he had ever had. More Castiel and Dean photos than normal too. He loved it.  He was surprised when they called it to an end. He looked around and found Jensen walking towards him, looking devilishly handsome in his black button up, opened to see his white V-neck t-shirt, and dark jeans. _That damn bow legged swagger._  Misha quirked an eyebrow at him and saw a smirk flitter across Jensen’s lips.

                “We have photo ops now.” Jensen leaned across the table and kissed Misha, resulting in a chorus of screams from around them. Jensen’s head fell and cursed under his breath before looking up with a smile and waved around the room. Misha laughed and grabbed his jacket and the few items he had been given. He walked around the table and Jensen offered an elbow, which he gladly took.

 

 

                Jensen looked warm after just ten minutes of photos. Misha stepped close as a couple left and began rolling his sleeves for him. Jensen made a noise in his throat but Misha refused to look up.

                “I can do that myself, ya know.” Jensen said softly.

                “I know. But I get to.”

                “I love you.” Jensen’s smile was audible and Misha looked up long enough to wink before the next person was walking up. She smiled happily at them and started directing immediately. As Misha stood under Jensen’s arm with Joana between them, hands on her shoulders as she leaned back into their chests, he pinched Jensen’s side.

                Jensen jumped with a yelp right as the camera went off. Joana looked confused until Jensen lifted his shirt to show a red mark on his side. Misha’s laugh was a dead giveaway of the culprit and despite being yelled at by the people trying to hurry the line along, Misha ordered another photo for her.

                “I’ll behave this time.” He vowed when she looked over her shoulder at him.

                “That’s okay. It makes for a fun Tumblr story.” She replied with a shrug and the camera captured his hearty laugh.

                As she walked away Jensen’s hand darted out and caught Misha’s stomach. Misha hissed at the pinch and started to stalk after him but the next person stepped up and Misha halted his attack. He glared at Jensen, who smirked and went to stand behind the short teenager, whose cheeks burned when Jensen’s hands settled on her shoulders. Misha smiled at her, he knew the feeling.   

                The duo danced, proposed, lifted each other and others, fought, and hugged a ridiculous amount before they were through, but his favorite one of the night had been a simple impromptu  one.  The woman was in her late twenties and had her long brown hair tied back. She walked up with a baby carrier, which she set off to the side as she approached them. Misha couldn’t help himself so he walked over to look down.

                Inside was a young child, probably not quite a year. His blonde hair was ridiculously curly. He smiled up at Misha who couldn’t help but grin back. He turned around to see the woman telling Jensen what she wanted for her photo but Misha interrupted.

                “Can your son be in the photo too?” He asked. She turned with a surprised expression and looked to Jensen before nodding hesitantly.

                “You can bring him over if you want.”

                Misha happily obliged as he unbuckled the smiling baby. He clung to Misha’s shirt and smiled over at his mom. Jensen smiled at Misha and the baby.

                “Do you want the same pose?” Jensen asked as he reached over and brushed a finger across the baby’s hand.

                “What do you guys want to do?” She asked as she grinned at them.

                “I call dibs on the baby.” Misha muttered so they could hear, which made both adults laugh. Jensen put an arm around Misha and pulled him against his side. He put his other arm around the woman and pulled them all together. Misha changed arms that held the kid, but he wiggled so he could reach up and grasp the front Jensen’s shirt. Misha turned to see what was happening as the kid pulled Jensen down and the camera flashed.

                The woman thanked them with a smile as she worked Jensen’s shirt free of her son’s hands. Misha took him back to his car seat and she buckled him in. As she hefted him to leave Misha asked what his name was and she blushed.

                “Collin Ross.” 

                Misha smiled and stepped forward to hug her. “I love it. How did you talk his dad into that?”

                She laughed as she stepped back. “He is a huge fan of the show and we both follow you guys on social media. He was just sent to basic training so he couldn’t come with me, but he’s going to love that you included Collin.”

                Misha released her shoulder as Jensen stepped up. “He’s adorable, thank you.”

                “Thank you. You’ve made my year.” She smiled her over shoulder at them before walking off. Jensen leaned down and whispered in his ear once she was gone.

                “You will be an amazing father one day.”

                Misha turned to look at him, his heart beating hard at Jensen’s word choice. Jensen leaned down and kissed him before turning to greet the next person.

                Every time he recalled those whispered words in the hours following, Misha’s heart thudded happily. He smiled as he waited for Jared to arrive so their panel could start. He was still smiling as they walked onto stage to hundreds of screams.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36134672803/in/dateposted-public/)

 

***

                “No but it was really hard to do that scene.” Jared said, brushing his hair back. He was wearing a tighter black plaid shirt and Misha was surprised he could get it buttoned. “Misha is such an amazing actor it really didn’t seem like him, like Cas. It was hard.”

                Misha lifted the mike with a nod. “I think it was fun. I like stabbing Jared.” Most of the crowd laughed at his bad joke. “No but really, it was hard. I hated seeing the pain on both of Dean and Sam’s faces and you know, dying sucks.”

                “Do you think Castiel will be back?” The fan asked. Misha looked to Jared who gave him a very clear “It’s up to you” face.

                “Maybe. If he does return I’m sure it won’t be until the middle to end of next season.”

                “How do you think Dean will cope with his loss?” The fan asked again.

                “I think that’s a better question to ask Jensen.” Misha grinned. Jared reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, then spoke into the mike.

                “I’m really curious now. Let’s just call him. He’s doing autographs or something I don’t know. Probably sleeping. He was up late.” Jared cast a suggestive look towards Misha who snorted. Jared switched to speakerphone and held it to the mike. After several rings Jensen answered.

                “You’re in a panel, dumbass.” He said and the crowd laughed.

                “Yes I am, but we have a question for you.”

                “Oh and what’s that?”

                Misha reached over and snatched the phone. “We want to know how many times Dean and Cas had sex!” He joked. The crowd cheered and Jared fell off his chair as he laughed.

                “Uh… I’m not going to answer that.” Jensen said, and Misha could tell he was uncomfortable.

                “I know. I’m joking. We want to know how Dean will cope with Cas’s loss next season.”

                “Oh, uh. I think we need to see how he fares after the battle this season and then go from there. I really don’t know right now. Better than he was after Cas died, that’s for sure.”

                “Thank you Jensen.” Misha said. He held the phone out and the crowd screamed their love towards it. He hung up then as Jared picked himself up off the floor and wiped tears from his eyes. When Misha cancelled out of the phone call, there was a text from Jensen. He opened it and read it, realizing it wasn’t his phone and that it was an old message. Jared asked for the next question as a picture cause Misha’s eye.

                He scrolled up to find a photo of a black ring that held a dark green band around the middle. _I’ve seen Jensen’s eyes that color before. Holy shit it’s gorgeous._ He quickly sent the photo to himself and then exited out before slipping the phone into Jared’s shirt pocket. Jared smiled over at him then turned back to the fan who was talking about Sam and Eileen. Misha listened, but for a while after his mind was focused on the ring. _I need to get that ring. Did he send it because he liked it? Did he buy it? Should I just ask Jared?_ Misha looked over at his friend then threw out the idea. _I can ask Jensen._

 

***

                He didn’t get a chance to ask right away. After his panel with Jared ended, he had his own panel. It was full of questions of Africa, not being on the show, his work in Texas, and how it was being with Jensen. He didn’t even sit down during it, he was pacing so much. He loved the questions and answering his fans, but by the time he was done he was a mass of stress from recalling some of the more upsetting aspects of his trips. As soon as he left stage he went in search of Jensen.

                He found him doing photo ops. Misha stood off behind the camera as he watched Jensen interact with the fans. The couple taking the photo told Jensen something that made him throw himself into a laugh.  Misha watched as he took eight more photos, content to just watch for the time being.      The last person in Jensen’s line was fidgeting with a leather jacket. She shifted her stance and kept her face downturned as she approached him. Misha felt bad that she was so nervous. Jensen greeted her with a hug and took the jacket she offered.

                “Can you wear this and just… protect me like Dean would Sam?” She asked with a trembling voice. Jensen nodded and slipped his black shirt off so he could wear the jacket. He popped the collar then put his arm across her shoulders. She turned into him and hid her face as Jensen sported a very Dean-like expression and glared at an imaginary foe at the camera. The cameraman signaled he got the photo but instead of releasing her, Jensen wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her close.

                Misha saw then that she was crying, her shoulders shaking heavily as she buried her face into Jensen’s chest. He couldn’t hear what Jensen said to her, but after a couple minutes she nodded and stepped back, wiping her face with her long sleeve shirt.

                “You _do_ matter. You are important.” Jensen said with such conviction that Misha felt it, even though it wasn’t directed at him. “Thank you for coming today. Are you staying for my panel with Misha next? Or the concert tonight?”

                “I have a general admission day ticket and this op. That’s all I could afford.” She said softly. “I was going to be done after this, but I want to see the next panel too.”

                “Well I’ll pay for anything else you want, okay? Just let me know and I’ll get you in. If you need anything you come find me or here,” He reached into his pocket and withdrew his wallet, where he pulled out a card. “She will be more readily available and can help you, okay?”

                The woman nodded with fresh tears and took the card. Jensen hugged her again and shrugged out of the jacket. She took it and thanked him again then walked away. Jensen watched her go then turned around and buried his face in his hands. Misha hurried over.

                He reached Jensen as he let out a quiet sob. He startled when Misha pulled him into a hug, but quickly wrapped his arms around Misha and hid his face against Misha’s shoulder. “She almost committed suicide twice this year. She’s been struggling so badly and everything is just shit.” Jensen said as his tears soaked Misha’s shirt. “But she held on because she wanted to meet me. Me?” Jensen clenched the back of Misha’s shirt. “How can I have such an impact on people’s lives and not even know?”

                “You’re an amazing person, Jensen. You’re thoughtful and kind. So many people look up to you. It shouldn’t be such a surprise.”

                “But she was going to kill herself, and didn’t because she had already bought tickets to come here. That’s what kept her from doing it.” His voice was muffled against Misha’s shoulder.

                “I don’t know, man. Just be thankful you can save lives by just being you?” Misha shrugged and tightened his hold on Jensen. The camera went off and Misha turned to glare at the cameraman, who shrugged.

                “It’s a sweet moment. I’ll leave though, sorry.”

                Misha smiled at him to let him know he wasn’t actually mad then turned back to Jensen, who stood and wiped his face. Misha placed his hand against Jensen’s cheek.

                “Are you okay to do the panel?” He asked.

                “I can’t _not_ after hearing that.” Jensen said as he took a deep breath. He focused on Misha then. “Thank you for being here, man. I needed you and BAM you just appeared.”

                “I’ve been watching for a while. I didn’t want to intrude.”

                “Stalker.” Jensen said with a halfhearted smile.

                “You like it.” Misha replied with a full smile.

***

 

 

                “Well we have ten or so minutes left.” Jensen spoke into his mike as he paced the stage a little. Misha smiled at him from his perch on the stool in the center and Jensen smiled warmly back. His heart was just…so full. _You are a cheeseball, he was right._ His day had been emotional and the only reason he had made it was because of the man behind him. He wished he had acknowledged his feelings for the man years sooner. He lifted his mike again and turned to the audience.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36134672793/in/dateposted-public/)

                “I just want to take a moment and let ya’ll know how amazing this man is.” He pointed over his shoulder to Misha who rolled his eyes at the crowd.

                “He was in Africa for an entire month, working nonstop. They built over a dozen homes, a hospital, and did so much more.” The crowd cheered happily but quickly calmed so he could go on. “Then, he comes home and after a few days of rest he’s off again. He has done several fundraisers for amazing causes. He’s helped rebuild several towns that were hit by the tornadoes in Texas. He even got injured because of those tornadoes.” Jensen looked back around and Misha winked at him.

                “I’m fine though.” Misha said, for the 300th time. Jensen shrugged one shoulder and turned back to the audience. “He’s run in two marathons for charity too. All in the last month.” Jensen turned to face Misha then. _I think this is it. Holy shit._ He subtly felt his pocket to make sure the ring was there.

                “He’s my best friend. He’s a god damned super hero. He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” He said into the mike before he lowered it so he could get his other hand into the front pocket of his jeans. “We’ve been officially dating for 8 months but together for much, much longer. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long for this.” He dropped the mike as Misha gave him a look and started to speak. Jensen sank to one knee in front of him, his back to the crowd, and Misha’s mouth snapped shut.

                The entire auditorium went silent as Jensen held up the black ring with a blue line. Misha’s eyes widened as he looked at it, then into Jensen’s eyes. “Misha Collins, will you marry me?” Jensen asked, raising the mike so everyone could hear.

                Misha stared at him, almost uncomprehending. The corners of Jensen’s mouths slowly lifted until he was fully smiling, and for some reason that pulled Misha down to earth as he stood and nodded.

                “Of course!”

                Jensen couldn’t hear anything over the level of screaming that resulted. Jensen stood and put the ring on him. They hugged each other tightly as their laughs were drowned out by the chaos they had caused.

                Once it finally settled down, they were being signaled that their time was up. Jensen wasn’t ready to lose this moment though. With his arm around his _fiancé_ he asked for one last question. The girl shuffled forward and smiled over at them.

                “I just want to say that you two have made my life. I am so thankful that I was here.” She said with a slight accent that Jensen couldn’t place. “I was going to ask about Castiel’s heaven but I think I just want to let you guys know we love you instead.”

                Jensen laughed as they began to blast Kansas. He sang along until he looked over to find Misha staring up at him, adoration filling the lines of his face. Jensen grinned and as the opening lyrics ended and just music played. He kissed Misha and threw his fist in the air, causing the crowd to roar over the music and Jensen’s heart leaped around in his chest.

 

                The next half hour was spent with passing “Congratulations” as their friends came up or walked by. Jensen kept his arm around Misha, whose arm was just as firm around Jensen’s waist.  Jared found them and gave them both big bear hugs then pulled Jensen to the side. He left Misha to talk with Kim as he followed Jared a ways away.

                “So I think Misha saw the picture of the rings during our panel.”

                “What! How?” Jensen asked.

                “He stole my phone when we called you and sent himself a text. I think it was of one of the ring pictures.”

                “Well… I guess it doesn’t ruin anything.” Jensen brushed his hand through his hair and looked over to watch Misha laughing with Kim. “It isn’t like it ruined the proposal.” He smirked at Jared.

                “Why did you decide to do it now and not at your cabin?”

                “It just…felt right. And I was all hyped up from the crowd.”

                “Well, I think it was perfect.” Jared hugged him again. “I love you, man.”

                “Love you too, bitch.” Jensen hugged him back.

                Jared pushed away from Jensen with a laugh and walked off. Jensen looked over at his fiancé and watched as he fidgeted with the ring on his finger. _I did that. He’s mine._ Jensen smiled and walked over.

                “Excuse me, Kim. I need to steal him.” He said with a devilish smile. Kim winked at him and congratulated them once more before turning away. Misha entwined their hands and looked over at him.

                “We have a couple hours until the concert. Want to get some food?”

                Jensen lifted his free hand and made air quotes. “Food?” He smirked as Misha laughed. “Sure.”  

                Jensen shook his hand free and draped it over Misha’s shoulders. “I love you, Mishka.”

                “I love you, Jensen. What a weekend, holy shit.”

                “It isn’t over yet!” Jensen smirked when Misha gave him a sideways glare.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36921564245/in/dateposted-public/)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love your feedback! The next update will take a few days, so hang in there.


	45. Hold Me Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The D.C. "fun" run to raise money for cancer awareness. 
> 
> Stay strong and fortify, dear readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fanart is what inspired the end of this chapter, way back when I began this fic.

 

                It had been an incredibly late night for them both, thanks to Jared’s celebratory pizza party after the concert and ending of the convention the night before. Somehow though, Misha seemed even more energetic than normal, especially for a Monday. Jensen smiled at him as Misha jogged backwards towards the start line, urging Jensen to pick up the pace.

                “We haven’t even started yet, calm down.” Jensen said with a yawn, wishing he had drank some coffee. Misha stopped moving until Jensen reached him.

                The light grey shirt Misha wore was tight across his muscled chest. Jensen had no issues picturing what lay beneath the fabric. His shorts were a little long on him, since he had to buy them in a rush. Misha had gotten up early, leaving Jensen a text saying he was buying shorts and some other things. It would have been fine if the text ringtone hadn’t woken Jensen and he had been able to sleep in.

                There were people around them, walking towards the start. An excited buzz filled the air and Jensen was glad he was there, with Misha and all of the people who were running for the cause. Misha slipped an arm around Jensen’s waist as Jensen looked at the balloon arch above the start line. It had a “You’re faster than cancer” sign hanging down from it. There was a sea of colored shirts around them, all sporting the same phrase. Misha smiled over at Kim and another group of the Supernatural team who waved at him enthusiastically.

                “So how long is this one again?” Jensen asked, not fully prepared for the actual running aspect of the day.

                “It’s a 5k fun run.” Misha said with a toothy smile. “Should take less than half an hour.” Jensen rolled his eyes.

                “Fun is an odd word choice.”

                “Oh you’ll love it. It’s even a nice trail. Trees and shit. ” Misha said with a laugh as he bounced in place, eager to be off. Jensen didn’t deny it as they prepared to start.

                The announcer spoke about the reason for the run, and the crowd cheered when Misha’s name was called for funding it. Jensen beamed over at his fiancé as he waved to the crowd. Then the starting horn sounded and everyone was off.

                Misha and Jensen got separated for the first five minutes from the crowd, but pretty soon Jensen spotted his dark haired superhero. Misha was jogging slowly and peering around, but when his gaze fell on Jensen he smiled and made a beeline for him.

                “Took you long enough to catch up.” Misha teased.

                “You’re the one that rocketed away like a crazy person.”

                “I did, I was excited. Then I saw Kim and she asked where you were and I realized you were lost.” Misha said as he laughed. Jensen was already starting to feel out of breath, and Misha was laughing. _Ridiculous._

They jogged in silence, passing some people while others passed them. Soon they entered a copse of trees and the trail they were following narrowed considerably as the trees grew denser on either side.

                Jensen was admiring the sun filtering through the tops of the branches when he was yanked off the trail. He stumbled but Misha caught him as he was pulled deeper into the trees, away from the trail. “Misha what-“

                “Shhh.” Misha said as he pushed Jensen against the nearest tree before he pressed himself close. Jensen made a noise in his throat as Misha’s tongue slipped between his lips. Misha pulled away and tugged down the collar of Jensen’s matching light grey shirt before gently biting at his neck. Jensen took the opportunity to look around. _Well at least we can’t see the trail from here. Hopefully they can’t see us either._ He growled when Misha’s fingers played around the bottom of his shorts, slowly working their way up.

                In retaliation, Jensen sank to the damp ground that was covered in twigs and old leaves. He pushed the bottom of Misha’s shirt up so he could trail hungry kisses across Misha’s abdomen, which elicited quiet gasps as Misha dug his fingers into Jensen’s scalp. Jensen almost regretted the tight spandex-like underwear he had donned for the run as he began to strain against them. He yanked down one side of Misha’s shorts and similar underwear and bit down on Misha’s sharp hip bone.

                Misha groaned as Jensen continued biting his way down, tugging the shorts so they stayed out of the way. He stopped before Misha was completely revealed and with an impish smirk kissed the sensitive skin between his leg and the hardness throbbing to get out of the tight underwear. Misha’s gasp turned to a whine as Jensen replaced his shorts and stood.

                “You’re fucking evil.” Misha said breathlessly.

                “You are supposed to be running a marathon for cancer, not fucking your fiancé in the woods.” Jensen replied as he pushed himself against Misha, giving them both something to grind on. Misha rested his head on Jensen’s shoulder and tightened his hands into fists at the back of Jensen’s shirt.

                “If you don’t stop doing that we’ll have some explaining to do once we rejoin the runners.” Misha panted.

                “You stop first.” Jensen dared as he bit at Misha’s jawline. Misha made an _mmmm_ sound and his eyes fluttered closed.

                “I wanna...finish” Misha murmured. Jensen laughed and Misha’s eyes opened.

                “I didn’t mean this.” Misha clarified with an eye roll. “I meant the race. Have something important to do after we are done.”

                “Mhm sure.” Jensen teased, but he stopped grinding against Misha. He took a step back and tried to focus on anything _except_ the feel of having Misha against him, in his arms and on or under him. _Think about something else. Fuck’s sake. Don’t think about blow jobs._ He closed his eyes and Misha laughed at him.

                “Shut up, Misha.” Jensen said through a smile.

                “I can give you something to think about…” He said impishly as a hand appeared across the bulge in Jensen’s shorts. He jumped back with a startled yelp and opened his eyes.

                “Not helping!”

                Misha laughed loudly and Jensen had to admire the sight. One of his arms was across his middle as he leaned into the laugh, though his eyes never left Jensen’s face.  The lines of his face were always so much more pronounced when he laughed, and Jensen loved it. The sun was filtering through the trees again and shining on him, but only if he stayed bent in laughter. As he stood, the light was gone and his eyes were no longer the color of the sky, but of a deep ocean. Jensen stepped over and kissed him softly, but long, pulling the laughter to a stop and replacing it with a need to inhale.

                When Jensen pulled away, Misha smiled over at him. “I love you, Jensen.”

                “I love you too. Should we go finish the race? Probably last by now.”

                “No one will notice.” Misha shrugged.

                “Oh yeah no one will miss you.” Jensen laughed. "Whatever." He pulled Misha close for one more kiss before tugging him from the trees by the hand. Misha's chuckle had a very self-satisfied sound to it and Jensen smiled over his shoulder at him. 

               

                They didn’t’ see many runners as they got back onto the trail and jogged on.  Jensen was content to go slowly but Misha pushed him to go faster.  He didn’t care, as long as he was with Misha. As they reached the marker telling them they were nearing the finish, they tried to outrun the other in short spurts, and Jensen had a stitch in his side from the exertion. Misha smiled at him as they rounded a corner and saw another balloon arch signaling the end.  Jensen was having trouble keeping up so he motioned Misha on.  Misha nodded and sped off towards the finish, where people began cheering loudly.

                Jensen slowed a little more to catch his breath as the huge crowd greeted Misha. There were tons of people on the left side of the finish, as well as at the end by the small stage. The right side was blocked off by a simple split rail fence. Behind it was a slight downward hill and another grove of trees. The trail gave way to gravel road, which was where everyone was standing. Jensen smiled as Misha was bombarded with hugs from people. Misha looked around to Jensen, his arm around a fan. Jensen smiled at him and picked up his pace, still at least ten yards away.

                People began to scream and for a brief moment, Jensen thought it was in cheerfulness. It became quickly obvious that they were screams of terror as their pitches rose. His gaze swept to the left in time to see a red suburban plow into the crowd of people as they tried to flee. The vehicle threw people into the air with a sickening sound as the deer guard on the front keeping them from slamming into the windshield.

                Jensen looked towards Misha, who had noticed the approaching danger. He pushed the girl under his arm away seconds before the deer guard caught him and he flew over the split rail fence and disappeared down the hill. The vehicle continued on, veering towards the crowd and the stage with a roar of its engine.

                Jensen couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t inhale as he pumped his legs and tore across the gravel, forgetting the stitch in his side. He yelled Misha's name as the vehicle crashed into the stage with a blaring horn and splintered screams. He ignored it as he ran across the road, his worn shoes throwing loose gravel with each step. In his peripheral, bystanders were racing around to the injured, but he didn’t care. He reached the fence and looked down the hill in time to see Misha start to stand, only to stumble and fall against a tree. Misha fell to heavily to his knees as Jensen jumped the fence and hurried down to him.

                Blood was pouring from a cut on the side of Misha’s scalp above his ear. Jensen pressed his hand against it as he leaned down to look into Misha's eyes. “Misha, please answer me.”

 

                Misha frowned as his body began to slump to one side. Jensen knelt and pulled him closer, wrapping one arm around his head to stabilize him and keep pressure on the wound. He shifted so he was more stable as Misha leaned heavily into him. Jensen turned around and yelled as loud as he could.

                “Someone help us! We need an ambulance!” He turned back to Misha, who was mumbling something against his shoulder. Jensen adjusted him and hoped he’s say it again.

                “Orange was my favorite color until I saw your eyes.” He murmured as his head lay against Jensen's shoulder, the light grey fabric slowly growing slick with blood. Jensen felt a sob build in his throat but he fought it. There was blood pumping from Misha’s side now, or maybe his back Jensen couldn’t tell.

                “Hey man, you’ll be alright. It’s okay. Can you keep talking?” Jensen struggled to keep his grip soft. _Don’t make anything worse. Don’t crush him. Christ, he’s shaking._ Jensen knew he was shaking too, but from the exertion of the run or the disaster happening around him he didn’t know.

                “Everythin’ hurts, Jensen.” Misha whimpered and Jensen blinked back the tears that burned at his eyes. He moved Misha back so he could see him better, kneeling in front of him. He kept one hand pressed against the cut and the other held Misha’s head in place so he could look into his blue eyes. 

                “Misha, you _will_ be okay. Listen, I can hear the ambulance already.”

                “Hold me?” Misha’s bloody brow furrowed and Jensen wiped away a solid line of red that ran from Misha’s nose. _Oh god no. Please no._ Another one raced from Misha’s ear and the sob Jensen was fighting broke through.

                “You’re okay. It’ll be okay.” He pulled Misha’s trembling body into his arms. Misha fumbled at his shorts until his hand came away with a ring identical to the one on his blood covered hand, but with a green band. Jensen looked at it, not understanding.

                “F...f...for you.” Misha said and Jensen took it. He felt Misha’s hands grab the back of his shirt then and Jensen closed his eyes and held onto Misha, praying he could hold on. His arm grew slick as blood ran from Misha’s back.

                “I love it. It’s perfect.” Jensen cried. “You’ll be okay, Mishka.”

                “I… always loved that name.” Misha whimpered as his hands slackened at Jensen’s back. The sirens approached as Jensen sobbed again.

                “Yeah? Me too, man.” Tears rolled down Jensen’s cheeks as Misha’s arms lost their strength and fell to the ground. _Oh god, not like this._ Jensen raged to himself. The screams from the top of the hill hit him in time with the blaring sirens.  “Mishka…please hold on.” He whispered as Misha went limp in his arms.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't notice, there are 4 more chapters so please stay with me! I love you all!


	46. Beginning of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5-6 days after the events of the D.C. fun run. Jensen has some decisions to make

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thanks to CassieWinchester for the fanart. I love it.

                Jensen stared idly around the dim trailer for several minutes before he stepped inside and dropped his overnight bag and coat. He kicked the door shut behind him and went to the fridge, needing _something_ even though nothing sounded appetizing. He dug around for a few minutes before he threw away half of the contents, all gone bad. With a resigned sigh, Jensen shut the fridge and went to the bathroom.

                As he stepped out of the bathroom, the light fell on his unmade bed. Sitting on top was the suitcase he had packed for Misha a week ago, left forgotten in his rush to reunite. Jensen swallowed the lump that rose in his throat and walked to the living room where he sprawled onto the couch. He closed his eyes as his stomach grumbled. _One is probably too late to call Jared for food. He’s probably asleep already._ He sighed heavily and turned onto his side.

               

                The morning sun shone through the partly open shades, casting lines of shadows all across the interior of the trailer. Jensen blinked as his achy eyes adjusted to the light. He ached everywhere from the sleepless night on his small couch, but he stood and found the script for the last episode of the season. He’d spent the night thinking and needed to attempt the idea rolling around in his head.

               

                Hours later, Jensen stared at the papers around him and frowned as a battle waged within. There were so many thoughts in his mind, and heart, he couldn’t make sense of what he was actually feeling. What he actually wanted to do.  He covered his eyes with his hand.

                The image of Cecily, the last of his photo ops in D.C., came to mind. He could still hear her voice as she clutched at his shirt. _You and Dean have saved my life, from myself, twice this year._ He scrunched his eyes shut and tried to not feel like he was letting her down.

                Then the image of Misha appeared, and not the ones he was expecting. There was no blood, no fighting for breath. The picture in his mind was as clear as the day it had happened. Misha smiled over at him as they lay on the wet ground, surrounded by the sounds of the water fight he had started. Misha’s warm hand was clasped around Jensen’s wrist and Jensen knew now that the look Misha had directed towards him had been of love. Jensen’s brow furrowed. _I should have known sooner. I should have returned that look._ Jensen looked down at the stacked rings on his finger for a brief moment before looking away.

                He eyed the TV, needing a break from the writing he was attempting.  After a long pause he reached for the remote and turned it on. The first channel was talking about the incident in D.C. and Jensen immediately changed the channel. _I’ve had enough of that in the last few days._ He growled under his breath as he channel surfed, before he finally gave up and shut off the TV.

                It had been 6 days since the marathon and he was still just so angry.  Angry at the world. Angry at that damn driver. Angry that people can be so cruel on purpose. He’d avoided the televisions since that night so he didn’t have to see the man’s face again.  It had been a purposeful act of terrorism by a cowardly asshole, and it pissed Jensen off. _What good would it do to anyone? How does injuring dozens and killing 9 people change anything? Or fix anything?_

                Jensen stood from the couch and strode angrily to the kitchen. He took a drink from the fridge and brought his project to the table. He kept seeing Cecily in his mind and felt like a failure, but this was the correct thing to do. He felt it in his shattered heart. He put pen to paper and worked out what he wanted to happen, almost surprised at how easily it fit.

 

 

 

                Jensen stormed onto the set the following morning, a crumpled script in his hand.  He stalked up to Robert who was talking with Jared and another director. They all turned when Jensen shoved the script into Robert’s hands.

                “We’re ending the season like this.” He said lowly. His voice was hoarse from screaming in his fitful sleep. Robert gave him a look and opened his mouth, but Jensen stepped forward into his personal space.

                “We. Are. Ending. The. Season. How. It’s. Written.” Jensen emphasized every word before he turned away and silently raged across the grassy field towards the big barn. Once he was inside, his anger faded slightly and he sank onto a nearby barrel with weak legs. _I should have eaten before I left._ He leaned over to put his elbows on his knees and rested his face in his hands. He pulled his hands away with a grimace when his cheek was pinched.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36256540723/in/dateposted-public/)

                He lifted his head and looked at his left hand. Black surrounding ocean blue and forest green.  He slid Misha’s ring off and held it between his thumb and first two fingers and compared it to the one that Misha had given him, that rested snugly around his ring finger.

                He still wondered where Misha had managed to find it. _He had to have gone out Monday morning when he went for shorts._ Jensen looked away from the blue and focused on the green buried in black around his finger. He loved the ring, and was glad he had sent Jared the photo.

                Heavy footsteps sounded from the open doorway to Jensen’s left and he slipped the ring back on as he looked up. Jared was striding towards him with the crumpled, smoothed, and recrumpled script in one hand. Jared held it up with wide eyes and a furrowed brow.

                “Are you sure about this, man?” He asked as he stopped near Jensen.

                “I’m sure, Jared.” Jensen sighed softly. His eyes ached.  “This is what I want to do. We have the perfect lead up to it already. It works.”

                “If you’re _sure._ This is such a big thing.”

                Jensen looked up and Jared’s expression softened. “I’m sure.” He paused at the concern on his friend’s face. “Do I really look that bad?” He asked.

                “You look pretty awful, yeah. Have you eaten in the last day?”

                “I don’t remember.”

                Jared put his hand under Jensen’s arm and pulled him to his feet. “C’mon. Let’s eat then figure out where to start.” Jensen stood and was grateful for the silent support Jared offered as his arm slipped around Jensen’s waist.

 

                Robert cornered them awhile later, after Jensen had eaten while Jared sat closely by to monitor him. His stomach felt weird now. He looked up at Robert who was standing with his arms crossed on the other side of the table.

                “I don’t know if we’ll be able to get all of the people, Jensen. That’s a tall order for such a short time period.”

                “They don’t have to be in the same scene as Dean.” Jensen shrugged. “We can do voice overs or something, I don’t care. I’m filming my parts and going to D.C. to get the rest of my stuff.”  He used his right hand to spin the rings on his fingers. Robert looked at his hands then refocused on his face.

                “Are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do?”

                Jensen nodded as the rings spun around each other. “I’m sure.”

                Robert nodded slowly. “I’ll figure something out, then. I’m sorry again, Jensen. About everything.”

                Jensen nodded and kept his jaw from trembling until Robert was gone, then his head fell onto his arms on the table. Jared was there in moments, a comforting arm across Jensen’s shoulder as sobs wracked his torso. He cried for Cas, for Dean, for the years he’d put into this show, for all those injured and killed in the attack, for Misha, and just because he needed to. His eyes burned with the tears that escaped as Jared held him close.

 


	47. There Will Be Peace When You Are Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle is finished, or so the Winchesters thought. As the final Prince burns to ash, one of the spells he had cast enacts and brings back a hoard of blood frenzied demons. Even with the arrival of help, the boys battle just to reach each other and protect Eileen as the gates begin to glow and vibrate. Without warning, they release an energy burst that decimates the remaining demons. But even Dean Winchester doesn't always see everything, and it may be too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters, ladies and gentlemen. Hang in there with me.

                The Prince glared at Dean once more before the flames fully engulfed him. In the moment of silence that followed the crackling fire, Dean turned around. Sam was cradling Eileen to his chest and nodded to Dean as he panted, trying to catch his breath. He had bloody cuts on his face and bruises were already visible, even from the twenty feet separating them.

                 Crowley was a pile of ash on the ground, though Dean couldn’t tell which pile. He realized that Crowley had saved him more times than not and he felt bad. He hadn’t thanked him, not for any of the times he had come to their aide. Dean looked up as a car sped towards them, throwing dirt as they tore into the field and drove towards them, stopping at the mass of bodies on the ground.

                Jody, Claire, and Alex got out of the vehicle with wide eyes as they stared at the apparent massacre around the trio. Eileen waved to them and Jody hesitantly waved back as they began threading their way through the prone figures. Dean turned to check on Sam, but turned towards the gates when they began emitting a vibrating glow. He stared at them with a furrowed brow for a moment.  Then, there was chaos. 

                Dozens of demons appeared, staring around briefly before lunging themselves at the six humans in a frenzy.  Dean barely managed to bring up a weapon as he was pounced on by several sides. He fought off the ones on him, liking the sizzling effect of the blade in his hands. He lashed out with his foot to keep one at bay long enough to readjust his grip on the weapon. His shoulder was mostly unresponsive as he struggled to reach his brother.

                Dean took slashes to his arms, and torso. Several areas stung as blood seeped out. There was still blood running into his eyes but he couldn’t wipe it away, lest he give the bloody crazy hoard a chance to attack. He ducked a swing, only to catch a fist to his back from another. He grunted and fell to one knee, trying to catch his breath as the pain throbbed in time with his heart beat. He felt them closing again and surged to his feet with a viscous growl of his own. He finally had a brief respite and caught sight of his brother after what felt like an hour of battling the never ending bodies.

                Sam was growling as he lifted a demon and threw them several feet. He lunged with a long blade Dean hadn’t seen before and took a demon’s head mostly off. Dean could see his undershirt was bloodied and torn, as were his legs. He turned with anger clear on his face as he slashed at Dean, who had reached out for him. Dean jumped back and into a body. He felt a pinch on his back and spun to take down the demon sneering at him. When he turned back to Sam his back twinged but he ignored it and pulled the tall form off of Sam’s back, then immediately drove his knife into its eye as it growled at him.

                Eileen called out for Sam and the brothers both looked in time to see a demon slide a blade across her belly. She fell with a scream as a gunshot echoed across the field and the demon’s head exploded. They turned to find Alex spinning with her gun extended to take out another demon at Dean’s back. Dean nodded at her in thanks as Sam rushed to Eileen. The gates caught the brother’s attention as they began glowing brighter, and vibrating much harder. _Please don’t open. Please no._ He begged as he turned to find the others and regroup.

                Dean saw Claire holding her own against a couple of demons. Jody was plowing through the horde, glancing at the girls every chance she had. Dean sensed, rather than felt, an attack from his side and he spun to stab at the demon that had snuck up. He grinned down as the body began to flicker and turn to cinders. The demon grinned wickedly and opened their mouth, smoke rolling out from between their parted teeth as they shifted their gaze behind Dean. He started to turn, but not quick enough to avoid the pinching pain on the inside of his thigh.

             

          He looked down to see a long sword twist against his flesh before sliding backwards and disappearing behind him. He turned and saw a demon with Sam’s knife pinning her to the ground sneering up at him from the ground. She was missing an arm and a foot, but her long sword still made her deadly. Dean realized he must have stepped over her when he went to help Sam. He took a step towards her to finish her off, but but his leg didn’t want to work and his back twinged painfully. He stumbled as pain blossomed from his inner thigh. With a growl and a set jaw against the pain, and made himself move in for the kill, wary of the blood stained sword. He could feel blood running down his leg as he tried to get past the long sword. The glowing gates at his back intensified and the demon’s gaze shifted to look at them.

                He took the opportunity of the distraction to kick away the sword. He knelt awkwardly and sank his blade into her chest as a blast of energy burst from the gates and roughly threw everyone in the field to the ground. The demon turned to ash under Dean and his arms folded beneath him, losing their strength.  Dean crumpled to the ground, barely managing to keep himself from being impaled on his own blade. He groaned and pushed himself back to his hands and knees long enough to look around. 

_Holy shit._

                From where he could see, every single demon body was a pile of ash. The only things moving were the humans and the grass that hadn’t been trampled. Before he could see Eileen or Alex, Dean collapsed to the ground as his leg gave out. Dean rolled onto his back with a groan and turned his head, but he couldn’t see much in the bloodied, tall grass. The gates’ glow was beginning to fade when he heard Claire call out for Jody and Sam call for him.

                “I’m here, Sammy!” He called breathlessly.  He heard a whimper and turned his head to find Eileen lying slightly out of reach, pressing her blood soaked hands to her abdomen as she cried.

                “Hey, hey!” Dean waved and called. She turned her head, her eyes wide with fear and pain. Dean signed to her. _It will be okay. We got you._

                She nodded, trusting him. Dean tried to push himself up, but he felt slickness against the back of his legs. He reached down and felt blood pumping from the slice in his jeans on his inner thigh.His dark jeans were soaked with it.   _Shit she hit an artery._ Dean saw Sam approach and he pressed his thighs together, hoping to hold off the bleeding, but he already felt faint. He looked around for something to bind the wound but wasn’t confident he could sit if needed.

                Sam reached Dean first and he fell heavily to his knees near Dean’s chest.  “Dean! Where are you hurt?” Sam asked, though he cast a worried glance over his shoulder to Eileen. Dean shook his head as Sam wiped running blood from his brow.

                “I’m fine, Sammy. I’m just out of breath.” His shirt was sticky with blood as he lifted it to show Sam the cuts on his chest. Sam frowned down at him but Dean let his shirt drop as he reached up and grasped Sam’s arm, holding onto his little brother for a moment before pushing him away with what little energy he still had.

                “I’m fine. Go to Eileen.” He urged. Sam grasped Dean’s arm firmly before he pushed himself up and hurried to her. Dean turned and tried to reposition himself, but the growing pool of blood beneath him made it hard and he ended up collapsing onto the ground with a gasp as the wound to his lower back spasmed.

                He turned to see Sam cradling Eileen, checking over her before taking off his shirt to press against her belly. Sam was talking to her, nodding slowly as his mouth moved.  _She will be okay._ Dean told himself as he fought to keep his eyes open. _Sam would be a mess if the wound was serious._ His eyes closed against his will. 

 _We won’t be able to fix my leg in time._ Dean realized with a sense of finality. He forced his eyes open again to see Eileen reach up worriedly as she wiped at one of the worse looking cuts on Sam’s face.  He smiled down at her and said something. Dean could see the worry on Eileen’s face but she nodded and smiled softly back at Sam. _Sammy has her to take care of him. He’ll be okay._

                He heard a flutter of wings and in his peripheral he saw a beige trench coated figure settle onto cross legs in the grass beside him. In a whisper, barely audible even to himself, Dean murmured his final words. “I’ve got Cas by my side now, Sammy.”  Dean smiled slightly as he let his eyes close and gave himself to the darkness. 

 

***

 

 

                Baby’s tires crunched against the well-worn gravel road as she rolled to a stop. Her engine purred happily and Dean smiled as he looked up at the familiar old house. He turned off his car and easily slid out of the driver’s seat as the front door opened and several people filed out. He looked at their faces, hoping for one in particular. He tried not to let disappointment show when he didn’t see the messy, dark hair.

                “It’s been awhile, boy.” Bobby said as he walked down the few steps of the house and strode across the green grass. Dean smiled widely and gladly let himself be pulled into a hug.

                “It has been. It’s so good to see you, Bobby.” He said as he pulled back. He turned to find a blonde woman smiling warmly at him. She looked just like the photo in Dean’s wallet.

                “Mom?” He asked and she nodded.

                “Yeah, honey.” She opened her arms and he hurried to her, lifting her from the ground in a hug. He set her down as he caught sight of an impish grin beneath red hair.

                “Charlie!” He let go of his mom and picked Charlie up as she squealed at him.

                “Dean stop!” She laughed as he swung her around in a full circle. She looked up at him with a smile. “I’ve missed you.” She said and he nodded. Motion at the house drew his attention and he looked up.

                He was overcome with the emotion that burst from his chest as he saw a figure in the doorway.  A sudden barrage of memories hit him as he recalled every hug he had given and received from the angel. Before he realized it, he had run up the stairs and slammed into him hard enough he took a steadying step back as his strong arms wrapped Dean in a tight hug.

                “Hello, Dean.” Cas said gravelly, like he had so many times before. Dean smiled into his shoulder as he ran his hand up the back of Cas’s head, pulling him impossibly closer.

                “I missed you. There aren’t words.” Dean said.

                “I know.”

                Dean released him after a while, but he kept his arm around Cas’s waist as they turned back to the others.  Bobby was smirking up at them. “Well I’m glad you’re here finally. There are more waiting to greet you in the house.”

                Dean smiled as Cas tightened his hold on him. Bobby turned to the car, then back to Dean. “But what about down there?” He said, gesturing in the direction Dean had arrived from.

                Dean shrugged. “Sammy knows where to find me if he needs me.  I made sure he knows it’s okay if he comes and gets me.” Dean smiled and tightened his arm around the angel at his side then at his family in front of him. “He knows I’ve been ready to come home for a while.”

                Charlie grabbed his hand in hers and he smiled over at her as voices rose from inside the house. He turned to the open door, but only light was visible through the doorway. Bright, warm light that gave off a sense of peace and acceptance he couldn’t remember feeling before. _This is it. Really it._  He took a deep breath in excitement and trepidation as Cas stepped out from under his arm and grasped his hand instead. With a squeeze of reassurance, Charlie led him by the hand into the house. He kept a strong grip on Cas, and could hear Bobby and his mother following. Dean smiled, happily, as he stepped into the light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more.
> 
> To clarify, no this was not Misha in the show. It's a stand in, as was the Cas in the Bartender chapter. Dean never sees or comments on Cas's face. If we were watching this, we would see someone wearing Cas's clothes settle into the grass beside Dean, who can't turn to see the figure fully. Then Cas's back as Dean hugs him. Never his face. The iconic "Hello Dean" is a voice over. 
> 
> Also also, this isn't the end of the show. Just the season.


	48. I Loved You Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 months later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thanks to CassieWinchester for the amazing artwork. You nailed it. I adore it.

3 months later

 

                Jensen hurried through the cabin and tidied up. Jared had been there for the entire weekend and it had been amazing having him. It was weird to have Jared going off to start filming while he stayed put. A smile swept across his face as he recalled the excited-nervousness of the phone call he had just received from Jared. He carried his armful of dishes to the sink and set them down before leaning down to check the pie in the oven. It was still not even close to being ready.  As he stood to start on the dishes, he looked out the large window above the sink and smiled at the beauty of the woods. He could see his car parked on the gravel drive outside while the rest of the cars were out of sight. _I need to give Baby an oil change soon._ He looked away from the Impala, still amazed at the gift.  He started to sing to himself and began scrubbing pizza grease from plates.

                When he finished he rubbed at the thick scruff on his jaw before realizing his fingers were coated in grease. He frowned at his hands and looked up to the clock on the wall near the large sliding doors. _I still have an hour._ He wiped his hands on his pants and grabbed a change of clothes from the still-warm dryer. He carried them to the bathroom to shower.

                Jensen stepped out of the shower twenty minutes later and reached for a towel from the slightly crooked bar to the right. He made a mental note to fix it as he dried off. He pulled his underwear on and reached for the black t-shirt Misha had brought him from Africa. He put it on and ran a hand down the front of it with a soft smile. It was his favorite now. He pulled on his worn jeans and looked up into the mirror.

                He quickly finger combed his hair then stepped into the hallway and walked towards the living room. It was furnished with a long, comfortable couch and a couple plush recliners. The large screen TV was mounted on the wall to the right of the sliding doors that led to the deck.  Behind him, the living room opened into the kitchen, the only change being the wood floors turned to linoleum. The smell of pie was wafting from the stove and he grinned eagerly. He pulled his phone out and checked the time again, then opened up a live stream on Facebook.

                “Good afternoon, everyone!” He said as he adjusted the brightness on his phone. “As promised, here I am. Let’s wait a bit for more people to join in.” He squinted at the already-rolling comments on the bottom.

                “Hi Amanda. Hi Avery.  I’m doing alright, Erica. You’re awesome too, Nathan.” He waited until the number of people watching reached several hundred, which wasn’t long, before he cleared his throat.

                “So I know I’ve been putting this off. It’s the middle of July and Jared just left yesterday. It’s uh, kinda weird actually. To not be going. But this is where I need to be now. Anyway, on his way to Vancouver, Gen called to let him know she was in labor. So they’re actually at the hospital right now. Yay Baby Padelecki!”

                His screen exploded in heart reacts and he smiled. “So yeah that’s really exciting. I also have other news, but it will have to wait a bit.”  He turned around and leaned so he could see the closed door around the corner of the hallway. He turned back to the phone and greeted a few more of the commenters before one caught his attention.

                “Yes, Jana, those are pictures behind me. Here.” He turned the camera to forward facing and showed them the wall of framed photos in the hallway. Kim had brought the frames as a housewarming gift and helped put them up. He paused on some of his favorites and told the fans about them. On set photos with various members of the show. Some of the fun photo ops with his friends. The photo that was technically his and Misha’s second kiss as they stood in the autograph line. He spoke about a few others until motion caught his eye.

                He smiled as Christine walked towards him from the bedroom at the end of the hall, a soft smile on her lips.  Her long hair was tied in a high pony tail that swished as she walked. He waved at her as she walked by him, carrying her black work bag.

                “Have a good day!” He called to her and she lifted her hand in a farewell.  

                “You too, Jensen! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

                “There goes the lovely Christine!  Off to save the day somewhere else.” Jensen said to the live stream. Her laugh floated back to him before she shut the door and headed to her car. Jensen realized he had let the phone fall and lifted it up as he turned back to the hallway. He quieted as the door opened again.

                Excitement bubbled in his chest as he watched Misha walk towards him, leaning heavily on a cane. He seemed thin in the blue t-shirt but Jensen knew he was fine. His hair was barely an inch long now and he had lost some of his tan from so long in the hospital. He took small, shuffling steps as he smiled at Jensen and shook his head. “Whoo awkward walking.” He said as he slowly worked his way down the hall.

                Jensen rolled his eyes. “Ladies and gentlemen, you’re witnessing his second time walking alone in almost 4 months! This IS amazing!” As he waited patiently for Misha to reach the better lighting of the living room, his mind flew back to the hospital room three days after the accident.

 

                _Jensen stared down with eager worry as Misha’s dark lashes fluttered open. Jensen wanted to shout in joy at seeing the ocean blue eyes gazing up at him, but confusion creased his tanned face._

_“Misha?” Jensen called softly as he rested his hand on Misha’s arm. Misha looked up at him for several moments then nodded slowly. Relief flooded Jensen as he reached up and tenderly stroke Misha’s face._

_“. Do you know where you are?”_

_Misha nodded again and let his eyes close. “Back hurts.” He said hoarsely and Jensen felt the relief vanish as worry took hold of his heart._

_“Let’s get the doctor.” Jensen pushed the call button, his eyes never leaving Misha’s pained face._

 

                Misha called his name in the present and Jensen reeled himself back. He switched the camera again and hooked his free arm around Misha’s waist as Misha’s tightened around him.

                “Christine gave him the go ahead to start walking as much as possible.” Jensen said as they headed for the large living room doors that looked out over the lake. Misha smiled at the camera.

                “I got lucky with getting the right physical therapist.” Misha told the camera with a wince. “So it’s been a busy summer. A lot of physical therapy and doctor appointments, but I’m doing well.”  He glanced at Jensen before looking back at the phone. “I’m sorry I have been silent. I promise I’m not ignoring any of you; the outpouring of support has been overwhelming at times. I truly appreciate it though. “He turned his head and showed off the long scar above his ear. Jensen’s heart ached at the sight, every time. “I have this fancy decoration to my scalp now too. Hopefully my hair will grow out soon.”              

                “You would look handsome with a ton of hair or bald.” Jensen said and Misha rolled his eyes overdramatically. Jensen noted with a smile the rush of comments agreeing with him.

                They reached the doors and Jensen helped him step down. He left it open as he helped Misha  over to the chairs along the railing.  Jensen scooted his chair beside Misha’s, so their backs were to the still lake. “So besides updating you all on his recovery, we had more news to share too.” Jensen smiled over at Misha who grinned. “We have a tentative wedding date set for later this year.”

                “It’s tentative; it really depends on how quickly I can get mobile again.” Misha said and Jensen gave him a look. Misha returned the look. _He knows I was serious when I offered to carry him down the aisle._ Misha broke the stare to look at the comments.  

                “No, Gracie, we aren’t inviting the fandom. It’s a wedding not a convention.” His laugh was a little shaky, and Jensen threw his arm over Misha’s shoulders. Misha leaned into him.

                “So yeah, Misha is doing much better. We are gonna get hitched. Jared is going to be a dad. Life on the lake is pretty amazing. We appreciate all of the cards and things from you guys. Seriously. We love them.” Jensen smiled at the phone as it filled with hearts again.

                “Thank you all, for being there for me.” Misha added as he rested his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “For us. It has helped keep me going. I love you all.”

                “I think I speak for everyone,” Jensen said as he swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, “When I say we love YOU Misha.”

                Misha laughed but Jensen stayed somber. “I know a lot of you don’t believe me about not returning to the show. I just want to say that as of right now, I have no plans to. Jared and Shoshannah will be amazing next season. I don’t know what is in store for them but I know it will work out.”

                Jensen tightened his arm around his fiancé. “Besides, I want to be here. I want to help Misha recover and have time with just him. We’ll never stop going to the conventions or doing guest appearances or anything. But right now we just need each other.”

                He smiled at the outpouring of love from the commenters. “We love you guys and we’ll check in soon.” He said. Misha waved at the camera.

                 “We’ll talk to you guys again soon.”

                “Bye everyone!” Jensen called. He pressed the end button, but it didn’t work.  He frowned and pulled his arm off of Misha as it kept recording his confused face. “Well crap.”

                “You have to push that button.” Misha said, reaching over to do it. Jensen swatted his hand away.

                “I know. It just didn’t work.”

                “But you didn’t push it-“

                Jensen successfully ended the live stream and turned to Misha, who was smirking over at him. “I’m such an old person.” He joked and Misha just nodded.

                “It’s adorable.”  Misha said with a shrug. With a grunt of effort he pushed himself to his feet and then turned around and leaned on the railing of the deck. A smile rested on his lips as he looked out across their yard at the lake. Jensen wondered what he was thinking of, but before he could ask Misha spoke.

                “Sometimes this all feels so surreal.” He said softly. “Like…having you here. A cabin on a lake.” He turned back to look at Jensen. “This is a beautiful spot. I love it.”

                “I’m glad you do. I know it was kind of frustrating at the beginning.”

                “It’s fine. We’re fine.” Misha sighed ever so slightly and added in a much softer voice as he looked down at his hands, “I’m fine.”

                Jensen tried not to frown. “You wanna talk?” He asked as he stood and leaned his back against the railing beside Misha.  Misha shrugged slightly.

                “It just… it’s been hard. Talking to the fans was harder than I thought it would be. I hate having them see me like this.”

                “It isn’t permanent, Misha.” Jensen assured.

                “I know. I’m getting better. I can feel it. Not being able to do anything for a few weeks at the beginning. I mean literally… It was so hard.”

                Jensen nodded. He’d heard this all before. He squeezed Misha’s arm to let him know he was there.

                “Not being able to walk for months. I feel so...broken.” He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, so Jensen leaned his head onto Misha’s shoulder. “It happened so fast. And I know I talk about it a lot, I’m sorry. It’s just always on my mind.”

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36925497532/in/dateposted-public/)

                Jensen lifted his head and kissed Misha’s temple. He closed his eyes and willed Misha to relax. _His nightmares haven’t been as bad in the last few weeks._ He thought to himself, not wanting Misha to be aware of how much sleep he’d lost because of them. Not that it mattered to him; he would gladly sing Misha to sleep every night for the rest of their lives. He stroked Misha’s head, careful to avoid the scar.

                “You don’t need to apologize for it, Misha. It was a huge thing. It changed our lives.” He had to fight back the sudden emotion in his voice, but judging by how Misha’s hands tightened on the railing, he failed. “I almost lost you.” He squeezed his eyes shut and focused on staying calm and strong. Misha needed him to be strong still.

                “I couldn’t have made it without you.” Misha said softly as a seagull cried above the water.

                “You wouldn’t have had to.” Jensen said simply. Misha nodded and looked down as the timer finally went off in the kitchen. Jensen kissed his hair then  bounced in place and Misha sat up with soft chuckle for his eagerness.

                Jensen hurried inside and pulled the pie from the oven, his mouth watering at the aroma it gave off. He set it on the counter and walked back to the deck with a smile.

                Misha was still looking out over the lake, leaning heavily on the rail. Jensen walked up behind him and pressed himself against Misha’s back as his arms wounds across his torso. Misha pushed into him and sighed contentedly.

                “We should get a boat.”

                “Boats are fun. Jet skis are too.”

                “I thought I talked you out of wanting a jet ski?” Misha asked. Jensen could hear the smirk on his lips.

                “Maybe.” He turned and brushed his lips across Misha’s neck, making goosebumps rise wherever he touched. Misha started to turn around with a smile, but it was swallowed by the gasp of pain he let out. He crumpled in Jensen’s arms, and Jensen barely caught him before they both fell.

                “Shit. God Damn it to hell! ” Misha cursed as he grasped at Jensen. Jensen eased him into the chair again and knelt on one knee in front of him.

                “Talk to me, should I call Christine back?”

                “No. Just, back spasmed and god damn it hurt. It’s already fading. I’m okay.” He took slow breaths in through his nose and blew them out through his mouth as Jensen gripped his hands. Jensen could tell that Misha was struggling with his thoughts again.

                “Hey, Mishka,” Jensen called. Misha looked down at him with a frown, which Jensen reached up to rub away with his thumb. “Don’t frown at me like that. C’mere.” He stood and pulled Misha to his feet. Misha leaned into him heavily.

                “I got you.” Jensen said softly and Misha nodded against his shoulder. Jensen breathed in his scent and kissed his head again.

                “I would get hit by a car for you every day for the rest of my life if it meant we were together.” Misha said. Jensen huffed as he massaged at Misha’s back, avoiding the area of sensitive scarring near his spine.

                “That isn’t funny.” Jensen replied as he shook his head.

                “It will be someday.” Misha’s smile was barely audible, but it was there and it made Jensen smile. Misha rubbed his head into Jensen’s cheek, and he felt the roughness of the long scar. It pulled him back to the hospital, after he had finished filming.

               

                _“There is some swelling that keeps occurring and it could be worrisome.” The doctor was a white-haired, loud man that was very straightforward and good at explaining things. Jensen liked him. “We have it monitored and under control for now. But it could be adding to the trouble with your mobility, Misha.”_

_Misha nodded slightly as he sat in his hospital bed. There was a fresh bandage wound around his fractured skull. Jensen glanced at the top of his head where his hair was almost nonexistent after being buzzed._

_“Will I be able to walk?” Misha asked in a much stronger voice than Jensen could have managed at the time._

_Doctor Nelson shrugged. “Honestly it is too hard to say. We have to take it a day at a time. The deer guard caught you at just the right spot, you’re lucky your spine didn’t snap. Add in the impact of the tree where you landed, you’re beyond lucky your head wasn’t smashed in.”_

_Misha nodded again and Jensen felt him tense. He looked to the doctor as he stood, keeping one hand on Misha’s arm as he reached over to shake the doctor’s hand._

_“Thank you, for keeping us informed.” Jensen said. Dr. Nelson nodded._

_“Of course. Unfortunately you have a long road ahead. My daughter adores both of you, so I know you’re both amazing people capable of a lot.” He looked down at Misha. “ I have a strong feeling you’ll pull through this without any hiccups.” He smiled at them and dropped Jensen’s hand, and then turned to go. They watched him in silence until the door slid shut behind him._

_“This isn’t fair.” Misha’s voice cracked and Jensen sat back down on the chair. He reached up and laid his hand across Misha’s chest, splaying his fingers to cover as much as he could. He leaned down until Misha looked at him._

_“You are alive. You are here. Yes it sucks, but you are alive, Misha. I am not going anywhere. You will get past this. We’ll do this together, okay?”_

_Misha covered Jensen’s hand with his own and nodded. Jensen stood so he could kiss the top of Misha’s head before he wrapped his arms around him. “We’ll get through this.” He closed his eyes as Misha pushed his head into Jensen’s chest and cried._

                Jensen’s phone began to ring and he blinked to orientate himself. He released Misha with one arm and reached for his phone, as Misha reached for his. Jared’s name lit his phone and he smiled at Misha as he answered it.

                “Jared?”

                “I have a son, Jensen!” Jared blurted and Jensen’s smile stretched his face.

                “That’s amazing!”

                “I sent Misha a photo. He’s on me right now. He’s so perfect, Jensen. Gen was amazing. ”

                Jensen leaned to look at Misha’s phone as he held it up. The photo was of Jared holding a tiny, tiny human against his chest. Jared’s tired face was split by a smile as his hand covered the infant completely.

                “He’s adorable, man.” Jensen said, turning the speaker phone on.

                “Congratulations, Jared.” Misha called out and they heard Jared chuckle softly. “Do you have a name?”

                “We do. Gen wants to announce him though, and she’s sleeping. You’ll be the first to know though, okay?”

                “That’s perfect.” Jensen said. Misha smiled over at him as he put his phone down.

                “I’m going to call some other people. I wanted you to know. I love you, both.”

                “We love you too Jared.” Misha laughed softly.

                “Enjoy him! Bye man.” Jensen said before he hung up. He pocketed his phone then leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Misha’s lips, savoring the feel of them.

                “Are you going to eat your pie?” Misha asked once Jensen leaned away slightly. Jensen nodded but pulled Misha close by his jean pockets. Jensen hugged him tightly and Misha returned it.

                “I love you.” Misha whispered as he rubbed his hands up and down Jensen’s back.

                “I don’t think there are words for how I love you.” Jensen said with a smile as he inhaled slowly.

                “I’ve loved you longer, so I win.” Misha joked and Jensen laughed. He looked out over Misha’s shoulder where the blue lake met the greenery of the trees. He knew that despite the shit thrown at them, they had made it together.

                “We both win.” Jensen murmured with sudden emotion. Misha pulled back and Jensen shifted his watery gaze to him. With a soft smile, Misha reached up and wiped the tears from Jensen’s lashes.

                “We are not going to let the pie I slaved over get cold. C’mon.” Misha said as he picked up his cane and took Jensen’s hand, slowly leading him towards the cabin.  As he followed, Jensen’s heart swelled with love and contentment.  He knew that this was where he was meant to be. Next to the man who had always loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go, folks! Thanks for sticking with me. Please drop a comment!


	49. A New Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years down the road, the guys take an exciting huge step and change their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you for following along. I'm working on another surprise in this fic-verse... subscribe so you know when I get it posted!

                4 years later

 

                Misha waved excitedly as Jared got out of his car after parking in front of the cabin. The front yard had changed over the years. It gained some plants and flowers and a loop of gravel for the drive. His little car had been traded in the year before for a slightly bigger sedan, but it sat next to Baby. Jared smiled at the car as he stood with a stretch and waved back.

                “We made it!”

                 Misha waited on the wooden porch he and Jensen had added two summers ago.  Jared got Thomas out of the car and retrieved his camera. Thomas waved to Misha with an impish smirk and tugged on his father’s shorts, hurrying him on. Jared waved him off as he fiddled with the camera in his hands and Misha smiled at Thomas as he ran up.

                “Uncle Meeesha!” He called excitedly, drawing out Misha’s name as he launched himself at Misha, who caught him and swung him around.

                “I think you’ve been eating bricks, Thomas.” Misha said as he pretended to struggle with the four year old’s weight. Thomas giggled and looked around.

                “Where’s Uncle Jen?”

                Misha smirked. _So Jared hasn’t been correcting him on that._ “Uncle Jensen is off hunting for bugs while we waited for you!”

                “I like bugs. I squished a ant the other day and Mom got mad.”

                “What did your dad think?” Misha asked as he smirked at Jared who was walking up.

                “He gave me a high five.”

                Misha’s laugh brought a smile to Jared’s face as he joined them on the porch. “This is it!” Jared said excitedly and Misha nodded. Jared gave him a one armed hug before Misha turned and stepped off the porch to find Jensen. He spotted him kneeling in the gravel near the green sedan, pointing out something on the ground to the two small children beside him. The breeze blew through the trees, rustling the fading green leaves and the shorter one looked up, her long curls bouncing in the wind.

                “Jensen we’re ready!” Misha called and Jensen turned. His dressy button up was starting to come untucked on the back and Misha wanted to fix it.

                “We found ants!” He called with a smile and Misha’s heart leapt. He felt like his entire body was buzzing with excitement as he watched Jensen gently grab the hands of the two small children on either side of him. The boy was slightly taller than the girl, but they shared the same shade of brown hair and round, green eyes. He looked up at Jensen with a crooked grin and Misha’s heart melted.

                As they reached the porch, Jensen extended the hand that was grasped by the girl. Misha reached down and offered his hand to her and she looked up at him curiously before letting go of Jensen’s pinky and taking Misha’s.  Jared stepped in front of them and opened the door, Thomas on his heels. He positioned himself far enough back inside the living room that he could see them.

                “Okay and we’re rolling.” He called out as Jensen and the boy stood in the doorway. “Welcome home, Lincoln and Lilian Collins-Ackles!” Jared said with a smile as they stepped through the doorway. Misha followed with the girl as Thomas clapped.  Misha smiled at him as he led Lilian into the cabin more. He looked over to see Lincoln already darting away from Jensen and couldn’t help but laugh. Jared turned to follow them as Misha knelt beside the two year old. Her pink shirt was covered in cats and her little jeans were rolled up so she didn’t trip on them.

                “It’s okay.” Misha said as he smoothed her brown hair. It fell in loose, messy curls around her face, having been curled before he and Jensen had arrived at the foster parent’s house. “Would you like to see your new room?” He asked. She looked up at him with round, green eyes and he smiled as she nodded. He opened his hands to her and she immediately stepped into them and latched her little arms around his neck as he stood.

                As he walked through the living room, past the kitchen and bathroom, she tucked her head under his chin. He smiled as his chest swelled with love for the tiny human in his arms. If he hadn’t built it himself, he wouldn’t have been able to tell where the addition to the cabin started. But he knew as he stepped from the hall past the bathroom into a hall that held four doors.

                “Your room is right here.” He pointed to the pale blue door on the left hand side and she sat up to look at it. “We painted it your favorite color. Do you want to see it?”

                She shook her head no and pointed behind him. He turned to the open red door where giggles were sounding. “That’s your brother’s room. He likes red, yeah?” She nodded again and pointed more firmly so he turned and approached the room.

                Inside, the few toys from the toy chest were already scattered across the ground. Jensen was sitting on the floor, on the circular red rug in the center of the floor, as Thomas and Lincoln took turns hitting him with a pillow. From against one of the grey walls, Jared was filming the attacks. Misha’s laugh drew their attention and Jensen smiled up at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling in laughter as he pointed.

                “Back up is here! Attack!”

                Misha took a step back as the boys turned and put the pillows over their heads as they prepared to get him.

                “I have a civilian! Don’t get me!” He called as he lifted Lilian above his head. She giggled as his abdomen and legs were swatted with pillows. Jared had turned the camera on them and was grinning widely as Jensen pushed himself to his feet and reached over the crazy barrage of pillows to take Lilian from Misha. As soon as his hands were free, Misha reached down and scooped up one boy under each arm. They were only a year apart but Thomas towered over Lincoln. Misha carried them under his arms and plopped them onto the bed in the corner. The red comforter was already messed up and Misha had a feeling it wouldn’t look as nice as it had that morning again. As Lincoln squealed with laughter, Misha couldn’t have cared less about the messy bed.

                Lincoln stood and jumped into Misha’s arms without a thought. Misha caught him and swung him around, thankful for the trust he showed. They’d met a dozen times in the last several months and with each visit, Misha’s love for the siblings grew exponentially. It had gotten harder and harder to say goodbye. He hugged Lincoln close enough that he heard his little stomach growl.

                “Are you hungry?” He asked and Lincoln nodded as he lifted his Ninja Turtle t-shirt to show his belly.  

                “Pizza?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and Misha smiled at the cute expression.

                “YES PIZZA!” Thomas yelled from the bed. Misha looked over to find Jared gone. _Probably went after Jensen and Lilian._ Misha looked back to Lincoln.

                “Yes we are going to have a pizza party, just like we promised. Good memory, bud.” He turned and squatted so Thomas could climb on his back. Once the preschooler secured his arms around Misha’s neck he stood and left the bedroom.

                Jared was in the hall, leaning against Lilian’s open doorway with a warm smile on his lips as he looked down at the camera. Misha walked over to him and nudged him to take the child from his back. Once the skinny arms disappeared from around his throat, he looked into the room.

                Jensen was sitting on the floor near the bed. Lilian had his pinky in her hand still and she was pointing to various items in the room for him to name and describe. They hadn’t gone overboard on furnishings. A twin bed with a rail, a dresser, and a small toy box made up the entirety of the room. Same as her brother’s, but with a different main color. There was a pale blue rug in the center, identical to her brother’s except the color. They had painted the walls alternating dark grey and pale blue to match the door. A few toys were in the toy box but they planned to take the siblings out to pick something fun once they settled. Jensen smiled over at him and Misha knew what he was feeling, he felt it too.

                Misha watched as Lilian reached over and used her tiny hand to turn Jensen’s face back towards her. He chuckled and obliged.   

                “Special delivery.” Misha said with a smile as Lincoln giggled when he dropped the boy’s torso so he was hanging upside down. He walked in and plopped him on the bed where he bounced once and immediately stood up, begging for more. Jensen stood and gently pulled Lilian towards Misha by her grip on his finger. She looked up with a toothy smile for Misha and reached her arms up for him to lift her. She had preferred him from the moment they met at the adoption party.

                “Are you hungry, Lil?” He asked and she nodded as she snuggled against his chest. Jensen’s hand on his back disappeared as Lincoln launched himself into his arms. Jensen caught him with an _oomph_ then turned to Jared and Thomas.

                “Thomas wants to eat and watch transformers. I think that sounds like fun.” Jensen said with a wink to Thomas who jumped up and down before racing from the room.

                Lincoln squirmed in Jensen’s arms until he was set down. Lincoln darted off, his sock covered feet making him almost wipe out on the hardwood floors. Jensen hurriedly followed the boys out and Misha snorted as Jensen almost fell rounding the corner. Jared motioned Misha out and trailed behind, still filming. Misha hurried after his husband and son to have their first dinner as a family of four.

               

 

                Later that night, Jared had bid them adieu and untangled Thomas from Lincoln’s limbs as they both slept soundly on the red bed.  Misha and Jensen took turns hugging him and thanking him for the camera work for such an important day, and then they returned to the cabin hand in hand. They spent ten minutes cleaning up quickly then headed to their room.

                Before Misha went in, he stepped across the hall and peeked inside of Lilian’s room. She was sleeping peacefully in her bed, a stuffed moose and squirrel from Jared under her arms. Misha smiled at the sight and added it to his mental list of moments to remember.

                He walked across the hall and checked on Lincoln again. He was sprawled across his bed, in only underwear because he announced he didn’t like pants earlier that evening. Misha smiled at him and turned his light back off then gently shut the door.

                Jensen was just stepping out of the bathroom and Misha turned to him. He slipped his arms around Jensen and was crushed into a hug as Jensen held him tightly. “It doesn’t feel real.” Jensen said softly and Misha nodded. 

                “It’s surreal. I’m so happy, I haven’t been able to form coherent thoughts half of the day.”

                Jensen kept one arm around Misha’s shoulders and led him to their room. Their king sized bed sat against the left hand wall, the headboard against Lincoln’s wall. The large window was covered in blinds that matched the comforter. Misha still smiled at that; even after four years Jensen’s decorative choices amused him.

                They changed to pajama pants and got into bed. Misha still felt like his chest was buzzing as he laid on his side, looking at the open door where he could see the pale blue door lit from the hall nightlight. Jensen’s fingers trailed from his shoulders down to his waist and he closed his eyes as the touch brushed across the scars on his lower back.

                 “We’ve come so far, Mishka.” Jensen whispered against his neck and Misha shivered.

                “We have. And there’s so much further we get to go. This is a whole new adventure.” Misha said.

                “I’m glad I get to do it with you.” Jensen said and Misha couldn’t help but laugh. Jensen lightly shoved his back.

                “You know what I meant. Stop ruining the moment, man.”

                Misha laughed harder as he rolled around and draped an arm across Jensen’s neck. He leaned forward and kissed him. “I love them so much.” Misha whispered with an emotion thick voice. Jensen nodded and smiled as his lips brushed Misha’s again.

                “Our children are sleeping peacefully. We should too. Tomorrow is a special day.”

                “I know every day won’t be as easy or as magical as today was,” Misha said as he closed his eyes, “But there isn’t another person I would ever want by my side to experience them with.”

                Jensen rolled on his back and pulled Misha close. Misha repositioned so he could feel the steady thumping of Jensen’s heart against his cheek. When Jensen spoke, it vibrated his entire chest.

                “I’ve always belonged by your side, Mishka, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

                Misha smiled and listened to the steady beating of his husband’s heart until he fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE thanks to LamboZash, CassieWinchester, and LokiNeedsHugs81. I seriously could not have done this thing without you all. And thanks to everyone who commented and offered support and praise. You're all amazing.


	50. Don't Blink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't blink, you just might miss your babies growin' like mine did." -Kenny Chesney Don't blink 
> 
> A series of snippets brushing over Jensen's and Misha's lives as their children grow until they leave for college. Each new snippet is titled with a name and the ages of Lilian/Lincoln.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really excited about these. I have SO many more written though. This update has taken so long because I couldn't figure out which to include!  
> Like I said, this is REALLY long. So enjoy. Leave a comment if you would. Make sure to read the end notes they're SUPER important.
> 
> Yes the kids are referred to as different names throughout. As they grow their choice of nickname changes. It happens. I tried to paint a clear picture of them in each snippet without info dumping, so I hope it works for you. :)

**Christmas 2/3**   

Misha woke early Christmas morning. He looked over to see Lilian under one of Jensen’s arms, tucked against his bare chest as they slept peacefully. The two year old’s hair was a mess and Misha reached over to smooth the curls so they didn’t stick to Jensen’s beard. Misha smiled at them before carefully rolling out of bed and padding out of the room.

                The cabin was chilly, so he turned the heat up a little before he put a bagel into the toaster. While it was toasting he started brewing coffee. He walked to the tree by the large sliding doors and looked out happily at the snow covered yard. _This is a perfect first Christmas._

               

                The sun was creeping into the sky as he finished his bagel and heard a yawn from the hallway. He looked up to see Lincoln shuffling towards him, rubbing his sleepy eyes as he grasped his favorite stuffed rhino in his hand. Lincoln walked over and climbed onto the stool at the counter. His Transformer boxer briefs were bunched up around one of his legs.

                “Morning, Link.” Misha said. Lincoln yawned again. “Did you go potty already?” He asked the underwear clad three year old. Lincoln shook his head and Misha stood and walked over. He scooped his son up and carried him to the bathroom, noting how chilly his bare skin was. He set him on his feet near the toilet then stepped into his room to find pajama pants and a shirt.

                Lincoln met him in the hallway and Misha got him dressed quickly before picking him back up. Lincoln melted against his shoulder as they returned to the kitchen and sat back at the counter.

                “Are you hungry?”

                Lincoln shook his head no.

                “How about hot chocolate?”

                Lincoln started to shake his head but changed to a nod. “Cream too?”

                Misha smiled and nodded. “Yes with whip cream too.” He slid off the stool and went to make the drink. Once it was done he sat back down next to Lincoln and watched him lick the whip cream before taking a tentative sip from the too-big mug. Pretty soon his attention turned to the bright tree behind them and he stiffened when he saw the presents.

                “Who are those for?” Lincoln asked as he stared wide eyed. Misha followed his gaze at the dozen or so presents under the tree.

                “You and your sister. A few for your daddy too.”

                Lincoln smiled widely up at Misha. “I have that many? That’s so many.”

                “Well half are for Lilian.”

                “That’s so so so much. Thank you papa!” Lincoln leaned over and hugged Misha, who tried to fight back the sudden tears in his eyes.

                “You’re welcome buddy. Should we get the other two up so we can open them?”

                Lincoln nodded and set his drink down before hopping off the stool. Misha hurried after him with a smile at the boy’s eagerness.

 

                As the family settled around the Christmas tree, Jensen helped Lincoln to distribute the presents. Misha was sitting on the couch and had a beautiful view of the snow outside. He smiled as Lilian curled up on his lap, yawning widely. _If she slept in her own bed maybe she would sleep better._ He thought as he brushed her hair with his fingers. As the presents disappeared from under the tree, Misha was surprised to find three for him. They were all Jensen’s handwriting but two were labeled “Papa” and not “Misha”. He smiled at them before picking up one of Lilian’s and offering it to her.

                “Do you want to open this, Lilian?” He asked as he offered her the present. She shook her head and clutched at his shirt. “Are you sure, these are all for you!” He motioned to the five presents beside them on the couch. She shook her head again.

                “No.”

                “Okay well we can wait.” He set the box down and turned to watch Jensen and Lincoln on the floor. Misha wanted to join them, but even four years after his accident it still wasn’t comfortable to sit on the floor. He reached over and lifted their camera to record the other two instead.

                After Lincoln opened his presents, squealing in delight at a couple of them and asking Jensen to open them immediately, Misha offered Lilian hers again.

                “No.” She repeated as she hid her face in his chest. He frowned a little as Jensen left Lincoln to play and joined them on the couch.

                “What’s wrong, Lil?” He asked as he brushed her back.

                “Mine.” She clutched Misha tighter, bringing a smile to his face as he met Jensen’s beautiful gaze.

                “Yes I’m yours.” Misha assured her. “But these presents are too. You have to share me with your dad and brother, but these presents are all yours.” He hoped that tactic would work but she just shook her head.

                “Lil can you help me open my presents then?” Jensen asked as he gathered the few things Misha had found for him and placed them on his lap. She turned her head to look at him, but wouldn’t let Misha go. With a tentative nod she reached for one.

                The first present was a new watch. Jensen smiled at Misha as he worked to free it from the packaging. “I love it, Mishka.” He said.

                “It made me think of you.” Misha replied simply. Jensen offered the second package to Lilian and Misha whispered to be gentle with it. She revealed a glass frame with a photo of the family nestled between the panes. They were at the zoo that fall. Lincoln was on Jensen’s shoulders and Lilian nestled against Misha’s chest. Jensen had one arm around Misha and the other held Lincoln’s feet in place. Three of the four were smiling. Misha adored that photo. Lilian offered it to Jensen, unimpressed. Misha watched as Jensen looked down at it with a growing smile. After a moment he wiped at his nose and sniffled. He looked up and Misha could see tears welled in his eyes.

                “I love you too.” Misha said with a smile and Jensen just nodded. After he composed himself, Jensen pretended to reach for his last present, but grabbed one of Lilian’s instead. He winked at Misha and asked her to open it.

                The art kit was something they knew she was going to love. _Maybe she won’t try to decorate the walls if she has the easel and this._ Jensen chuckled at her and Misha looked down to see her eyes widen. She pointed to the blues on the cover and reached up to touch Misha’s cheek until he looked down.

                “Blue. Light blue. Violet. Indigo.” Misha listed the colors as she moved her little finger and sat up more, starting to get excited. Jensen offered her another, the easel, and she looked at him for a moment before taking it to open. Misha smiled over her head at his husband and Jensen smiled back. Then Lincoln was there, tugging on Jensen’s arm to play with him. Misha watched Jensen slide to the floor before he leaned down to whisper in his daughter’s ear.

                “Do you want to color now?”

                “Yep!” She said happily as she clutched the art kit to her chest and tried to get down. Misha lifted her to the floor and stood to follow her to the table, her easel under one of his arms.

 

 

***

**Baby Padelecki 4/5**

                Jensen glanced into the rear view mirror, wondering how Misha had managed to silence the unhappy children. A smile tugged his mouth at the sight of Misha sandwiched between the car seats, one arm across each. His head was resting against Lincoln’s taller seat and he was out cold.

                Lincoln’s arms were hooked behind the headrest part of his car seat. His little head was flopped forward and looked so uncomfortable, but he was breathing easily. Jensen looked at the other side to see Lil sleeping peacefully, her papa’s arm hugged against her chest. _Misha is going to have glitter on his arm when he wakes up._ Jensen mused as the sun glinted off of Lil’s shirt.

                It had been a long day. The family had left early that morning to go to the zoo, which had been fun. Lincoln picked out a stuffed giraffe for Thomas’s new little sister, and Jensen could see it stuffed between the door and his seat. Lil was scared of the big cats but Jensen loved how tightly she held his neck as Misha and Lincoln explored the cat cave. He loved how lit up she became once they reached the aquarium even more. He tucked that tidbit away for a later purpose.

                After the zoo they had gotten lunch then headed back towards home, stopping to grab their forgotten overnight bags and the other gifts they had for Gen and the new baby. Then they headed to Jared’s. Jensen sighed as the clock read 4:29pm. Two flat tires and tired, screaming children who thought they were home for the night had made for a long afternoon.

                He pulled into the familiar drive and parked, which brought Misha awake. He sat up with a groan and extracted his arms from the children’s grasps. Jensen looked at him in the rearview mirror.

                “Morning sunshine.”

                “I sure hope it isn’t morning. I’ve been looking forward to Jared’s promises of alcohol for days.” He rubbed his eyes then smiled at Jensen before turning to the children. 

                “We’re here, kids!” Misha said as he reached over to tickle Lincoln’s ribs. Lincoln frowned and swatted his hand away, which made Jensen laugh. Misha tried again, but got the same reaction. Jensen got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. Misha was waking Lilian up as Jensen opened Link’s door.

                “Link, Thomas is inside. You have a new transformer to give him, yeah?” Jensen poked the kindergartener. “Liiink.”

                Lincoln opened his eyes with a heavy frown and glared up at Jensen. “Fine. But I am sleepy and I’ll probly be grumpy. So you know.”

                Jensen tried not to laugh as he nodded and unbuckled Lincoln’s seat. He lifted him out but Lincoln squirmed to be sat down. Jensen stretched as his son grabbed the big giraffe and the wrapped transformer from the side of his seat.

                On the other side of the car, Misha was getting out of the car, trying to calm Lilian who was crying for being woken and not immediately held. He squirmed around her seat and scooped her up. Her cries turned to shuddering breaths as she clasped her arms around his neck tightly while burying her crocodile-tear stained face against his neck.

                Jensen followed Link up the steps to the big house. He knocked, not wanting the doorbell to disturb Gen or the baby. After a couple minutes it opened to reveal a tired Jared. His face lit up and he stepped forward to grab Jensen and Misha in a big hug.

                “I’m glad you guys came for the weekend.” He said. His hair was pulled into a bun and Jensen was trying really hard not to give him all the shit that was fighting to leave his tongue. As Jared stepped back, Misha and his amazing filter spoke up.

                “It’s nice of you to grow your hair out to make a wig for the new baby, Jared.” Misha said with a smirk. Jared rolled his eyes.

                “You’re just jealous I can have long hair and not look like a hippie.”

                “Hippies are cool, man.” Misha said as Jared motioned them into the house. Lincoln had already slipped past and Jensen could hear him calling for Thomas. Jensen kicked off his shoes and put his hand on Lilian’s back.

                “Do you want to go play with the boys?” He asked. She frowned at him before burying her face in Misha’s shoulder. Misha looked at Jensen with a smile and shrugged.

                “I’m fine.” Misha said as they followed Jared to the living room. The TV was on, playing transformers even though the boys were off somewhere else. _Is Thomas ever going to grow out of liking them?_ Jared sank onto the couch with a heavy sigh and closed his eyes.

                “You doin okay?” Jensen asked as he sat on the other end of the couch. Jared have him a double thumbs up.

                “Just tired. Nothing new.”

                “How is the job going?” Jensen asked. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to Jared in almost a month. Their schedules were too different and Jared had been extra busy with a new TV show he was starring in.

                “It’s going. Feels weird to be playing a cop.”

                “Really?” Jensen gave him a look that he didn’t see as Misha wandered off to find the kids. “That’s basically what you were for what, 15 years?”

                “Yeah. I know. ” Jared moved so his head was on the arm rest and he could see Jensen. “It’s been two years since the show ended but it was such a huge part of my life. It’s weird. I dunno. I’ll get over it.”

                “Well I’m excited to see your show. You’ll be great.”

                “What about you? You have any more offers for roles?”

                “Not recently, no. The last month of school was really busy.” Jensen turned when he heard Gen call out for Jared. With a heavy sigh Jared pushed himself off of the couch.

                “I’ll be back.”

                “No rush.” Jensen looked around at the house that had practically been his second home for as long as Jared had lived there. It had changed over the years, but everything does that. He heard giggles float down from the upper floor so he got off the couch to check it out.

                In Thomas’s room, the three kids were playing and giggling happily. He was happy Link wasn’t picking on his sister for once, but he knew it wouldn’t last.  Jensen didn’t alert them of his presence before he slipped past. He followed the voices down the hall to Jared’s bedroom.

                Inside, Misha was cradling a tiny, swaddled baby and looking down with a heart-melting smile. Jensen saw Jared lean down and kiss Gen’s forehead before he stood and brushed past Jensen. Misha looked up as he left and caught Jensen’s eye.

                “She’s adorable.” He said as Jensen walked over to peer down at the sleeping baby. He smiled and rested his hand on his husband’s lower back. From the bed, Gen yawned.

                “Thanks. She’s a cute baby but it’s harder with two kids.”

                Jensen and Misha shared a look she couldn’t see before she continued. “They all say the first baby is the hardest but no. It’s the second because you can’t sleep when they do. You have another human to keep alive.”

                Jensen chuckled as she closed her eyes and mumbled at them.                 “She’ll probably sleep for a couple hours now. Feel free to take her with you.”

                Jensen gently guided Misha from the room. They closed the door and Jensen followed Misha down the stairs before parting ways. Misha settled onto the recliner with the bundle and Jensen went to find Jared.

                He walked into the kitchen to find Jared sitting at the table, his head in his arms on the tabletop. “Why are you so tired?” Jensen asked. “You aren’t the one that just birthed a baby.”

                “Mm. No. But Thomas has been getting up every night around 3 and I don’t know why.”

                “Probably the huge change your household just went through.” Jensen offered. Jared gave him an “oh yeah” expression without opening his eyes.

                “Besides, mine wake up throughout the night too and I’m not falling asleep in front of food.” Jensen reached down and stole one of the potato chips from the plate in front of Jared, who opened his eyes.

                “Shoot. This was for Gen.”

                “Well she’s sleeping now.” Jensen informed his friend. Jared yawned and nodded.

                “Good. Where’s Pat?”

                “She’s with Misha.” Jensen paused. “Are you really going to call her Pat?”

                “Nickname.”

                “Crappy one.” Jensen laughed, making Jared smirk.

                “Yeah I’m not sure if I like it or not.”

                “Patience Padelecki sounds pretty cool.”

                “Yeah, it’s pretty.” Jared agreed. Jensen looked down at his friend before placing his hand on Jared’s shoulder.

                “Jared, go up and sleep. Misha and I can handle the kiddos.”

                “Nah, you guys came to see us. I’m alright, just need the coffee to finish brewing.”

                Jensen looked around to find the coffee maker unplugged and definitely _not_ brewing anything. He grinned. “No, go sleep. We’ll bring Patience back when she’s hungry.”

                Jared looked up at him with an exhausted smile. “Thank you. Sorry I’m lame.”

                “You aren’t lame. Besides, Misha and I still plan on drinking your alcohol.” Jensen joked as Jared stood.

                “Nuh uh. You guys always end up in each other’s pants when you drink here.”  

                Jensen fell into a laugh at the trueness of the statement. “You brought us here with the promise of the good stuff! “Jared shrugged.

                “I may have lied. Just wake me if you need me.”

                “Probably won’t need you.” Jensen said as he gave Jared a slight shove. Once Jared was gone he covered the plate of food and stuck it in the fridge, but not after eating the chips.

 

                It was after 10:00 by the time the kids calmed down enough for bed. Jensen tucked in Lincoln and Thomas as Misha sat between them, Lilian on his lap, and read a book. He stepped out and went to find something to eat. He could hear Patience crying and Gen singing softly. _Hopefully the boys didn’t wake her._

As he was finishing the sandwich he had made, Misha strolled into the kitchen. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his light jeans and his black polo was unbuttoned. Only three buttons, but Jensen liked it. Misha gave him a wrinkly-forehead look.

                “Thanks for ditching me.” He said as he sat down at the table. Jensen finished chewing and shrugged.

                “Lil was basically asleep when I left. The boys were close behind. I figured chasing them outside for an hour non-stop earned me the right to eat.”

                “I’m kidding. I actually didn’t have any issues tonight.” Misha yawned. Jensen was glad though. Lilian had been fighting bedtime for the last week and a half. They were pretty sure it had to do with the change from preschool to being home all day.

                “Where is the booze Jared promised?” Misha asked as he rubbed his eyes.

                “He claims we can’t have any because we jump each other when we do.”

                Misha looked across the table at him. “We don’t need alcohol to do that.” He said with a straight face. Jensen smirked.

                “I know. I think he’s just teasing because he wants to drink with us.”

“We can always do it another time.” Misha agreed as he looked down at his hands on the table. The black ring sat snuggly around his ring finger and Jensen smiled at it.

                “Do you want something to eat?” Jensen asked as he stood to rinse his plate.

                “No I’m good. I think I might just go watch TV.” Misha said as Jensen turned on the water. The sink was half full of other dishes as well.

                “Alright, I’ll be out soon.” Jensen said over his shoulder as he started on the dishes and his thoughts floated back to his conversation with Jared earlier. It had been six years since Jensen had been on the show. He had done a handful of guest appearances on shows and had minor roles in a few movies since, but he missed the everyday closeness of working with his little brother. He was thankful they lived so close to each other, and wanted to make more of an effort to see this family more regularly. He smiled to himself as he shifted the plates around in the sink. The Supernatural fandom was still the biggest, strongest community of fans he’d met and he loved it. _I need to check the calendar for the next convention. Maybe the kids can go too._

                Jensen finished the dishes and started the dishwasher, which was full but not clean. He dried his hands and walked to the living room. Misha was on the couch, one of his hands under his face as he lay on his side. His dark lashes were closed over his eyes as he slept, oblivious to the TV playing in front of him. Jensen turned it off then knelt and gently stroked his face.

                “Mishka, let’s go to bed.” He said softly. Misha frowned at him.

                “No ‘m good.”

                “C’mon. You can’t sleep here or you won’t be able to move tomorrow.”

                With a sigh Misha pushed himself up and Jensen took his hand. _If the only lasting effect of his injuries is the inability to sleep on couches and sit on the floor then I’ll take it._ He squeezed Misha’s hand, thankful for him. They turned lights off as they walked to Jensen’s old room. Misha tugged him to a stop so he could check on the kids. Jensen waited until Misha was satisfied they were out, and then they stepped into their room to change.

                As Jensen settled onto the queen sized bed, that he had bought just for visits, he looked over at his sleepy spouse. He reached up to run his finger down Misha’s forehead and the length of his nose, then over his lips.

                “You napped in the car, you shouldn’t be so sleepy.” Jensen said softly. Misha shrugged the shoulder he wasn’t laying on.

                “Busy week I guess.” He mumbled. Jensen moved his hand to cup Misha’s scruffy face before lightly rubbing his thumb across his cheek. “Mmm don’t’ start stuff now.” Misha said softly with a smile on his lips.

                “You said we didn’t need alcohol…” Jensen said before he leaned over. Misha kissed him back, with much more energy than he let on that he had. After several moments Jensen shifted so he could pull Misha onto him. Misha pushed his weight against Jensen, pinning him to the mattress as his rough hands roamed over Jensen’s bare torso.

                “We don’t need it, but it makes things fun.” Misha murmured before kissing his way down Jensen’s torso. Jensen bit his lower lip to quiet the gasps that wanted out as Misha pushed the blankets away.

                “I think you do a good job of making things gun on your Oh- own.” Jensen said before he pressed a pillow over his face to stifle the involuntary noises.

 

                The following morning Jensen woke to Lilian’s cries for Misha. He got out of bed and padded down the hall where she was sitting in the otherwise empty bed. “Lil you’re four. You can come to us in the morning you know.” He said as he scooped her up and delivered her to Misha who groaned as she settled on top of him. Then he went to find the boys.

                Thomas and Lincoln were sitting side by side on the couch. Thomas had his arm around Lincoln’s shoulders as they watched Transformers. Jensen smiled at them and plopped himself on the couch near his son.

                “What happens in this episode?” He asked.

                “Bumblebee gets lost and his team has to find him.” Thomas replied without taking his eyes from the screen. The sun was just peeking above the horizon and lazy morning light was slowly filling the room. He smiled over at the boys.

                “Do you guys want waffles?” He asked and received twin head nods. He patted Lincoln’s bare knee, because why wear pajama pants? With a smile he got up to make breakfast for his family.

 

***

**Hair 5/6**

                Jensen went through his suitcase, double checking to make sure he had everything he needed. He was still surprised he had been requested for a role in this movie. He was excited about it. He missed filming. He checked off everything on his phone’s list as he heard Lilian call out to Misha from her room.

                “Papa, I need you!” Jensen smiled. _She sounds so much older than five._ “Papa!” She called again. Misha answered from the other end of the house.

                “Office, Lil!”

                Jensen hefted his suitcase. He was heading to the airport right after dropping them off at school so he needed to get moving. He peaked around the corner in Lincoln’s room to find him sprawled on his bed, his nose in a book. Jensen was still impressed that his six year old could read so well already.

                “Link, it’s time for school.”

                “Okay, Daddy.” Jensen watched him finish his page then he took great care in placing a book mark in the book. He hopped out of bed and ran past Jensen towards the front door, clutching the book to his chest. Jensen followed and watched as Lincoln stuffed his feet in his shoes and grabbed his bag from the hook in front of the door.

                “Lil let’s go!” He called out. He hoped Misha would be done with his work out already so he could get a hug before he left. He heard a whine from the office and set his suitcase down.

                “Link I’ll be right back.” He told the boy, who nodded and sat on the floor to open his book again.

                He walked down the hallway to the room that used to be the master bedroom. Inside Misha was running on a treadmill and Lil was whining at his side.

                “Papa, I need my hair braided for school! I have to have it! Pleeeeeease?”  Her little arms were crossed over her sparkly blue shirt.

                “I just need to finish my run, and then I will sweetheart.” Misha panted. “Five minutes.”  He looked to Jensen for help.

                “Lil I can braid it for you.” Jensen offered and his daughter turned to him with a frown.

                “You can’t braid.” She stated and Jensen laughed.

                “I can and I’ll prove it. C’mon let’s go.”

                She followed him from the office with folded arms and a frown. He had her put her shoes on then turned her around. “Do you have a hair band?”

                “Yes.” She pulled one from her wrist. He used his fingers to comb out her shoulder length hair before gathering three strands near her forehead. With deft fingers he French braided her hair and secured it with the hair band. She looked into the mirror between where their book bags rested. Jensen waited for her praise but she shrugged and grabbed her bag.

                Lincoln looked up from his book long enough to follow her out the door. Jensen stared after them, feeling a tad hurt. He tried to brush it off. _It’s just hair. Not a big deal._ His sigh was interrupted as warm arms slipped around his middle. He looked down at Misha’s tan skin.

                “She’ll thank you later or something.” He whispered into Jensen’s ear. Jensen shrugged.

                “Not a big deal.”

                “Liar. C’mere. I’m not going to see you for a couple weeks.”

                Jensen turned around and kissed his sweaty husband. Misha brought his hands up to either side of Jensen’s head and tightened his fingers against his scalp. He pulled back with a smile. “I’ll miss you.”

                “I’ll miss all of you.” Jensen leaned his head onto Misha’s then pulled him close for a hug. His alarm on his watch went off and he silenced it. “I gotta go.”

                “Be safe. Keep me updated.” Misha gave him one last squeeze before Jensen pulled away. He lifted his suitcase and smiled at his husband one last time before stepping outside to join the kids near the forest green sedan. Jensen smiled and walked towards the side of the house where the Impala was parked.

                “This one today, kiddos!” He called. Lincoln squealed in excitement and ran past him. He turned to Jensen with a wide grin.

                “Why, Daddy?”

                “Because I’m going to the airport after I drop you off. This way Papa will have the normal car.”

Lincoln smiled and climbed in after his sister so Jensen could buckle them into their booster seats. He put his suitcase in the trunk, smiling at the devils trap still painted on the inside, then climbed behind the wheel. He glanced in the rear view mirror and saw Lincoln smiling happily, his book on his lap as he looked around the interior.  With a smile Jensen pulled out his phone and took a quick selfie of the three of them. The kids smiled for it, which was surprising. He sent it to Misha before he started the car.

                JA: Miss you already. But these are the best things the inside of this car has ever seen

 

Before he could leave the drive, Misha replied.

 

                M: They’ve been in there before. Stop being such a sap.

 

                Jensen laughed as he set his phone down and backed up. The drive to town was spent singing with the kids to their favorite playlist. He smiled every time he heard Lilian’s voice. _She’s going to have a great voice._ After he said his goodbyes at the school, fighting back tears the whole time; he checked the phone again to find another text.

 

                M: I love you. Please don’t stop being such a sap.

 

                Jensen smiled as he blasted music and drove to the airport.

 

 

***

**Adopted 8/9**

                Misha frowned at his computer screen. _It shouldn’t be this hard to rsvp or not people._ He grumped to himself. He pulled up his email when he felt a small poke to his side. He turned to find Lil watching him with her big hazel eyes. Her hair was loosely braided and there were numerous strands falling out. He lifted an arm and wrapped it around her shoulders in a hug.

                “What are you up to Lil?” He asked as he brushed at her hair with his fingers. She shrugged and hid her face in his side. With a slight frown he turned around and lifted her onto his lap where she immediately tucked her head under his chin. He leaned back in the computer chair so it was more comfortable for them both.

                “You’re almost too big to do that.” He said with a smile that the eight year old couldn’t see. He felt her slink down so she fit better and he hugged her close. “What’s on your mind, little bug?”

                “Link said you aren’t my real papa.” She said softly as she played with a button on his shirt. He paused and thought about her words for a moment.

                “I am your papa. And Jensen is your dad. We adopted you and Lincoln, yes, but you are ours and we are yours. Forever.”

                She nodded into his chest but kept playing with his button. “Does that mean someone else didn’t want us?” She asked after a few moments.

                “It means they couldn’t do what they needed to care for you so they gave you to someone that could.”

                “You and Daddy?”

                “Yes.”

                She nodded and stopped playing with his shirt so she could sit up to look at him. “I’m happy I’m here. I love you.”

                “You love us both?”

                She smiled impishly. “Yes. But you more.”

                Misha laughed and tickled her sides. “I don’t think your daddy will like it if you say that.”

                “It’s okay. I tell him I like him more when you aren’t around.”

                Misha scoffed and feigned hurt as she wriggled off his lap and scurried away. He watched her disappear around the door to the office and sighed with a smile. He started to turn back to the computer but her words kept tugging at him. _Link said._

                Misha pushed himself to his feet and walked down the hall to the living room where Lilian was playing on the floor. He walked past towards the bedrooms. Lincoln’s door was closed so he knocked on it softly. He barely heard the disgruntled “come in”.

                Misha opened the red door to find Lincoln lying on his bed with a book held over his head. His tawny hair was in need of a cut soon. His new kitten Pounce was laying on his pillow, curled into a tiny tabby ball. Misha leaned against the doorway and folded his arms.

                “Hey Link.”

                “Hi.” Lincoln replied, still pretending to read. Misha pursed his lips and walked over to the bed and sat down near his son’s feet.

                “Is that a good book?”

                “Yeah.”

                “So I had a conversation with your sister just now.”

                “I didn’t do anything.” The 9 year old huffed. Misha tried not to smirk.  

                “No. But you said something that upset her.”

                “Ugh. Her hair is fine. I wasn’t serious.”

                “You told her I’m not her papa.” Misha said seriously. Lincoln let his book slowly fall until it rested across his belly. He stared at Misha with his green eyes that were shades darker than Jensen’s.

                “I’m sorry.” Lincoln said. Misha relaxed his expression.

                “Why would you tell her that?”

                “It’s true.”

                “No, Link. I am your papa. Jensen is your dad. Just because we didn’t give birth to you doesn’t change that.”

                “Joel said we don’t have real parents.” Lincoln said as he looked away. _Ah._

                “Joel is in your class, right?”

                “Yeah.”

                “Is he your friend at school?”

                “No. He’s mean to everyone.”

                “So why would you let yourself listen to his mean words? Why pass them on with the intent to hurt someone else if they hurt you?”

                Lincoln shrugged his thin shoulder and avoided looking at Misha. Misha scooted closer to him and rested his hand on his son’s arm. “Lincoln, you and your sister are _so_ loved. Having you both in our lives has made us happier than we’ve ever been. Never doubt that we love you, or that you are ours. There is _nothing_ you could ever do that would change any of that.”

                Lincoln nodded and Misha saw his lip tremble a little. He tightened his grip on his arm. “Did something else happen?”

                “It took him a few moments, but Lincoln finally turned back to Misha with downcast eyes. In a quick rush he spilled what was on his mind.  “They keep telling me I’m weird because I have two dads. That I can’t have a real family or life because I have no mom. Because she didn’t want me. They don’t listen when I tell them about all the cool things we do and the people we’ve helped with fundraisers and charity. They don’t care what I have to say, they just keep telling me I’m weird and it’s stupid to have two dads.”

                Misha leaned down and scooped his son into his arms. He hugged him tightly and Lincoln returned the hug. “Do you think it’s weird to have two dads and no mom?”

                “Sometimes. But this is all I can remember. I know we were adopted but I don’t remember anything before being here. “He mumbled into Misha’s shoulder.

                “Are you happy with us?” Misha’s chest tightened as he waited for an answer. After a minute Lincoln nodded.

                “Yes.”

                “Than that is all that matters, buddy. That you are happy and feel loved. We can’t begin to understand why the boys at school chose to pick on you, and I’m not going to give reasons for their behavior. You just need to ignore them and not continue their meanness. Can you do that?”

                “Yeah, papa. I can.”

                “I’m proud of you, Lincoln.”

                “I’m sorry I upset Lilian.” His hand fisted into Misha’s shirt.

                “I’m not the one to tell that to.” He said as he hugged his son close and closed his eyes. Lincoln nodded once more before sliding off of Misha’s lap and leaving the room to find his sister. Misha’s eyes were wet as he thought about someone picking on his children but he steeled himself to follow his son. He leaned against the door way in the hall and watched as Lincoln sat next to Lilian and apologized. He smiled as they hugged and hoped Lincoln could stay stronger than the bullies.

 

 

 

 

 

***

**10 Year Anniversary 8/9**

“We could make him a pie!” Jensen grinned as he stood in the middle of the baking aisle at the grocery store. Lil shook her head, her newly short hair bouncing with the motion. It was only to the tops of her shoulders but Jensen missed the sweet curls that used to cover her back.

                “Papa likes cake.”

                “Are you sure about that? He sure makes more pie than cake.”

                “Because he knows you love it.” She answered as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Jensen smiled at her.

                “Okay, sweetheart. Let’s make him a cake.”

 

                “Why are we doing this again, Daddy?” Lil asked as she stirred the batter in the large bowl between Jensen’s hands. He leaned across the counter to hold it still as she worked to mix it.

Their kitchen was sunny and warm as the oven slowly heated up.

                “To celebrate that Papa and I have been married for ten whole years.”

                “That’s longer than I’ve been alive!”

                “Yep. Stir with both hands, it’s easier.”

                “Okay. So what else do you do to celebrate?”

                “Uh well we might swap gifts. I haven’t gotten him anything yet though.”

                “That’s okay. He will be happy just seeing you open your gift.” She smiled before pausing as she realized her slip up. Jensen narrowed his eyes and tilted his head as she looked up at him with wide eyes.

                “I mean- uh…”

                Jensen shrugged and repositioned his hands on the bowl.

                “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.” Jensen said as he winked and pushed the bowl against her stomach lightly to remind her to mix.  “You said something about wanting to watch a movie all together tonight?”

                She smiled at him, catching on to his charade. She nodded before mixing a few more times. She jumped off the stool and went to find the cake pans and Jensen checked to make sure the batter was completely mixed.

                “We have to flour them so the batter doesn’t stick, Daddy.” She said, sounding much older than her 8 years as she set the pans on the counter. Jensen nodded, loving that the baking shows she’s been obsessed with were getting through to her.

 

                They were putting the finishing touches on the cake with the frosting and piping bag when they saw Misha’s blue car pull into the driveway. Jensen looked up and watched through the window as Lincoln got out of the car and slammed the door. Misha jumped out and followed him as the nine year old stormed to the house.

                The front door slammed open hard enough to leave a door handle sized dent in the wall. Lincoln blew through the living room towards his room with Misha hot on his tail. Jensen was glad Misha hadn’t noticed his frosting covered spouse and daughter. Jensen kissed the top of Lil’s head.

                “Finish up, I’m going to go check on them.”

                “Okay, Daddy.” She said, though her attention was solely focused on the flowers of frosting she was doing.

                Jensen walked down the hallway as another door slammed. He found Misha outside of Lincoln’s room, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to calm down. Jensen approached cautiously.

                “What did you do this time?” He joked, though the death glare Misha gave him made him regret it.

                “He punched a kid hard enough that they lost a tooth, Jensen. This isn’t a funny matter.”

                “Oh shit. Why did he do that?”

                “If I knew I’d tell you!” Misha snapped. He brushed passed Jensen and closed their bedroom door. Jensen frowned after his husband. _Things like this don’t usually get to him. He’s always shares his calm._   Jensen turned back to Lincoln’s red door. He glanced at his watch then turned and walked back to the kitchen with a feeling that both of his guys needed a break for a bit.

                Jensen returned to the kitchen and stopped to stare. “Lil the cake looks amazing!” He said in disbelief. The two tier cake was a lovely shade of blue. She was wiping up the counter from the orange frosting that made up the beautifully piped flowers and script on top. It looked way better than he could have done. She smiled up at him.

                “Papa will love it!” She said. He smiled at her with a nod.

                “Let’s put it up so he doesn’t find it before supper.”

                “Good idea. Papa is sneaky.”

 

                After the kitchen was cleaned, Jensen stepped away to speak to his son. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. He knocked again and called out a warning.

                “I want to make sure you’re okay, so I’m going to open the door. I don’t have to come in; I just want to see you.”

                He turned the knob and pushed the red door open. Lincoln was lying on his bed on his stomach, but Jensen could immediately see he was crying hard. He strode across the room and scooped his son up, making Lincoln hiss. Jensen frowned down at the red faced child who buried his head into Jensen’s chest. Jensen watched as Lincoln slowly lifted his shirt to reveal bruising all across his stomach and ribs.

                “What the hell happened, Link?” He asked as his heart shattered at the sight of his child so hurt. Lincoln velcroed himself onto Jensen and cried harder.  So Jensen held him. After a few minutes he hummed one of Lincoln’s favorite songs and that helped to calm the sobs that wracked his body.

                “I need you to tell me what happened, Lincoln.” Jensen said softly, but seriously, once Lincoln’s sobs faded. His shirt was wet from tears and snot but he didn’t care. After another couple minutes Lincoln leaned back so he could speak, but he kept his face hidden from Jensen.

                “J-Joel and Aidan were hurting Andrew in the bathroom yesterday. I stopped them and told the PE teacher because he was in the hall way and they got in trouble.”

                “I’m very proud of you, Lincoln.”

                “But today they were back at school and kept picking on me all day. They were throwing things at me at lunch and in class kept trying to take my bag. They called me names I didn’t like.”

                “Do you want to tell me the names?”

                “They said I was a fag. Because my dads were fags.” He clenched Jensen’s shirt in his fist and it took every ounce of his self-control not to storm to the school right there. He made his tensed muscled relaxed. _Link needs you to be calm and here. Yelling at the kid’s parents won’t help him. Calm down._

                “I know you are gay but I don’t care, Dad. I really don’t. I just don’t like when they called me that.”

                “I understand that. I’m sorry they are being so mean to you, Link.” Jensen rubbed Lincoln’s back slowly. “Is that why you punched them?”

                Lincoln shook his head. “No. I didn’t want to fight them. Joel and Aidian and Grant cornered me in the locker room after PE and pushed me down. They were mad they got in trouble and said it was my fault. I waited until they left and got up. But then Grant punched Connor just for being there.” Lincoln finally turned and looked up at Jensen. His lip was swelling and it made Jensen’s blood boil.

                “Connor has Down syndrome and he just didn’t understand why they would do that. It was so mean, Dad. It made me so upset. Connor was on the ground crying and I walked over and just punched him. Grant, not Connor. I hit him and then Aidian was yelling at me so I hit him too. Joel tripped and knocked me down then they all just attacked me. I couldn’t fight back, they were too heavy and it hurt.” Fresh tears welled in Lincoln’s eyes and he scrunched them shut.

                Jensen hugged him, careful to not hurt his chest. “Oh Link. I’m so proud of you. You were sticking up for someone else. You should have gotten a grown up, but I’m still proud of you.”

                The door cracked open then and Misha peeked his head in. Jensen motioned him to wait.

                “Link, why were you so mad at Papa?” Jensen asked as he combed the back of Lincoln’s head.

                “He picked me up and all the principal told him was I punched someone and he lost a tooth. They didn’t even mention Connor or the other two. I tried to explain but Papa wouldn’t listen. He was so mad at me too and I don’t know why!”

                “I see. It was a misunderstanding.” Jensen looked up and met Misha’s red rimmed eyes. “You stuck up for someone who couldn’t defend themselves, but that wasn’t what the teachers were told because there was only one of you and three other boys. I don’t think Papa was mad at you, Link. He just didn’t know.”

                Misha’s face crumpled and he took a step into the room. Lincoln still had his head buried in Jensen’s chest so he didn’t see. “I wanted Papa to tell them I didn’t mean to hurt Grant that bad. But my chest hurts and my head hurts and no one would listen to me. It made me so angry.” 

                “Oh Lincoln. I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you.” Misha said as he reached the bed. He knelt in front of Jensen’s legs and reached up to rub Lincoln’s back. Jensen stopped him and lifted the shirt to show Misha the bruises. He saw anger flash across Misha’s face before he set his jaw. “I should have listened to you. I was already upset from something else when I arrived and I let that interfere with my mood. I’m so sorry.”

                Lincoln turned to face Misha and stared at him for a moment before he slid off of Jensen’s lap and into Misha’s arm. Misha hugged him.

                “It’s okay, Papa. I’m sorry I hit Grant.”

                “Honestly I think he damn well deserved it.” Jensen mumbled ad received a look from his husband. He made a face back. “But we still need to talk to the other boys’ parents and clear up the whole issue.”

                Misha released Lincoln who stepped back, his back bumping into Jensen’s knees, and nodded.

                “But first, let’s go ice your chest and lip okay?” Misha reached up and lightly cupped Lincoln’s face. He nodded and turned to Jensen who stood and ruffled his hair.

                “Lil and I have a surprise to share too.” He said as the three walked towards the hall. Lincoln peered up at him.

                “Is it cake? I smell cake.”

                Jensen laughed lightly and nodded. “Yeah it’s cake, bud. We also have a movie for family movie night.”

                Lincoln nodded but stopped walking. Jensen and Misha turned to him as he fidgeted with his hands.

                “What’s wrong?” Misha asked.

                “Do I have to go back to school tomorrow?” He asked softly. The adults shared a look before Jensen shook his head.

                “No. You can stay home, but we are going to go in and speak with the guidance counselor and the other boys’ parents.”

                “Okay. Will you both go with me?”

                “Of course, buddy.” They said in unison.

               

                As they ate cake and watched their movie, Jensen shifted his focus between his son and husband. Misha wore a heavy frown, which he wiped away whenever he noticed someone looking at him. Jensen stretched his arm out and draped it across Misha’s shoulders as they sat on the couch. He pulled Misha close.

                “Talk to me.” He whispered into Misha’s ear. Misha nodded but stayed silent a little longer. The kids were both engrossed in the movie and Misha seemed to realize that.

                “I got there and saw a kid with blood running down his face and people telling me Lincoln had done it. I just couldn’t process the thought that my child would be a bully. I _hate_ bullying so much, Jensen.”

                “I know you do.”

                “I overreacted. I realized that as soon as I went into the bedroom alone. Then to find out no, Link was protecting someone. How shitty of a dad am I?” He huffed out a breath and unclenched his hands on his lap.

                “You didn’t know. It’s okay. He’ll be okay. He’s a good kid. They both are.”

                “I know but for me to just assume. I just feel like shit.”

                “You can make it up to him. Take him out to the movie on Sunday. There’s that new one out he’s been hinting at seeing.”

                “I can do that.” Misha sighed heavily and rested his head on Jensen’s chest. “I just feel like I should do more to make it up to him.” Jensen leaned and put his cheek on the top of his husband’s head.

                “Just listen to him more. You’re an amazing father. Don’t ever forget it. He’s such a good kid because he has you as a role model.”

                “Thanks, Jensen.”

                “Anytime.”  Jensen murmured into his hair. Lincoln turned around and looked at them snuggling on the couch and offered a small smile. His lip wasn’t as swollen anymore but Jensen could still see it. He winked and Lincoln turned around to watch the movie again. _He’ll be okay. He’s strong, and good._

 

***

**Names 10/ 11**

               

Misha looked over at his phone as it vibrated on the coffee table, just out of reach. He was curled up on the couch and he debated if the phone call was important enough to disturb the slumber of the kittens that were on him. He caught sight of the kids’ school name on the screen and decided it was. He used his book to scoot it closer and received a glare from Pounce, the tabby on his chest, for being disturbed as he answered the phone.

                “Hey, this is Misha.”

                “Hi, Mr. Collins. This is Susanne Liere, Lilian’s teacher.”

                “Oh hello, Mrs. Liere. How are you?” Misha reached down and pet Pounce so he would stop staring.

                “I’m well. I’m calling because we had out field trip to the Science Museum today and something…not odd I guess but different happened.”

                Misha closed his eyes and rubbed Pounce’s black paw between his thumb and pointer finger and the cat started purring. “What happened? Is she okay?”

                “Oh goodness yes! I’m sorry. No, what happened was every time the children introduced themselves during group activities she would say she’s Lilian Collins.”

                “I’m afraid I don’t see the issue.”

                “It isn’t an issue, maybe I’m just reading into it. I assumed her full name was Collins-Ackles. But she was only going by the former. I was just wondering if there’s a reason behind that.”

                _Well I am Collins-Ackles too but you didn’t call me that._ “Oh. Actually I don’t know. She should be getting home soon though. Thank you for letting me know.”

                “Absolutely. Have a lovely weekend, Mr. Collins.”

                “You as well.” He hung up, having given up years ago in his attempts to get the teachers to use his first name.

                Pounce was sleeping soundly again on Misha’s chest. He shifted his gaze to Everly, a beautiful calico that was the same litter as Pounce. The kids had chosen them from the shelter for Link’s 8th birthday. _I suppose they aren’t kittens anymore at 2 years old now._ He rubbed his fingers into Pounce’s stripes and the cat purred loudly.

                He ended up dozing off thanks to the deep purring on his chest. He awoke to the front door opening and the sound of his daughter’s chattering filling the air. He opened his eyes and propped his head up to appear awake, though his book had fallen to the floor. Lilian walked in, chatting Jensen’s ear off about the science museum. He smiled to see a Random Acts t-shirt on her as she caught sight of him.

                “Papa! Guess where the field trip was today!” She said as she hopped over to him. He made room for her but she moved Pounce and sat on his abdomen instead. She was tiny, even for a 10 year old, but that didn’t mean it was comfortable.

                “You went to the science museum! I know.”

                “Oh. Well it was SO cool.”

                Misha looked up as the door closed behind Jensen. He was talking to Lincoln as they headed towards the kitchen and didn’t notice Misha’s stare. _Maybe it’s better I talk to her first._ He turned back to her and let her tell him about the day. Ten minutes later she was starting to speak slower so he took the opportunity.

                “Hey so, I have a question.” He said. She pushed her dirty blonde curls behind one ear and turned to him with her big eyes.

                “Your teacher said you were introducing yourself as Lilian Collins today.” He watched her for a reaction, but only received a one armed shrug.

                “That’s my name.”

                “Not your full name, sweetheart.”

                “No, but it sounds better. Besides, you _are_ my Papa. So why can’t I use your last name instead of Daddy’s?”

                “Well you use both of them.”

                She gave him a sideways eye roll. “Have you said my full name? It’s a mouthful!”

                “Well, I think it would hurt Daddy’s feelings if you do that.”        

                “Oh.” She frowned down at her hands. “But…you used it last month at the fun run we all went to! The one Link beat us at.”

                “Yeah that’s true. It’s because I’m more widely known with that name. Everyone knows my full name though.”

                “I like how Collins sounds.” She added, as if searching for another answer.

                He raised an eyebrow at her.  “Why do you like it so much?”

                “Because the kids don’t make fun of that name. And I’m proud that I’m your daughter.” She glanced over at him, an unspoken question in her expression.

                “Is someone teasing you, Lil?”

                “Yeah. They call me Little Ickles all the time.”

                Misha avoided grinding his teeth. _Kids are such assholes sometimes._ “Well do you think you’re icky?”

                “No.” She smirked at him.

                “So why do you care what they say? Their words are mean, but if you chose to ignore them they have no weight against you.”

                “I know.”

                “Is something else bothering you, Lil?”

                “I think…maybe…” She frowned again and looked away. He could tell she was chewing on some thoughts but he wasn’t sure how to get her to talk to him. He reached over and held her hand like all the times she had done it to him over the years. A frown pulled her brow down so he reached up with his free hand to rub the lines away with his thumb. As he lowered his hand she took a deep breath.

                “I don’t think Daddy loves me as much as he loves Lincoln.” She whispered as she glanced towards the kitchen. Misha’s chest constricted and he tugged her down to lay on him.

                “Oh honey. He adores you more than words can express.” He said as she settled against him. She grasped his shirt like she used to do when she was little and he held her tightly.

                “Yeah but he is more interested in what Lincoln does and likes than me.”

                “You have a lot of shared interests.”

                “We sing together. But it’s only because Lincoln refuses to sing with him.”

                “That’s not the reason at all. You have a beautiful singing voice, as does your dad. You sound good together and he loves singing with you.” He paused and wracked his brain for another example.

                “You taught him to bake.”

                “He only did that for the desserts.” She gave him a look and he struggled to contain his laughter. _It’s so true._

                “Well maybe you just need to find another way to connect.”

                “I guess.” She fidgeted with his shirt buttons. “Do you love me more than Lincoln?”

                Misha chuckled. “I love you both in your own ways. Some ways more than others, but I don’t love either of you less. There’s nothing you could ever do to make me love you less, Lilian.”

                “Do I need to apologize to Daddy?”

                “If you think that’s the right thing to do.”

                “Okay.” She wrapped her arm around him as much as she could and squeezed. He returned the hug before she got up and walked to the kitchen. He moved to follow her, but his back was locked up from hours on the couch. He groaned and tried to breathe as it suddenly spasmed. He knew he needed to move, just shift positions, but it was impossible to make himself. Thankfully, Lincoln appeared and hurried over with a look of concern.

                “Papa what’s wrong?” he asked.

                “Get Dad?” Misha ground out as he clenched the side and back cushion of the couch. Lincoln sped away and Jensen hurried over moments later and reached down. He easily lifted Misha from the couch, and Misha sagged against him as the spasm stopped and his muscles quivered.

                “You okay?” Jensen asked softly, but Misha could feel his hammering heart. He nodded.

                “Damn back locked then started spasming. I hate it.”

                “I’m sorry. It could be worse though.” Jensen’s strong arms were tight around Misha’s waist, and he appreciated the physical support. He nodded.

                “I know. I think I need a hot shower or something though.”

                “Okay.” Jensen repositioned them so Misha could lean on him as they walked towards the back bathroom. He called out into the kitchen as they passed.

                “Lil I’ll be back in a little bit. We can talk then!”

                Misha frowned at her deflated, “Okay, Dad.” Once they reached the bathroom, Jensen turned to go but Misha reached out to grab his arm.

                “You okay?” Jensen asked again as he paused. Misha leaned heavily against the sink.

                “Yeah but Lilian isn’t.” Misha explained his conversation with the teacher and their daughter and watched as Jensen’s face fell.

                “Aw shit. I can’t believe she thinks that.”

                “I assured her you just need to find some new common activities to do together.”

                “That’s a good idea. We could start mini golf or something.”

                “Maybe.” Misha said with a wince as his back twinged again.

                “Are you sure you’re alright?” Jensen asked softly, stepping forward and cupping Misha’s face so he could rub his thumb across his cheek. Misha nodded as his eyes closed.

                “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep on the damn couch.”

                “Probably not. Keep your phone close and let me know if you need me, okay?”

                “Okay.”  He felt Jensen’s lips on his briefly before the bathroom door opened and shut. He took a steadying breath and opened his eyes so he could get undressed and let the shower head massage away his lower back pain. As the water pounded against his taut back muscles he turned his thoughts to his daughter and ways she could connect with her other father.

 

               

 

***

**Knew I Loved You 11/12**

Jensen turned the radio up once the kids were out of the car. He watched them hurry off to their friends and saw Thomas wave to Link.  _He looks more and more like his dad every week._ Jensen felt a slight pang of sorrow that his children will never look like him. Link was a good looking kid; he just didn’t share any traits with his parents. His hair was lighter than either of theirs, and he wore it slicked forward at the front.   He feeling vanished as he watched his 12 year old stop jogging towards his friend to help another boy that tripped. Jensen smiled with pride as his son repacked the boy’s book bag then patted the kid’s back, ensuring he was okay, before turning and continuing on his way. With a wide grin, Jensen pulled away from the school.

                The song on the radio was an older one. He hadn’t heard it in a long time but he remembered it. He listened as he navigated the roads towards home. His heart started beating weird as the lyrics actually sank in. The song ended and he turned off the radio so he could keep it fresh as his mind was filled with memories of his husband.

                When Jensen got home he went to the office and pulled up YouTube. He looked up the song and listened to it again. He closed his eyes and sat back in the chair. After a moment, one of the cats appeared on his lap and he reached down to stroke its long fur as he listened. 

 

I knew I loved you then  
But you'd never know  
'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go  
I know I needed you  
But I never showed  
But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old  
Just say you won't let go

 

The lyrics resonated with Jensen. _How many times in the last 15 years has Misha reminded me he’s loved me longer?_  Jensen smiled and replayed the song once more before his alarm went off; notifying him he needed to start making phone calls. He had another filming opportunity come up and he needed to get the information solidified before he flew out to the east coast the following week.

 

 

                Late that night, after the kids went off to their rooms to prepare for bed, Jensen meandered the cabin. He turned off lights and shooed the cats from the counter before putting away the bread they were trying to get. He looked down at the three furry beasts with a puzzled expression. _Since when did we have three cats?_ He watched the new long haired black and white one wrestle with Pounce for a moment before brushing it off and attributing it to his husband’s huge heart.

                As his home fell into darkness, Jensen noticed light was leaking out from under the office door. He walked towards it with the intention of turning it off, but found his husband inside instead. He leaned against the doorframe as he watched Misha type away at his computer. After a moment Misha turned to him with a smile that made Jensen’s heart thud.

                “Hey, J. I’ll be along soon, just finishing this email to the book publisher.” He turned back to the computer but kept talking. “He said that they want to rerelease my book this year around Thanksgiving. That it could boost sales or something. We’re trying to line up some book signing dates.”

                “No rush.” Jensen murmured with a smile. _When you smiled over your shoulder, for a minute I forget that I’m older. I wanna dance with you right now._ Jensen couldn’t get the song out of his head. He pushed off the wall and walked over so he could wrap his arms around Misha, taking care to not impede his writing.

                “I love that they want to rerelease. It’s a good book.” Jensen was proud of his husband. It had been five years since Misha had released the book on overcoming adversity. It was a best seller, just like his husband. Jensen smirked at himself.

                “I have a feeling they want to do it near the holidays because that’s when there are more suicides than any other time.” Misha said softly as he tried to focus on the screen. Jensen nodded and used his nose to nuzzle the side of Misha’s head. He could barely feel the scar above his ear now. He pressed a kiss to the spot and Misha leaned his head into it. _And you look as beautiful as ever. And I swear that everyday you'll get better. You make me feel this way somehow._

                Jensen stood as Misha pushed away from the desk. He stepped into Jensen’s arms with a soft sigh. “Busy day. Did you figure out when you leave for the movie?”

                “Next Saturday.” Jensen said as the lyrics rolled through his head. He started swaying with Misha, who went along with it and smiled against Jensen’s neck.

                “What are you thinking about, Jensen?” Misha asked after a minute. The cats were staring at them like they were crazy, but Jensen didn’t care.

                Jensen opened his mouth to reply, but started singing instead and rolled with it as they swayed around the office.

 

I'm so in love with you

And I hope you know

Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold

We've come so far my dear

Look how we've grown

And I wanna stay with you

Until we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go

 

                Misha’s hands tightened together behind Jensen’s back. Jensen felt him inhale a slow breath before exhaling it and lifting his head. He had wisps of grey above his ears and starting around the top of his hair. He was clean shaven now but Jensen knew when it grew out it was salt and peppered. Misha’s deep blue eyes flickered back and forth between Jensen’s as he smiled. Jensen kept singing as he rubbed at Misha’s back.

 

I wanna live with you

Even when we're ghosts

'Cause you were always there for me

When I needed you most

 

Misha nodded with a self-satisfied smile before resting his head back onto Jensen’s shoulder as Jensen continued.

 

I'm gonna love you till

My lungs give out

I promise till death we part

Like in our vows

So I wrote this song for you

Now everybody knows

That it's just you and me

Until we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go

Misha, say you won’t let go ohh

 

Jensen stopped singing and Misha ran one of his hands through the short hair on the back of Jensen’s head.

                “I’ll never let go.” He said softly and Jensen smiled as they stopped swaying and just stood in place, in each other’s arms.

                “Had the song in my head all day.” He confessed as he tightened his hold. “I kept thinking of you. Of you always reminding me you’ve loved me longer. I hate that, sometimes, you know?” Misha stayed silent so Jensen continued talking.                

                “If I could go back I would waltz up to you on that first day on set in that barn. Remember that?”

                “Yes.” Misha replied. “How could I forget how good your ass looked that day?” He chuckled. Jensen smirked but kept going.

                “I’d walk up to you and kiss you breathless. Save all those years of not having you at my side.”

                Misha moved so he could see Jensen. “I love you so much, Jensen.” His voice was thick with emotion. “I wouldn’t change our life for anything though.”

                Jensen nodded, knowing what he meant, and leaned in to kiss him.

                “Gross, Dad.” Lincoln announced from the doorway. Jensen kissed his husband before turning to see what the kid needed.

                “Can I help you?” Jensen asked as Misha smirked into his neck.

                “Can you read Harry Potter with me?” Lincoln asked as he brushed his hand through his hair. Jensen squeezed the arm that was around Misha’s waist before nodding and leaving the office.

                “Of course.”

                Even though he read aloud, Jensen sang the song again in his head as he sat in his son’s bed. Lincoln leaned against his shoulder and followed along. Jensen smiled down at his son, adoring this moment.

 

                The following morning, Jensen woke early. He brewed coffee and made a big breakfast for everyone. By the time his early riser walked from her room, he was done assembling a tray of food. He kissed his daughter’s forehead as he passed. “Help yourself, sweetheart.”

                “Okay Daddy.”

                Jensen opened his bedroom door with his foot. Misha groaned as he rolled over to face the edge of the bed and Jensen brushed at his hair. “I brought you breakfast and coffee.” Jensen said.

                “M sleeping.”

                “You’re faking. Wake up.” Jensen said with a light laugh as he stood. Before he could turn away, Misha’s hand caught his and tugged him back. Jensen leaned over the bed and met Misha’s kiss before pressing one to Misha’s forehead. He stood up and put the tray on the night stand then walked out to make sure Lincoln was awake.

               

***

**Lunches 12/13**

 

 “Hey Daddy?” Lilian called from the kitchen. Jensen looked at his watch. _Only three more minutes. Just give me three more minutes._ He thought silently as his feet pounded a steady rhythm on the treadmill. He closed his eyes and tried to find his breath.

                By the time his run was up, he was winded. He hated days where he upped his run time, but he was also proud he had managed so far. Lilian walked into the office then. Her jeans had holes in the knees and were tucked into her combat boots. He wondered how long the style would last. He nodded thanks at her as she handed him a glass of water.

                “I need to take a second lunch today. Are we out of bread?” She asked. Her shoulder length hair was pulled into a half pony and he found himself liking the look on her.

                “Yeah Pounce stole the last of it.” He said after he drank the water. She frowned.

                “Is there something else I can take?”

                “You’ve been taking two lunches to school for over a week now, Lil. What’s going on? Are you not getting enough to eat?”

                “No, that’s not it.” She fiddled with one of the dainty rings on her fingers. “Since the school made the bag lunch rule at the beginning of the year I’ve seen a few people without lunches. So a couple other kids and I started a free sack lunch program thing.” She looked down at her feet as she told him.

                “There are only eight of us that bring extra, but it is helping. I just need something to take today.”

                Jensen stepped forward and hugged her, but she pushed him away with a whine. “Daaad! You are so sweaty and gross. Ugh now I need to change.” She turned with a frown to go but he stopped her.

                “I’m so proud of you, Lil. That is amazing. I’ll bring in some extra food before lunch starts, okay? You’ll be late if you don’t go now.”

                “Papa’s car isn’t starting so we’ll probably be late anyway.” She said with a grunt as she hurried to her room. Jensen frowned and followed her out of the office. He stopped to straighten a family photo of them at Disney World so it wouldn’t fall from the nail. _I need to fix those._ Then he headed outside. Misha and Link were looking under the hood of the car as he approached.

                “Your battery is just dead, Papa.” Link announced. He stood up and conked his head on the hood. Jensen tried not to laugh as his son rubbed at the top of his head and threw a frown at the car as Misha groaned.

                “I have so many places to be today.” He turned and noticed Jensen then.

                “Why don’t you take Baby?” He offered. Link’s eyebrows shot up, like they always did, as he looked between them.

                “You have a meeting with Jared and that director for his show, remember?” Misha said.

                “Oh shit. What time is that?”

                In unison, the other two answered. “At two.”

                He smirked at them before the front door opened and shut. That reminded him his promise to Lil. “I need to make a casserole as well.” He said as she walked over.

                “Let’s all climb into Baby and we’ll make it work.” He said as he tossed his arm around Lil. She pushed him away again.

                “You still stink, Dad!” She said in disgust before striding towards the garage. Misha laughed.

                “She’s right. Go shower or I’ll throw you in the lake.”

                Jensen turned to him and raised an eye brow at the threat. “Make me.”

                “DADS WE’RE ALREADY LATE. COME ON!” Lilian called from the door to the garage. Jensen laughed.

                “Let me go change really fast. Give me three minutes.” He turned and jogged back into the house, listening to Misha’s laugh until the front door shut and blocked off his voice.

 

Jensen checked the time once more as he pulled into the school parking lot. Baby purred beneath him and he smiled at the old car. He’d never tire of driving her. He parked and reached into the passenger seat for the cloth covered dishpan that rested in the seat.

                Once he got past the front desk he walked to the cafeteria. He saw lunch ladies walking around wiping down tables and setting out drinks. He was a little irked that the school didn’t’ offer lunch at all. He approached one of them, a lady in her forties with a kind face.

                “Excuse me, ma’am.” He called softly. She turned to him and her eyes widened slightly.

                “Oh, hello Mr. Ackles.” She said with a giggle. He grinned at her.

                “My daughter Lilian has started a free sack lunch program and I have her contribution for today. Where can I put it?”

                She was smiling at him and nodding, but didn’t respond. He waited a moment before lifting the casserole dish to catch her eye. It seemed to shake her from her thoughts.

                “Oh! Yeah. She’s such a doll. There’s a table over here by the counter.”

                He followed her and set the casserole on the empty table. He looked around for the rest of the food. She was still watching him with a smile when he turned back to her. “It’s almost lunch time, aren’t there other people bringing food?”               

                “Oh maybe.” She said with a shrug. “Generally there are five or so other lunches that arrive. It’s enough for the children that need it.” She looked down at his uncovered noodle dish. “This is plenty today though. Thank you so much.”

                “It was all my daughter’s idea.” Jensen’s thoughts were rolling around inside his head as he bid her good bye. But as he stepped out of the cafeteria she called out and he turned around.

                “Um, I’m sorry, can I get a photo with you please?” She asked, holding a hot pink cell phone in her hands. He laughed and motioned her over.

                “Of course.”

                She hurried over with another giggle and he wrapped his arm across her shoulders. She had one of the other women take the photo for him. She hugged him and took her phone back excitedly. He waved his way out of the cafeteria and hurried to the exit before the bell rang, even though he wanted to talk with Lilian. _It can wait until after school._

  Jensen went to his interview with Jared then hurried to collect Misha. As Misha slid into the passenger seat Jensen was bursting to tell him his idea for the kids’ school. Misha listened intently, looking handsome in his blue button up and dark jeans. He agreed with all of Jensen’s thoughts and they headed back to the school to speak with the principal.

 

                When Lilian was pulled from her last class to go to the principal’s office, Jensen could tell she was worried. Until she spotted them then she glared. _Twelve year old sass is strong with this one._ He thought to himself as he sat opposite of the principal.

                “Hi… I didn’t do anything.” She said warily. Misha chuckled and motioned her to sit.

                “Lil, we are so impressed with the lunch program you created.” Misha said as she sat. “We spoke about it and again with Principal Patterson and we decided to fund it.”

                She eyed them, her gaze jumping between the three men. “Fund it how, Papa?”

                Jensen smiled at her and squeezed Misha’s hand in his. “We want to pay to support a constant lunch for those that need it.”

                She smiled widely and jumped off her chair. She threw herself at Misha, who was closest. After he got a hug Jensen got one. “Thank you, Dad.” She whispered in his ear.

                “It was all you, Lil.”

                She stood up and offered her hand to Principal Patterson. He shook it with a smile and a head nod.

                “I fought against the new lunch program. I think schools should provide food for kids. I will personally put forth any funds you need as well to ensure this continues.”

                “Thank you, sir.” Lilian beamed. The final bell rang and she looked toward the door expectantly.

                “Go get your stuff together, Lil.” Jensen said with a nod. She smiled again and rushed from the room. The principal called to them then to discuss the program further and Jensen turned around, proud as hell of his kid.

 

***

**Misha’s Home 15/16**

Jensen looked between the tabs on the computer and typed in the numbers on his open spreadsheet. He glanced at the clock as Deanna, the long haired black and white cat that was Misha’s most recent adoptee lounged across half of his desk. She occasionally batted at his hand or grabbed the cord of his mouse. He glared at her but she looked up with wide green eyes that just screamed innocence. He was about to shoo her out when lights through the window caught his attention. It was late on a Saturday night and he was just about done with the bills. Excitement filled him as he hurriedly finished up while the car pulled to a stop in front of the cabin.

                Jensen left the office and made sure to leave the door ajar so the furry beast could get out. He walked to the living room and turned off the hall light as he went. It took almost ten minutes before the door opened, and he had been about to go out to check what was taking so long. Misha stepped through the doorway and dropped his duffel bag with a tired sigh before he caught sight of Jensen leaning against the doorway. Misha smiled up at him, exhaustion lining his face.

                “Howdy cowboy.” Misha said as Jensen pushed off the doorway and strode over to him. Jensen pulled his husband into a tight hug, which Misha returned, though not as tightly.

                “It’s been a long four days.” Jensen murmured as he pressed a kiss against Misha’s temple then breathed in deeply with his nose pressed into the salt and pepper hair above Misha’s ear.    

                “The kids behave?” Misha let his head rest on Jensen’s shoulder.

                “Yeah. Just missed you.”

                “Lincoln’s car is gone.” Misha noted.

                “He took Lil to a friend’s for the night before going to stay with Thomas.”

                Misha smiled into Jensen’s shoulder. “She doesn’t like being called that anymore.”

                Jensen shrugged. “I know. But she’ll always be my lil bug.”

                Misha let his arms fall and Jensen stepped back. “You look exhausted, Mishka.” He said as he reached up to cup Misha’s face. Misha nodded.

                “Marathons are hard.” He chuckled. “I need a shower and sleep.”

                Jensen wrapped his arm around his husband’s shoulders and led him to the bathroom. “Want some food?”

                “Just sleep.”

                “Of course.” Jensen kissed Misha’s hand before he turned towards the bedroom.

                “I love you, J.” Misha called out from the bathroom door he hadn’t shut yet. Jensen turned and smiled at him.

                “I love you too. Glad you’re home.”

 

 

***

**Senior Year  16/17**

“So you have any more thoughts on school in this area?” Jensen asked as he handed his son a rag. Link wiped engine grease from his hands and shrugged. His tawny hair was longer than it had ever been, but it suited him. He brushed it back as he frowned.

                “I don’t think I want to go here.” He said after a long pause. Jensen leaned against the car.

                “You tryin’ to get away from your old man?” He teased and Link smirked.

                “No. it’s just….I…I don’t know.”

                Jensen could tell his son had something on his mind. He set the wrenches down and went to lean against the hood near him. Link was several inches shorter than Jensen now and Jensen secretly hoped he wouldn’t be outgrown by his son.

                “Talk to me, bud. What’s going on?”

                Link stared out onto the rippling lake for several minutes before he turned to look up at Jensen with bright eyes. “Thomas has been really considering taking a year and traveling.”

                “You want to travel too?”

                Link nodded. “I want to go, Dad. Really bad.”

                “Where would you go?”

                “Europe probably. There’s _so_ much history there. So many places.” His hazel eyes shone with interest and excitement and Jensen found himself smiling as Link went on. He’d really taken an interest in history over the last few years.

                “And Dad,” Link pulled Jensen from his thoughts. He realized he hadn’t been listening and felt bad. He met Link’s eyes. “I can pay for it I think. I have a lot saved up. It might not make it the whole year but…”

                Jensen shook head and interrupted. “Link, you know that we will help you with anything you need. You’ve always had a good head on your shoulders. We trust you to be smart on your travels.”

                “So I can go? I can go with Thomas?” He asked, standing straight so he was no longer brushing Jensen’s shoulder but faced him instead.

                “We spoke to Jared and Gen about Thomas wanting to go when we visited them last.” Jensen said with a shrug.

                “You knew!” Link laughed.

                “Yeah. I wanted you to talk first, kiddo.” Jensen smirked as Link’s smile grew. Jensen watched a squirrel race around in the trees behind them.

                “What about school? You still want to go?” Jensen asked. Link nodded though Jensen could tell he was still pumped.

                “Yeah. But not anything local. Sorry, Dad.”

                “That’s okay. Can I ask why though? There are good schools around here.”

                Link turned to look back out over the lake. “I want to go somewhere that I’m not known as “Jensen and Misha’s” son. I want to be me. To figure out who I am. Cause I’m not _just_ your kid, you know? I have another family out there somewhere.”

                “Do you wish you could meet them?” Jensen knew it was a legitimate concern with some adopted kids. But it still hurt to think about.

                Link turned to him and shook his head. “No. I don’t. They may have created me but you and Papa made me who I am. But I want to find myself.”

                He laughed suddenly, which made Jensen smile. “That sounded so stupid.” Link said as he shook his head. Jensen put a hand on his shoulder and nodded.

                “It did, but I understand. You can go wherever you want to. We’ve tried to keep that stigma off of you two.

                “It isn’t a stigma, Dad. It just is. I’m proud to be yours.” He looked up earnestly before changing the topic. “Thomas is going to Stanford.” Link said softly and it was Jensen’s turn to laugh. He doubled over with it and soon Link was laughing at him.

                “That’s great. Oh man that’s so great.” Jensen wiped his eyes and fought the urge to call Jared.

                “Can I go with him? If I get in I mean. I could apply…”

                “Link, you can apply and go anywhere that you work hard enough for. You know that, right?”

                “Yeah. I just don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

                “I’ll be fine, buddy. Miss you like hell, but I’ll be fine.”

                “You really are an amazing dad, you know.” He smiled over at Jensen and all he could do was nod and pull his kid in for a hug as emotion hit him.

                “You’re an amazing kid. I’m proud you’re mine.” Jensen said as Link hugged him tightly. He didn’t want to let go.

                “Can I go call Thomas and tell him?!” Link asked with renewed excitement and Jensen chuckled.

                “Of course.” He released his son and watched him hurry towards the house. The autumn leaves were already falling, though there was still one full week until the official start of the season. Jensen smiled over his yard and the cars parked around him. He was proud of his home. Proud of his family. He turned with a satisfied sigh and began cleaning up Link’s tools, knowing that by this time the following year he’d be down to one child at home. Tears leaked from his eyes as he stuffed the tools under his arm and headed for the garage.

               

***

**There Goes My Life 18/19**

There Goes My Life- Kenny Chesney

She had that Honda loaded down   
With Abercrombie clothes and 15 pairs of shoes and his American express   
He checked the oil and slammed the hood, said you’re good to go   
She hugged the both and headed off to the west coast 

He cried   
There goes my life   
There goes my future, my everything   
I love you   
Baby good-bye 

 ***

Misha had to remind himself it wasn’t forever. He cleared his throat as he deposited the last suitcase into the trunk of Lilian’s car. She was chatting with Lincoln, who had only been home for a few weeks from his adventures. _He’ll be off in another day too. I don’t know if I can do this._ The last few weeks had been heavenly. Having both kids home and spending extra time together was amazing. Misha wasn’t ready for it to stop.

                Misha shut the trunk and tried to even his breathing so his family didn’t see his calm crumple away.  As if sensing his struggle, Lilian looked over. She flashed him a smile and he smiled back. _She’s grown into a beautiful girl._ _She’s grown so much in the last two years._ He thought as she walked over. She slipped an arm around his waist and patted the car.

                “Daddy is going to say something about how the engine is shot and I can’t go, isn’t he?” She asked with a light laugh. Misha tried to laugh too, but his voice was too thick and it sounded more like a choked cough. Her arm tightened around him.

                “It isn’t forever, Papa. I’ll be home for Thanksgiving.”

                “I know, sweetheart.” Misha mumbled as he pulled her into his arms. He hid his face in her long hair and fought the sobs in his chest at the thought of his little girl leaving for college. _And a college so far away to boot._

                Her hands held the back of his shirt as she rested her head on his chest. “If you promise not to cry, you and Daddy can just follow behind me so you know I’ll get there safely.”

                He laughed and felt her cheeks rise in a smile. “Thanks, Lilian. I know you’ll be fine. You’ll be amazing.”

                The hood of the car slammed shut and Jensen appeared around the front with Lincoln by his side. Jensen looked as handsome as ever as he walked towards them, his bow legs avoiding each other Misha realized his husband's legs was an odd thing to notice when his mind was swirling with other thoughts. Misha loved how he looked with the gray feathered into his hair and throughout his scruff though.  

 Lincoln looked handsome too, with his tanned skin and thick beard that he had sported since he returned. He had bulked up over the last year and seemed impossibly older than when he had left for his travels.  Jensen met Misha’s eyes and narrowed his as if to say not to cry. Misha pursed his lips and closed his eyes so he wouldn’t.

                “Your car is good to go, Lil.” Jensen said. He stood in front of them with an arm around Lincoln’s shoulders. 

                “Thank you, Daddy. You didn’t need to check it again, it hasn’t changed since yesterday.” Lilian smiled at him.

                He looked down with a slight blush that brought out his freckles. “I know.”

                Misha almost complained when Lilian released him in order to hug Jensen. He kept his thoughts to himself as he watched Jensen crush her to his chest. After a couple minutes she stepped back and wiped her eyes.

                “I gotta get going.” She said softly. Jensen nodded and Misha fought the tears in his eyes.

                “Yeah get outta here.” Lincoln teased as he reached over and hugged his little sister. Misha almost lost his cool when he saw his son blink away tears.

                Lilian stepped back and offered a courageous smile to her family. Misha couldn’t help himself as he reached over and snatched her into one more hug. She hugged him tighter than before.

                “I love you, Papa.”

                “I love you too, sweetheart. Keep us updated whenever you stop, okay?”

                “Of course.”

                She sniffled and stepped back to give Jensen and her brother one last hug. Then she pulled her keys from her pocket and walked to the car. As it started, Jensen’s arm slipped around his waist and Misha leaned into him. 

             Lilian waved to them as she pulled out of the yard and headed down the long lane. The late summer trees gently blew in the breeze as Misha stood with his husband and son while a part of his heart drove away. After the car was gone from view, swallowed by the trees lining the road, Misha turned to Jensen. 

                “We got this, right?” He asked softly.  

                “Yeah, Mishka. We got this.” Jensen pulled Lincoln in close and they both hugged him. Misha breathed in slowly and exhaled.

                “Is now a bad time to tell you Thomas and his girlfriend wanted me over for dinner?” Lincoln asked, his voice muffled from being pressing into Jensen’s arm. Misha chuckled and released him.

                “No, that’s fine, buddy. Have fun.”

                Lincoln stepped back and smiled at them before strolling to his car. Misha glanced at Jensen and saw him frown. He reached down and grasped Jensen’s hand.

                “Thinking about all the times you guys worked on that old Mustang, aren’t you?” Misha asked softly. Jensen nodded and swallowed hard as he tightened his hold on Misha.

                “They’re actually going to be gone. We’ll have an empty house.” He murmured.

                “We’ll have each other.” Misha offered without thought. Jensen huffed a laugh and turned to him with teary eyes. He reached up and wiped away a tear as it ran down Misha’s cheek.

                “Yeah. We’ll always have each other. You big old sap.”

                Misha’s laugh echoed off of the trees and spread across the lake as Lincoln’s car roared to life and left the yard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to turn these into their own fic. I have almost 30k of these alone. I really need to work on my book though since this fic took over my summer.  
> What I ask is if you really want a second Jensha fic, taking place throughout the kiddos lives, PLEASE share this! Encourage people to leave kudos. When this fic gets to 350 kudos I'll start posting fleshed out snippets into a new fic/story. 
> 
> If you have any requests of things you'd like to see of these four, feel free to ask.  
> Again, thanks for following me. Thanks for your support and love. I adore this story and look forward to sharing more with you. SHARE SHARE SHARE!

**Author's Note:**

> Please review!


End file.
